OT- Is There a Magic Age Where Men Finally Grow Up

[Rhiannon]

Nothing at all. The problem is, even when two parties even explicitly agree to those circumstances, one or even both parties are lying or will soon find they can't keep those terms.

Ta-da! This is why FWB or NSA relationships are often the most difficult and complex. It's a temporary situation, and the problems occur when one party tries to make the temporary situation a permanent one.

[Voyager]

Nothing at all. The problem is, even when two parties even explicitly agree to those circumstances, one or even both parties are lying or will soon find they can't keep those terms.

Ta-da! This is why FWB or NSA relationships are often the most difficult and complex. It's a temporary situation, and the problems occur when one party tries to make the temporary situation a permanent one.

Exactly. When a person who wants a temporary situation teams up with a person who wants a permanent one, it never works. Been there, done that. I've been with someone now for 20 years who wanted something permanent, which is also my preference.

[stevew2]

Nothing at all. The problem is, even when two parties even explicitly agree to those circumstances, one or even both parties are lying or will soon find they can't keep those terms.

Ta-da! This is why FWB or NSA relationships are often the most difficult and complex. It's a temporary situation, and the problems occur when one party tries to make the temporary situation a permanent one.

Exactly. When a person who wants a temporary situation teams up with a person who wants a permanent one, it never works. Been there, done that. I've been with someone now for 20 years who wanted something permanent, which is also my preference.

How old is he?

[Ehwmatt]

Nothing at all. The problem is, even when two parties even explicitly agree to those circumstances, one or even both parties are lying or will soon find they can't keep those terms.

Ta-da! This is why FWB or NSA relationships are often the most difficult and complex. It's a temporary situation, and the problems occur when one party tries to make the temporary situation a permanent one.

Exactly. When a person who wants a temporary situation teams up with a person who wants a permanent one, it never works. Been there, done that. I've been with someone now for 20 years who wanted something permanent, which is also my preference.

How old is he?

I was just gonna post asking when you'd jump in here.

[Voyager]

Nothing at all. The problem is, even when two parties even explicitly agree to those circumstances, one or even both parties are lying or will soon find they can't keep those terms.

Ta-da! This is why FWB or NSA relationships are often the most difficult and complex. It's a temporary situation, and the problems occur when one party tries to make the temporary situation a permanent one.

Exactly. When a person who wants a temporary situation teams up with a person who wants a permanent one, it never works. Been there, done that. I've been with someone now for 20 years who wanted something permanent, which is also my preference.

How old is he?

Hahahaha... she's six months older than I am, which is about 14 years younger than Friga. He's too old for me, even if I did have a man crush on him.

[stevew2]

Nothing at all. The problem is, even when two parties even explicitly agree to those circumstances, one or even both parties are lying or will soon find they can't keep those terms.

Ta-da! This is why FWB or NSA relationships are often the most difficult and complex. It's a temporary situation, and the problems occur when one party tries to make the temporary situation a permanent one.

Exactly. When a person who wants a temporary situation teams up with a person who wants a permanent one, it never works. Been there, done that. I've been with someone now for 20 years who wanted something permanent, which is also my preference.

How old is he?

I was just gonna post asking when you'd jump in here.

i was up late last night, been watchin all the pervs on preditor raw, i keep waitin to see Friga show up,then The dude would say "Im Chris Hanson from dateline" then Leonard would pull his crying jag like he did on The Behind The Music show on VH1

[finalfight]

Nothing at all. The problem is, even when two parties even explicitly agree to those circumstances, one or even both parties are lying or will soon find they can't keep those terms.

Ta-da! This is why FWB or NSA relationships are often the most difficult and complex. It's a temporary situation, and the problems occur when one party tries to make the temporary situation a permanent one.

Exactly. When a person who wants a temporary situation teams up with a person who wants a permanent one, it never works. Been there, done that. I've been with someone now for 20 years who wanted something permanent, which is also my preference.

How old is he?

I was just gonna post asking when you'd jump in here.

i was up late last night, been watchin all the pervs on preditor raw, i keep waitin to see Friga show up,then The dude would say "Im Chris Hanson from dateline" then Leonard would pull his crying jag like he did on The Behind The Music show on VH1

[Arianddu]

Guys will grow up when women come with instructions......

LOL! Actually, many women DO come with instructions, it's just that the instructions are audio and don't have diagrams

[stevew2]

Guys will grow up when women come with instructions......

LOL! Actually, many women DO come with instructions, it's just that the instructions are audio and don't have diagrams

1 st instruction, Can I see your rack?

[Arianddu]

I think its less about "growing up" and more about being mature enough as far as relationships and at least having the balls to tell the person if/when something just isn't working.

In addition to DrFu's excellent advice and Rhiannon's point about having to kiss a lot of frogs (because ain't THAT the truth), we just have to realize that, suck as it may, there are a lot of people out there (men AND women) who would just rather avoid it than step up and say "You know what, I don't feel a connection..." or "I tried, but this isn't working for me..." or "I met someone else" or whatever the case may be. And if the person can't even do that much, and instead falls back on game-playing, then they're not worth the time.

BINGO! That's the problem with so many people; they would rather tell a pleasant lie, or worse still just disappear off the radar, than deal with telling someone an unpleasant or uncomfortable truth. I've told every person I've ever romantically been involved with that nothing is going to hurt me more than being lied to, no matter what, and it's been the truth. Having a boyfriend tell me he slept with someone else hurt, but not nearly so much as finding out he took a month to tell me and lied to cover it up at first. Being told bluntly but kindly 'you just aren't someone I see myself with long term, and I don't want to invest in a relationship I know will not work' and 'I'm not in the right place to be in this relationship or to give you what you need' was a damn sight less painful that the protracted games from someone who obviously was unhappy but refusing to talk honestly about it. The dishonest games left me feeling worthless and manipulated; the blunt honesty still hurt but at least my dignity was left intact.

And still people choose to take the coward's way out, because that way they don't have to face their own guilty feelings for having hurt someone. I've even given people the out when I've seen that there is obviously something wrong by saying 'if you want this to end, you just have to say so, I won't be offended' (and meant every word) and they still couldn't say it directly to me, preferring instead to play some game where I got manouevred into a situation where they could pick a fight and so not feel guilty about ending it.

Which is I why I would say return the guy's calls, and be honest with him: tell him up front that if what he wants is convenient sex to go find himself a fuck-buddy where the terms are clear up front; if he wants to be involved with you, then it's a real, equal and respectful relationship, or part as friends. And do it in such a way that it is clear it isn't emotional blackmail, that you mean exactly what you say. You've obviously already made the mental decision that this isn't worth pursuing, so it shouldn't be as hard to do as it would be if you were still needing him to stay.

[Arianddu]

Guys will grow up when women come with instructions......

LOL! Actually, many women DO come with instructions, it's just that the instructions are audio and don't have diagrams

1 st instruction, Can I see your rack?

That's a request, not an instruction dearheart. (If you really want, I'll go down to the cellar and take a photo of the rack for you. It's pretty big - which section would you like: red, white or fortified?)

Women's instructions tend to start with something like 'I feel...' or 'I think that...' or 'I don't like...' or 'could you please...' or 'would you mind...'

Small suggestion guys - it's useful if you keep listening after the ... bit - that's when the useful instructions start

[Arianddu]

Nothing at all. The problem is, even when two parties even explicitly agree to those circumstances, one or even both parties are lying or will soon find they can't keep those terms.

Ta-da! This is why FWB or NSA relationships are often the most difficult and complex. It's a temporary situation, and the problems occur when one party tries to make the temporary situation a permanent one.

Or when one party starts what has the potential to become a permanent relationship with someone else.

[DrFU]

:lol:...tumbleweeds? thats a little below the belt , i would say.. tumbleweeds..

rolling balls of accumulated broken junk?

nah ... just takin a shot at your geography ...

[Suzanne]

Is There a Magic Age Where Men Finally Grow Up?


NO!!! Not male bashing- just my personal experience. I've been picking the wrong ones obviously. I love my man dearly but sometimes I think of when I was "alone" and lived by myself and how nice it was that I had only me to answer to. And it was quiet. And I could sleep. lol

[stevew2]

I think its less about "growing up" and more about being mature enough as far as relationships and at least having the balls to tell the person if/when something just isn't working.

In addition to DrFu's excellent advice and Rhiannon's point about having to kiss a lot of frogs (because ain't THAT the truth), we just have to realize that, suck as it may, there are a lot of people out there (men AND women) who would just rather avoid it than step up and say "You know what, I don't feel a connection..." or "I tried, but this isn't working for me..." or "I met someone else" or whatever the case may be. And if the person can't even do that much, and instead falls back on game-playing, then they're not worth the time.

BINGO! That's the problem with so many people; they would rather tell a pleasant lie, or worse still just disappear off the radar, than deal with telling someone an unpleasant or uncomfortable truth. I've told every person I've ever romantically been involved with that nothing is going to hurt me more than being lied to, no matter what, and it's been the truth. Having a boyfriend tell me he slept with someone else hurt, but not nearly so much as finding out he took a month to tell me and lied to cover it up at first. Being told bluntly but kindly 'you just aren't someone I see myself with long term, and I don't want to invest in a relationship I know will not work' and 'I'm not in the right place to be in this relationship or to give you what you need' was a damn sight less painful that the protracted games from someone who obviously was unhappy but refusing to talk honestly about it. The dishonest games left me feeling worthless and manipulated; the blunt honesty still hurt but at least my dignity was left intact.

And still people choose to take the coward's way out, because that way they don't have to face their own guilty feelings for having hurt someone. I've even given people the out when I've seen that there is obviously something wrong by saying 'if you want this to end, you just have to say so, I won't be offended' (and meant every word) and they still couldn't say it directly to me, preferring instead to play some game where I got manouevred into a situation where they could pick a fight and so not feel guilty about ending it.

Which is I why I would say return the guy's calls, and be honest with him: tell him up front that if what he wants is convenient sex to go find himself a fuck-buddy where the terms are clear up front; if he wants to be involved with you, then it's a real, equal and respectful relationship, or part as friends. And do it in such a way that it is clear it isn't emotional blackmail, that you mean exactly what you say. You've obviously already made the mental decision that this isn't worth pursuing, so it shouldn't be as hard to do as it would be if you were still needing him to stay.

What is a fuck buddy? Is that like a Nutty Buddy

[Blueskies]

Perfect song for this thread...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTyLqkez6A




.

[Arianddu]

I think its less about "growing up" and more about being mature enough as far as relationships and at least having the balls to tell the person if/when something just isn't working.

In addition to DrFu's excellent advice and Rhiannon's point about having to kiss a lot of frogs (because ain't THAT the truth), we just have to realize that, suck as it may, there are a lot of people out there (men AND women) who would just rather avoid it than step up and say "You know what, I don't feel a connection..." or "I tried, but this isn't working for me..." or "I met someone else" or whatever the case may be. And if the person can't even do that much, and instead falls back on game-playing, then they're not worth the time.

BINGO! That's the problem with so many people; they would rather tell a pleasant lie, or worse still just disappear off the radar, than deal with telling someone an unpleasant or uncomfortable truth. I've told every person I've ever romantically been involved with that nothing is going to hurt me more than being lied to, no matter what, and it's been the truth. Having a boyfriend tell me he slept with someone else hurt, but not nearly so much as finding out he took a month to tell me and lied to cover it up at first. Being told bluntly but kindly 'you just aren't someone I see myself with long term, and I don't want to invest in a relationship I know will not work' and 'I'm not in the right place to be in this relationship or to give you what you need' was a damn sight less painful that the protracted games from someone who obviously was unhappy but refusing to talk honestly about it. The dishonest games left me feeling worthless and manipulated; the blunt honesty still hurt but at least my dignity was left intact.

And still people choose to take the coward's way out, because that way they don't have to face their own guilty feelings for having hurt someone. I've even given people the out when I've seen that there is obviously something wrong by saying 'if you want this to end, you just have to say so, I won't be offended' (and meant every word) and they still couldn't say it directly to me, preferring instead to play some game where I got manouevred into a situation where they could pick a fight and so not feel guilty about ending it.

Which is I why I would say return the guy's calls, and be honest with him: tell him up front that if what he wants is convenient sex to go find himself a fuck-buddy where the terms are clear up front; if he wants to be involved with you, then it's a real, equal and respectful relationship, or part as friends. And do it in such a way that it is clear it isn't emotional blackmail, that you mean exactly what you say. You've obviously already made the mental decision that this isn't worth pursuing, so it shouldn't be as hard to do as it would be if you were still needing him to stay.

What is a fuck buddy? Is that like a Nutty Buddy

Someone you have an agreement with to have sex on mutual demand, without emotional ties or any sort of a relationship beyond mutual sexual gratification. One step removed from 'Friends With Benefits' which implies the people involved have a social but not romantic relationship.

[scarygirl]

Perfect song for this thread...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTyLqkez6A




.

I think this one applies too...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAuLmQYUD9o


Two references in teh song, The Matrix and teh drunken 4am phone calls actually HAPPENED.

Oh, and I thougght he might actually redeemed himself today. I got three texts today, one of which was an apology. When I texted him he said, huh? Oh, I changed phones I must have accidently forwarded some old messages. Turns out that's what they were. IT'S OFFICIAL FOLKS! Sigh....

[stevew2]

I think its less about "growing up" and more about being mature enough as far as relationships and at least having the balls to tell the person if/when something just isn't working.

In addition to DrFu's excellent advice and Rhiannon's point about having to kiss a lot of frogs (because ain't THAT the truth), we just have to realize that, suck as it may, there are a lot of people out there (men AND women) who would just rather avoid it than step up and say "You know what, I don't feel a connection..." or "I tried, but this isn't working for me..." or "I met someone else" or whatever the case may be. And if the person can't even do that much, and instead falls back on game-playing, then they're not worth the time.

BINGO! That's the problem with so many people; they would rather tell a pleasant lie, or worse still just disappear off the radar, than deal with telling someone an unpleasant or uncomfortable truth. I've told every person I've ever romantically been involved with that nothing is going to hurt me more than being lied to, no matter what, and it's been the truth. Having a boyfriend tell me he slept with someone else hurt, but not nearly so much as finding out he took a month to tell me and lied to cover it up at first. Being told bluntly but kindly 'you just aren't someone I see myself with long term, and I don't want to invest in a relationship I know will not work' and 'I'm not in the right place to be in this relationship or to give you what you need' was a damn sight less painful that the protracted games from someone who obviously was unhappy but refusing to talk honestly about it. The dishonest games left me feeling worthless and manipulated; the blunt honesty still hurt but at least my dignity was left intact.

And still people choose to take the coward's way out, because that way they don't have to face their own guilty feelings for having hurt someone. I've even given people the out when I've seen that there is obviously something wrong by saying 'if you want this to end, you just have to say so, I won't be offended' (and meant every word) and they still couldn't say it directly to me, preferring instead to play some game where I got manouevred into a situation where they could pick a fight and so not feel guilty about ending it.

Which is I why I would say return the guy's calls, and be honest with him: tell him up front that if what he wants is convenient sex to go find himself a fuck-buddy where the terms are clear up front; if he wants to be involved with you, then it's a real, equal and respectful relationship, or part as friends. And do it in such a way that it is clear it isn't emotional blackmail, that you mean exactly what you say. You've obviously already made the mental decision that this isn't worth pursuing, so it shouldn't be as hard to do as it would be if you were still needing him to stay.

What is a fuck buddy? Is that like a Nutty Buddy

Someone you have an agreement with to have sex on mutual demand, without emotional ties or any sort of a relationship beyond mutual sexual gratification. One step removed from 'Friends With Benefits' which implies the people involved have a social but not romantic relationship.

Thats what i need

[Blueskies]

Perfect song for this thread...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTyLqkez6A




.

I think this one applies too...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAuLmQYUD9o


Two references in teh song, The Matrix and teh drunken 4am phone calls actually HAPPENED.

Oh, and I thougght he might actually redeemed himself today. I got three texts today, one of which was an apology. When I texted him he said, huh? Oh, I changed phones I must have accidently forwarded some old messages. Turns out that's what they were. IT'S OFFICIAL FOLKS! Sigh....

Yes, I've heard that...sounds like you should have introduced him to the family and got him singing, so to speak....sometime others can pick up on things about someone when talking to them that we may miss when caught up in the "feeling"...then your family could have kicked his butt like in the vid.