Uno_up wrote:ok, sorry...
(continued)
With every ounce of courage and strength I have in me, I clenched my ass cheeks while Zoey kept babbling 2 feet directly in front of me. It was painful as hell and I thought my incision was going to explode and bloody the entire crowd of people before. After what seemed like an eternity, I simply could not stand the agony any longer and I relaxed my torso.
FOOOOOOMP!!!!!!!!
A 3 day log of crap sprang from my asshole, hitting the backcloth of my pajama bottoms on a line. It then shot down my left pantleg careening off my leg until it stuck like a spear on it's end next to my shoe, still upright and contained by my purple penguin covered pj bottoms. I was in horror. It had happened so fast I don't think I had even changed the expression on my face. I had no idea what the fuck to do. I just knew that if I moved, my monster log would be lying in the midday sun for all to see. Finally, I hatched a plan. I told Zoey about my surgery and told her I was having some real discomfort and i would be forever in her debt if she could grab my dogs and put them on their leashes for me. She agreed and started after my dogs with the leashes, but as she left, the smell of my shit canoe had already attracted a retarded yellow lab (it's disgusting, but many dogs eat shit of humans and other animals like it is a ribeye steak). The lab began pulling at my pantleg with his teeth trying to free my dump for a tasty lunch. It's owner comes barreling over (a giant truck-driver type) effusively apologizing for his dog's behaviour. He has to practically hog-tie his lab at my feet his face and my turd seperated by 9 inches and a pantleg. Finally after the dog is dragged away fighting tooth and nail to get back to my ass-biscuit, I see Zoey returning with my dogs and I give my leg a shake. The beat-up feces flops out onto the turf as I beeline toward the approaching girl and my canines. I thank her briefly but profusely and walk/run towards the park exit in utter shame. Just before leaving the scene out of view I looked back and to my astonishment and disgust see her cocker spaniel and another dog devouring my shit. I got into the car and me and my dogs drove home in silence. But the world had changed forever. True story. The end.
Uno...
This is still the funniest fucking thing I've ever read on MR! This is an absolute CLASSIC post, and I ask Andrew to immediately move this post to the MR Hall Of Fame. It is physically impossible to read this post and not piss yourself laughing
John from Boston
