MR

Maybe it wasn't pine tar after all?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqDWeQkL-HY

This is the funniest story I've heard in a long time.

Dude I am crying I'm laughing so hard. I had to shut my door. Outrageously funny.

Makes me think of SW2's story the other day. Poor guy! Can you imagine the embarrasement! Funny story! I'll share that with my husband when he gets home. He loves baseball, he will get a kick out of this! Thanks!

sounds a bit like my story from this past March I posted.

I woke up yesterday after 4 days of being locked up in my house after double hernia surgery. I popped 3 super-vicodins, grabbed my 3 dogs and threw them in the jeep to drive to the park and let them get a run in after being couped up with me. They were wired to run. Now mind you, because of the continuous stretch of days inside and the drugs, I had mistakenly went out thinking it was MONDAY when it was SUNDAY. The vast difference being that the park is largely deserted on mondays, whereas sundays it is packed to the gills with people and dogs. The distinction is important in that had I realized it was SUNDAY, I'd have dressed differently. As it was, I was wearing a 3 days worn t-shirt, unshowered and unshaven for 3 days (Dr.s post-op instructions), my hair sticking up all over like "HeatMiser" in the rudolph the red-nosed reindeer animated special, and most importantly to this story, wearing deck shoes and BAGGY PURPLE PENGUIN ADORNED PAJAMA BOTTOMS AND NO UNDERWEAR. So I get there, proceed to the middle of the meadow-sized lushly well manicured grass clearing (about the size of 2 football fields) and let the dogs loose to run like the wind among dozens of dogs and some 100 people. As happens often due to my one rottweiler being showdog quality and perfectly mannered, I quickly was approached by several awed onlookers who wanted to talk to me about the dog and share their appreciation. Normally I love this, but remember that this particular morning i looked like a mental hospital escapee who had slept under a bridge. Among the gallery of chatterboxes is a very attractive mid-20's woman with a cocker spaniel in tow. She shimmy's up next to me sucking down a mocha and begins playfully peppering me with questions and flirting.

Now let me rewind the clock a bit.

Before I left the house at around 11am. I had the following conversation with myself: "damn the dogs are chomping at the bit, but i really need to take a shit." (vicodin causes constipation, i hadn't taken a dump in almost 72 hours) oh fuck it it's MONDAY, we'll be in and out of the park in 20 minutes, i'll wait till we get home."
Now then, hernia surgery leaves the patient extremely weakened in all muscles in the groin/ass/stomach area. It is very painful to cough or laugh, and impossible to suppress either one. so after yakking with Zoey (the chick) for a few minutes and noticing my dogs were completely oblivious to my existence and maybe 150 yards away having a blast, you can imagine my distress and terror when my torso, without warning, sent the following message to my brain:
"Yo Dumbass, YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS BEFORE YOU TAKE THE BIGGEST BRICK SHIT OF YOUR LIFE."

With every ounce of courage and strength I have in me, I clenched my ass cheeks while Zoey kept babbling 2 feet directly in front of me. It was painful as hell and I thought my incision was going to explode and bloody the entire crowd of people before. After what seemed like an eternity, I simply could not stand the agony any longer and I relaxed my torso.
FOOOOOOMP!!!!!!!!
A 3 day log of crap sprang from my asshole, hitting the backcloth of my pajama bottoms on a line. It then shot down my left pantleg careening off my leg until it stuck like a spear on it's end next to my shoe, still upright and contained by my purple penguin covered pj bottoms. I was in horror. It had happened so fast I don't think I had even changed the expression on my face. I had no idea what the fuck to do. I just knew that if I moved, my monster log would be lying in the midday sun for all to see. Finally, I hatched a plan. I told Zoey about my surgery and told her I was having some real discomfort and i would be forever in her debt if she could grab my dogs and put them on their leashes for me. She agreed and started after my dogs with the leashes, but as she left, the smell of my shit canoe had already attracted a retarded yellow lab (it's disgusting, but many dogs eat shit of humans and other animals like it is a ribeye steak). The lab began pulling at my pantleg with his teeth trying to free my dump for a tasty lunch. It's owner comes barreling over (a giant truck-driver type) effusively apologizing for his dog's behaviour. He has to practically hog-tie his lab at my feet his face and my turd seperated by 9 inches and a pantleg. Finally after the dog is dragged away fighting tooth and nail to get back to my ass-biscuit, I see Zoey returning with my dogs and I give my leg a shake. The beat-up feces flops out onto the turf as I beeline toward the approaching girl and my canines. I thank her briefly but profusely and walk/run towards the park exit in utter shame. Just before leaving the scene out of view I looked back and to my astonishment and disgust see her cocker spaniel and another dog devouring my shit. I got into the car and me and my dogs drove home in silence. But the world had changed forever. True story. The end.

I never heard about this one before. He sounds drunk:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AviQibB8ijk

Jeopardy F bomb- hilarious, I can't believe they didn't censor this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CzEx7Z4QIk

Uno_up wrote:sounds a bit like my story from this past March I posted.

I woke up yesterday after 4 days of being locked up in my house after double hernia surgery. I popped 3 super-vicodins, grabbed my 3 dogs and threw them in the jeep to drive to the park and let them get a run in after being couped up with me. They were wired to run. Now mind you, because of the continuous stretch of days inside and the drugs, I had mistakenly went out thinking it was MONDAY when it was SUNDAY. The vast difference being that the park is largely deserted on mondays, whereas sundays it is packed to the gills with people and dogs. The distinction is important in that had I realized it was SUNDAY, I'd have dressed differently. As it was, I was wearing a 3 days worn t-shirt, unshowered and unshaven for 3 days (Dr.s post-op instructions), my hair sticking up all over like "HeatMiser" in the rudolph the red-nosed reindeer animated special, and most importantly to this story, wearing deck shoes and BAGGY PURPLE PENGUIN ADORNED PAJAMA BOTTOMS AND NO UNDERWEAR. So I get there, proceed to the middle of the meadow-sized lushly well manicured grass clearing (about the size of 2 football fields) and let the dogs loose to run like the wind among dozens of dogs and some 100 people. As happens often due to my one rottweiler being showdog quality and perfectly mannered, I quickly was approached by several awed onlookers who wanted to talk to me about the dog and share their appreciation. Normally I love this, but remember that this particular morning i looked like a mental hospital escapee who had slept under a bridge. Among the gallery of chatterboxes is a very attractive mid-20's woman with a cocker spaniel in tow. She shimmy's up next to me sucking down a mocha and begins playfully peppering me with questions and flirting.

Now let me rewind the clock a bit.

Before I left the house at around 11am. I had the following conversation with myself: "damn the dogs are chomping at the bit, but i really need to take a shit." (vicodin causes constipation, i hadn't taken a dump in almost 72 hours) oh fuck it it's MONDAY, we'll be in and out of the park in 20 minutes, i'll wait till we get home."
Now then, hernia surgery leaves the patient extremely weakened in all muscles in the groin/ass/stomach area. It is very painful to cough or laugh, and impossible to suppress either one. so after yakking with Zoey (the chick) for a few minutes and noticing my dogs were completely oblivious to my existence and maybe 150 yards away having a blast, you can imagine my distress and terror when my torso, without warning, sent the following message to my brain:
"Yo Dumbass, YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS BEFORE YOU TAKE THE BIGGEST BRICK SHIT OF YOUR LIFE."

With every ounce of courage and strength I have in me, I clenched my ass cheeks while Zoey kept babbling 2 feet directly in front of me. It was painful as hell and I thought my incision was going to explode and bloody the entire crowd of people before. After what seemed like an eternity, I simply could not stand the agony any longer and I relaxed my torso.
FOOOOOOMP!!!!!!!!
A 3 day log of crap sprang from my asshole, hitting the backcloth of my pajama bottoms on a line. It then shot down my left pantleg careening off my leg until it stuck like a spear on it's end next to my shoe, still upright and contained by my purple penguin covered pj bottoms. I was in horror. It had happened so fast I don't think I had even changed the expression on my face. I had no idea what the fuck to do. I just knew that if I moved, my monster log would be lying in the midday sun for all to see. Finally, I hatched a plan. I told Zoey about my surgery and told her I was having some real discomfort and i would be forever in her debt if she could grab my dogs and put them on their leashes for me. She agreed and started after my dogs with the leashes, but as she left, the smell of my shit canoe had already attracted a retarded yellow lab (it's disgusting, but many dogs eat shit of humans and other animals like it is a ribeye steak). The lab began pulling at my pantleg with his teeth trying to free my dump for a tasty lunch. It's owner comes barreling over (a giant truck-driver type) effusively apologizing for his dog's behaviour. He has to practically hog-tie his lab at my feet his face and my turd seperated by 9 inches and a pantleg. Finally after the dog is dragged away fighting tooth and nail to get back to my ass-biscuit, I see Zoey returning with my dogs and I give my leg a shake. The beat-up feces flops out onto the turf as I beeline toward the approaching girl and my canines. I thank her briefly but profusely and walk/run towards the park exit in utter shame. Just before leaving the scene out of view I looked back and to my astonishment and disgust see her cocker spaniel and another dog devouring my shit. I got into the car and me and my dogs drove home in silence. But the world had changed forever. True story. The end.

LMAO....I remember this!!!!

Uno_up wrote:sounds a bit like my story from this past March I posted.

I woke up yesterday after 4 days of being locked up in my house after double hernia surgery. I popped 3 super-vicodins, grabbed my 3 dogs and threw them in the jeep to drive to the park and let them get a run in after being couped up with me. They were wired to run. Now mind you, because of the continuous stretch of days inside and the drugs, I had mistakenly went out thinking it was MONDAY when it was SUNDAY. The vast difference being that the park is largely deserted on mondays, whereas sundays it is packed to the gills with people and dogs. The distinction is important in that had I realized it was SUNDAY, I'd have dressed differently. As it was, I was wearing a 3 days worn t-shirt, unshowered and unshaven for 3 days (Dr.s post-op instructions), my hair sticking up all over like "HeatMiser" in the rudolph the red-nosed reindeer animated special, and most importantly to this story, wearing deck shoes and BAGGY PURPLE PENGUIN ADORNED PAJAMA BOTTOMS AND NO UNDERWEAR. So I get there, proceed to the middle of the meadow-sized lushly well manicured grass clearing (about the size of 2 football fields) and let the dogs loose to run like the wind among dozens of dogs and some 100 people. As happens often due to my one rottweiler being showdog quality and perfectly mannered, I quickly was approached by several awed onlookers who wanted to talk to me about the dog and share their appreciation. Normally I love this, but remember that this particular morning i looked like a mental hospital escapee who had slept under a bridge. Among the gallery of chatterboxes is a very attractive mid-20's woman with a cocker spaniel in tow. She shimmy's up next to me sucking down a mocha and begins playfully peppering me with questions and flirting.

Now let me rewind the clock a bit.

Before I left the house at around 11am. I had the following conversation with myself: "damn the dogs are chomping at the bit, but i really need to take a shit." (vicodin causes constipation, i hadn't taken a dump in almost 72 hours) oh fuck it it's MONDAY, we'll be in and out of the park in 20 minutes, i'll wait till we get home."
Now then, hernia surgery leaves the patient extremely weakened in all muscles in the groin/ass/stomach area. It is very painful to cough or laugh, and impossible to suppress either one. so after yakking with Zoey (the chick) for a few minutes and noticing my dogs were completely oblivious to my existence and maybe 150 yards away having a blast, you can imagine my distress and terror when my torso, without warning, sent the following message to my brain:
"Yo Dumbass, YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS BEFORE YOU TAKE THE BIGGEST BRICK SHIT OF YOUR LIFE."

With every ounce of courage and strength I have in me, I clenched my ass cheeks while Zoey kept babbling 2 feet directly in front of me. It was painful as hell and I thought my incision was going to explode and bloody the entire crowd of people before. After what seemed like an eternity, I simply could not stand the agony any longer and I relaxed my torso.
FOOOOOOMP!!!!!!!!
A 3 day log of crap sprang from my asshole, hitting the backcloth of my pajama bottoms on a line. It then shot down my left pantleg careening off my leg until it stuck like a spear on it's end next to my shoe, still upright and contained by my purple penguin covered pj bottoms. I was in horror. It had happened so fast I don't think I had even changed the expression on my face. I had no idea what the fuck to do. I just knew that if I moved, my monster log would be lying in the midday sun for all to see. Finally, I hatched a plan. I told Zoey about my surgery and told her I was having some real discomfort and i would be forever in her debt if she could grab my dogs and put them on their leashes for me. She agreed and started after my dogs with the leashes, but as she left, the smell of my shit canoe had already attracted a retarded yellow lab (it's disgusting, but many dogs eat shit of humans and other animals like it is a ribeye steak). The lab began pulling at my pantleg with his teeth trying to free my dump for a tasty lunch. It's owner comes barreling over (a giant truck-driver type) effusively apologizing for his dog's behaviour. He has to practically hog-tie his lab at my feet his face and my turd seperated by 9 inches and a pantleg. Finally after the dog is dragged away fighting tooth and nail to get back to my ass-biscuit, I see Zoey returning with my dogs and I give my leg a shake. The beat-up feces flops out onto the turf as I beeline toward the approaching girl and my canines. I thank her briefly but profusely and walk/run towards the park exit in utter shame. Just before leaving the scene out of view I looked back and to my astonishment and disgust see her cocker spaniel and another dog devouring my shit. I got into the car and me and my dogs drove home in silence. But the world had changed forever. True story. The end.

I have to comment on this. It would be SIN if I wouldn't. Dude, this is the FUNNIEST DAMN THING I've ever read since being introduced to words. W-O-W, I can just feel your pain man, FEEL-YOUR-PAIN. More power to you bro. That is one HELLUVA story that EVERYBODY needs to read for laughs. Good job on the description, it really painted a shitty image. (No pun intended. CHEERS!

LMFAO.. classic post

"Who's the pitchers in this game?"

I think George Brett has been hanging around with Deano. Except Dean would have stuck his hand down his pants and patted people on the back as they walked by.

Art Vandelay wrote:Maybe it wasn't pine tar after all?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqDWeQkL-HY

This has to be from a few years ago, as I spotted the flambouyant, yet god-awful (at the time) Jose Lima on the team. I wonder if he had a hidden microphone on him, as the audio is clear, yet he had many people in front of him working out. Funny as hell though...surprised I haven't seen it until now.

Has anybody else watched this a dozen times and still laugh their ass off like me.

Tito wrote:Has anybody else watched this a dozen times and still laugh their ass off like me.

Yep.

Poop stories = always funny

That was funny as shit.I like the ending, then he says" who is the pitcher in this game" lol. After a story like that who cares.

What a foul-mouthed imbecile. Funny story, though.

conversationpc wrote:What a foul-mouthed imbecile.

Dude, he was on a baseball field not in a fucking church!!! His language was very appropriate. It made the narrative that much better!

Saint John wrote:

conversationpc wrote:What a foul-mouthed imbecile.

Dude, he was on a baseball field not in a fucking church!!! His language was very appropriate. It made the narrative that much better!

I said I thought it was funny. Give me some credit!

That being said, I've heard of him talking to fans like that.

conversationpc wrote:

Saint John wrote:

conversationpc wrote:What a foul-mouthed imbecile.

Dude, he was on a baseball field not in a fucking church!!! His language was very appropriate. It made the narrative that much better!

I said I thought it was funny. Give me some credit!

That being said, I've heard of him talking to fans like that.

He could talk to me all day like that, if those are the kind of stories he'll tell.

conversationpc wrote:That being said, I've heard of him talking to fans like that.

If they're Cardinals fans then it's ok!!!

Just went to watch the video for the 20th time and f-ckin' Time Warner took it down for copyright infringement. F-ckers.

Time Warner Cable has issued this statement about the video:

Time Warner Cable and Metro Sports apologize to the Royals and George Brett for the unauthorized release of video onto the internet. The segment that has been made public was taken from raw footage shot by Metro Sports, 3 or 4 years ago, for the purpose of producing a news segment or program about the Royals. This segment was NEVER used in any programming or news segment by Metro Sports or Time Warner Cable Kansas City.

At this point we have launched an investigation to determine who may have removed this footage from the Metro Sports video archive without authorization. The unauthorized use of the footage and alteration and use of the Metro Sports logo constitutes a violation of copyright and unauthorized use of company property. The person or persons responsible will be fully prosecuted under applicable state and federal law.