OT-a little hurrican humor

[(Crazy)Dulce Lady]

this is forwarded from Deb from LA, who is still without power since Gustav.

gotta laugh.



Hurricane drinks
>
> MANDATORY EVACUATION
> 1 1/2 oz. Absolute Ruby Red vodka
> 1/2 oz. vermouth
> Clamato
> Prune juice
> Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass. Fill remainder of glass
> with equal parts clamato and prune juice. Stir. Drink. Ask next-door
> neighbor whose fichus tree blew over and crashed onto your roof - even
> though you'd warned him for months to uproot it - if you can use his
> bathroom. Repeat.
>
> ==================================================
> CATEGORY 5
> 1/2 oz. vodka
> 1/2 oz. tequila
> 1/2 oz. rum
> 1/2 oz. bourbon
> 1/2 oz. gin
> Sweet-and-sour mix
> Splash of fruit juice
> Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass. Fill
> remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice. Stir,
> then garnish with an inverted drink umbrella. Drink during peak storm
> hours, and vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you the
> hurricane that flooded your garage and destroyed your shed was just a
> Category 1.
> ==================================================
>
> CONE OF PROBABILITY
> 1 oz. cinnamon schnapps
> 1 sugar cone
> Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone. Every time you hear a TV
> weatherman say, 'cone of probability,' bite off the end of the cone
> and down the shot. If you hear Jim Cantore say it, drink two shots
> consecutively. (they should change this to the 'Cantore Zone'... damn
> him. Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability
> talk, if Cantore is parked in front of your house your ass is toast?)
> - that is my personal favorite!
> ==================================================
> FEEDER BAND
> 2 oz. Midori
> 2 oz. rum
> 1 scoop vanilla ice cream
> After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail
> glass. Add a scoop of the vanilla ice cream that is melting in your
> freezer. Stir, and drink through a straw.
> ==================================================
>
> BEACH EROSION
> 1 1/2 oz. Goldschläger
> 1 1/2 oz. apple brandy
> 1 pack Sugar in the Raw
> Combine Goldschläger, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass. As you drink,
> seriously contemplate moving your Yankee ass back to New Jersey where
> it belongs.
> ==================================================
>
> DOWNED POWER LINE
> 1 1/2 oz. rum
> 5 oz. Jolt Cola
> Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass.
> Drink while trying to figure out how the heck you're supposed to go
> two freakin' weeks without television and AC.
> ==================================================
>
> FLOOD ZONE
> 2 oz. Kahlúa
> 2 oz. Baileys Irish cream
> 4 oz. rum
> Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh-cry deliriously as the mess spills
> all over the countertop.
>
> ==================================================
>
> COLD SHOWER
> 2 oz. Blue Aftershock
> 4 oz.. Sprite
> Combine in a cocktail glass with crushed ice you received after
> waiting in line for three hours at a mall parking lot. Take a deep
> breath, sip and scream like a little girl when the cold beverage hits
> your tongue. Repeat.
> ==================================================
>
> LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT
> 1 oz. Jack Daniel's
> Splash of Barq's Root Beer
> Rock salt
> Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt.
> Climb to the roof of your house with gun, bottle of Jack Daniel's and
> can of Barq's. Fill shot glass with Jack and splash of Barq's. Watch
> for looters. When you spot one, blast his ass with rock salt. Drink
> shot. Repeat.
> ==================================================
>
> THE CHAIN SAW
> 1 oz. Goldschläger
> 1 oz. Rumplemintz
> 3 oz. Jim Beam
> Splash of vermouth
> Combine Goldschläger, Rumplemintz and Jim Beam in an empty soup can.
> Add splash of vermouth. Drink. Remove chain saw from garage and
> attempt to cut up fallen tree limbs in yard. Ask neighbor to drive you
> to hospital when it all goes horribly wrong.
> ==================================================
>
> FOUR-WAY STOP
> 1 1/2 oz. vodka
> 1 1/2 oz. vodka and Midori
> 1 1/2 oz. vodka and Galliano
> 1 1/2 oz. vodka and grenadine
> Pour each ingredient into a separate shot glass. Serve one to yourself
> and three other people. The person with the clear shot of vodka drinks
> first.. The person to his right drinks the Midori shot, and so on. If
> somebody drinks out of order, develop a quick case of road rage and
> beat the living crap out of him.
> =================================================
> BLUE TARP
> 1 1/2 oz. Curacao
> 2 oz. pineapple juice
> Splash of lime
> Combine ingredients in a leaky paper cup and serve.
> Wait six to eight months for someone to repair the cup.
> If you're impatient, hire an unlicensed, out-of-state contractor to do
> the job for an exorbitant sum and pray he doesn't hurt himself in the
> process.
> ==================================================
>
> FEMA FIZZLE
> 1 1/2 oz. Southern Comfort
> 2 oz. sloe gin
> Tonic water
> One week after the storm has passed and your neighborhood is still in
> ruins with no sign of help on the way, combine Southern Comfort and
> gin in a cocktail glass. Fill remainder with tonic and add a dash of
> Angostura bitters. Serve with a nut brownie. Before drinking, raise
> the glass and say the toast, 'Doing a helluva job Brownie

[(Crazy)Dulce Lady]

Gustavʼs Guide to Hurricane Survival

Lessons Learned During and After the Storm

The hurricane grouch quotient can be calculated by adding the number of children and pets in a home without power, multiplied by the number of days quoted on the Entergy telephone recording, divided by the number of fans or portable air conditioners powered by your home generator, (however if you were last in line at Home Depot and have no generator then multiply by the daily high for that day reported by either Pat Shingleton or Jay Grymes), then add the number of trips to the washateria and the days left until school opens. Discount by the percentage of time spent at neighbors who have power. Recalculate as often as necessary

No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don't work without electricity.

Vienna sausages only appear on the food pyramid during hurricane season.

Gas mileage is recalculated based on miles per fume.

Lovebugs do not disappear in 80mph wind gusts.

Disasters can cancel one LSU football game but there will be even bigger casualties if we cancel two.

Despite protests, kids can re-live their parentsʼ youth when there were only 3 tv channels!

Cats are even more irritating without power.

Baton Rouge without traffic lights resembles Mexico City, Rome, Los Angeles and New York City all rolled into a single snarl.

A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz beers to a drinkable temperature in 11 minutes, and still keep a 14 lb. turkey frozen for 8 more hours.

There are/were a lot of really big trees around here!

Just because you're 18 doesn't mean you can stay out as late as you want. Mayor Holden meant business when he said curfew.

People will get into a line that has already formed without having any idea what the line is for.

Calories consumed during a hurricane or power outage do not count.

Telemarketers function no matter what the weather is doing. New Delhi does not check the weather report in Baton Rouge.

Most popular text message after September 1: do u hve pwr

Twenty-seven of your neighbors are fed from a different transformer than you, and they are quick to point that out!

Crickets and cicadas can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14 generators.

Dirty clothes in an unsupervised hamper multiply at an exponential rate.

Coffee, spaghetti and frozen pizzas can be made on a grill.

He who has the biggest generator wins.

Tree service companies are under-appreciated, except after hurricanes.

Our Lady of the Lake never closes. Really.

Water will fill the Acadian Thruway underpass, even sometimes when it is not raining.

There are a lot more stars in the sky than most people thought.

If you owned a store that sold only ice, chain saws, gas and generators, you would be rich

With only a small amount of guilt South Louisiana can collectively pray a second hurricane to landfall in another state or country.

And so to our friends and families, some who are still without power and others who have endured great personal loss, you are in our prayers. Hang in there, we are making progress. Thank you to all our first responders, healthcare professionals, service technicians, teachers, police officers, small business owners, and more who join with the thousands of individuals sharing their time and talent to help restore our community to wholeness.

The most important lesson of all learned from Gustav in the last week is that the human spirit has an amazing resilience that even a hurricane cannot bend. Through Godʼs love and amazing grace we can endure all things.

[(Crazy)Dulce Lady]

if you are inclined, offer a little prayer for those who are in this. there are folks at my daughter's church/shelter who have no home to go back to or to repair. She says it is heartbreaking to try to comfort a grown man who is crying cuz he has no place to take family. A lot of those folks will be in the shelters indefinitely until they can be relocated somehow.

sorry so gloomy. let's lift them up.

[bluejeangirl76]

> CATEGORY 5

> Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass. Fill
> remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice. Stir,
> then garnish with an inverted drink umbrella. Drink during peak storm
> hours, and vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you the
> hurricane that flooded your garage and destroyed your shed was just a
> Category 1.

That made me piss. Good one.

[Arkansas]

I think a strong flexible sense of humor is always the best medicine...in all situations.
Amen.


later~