OT: Crappy day?? Read and Laugh!!

[TRAGChick]

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the
last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are
the Testimonials of a few people who did.................

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,

"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My
husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without
thinking, I looked at him and said,

"I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold
a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display
case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,

"No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,

"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what
they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of
the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door
closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course
I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then, I
realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I
asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord,
that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then
I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had
an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked
one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old
couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't
get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

[Sassie]

Too funny. Thanks I needed a good laugh today.

[Natalie]

That is hilarious. I could add one for you!

Many years ago my dad worked in a grocery store, one day a woman that he knew very well came up to him and to ask where a product was. What my dad heard was "can you tell me where to find the thumbtacks." So, he asked her, "do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?" She looked at him with a very confused look and repeated her question "Can you tell me where to find the Tampax?"

[NealIsGod]

That is hilarious. I could add one for you!

Many years ago my dad worked in a grocery store, one day a woman that he knew very well came up to him and to ask where a product was. What my dad heard was "can you tell me where to find the thumbtacks." So, he asked her, "do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?" She looked at him with a very confused look and repeated her question "Can you tell me where to find the Tampax?"

That's the best of all of them!

[Moon Beam]

Thanks Nora those were great!

Nat, loved your addition.

[Jenna]

[Jenna]

[Jenna]

Oh My----------------Thats when you look for the ground under your feet to open up---and you quietly slide down------

[belar]

Those are awesome! I did have a pretty crappy day yesterday, and it was nice to have a good laugh at the end of the day!

[ohsherrie]

Thanks for the laugh Nora. I've had of few of those kind of moments in my life.

[Natalie]

That is hilarious. I could add one for you!

Many years ago my dad worked in a grocery store, one day a woman that he knew very well came up to him and to ask where a product was. What my dad heard was "can you tell me where to find the thumbtacks." So, he asked her, "do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?" She looked at him with a very confused look and repeated her question "Can you tell me where to find the Tampax?"

That's the best of all of them!

Thanks NIG! Here's another one for you! I was at work in Labor and Delivery one day and we have radiant warmers where we place the babies after birth to keep them warm while we assess and resuscitate if needed. I always turn them on to preheat before the baby is born-when they warm up they beep. I always teach the father's how to turn the beeping off so it doesn't drive them crazy. One day, without even thinking, I said "when this beeps it is just saying 'you've turned me on, now I'm hot and I need you to come over and take care of me.." As soon as I said it I turned bright red and really wished I could take it back. Luckily, my patient and her husband just started laughing-it was not one of my finer moments!

[NealIsGod]

That is hilarious. I could add one for you!

Many years ago my dad worked in a grocery store, one day a woman that he knew very well came up to him and to ask where a product was. What my dad heard was "can you tell me where to find the thumbtacks." So, he asked her, "do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?" She looked at him with a very confused look and repeated her question "Can you tell me where to find the Tampax?"

That's the best of all of them!

Thanks NIG! Here's another one for you! I was at work in Labor and Delivery one day and we have radiant warmers where we place the babies after birth to keep them warm while we assess and resuscitate if needed. I always turn them on to preheat before the baby is born-when they warm up they beep. I always teach the father's how to turn the beeping off so it doesn't drive them crazy. One day, without even thinking, I said "when this beeps it is just saying 'you've turned me on, now I'm hot and I need you to come over and take care of me.." As soon as I said it I turned bright red and really wished I could take it back. Luckily, my patient and her husband just started laughing-it was not one of my finer moments!

Were you dressed like your avatar when you said that?

[Natalie]

That is hilarious. I could add one for you!

Many years ago my dad worked in a grocery store, one day a woman that he knew very well came up to him and to ask where a product was. What my dad heard was "can you tell me where to find the thumbtacks." So, he asked her, "do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?" She looked at him with a very confused look and repeated her question "Can you tell me where to find the Tampax?"

That's the best of all of them!

Thanks NIG! Here's another one for you! I was at work in Labor and Delivery one day and we have radiant warmers where we place the babies after birth to keep them warm while we assess and resuscitate if needed. I always turn them on to preheat before the baby is born-when they warm up they beep. I always teach the father's how to turn the beeping off so it doesn't drive them crazy. One day, without even thinking, I said "when this beeps it is just saying 'you've turned me on, now I'm hot and I need you to come over and take care of me.." As soon as I said it I turned bright red and really wished I could take it back. Luckily, my patient and her husband just started laughing-it was not one of my finer moments!

Were you dressed like your avatar when you said that?

Of course! That's how I always dress. You've seen me, you know that my avatar is an actual picture of me!

[Vinnie]

Good ones Nora,

The other day I was looking for a dentist for my wife. I found one who advertises on tv, and she goes, "no, not him, he's to cute to go into my mouth".

[TRAGChick]

That is hilarious. I could add one for you!

Many years ago my dad worked in a grocery store, one day a woman that he knew very well came up to him and to ask where a product was. What my dad heard was "can you tell me where to find the thumbtacks." So, he asked her, "do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?" She looked at him with a very confused look and repeated her question "Can you tell me where to find the Tampax?"

That's the best of all of them!

That's excellent

I had something like that happen today:

OK - call me "behind the times" or whatever, but I gotta tell ya ~ I ABSOLUTELY HATE CELLPHONES.

I mean, I have one, but it's that "TracFone" thing...and I let it expire! I bought it just to give to Mark when he travelled - if he had car trouble, etc.
People always sound "garbled" to me.

So, keeping that in mind, read on:

I work in a very busy office. My Boss wanted me to call one of the guys on the road to ask if he was able to get important paperwork for a project. So, I call the guy, ask him that, and he told me:

"Yeah, tell him I'm tryin' to track down the paperwork".

But, to ME, it sounded like he said the following....which, by the way, I REPEATED BACK to him...:shock:

"Yeah, tell him I'm tryin' to track down the stapler."


__________________________________________________________________

OK; that was "Gem #1"....here's "Gem #2":

Same office; same atmosphere:

This happened a few days ago.....in order for this to "make sense", here's the scenario:

I work for a Co. in which more than one person has the same name - and that name is "Robert Smith" - I work for a Family-Owned Company.

So, keeping that in mind, read on:

**NOTE: There is no "Smith & Associates" or any employees by that last name; I made them up. But, this really did happen**

**phone rings**

Me: "Good afternoon, Smith and Associates"

Caller: "Yes, Hi...May I speak to Tom Smith?" (another person in the office)

Me: "Yes; may I ask who's calling?"

Caller: **pauses; I thought he changed his mind as to whom he wanted to talk to** "Oh....um, Robert Smith".

Me: "OK; may I ask who's calling?"

Caller: "ROBERT SMITH".

Me: "Yes....um, I understand, sir...but may I have YOUR name?"

Caller: "ROBERT SMITH!!"

Me: "Right...but who's calling??"

Caller: **exxagerating pronounciation** "ROB-ERT SMITH!!!!!"

....and yes...THAT'S when it DAWNED on me that I was talking to the OTHER "Robert Smith"!!

**Insert "Who's on first?" - "I don't know" - "THIRD BASE!" jokes here**

LORD I wanted to DIE.....