OT: Top 15 "Safest States" and "Most Dangero

[Enigma869]

Here are the top 15 safest states to live in, based upon incidences of crime:

http://money.aol.com/mortgage/safest-states-to-live-in

Here are the states that rank as the 15 most dangerous states to call home, based upon crime:

http://money.aol.com/mortgage/most-dangerous-states


John from Boston

[RedWingFan]

Here are the top 15 safest states to live in, based upon incidences of crime:

http://money.aol.com/mortgage/safest-states-to-live-in

Here are the states that rank as the 15 most dangerous states to call home, based upon crime:

http://money.aol.com/mortgage/most-dangerous-states


John from Boston

If Michigan isn't the #1 most dangerous, give us time. The lib governor Granholm here just released even more from prison for budget reasons.

[Natalie]

WOO HOO,

Let's hear it for #9!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Safest)

[Ratgirl]

UGH! #9.. and the sad part is the cop car showing in the pic is the City I used to live in.

[AlteredDNA]

WOO HOO,

Let's hear it for #9!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Safest)

Yea!!! - #2 - oh wait, most dangerous...
nevermind

[ProgRocker53]

Ohio's in neither list.

Meh.

[scarygirl]

Here are the top 15 safest states to live in, based upon incidences of crime:

http://money.aol.com/mortgage/safest-states-to-live-in

Here are the states that rank as the 15 most dangerous states to call home, based upon crime:

http://money.aol.com/mortgage/most-dangerous-states


John from Boston

Wisconsin is the tenth safest state. Must be all the CHEESE!!

[Enigma869]

Ohio's in neither list.

Meh.

Neither is my home state of Massachusetts. That just means we're "middle of the road" states. Not such a bad thing. Before I re-located to North Carolina, I owned a home in New Hampshire for a few years (just over the MA border). I agree that NH is ultra-safe. I've never been to a more family-friendly state. Not to mention, they put "Live Free Or Die" right on their damn license plates! It doesn't get much better than that!


John from Boston

[Michigan Girl]

Ya know John, I usually enjoy your posts a great deal, but I could have done without this!!! I'm locking up right now!!

[AlteredDNA]

Ya know John, I usually enjoy your posts a great deal, but I could have done without this!!! I'm locking up right now!!

You watch the North of the state, and I'll take the South...

[Michigan Girl]

[Michigan Girl]

[SteveForever]

All the cold states are the safest...

[Ratgirl]

All the cold states are the safest...

because it's too freakin cold to go outside?

[Uno_up]

I think the state I'm in should be considered on the most dangerous list. Check this out...
I woke up yesterday after 4 days of being locked up in my house after double hernia surgery. I popped 3 super-vicodins, grabbed my 3 dogs and threw them in the jeep to drive to the park and let them get a run in after being couped up with me. They were wired to run. Now mind you, because of the continuous stretch of days inside and the drugs, I had mistakenly went out thinking it was MONDAY when it was SUNDAY. The vast difference being that the park is largely deserted on mondays, whereas sundays it is packed to the gills with people and dogs. The distinction is important in that had I realized it was SUNDAY, I'd have dressed differently. As it was, I was wearing a 3 days worn t-shirt, unshowered and unshaven for 3 days (Dr.s post-op instructions), my hair sticking up all over like "HeatMiser" in the rudolph the red-nosed reindeer animated special, and most importantly to this story, wearing deck shoes and BAGGY PURPLE PENGUIN ADORNED PAJAMA BOTTOMS AND NO UNDERWEAR. So I get there, proceed to the middle of the meadow-sized lushly well manicured grass clearing (about the size of 2 football fields) and let the dogs loose to run like the wind among dozens of dogs and some 100 people. As happens often due to my one rottweiler being showdog quality and perfectly mannered, I quickly was approached by several awed onlookers who wanted to talk to me about the dog and share their appreciation. Normally I love this, but remember that this particular morning i looked like a mental hospital escapee who had slept under a bridge. Among the gallery of chatterboxes is a very attractive mid-20's woman with a cocker spaniel in tow. She shimmy's up next to me sucking down a mocha and begins playfully peppering me with questions and flirting.

Now let me rewind the clock a bit.

Before I left the house at around 11am. I had the following conversation with myself: "damn the dogs are chomping at the bit, but i really need to take a shit." (vicodin causes constipation, i hadn't taken a dump in almost 72 hours) oh fuck it it's MONDAY, we'll be in and out of the park in 20 minutes, i'll wait till we get home."
Now then, hernia surgery leaves the patient extremely weakened in all muscles in the groin/ass/stomach area. It is very painful to cough or laugh, and impossible to suppress either one. so after yakking with Zoey (the chick) for a few minutes and noticing my dogs were completely oblivious to my existence and maybe 150 yards away having a blast, you can imagine my distress and terror when my torso, without warning, sent the following message to my brain:
"Yo Dumbass, YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS BEFORE YOU TAKE THE BIGGEST BRICK SHIT OF YOUR LIFE."

(I'll finish this story in a few minutes...I have to do something now)

[SteveForever]

[Michigan Girl]

LMAO!!!

[Uno_up]

ok, sorry...
(continued)
With every ounce of courage and strength I have in me, I clenched my ass cheeks while Zoey kept babbling 2 feet directly in front of me. It was painful as hell and I thought my incision was going to explode and bloody the entire crowd of people before. After what seemed like an eternity, I simply could not stand the agony any longer and I relaxed my torso.
FOOOOOOMP!!!!!!!!
A 3 day log of crap sprang from my asshole, hitting the backcloth of my pajama bottoms on a line. It then shot down my left pantleg careening off my leg until it stuck like a spear on it's end next to my shoe, still upright and contained by my purple penguin covered pj bottoms. I was in horror. It had happened so fast I don't think I had even changed the expression on my face. I had no idea what the fuck to do. I just knew that if I moved, my monster log would be lying in the midday sun for all to see. Finally, I hatched a plan. I told Zoey about my surgery and told her I was having some real discomfort and i would be forever in her debt if she could grab my dogs and put them on their leashes for me. She agreed and started after my dogs with the leashes, but as she left, the smell of my shit canoe had already attracted a retarded yellow lab (it's disgusting, but many dogs eat shit of humans and other animals like it is a ribeye steak). The lab began pulling at my pantleg with his teeth trying to free my dump for a tasty lunch. It's owner comes barreling over (a giant truck-driver type) effusively apologizing for his dog's behaviour. He has to practically hog-tie his lab at my feet his face and my turd seperated by 9 inches and a pantleg. Finally after the dog is dragged away fighting tooth and nail to get back to my ass-biscuit, I see Zoey returning with my dogs and I give my leg a shake. The beat-up feces flops out onto the turf as I beeline toward the approaching girl and my canines. I thank her briefly but profusely and walk/run towards the park exit in utter shame. Just before leaving the scene out of view I looked back and to my astonishment and disgust see her cocker spaniel and another dog devouring my shit. I got into the car and me and my dogs drove home in silence. But the world had changed forever. True story. The end.

[Uno_up]

so what's new with you guys?

[Uno_up]

geez people, a little moral support would kill you? It was very traumatic. I might have to go to therapy now...Not to mention find a new park.

[Rick]

Damn dude. Sorry that happened to you. At least the girl didnt see that steamer at the bottom of your pant leg.

I had an inguinal hernia repaired last summer, and I know the pain dude. You learn a whole new way of getting in and out of bed. I have never had pain like that before. Vicodin and Ibuprofen are your friends.

[Uno_up]

Damn dude. Sorry that happened to you. At least the girl didnt see that steamer at the bottom of your pant leg.

I had an inguinal hernia repaired last summer, and I know the pain dude. You learn a whole new way of getting in and out of bed. I have never had pain like that before. Vicodin and Ibuprofen are your friends.

Pain is an understatement...this has to be the worst week of my life, handsdown. Ever. I don't even wish this on darwinnebraska.

[Rick]

I don't even wish this on darwinnebraska.

Yeah, me either. I feel for you bro. I would take a Vicodin and 3 OTC Ibuprofen, and I felt like I could run 10 miles, but as the pain meds would start tapering off, I would slowly start doubling over. Sometimes I would take the Vicodin and lose a 4 hour chunk out of my life. That shit would knock me out cold. Either way, it's a life saver.

[Enigma869]

ok, sorry...
(continued)
With every ounce of courage and strength I have in me, I clenched my ass cheeks while Zoey kept babbling 2 feet directly in front of me. It was painful as hell and I thought my incision was going to explode and bloody the entire crowd of people before. After what seemed like an eternity, I simply could not stand the agony any longer and I relaxed my torso.
FOOOOOOMP!!!!!!!!
A 3 day log of crap sprang from my asshole, hitting the backcloth of my pajama bottoms on a line. It then shot down my left pantleg careening off my leg until it stuck like a spear on it's end next to my shoe, still upright and contained by my purple penguin covered pj bottoms. I was in horror. It had happened so fast I don't think I had even changed the expression on my face. I had no idea what the fuck to do. I just knew that if I moved, my monster log would be lying in the midday sun for all to see. Finally, I hatched a plan. I told Zoey about my surgery and told her I was having some real discomfort and i would be forever in her debt if she could grab my dogs and put them on their leashes for me. She agreed and started after my dogs with the leashes, but as she left, the smell of my shit canoe had already attracted a retarded yellow lab (it's disgusting, but many dogs eat shit of humans and other animals like it is a ribeye steak). The lab began pulling at my pantleg with his teeth trying to free my dump for a tasty lunch. It's owner comes barreling over (a giant truck-driver type) effusively apologizing for his dog's behaviour. He has to practically hog-tie his lab at my feet his face and my turd seperated by 9 inches and a pantleg. Finally after the dog is dragged away fighting tooth and nail to get back to my ass-biscuit, I see Zoey returning with my dogs and I give my leg a shake. The beat-up feces flops out onto the turf as I beeline toward the approaching girl and my canines. I thank her briefly but profusely and walk/run towards the park exit in utter shame. Just before leaving the scene out of view I looked back and to my astonishment and disgust see her cocker spaniel and another dog devouring my shit. I got into the car and me and my dogs drove home in silence. But the world had changed forever. True story. The end.

I don't know how much of that story is true, but if it's even partially true, it's the funniest fucking thing I've ever read in my life! I don't mean to laugh at your misfortune or pain, but as someone who has always had a deep appreciation for comedy, I think you have a future in stand-up! That was side-splitting, funny shit (pun intended)


John from Boston

[conversationpc]

ok, sorry...
(continued)
With every ounce of courage and strength I have in me, I clenched my ass cheeks while Zoey kept babbling 2 feet directly in front of me. It was painful as hell and I thought my incision was going to explode and bloody the entire crowd of people before. After what seemed like an eternity, I simply could not stand the agony any longer and I relaxed my torso.
FOOOOOOMP!!!!!!!!
A 3 day log of crap sprang from my asshole, hitting the backcloth of my pajama bottoms on a line. It then shot down my left pantleg careening off my leg until it stuck like a spear on it's end next to my shoe, still upright and contained by my purple penguin covered pj bottoms. I was in horror. It had happened so fast I don't think I had even changed the expression on my face. I had no idea what the fuck to do. I just knew that if I moved, my monster log would be lying in the midday sun for all to see. Finally, I hatched a plan. I told Zoey about my surgery and told her I was having some real discomfort and i would be forever in her debt if she could grab my dogs and put them on their leashes for me. She agreed and started after my dogs with the leashes, but as she left, the smell of my shit canoe had already attracted a retarded yellow lab (it's disgusting, but many dogs eat shit of humans and other animals like it is a ribeye steak). The lab began pulling at my pantleg with his teeth trying to free my dump for a tasty lunch. It's owner comes barreling over (a giant truck-driver type) effusively apologizing for his dog's behaviour. He has to practically hog-tie his lab at my feet his face and my turd seperated by 9 inches and a pantleg. Finally after the dog is dragged away fighting tooth and nail to get back to my ass-biscuit, I see Zoey returning with my dogs and I give my leg a shake. The beat-up feces flops out onto the turf as I beeline toward the approaching girl and my canines. I thank her briefly but profusely and walk/run towards the park exit in utter shame. Just before leaving the scene out of view I looked back and to my astonishment and disgust see her cocker spaniel and another dog devouring my shit. I got into the car and me and my dogs drove home in silence. But the world had changed forever. True story. The end.

Holy crap!!!

[ProgRocker53]

LMFAO... what a story! That made my day dude.. haha... good shit, no pun intended.

[larryfromnextdoor]

im just in total shock.. i cant even comment at this point..

[Uno_up]

100% true story John. Weird shit like this always happens to me.

By the way, what about the bummer shame for poor Zoey who is gonna kiss her wonderful pooch in the mouth and taste my ass-bomb? Therein lies the tragedy in this saga.

[Rick]

100% true story John. Weird shit like this always happens to me.

By the way, what about the bummer shame for poor Zoey who is gonna kiss her wonderful pooch in the mouth and taste my ass-bomb? Therein lies the tragedy in this saga.

[Gin and Tonic Sky]

Grear story Uno-up . LMFAO! This is yet another example of why I love this frickin message board !!where else in the world can you

1) argue about Journey till you are blue in the face
2) get a daily lecture about how great dokken is
3) engage in rude and uncivil combat with people who disagree with you about politics
4) discuss people who have married and are shagging their goat
5) read stories about people stuck to their toilet seat
6) read stories about people in penguin pajamas losing control of their bowels

Its all here ! No Not God damn the Journey board! God bless the Journey board!