OT: A joke to brighten your Monday

[Rockindeano]

Guy and gal in the sack..


Guy: Honey, let's get it on
Gal: wait til the spirit moves me
Guy: Honey lets get it on!
Gal: wait til the spirit moves me

5 mins pass...

Gal: ok, the spirit moved me
Guy: let the spirit fuck you, I jacked off

[NealIsGod]

A man tries to get busy with his wife one night in bed.

She says, "Not tonight, honey. I have to keep it fresh down there for my gynecologist appointment tomorrow."

Frustrated, he turns over. Suddenly, he smiles, taps her and asks, "You don't have a dentist appointment, too, do ya?"

[Rockindeano]

A man tries to get busy with his wife one night in bed.

She says, "Not tonight, honey. I have to keep it fresh down there for my gynecologist appointment tomorrow."

Frustrated, he turns over. Suddenly, he smiles, taps her and asks, "You don't have a dentist appointment, too, do ya?"

Fucker. I was typing that out and you beat me to it.

[NealIsGod]

A man tries to get busy with his wife one night in bed.

She says, "Not tonight, honey. I have to keep it fresh down there for my gynecologist appointment tomorrow."

Frustrated, he turns over. Suddenly, he smiles, taps her and asks, "You don't have a dentist appointment, too, do ya?"

Fucker. I was typing that out and you beat me to it.

Your joke reminded me of the one I posted.

[NealIsGod]

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says,"Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

[Just Mindy]

Now THAT got me smiling here Good one NIG.

[TRAGChick]

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy 's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.


"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied:
"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
which one would you prefer?"



Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses.




The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,




The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright,



and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.



Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?




If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!



(A) Almost Boobs.
(B) Barely there.
(C) Can't Complain!
(D) Dang!
(DD) Double dang!
(E) Enormous!
(F) Fake.
(G) Get a Reduction.
(H) Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

They forgot the German bra.

Holtzemfromfloppen!

[TRAGChick]

[conversationpc]

Being an IT person myself, I find this extremely humorous.

[NealIsGod]

I think that's offensive. My mother and sisters are female.

[TRAGChick]

Being an IT person myself, I find this extremely humorous.

Thanks....not tryin' to offend anyone here....it's a JOKE!

[conversationpc]

I think that's offensive. My mother and sisters are female.

What a coincidence! So is my sister and mother.

[TRAGChick]

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses..........................until they stop running.

2. Strike while the.................................bug is close.

3. It's always darkest before...................Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of ......termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but ..... how?

6. Don't bite the hand that .....................looks dirty.

7. No news is.......................................impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a .................... Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new ........ math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll .......stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust ................................ me.

12. The pen is mightier than the ............pigs.

13. An idle mind is........................... ...the best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's ...........pollution.

15. Happy the bride who........................gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is ........... ...............not much

17. Two's company, three's ................. the Musketeers

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what ........ you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..... you have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as ............ Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not .....spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed .............. get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you ... see in the picture on the box.

24. When the blind lead the blind ......... get out of the way.

And the WINNER and last one!
25. Better late than.................................... pregnant