MR

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:44 pm**

I need some advice from some of you guys - especially those of you who were shy, music loving teenagers - on how to handle a situation.

Ok, back story; over the last 2 months, I've been starting the long, laborious process of digitising all my casettes, vinyl and video and burning them to CD/DVD. One of my neighbour's sons, 'J', has been helping me out with the process a couple of times a week, and along the way I've been introducing him to 'new' music, expanding his horizons a bit. Basically anything to get him off emo-pop!

J is 16, a budding musician, fairly good looking and painfully shy. The kind of kid for whom high school is utter agony, but who will probably take off like a rocket socially once he gets to Uni and starts dealing with more adults and fewer kids (well, comparatively

) Anyway, I was at a BBQ at his parent's place earlier this week, and one of his Dad's friends commented that they were playing some early Pink Floyd, something he hadn't heard in years. J's Dad laughed and said actually it was J who had put it on, and told them it was my influence. Then the twit announced that J has a crush on me and that probably had more to do with it than the music. Now, I wasn't actually part of the conversation, but I did hear what was said.

Well, I already knew J has a crush. I've handled it by just carefully keeping to certain boundaries, and saying nothing - basically acting like I haven't noticed. I also know J is seriously in love with music, and part of his crush on me is because of the music I've introduced him to, not the other way around. I found out from J's mother today that J overheard what his dad said, and is horribly embarrased and upset, which is why I haven't seen him around in the last few days. She also said she thinks he isn't sure if I heard what his dad said or not.

This is what I need some help with - is it better for me to find him, explain that I already knew, that I'm flattered but that he's much too young, (I'm 20 years older than him & only one year younger than his mother) or should I just say nothing and hope it blows over and he'll be ok?

For myself, at that age not knowing if my crush knew what was said or not would be utter agony, but then, I was an outgoing, fiercely independent, socially active hell raiser at 16. I have no idea what would be worse for a sensitive, shy 16 year old boy - finding out that I know, or nothing being said. Or should I do something else altogether? This is a really sweet kid, and I don't want to hurt or embarrass him any more than he already is.

Ideas? Advice? Comments?

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:51 pm**

I say call him up, ask him for more of his help and act as if nothing happened. If he knows that you know, things will never be the same. He'll feel too weird around you. Especially if he's as shy as you said he is. Keep him in his comfort zone. Shy people need that. :wink:

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:01 pm**

I think I have a crush on you too; I love your posts! :wink:

Seriously, these crush things are part of entirely normal maturation processes. Most of us can probably point back to older adults who noticed us as people when we were awkward teens and encouraged us in one way or another.

I'd say your instincts so far are right on. Say nothing, keep the boundaries firmly in place, don't put yourself in any potentially compromising situations, and focus on the music. You are the adult here and the one responsible for modeling the appropriate behavior. His parents should pipe down too; he probably gets enough ridicule at school and doesn't need it from his family.

(Edit: Ooops, sorry, just now your request was to hear from guys. Not a guy, but the parent of three young men and a professional educator.)

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:36 pm**

DrFU wrote:I think I have a crush on you too; I love your posts!

Seriously, these crush things are part of entirely normal maturation processes. Most of us can probably point back to older adults who noticed us as people when we were awkward teens and encouraged us in one way or another.

I'd say your instincts so far are right on. Say nothing, keep the boundaries firmly in place, don't put yourself in any potentially compromising situations, and focus on the music. You are the adult here and the one responsible for modeling the appropriate behavior. His parents should pipe down too; he probably gets enough ridicule at school and doesn't need it from his family.

(Edit: Ooops, sorry, just now your request was to hear from guys. Not a guy, but the parent of three young men and a professional educator.)

That's pretty much how I see it, which is why I've been happy for him to keep hanging out at my place, and I try to treat him as an adult friend rather than my neighbour's kid. He's having a pretty hard time being a teenager, and I think it's going to be much easier for him when his peer group grows up a little. And I've been very careful to make sure he goes home for dinner, keeping the conversation off anything that could be misconstrued, that sort of stuff.

His mum has well and truly whipped his dad into line, btw! She's this tiny 4'10" blonde and he's 6'3", but when she gets mad, hoo boy! He just buckles and does whatever she says! :lol:

I kind of figured acting like nothing happened is the way to go, but the few male friends I've talked to about it said to talk to him. Except, like me, they weren't shy as teenagers.
And advice from a parent is good too - I don't have kids or brothers, and all my male cousins were as outgoing as I was, so I'm kind of floating at a loss here.

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:37 pm**

Arianddu wrote:
His mum has well and truly whipped his dad into line, btw! She's this tiny 4'10" blonde and he's 6'3", but when she gets mad, hoo boy! He just buckles and does whatever she says!

No wonder the kid is so shy. His dad is a wuss. :twisted:

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:43 pm**

Arianddu wrote:
DrFU wrote:I think I have a crush on you too; I love your posts!

Seriously, these crush things are part of entirely normal maturation processes. Most of us can probably point back to older adults who noticed us as people when we were awkward teens and encouraged us in one way or another.

I'd say your instincts so far are right on. Say nothing, keep the boundaries firmly in place, don't put yourself in any potentially compromising situations, and focus on the music. You are the adult here and the one responsible for modeling the appropriate behavior. His parents should pipe down too; he probably gets enough ridicule at school and doesn't need it from his family.

(Edit: Ooops, sorry, just now your request was to hear from guys. Not a guy, but the parent of three young men and a professional educator.)

That's pretty much how I see it, which is why I've been happy for him to keep hanging out at my place, and I try to treat him as an adult friend rather than my neighbour's kid. He's having a pretty hard time being a teenager, and I think it's going to be much easier for him when his peer group grows up a little. And I've been very careful to make sure he goes home for dinner, keeping the conversation off anything that could be misconstrued, that sort of stuff.

His mum has well and truly whipped his dad into line, btw! She's this tiny 4'10" blonde and he's 6'3", but when she gets mad, hoo boy! He just buckles and does whatever she says!

I kind of figured acting like nothing happened is the way to go, but the few male friends I've talked to about it said to talk to him. Except, like me, they weren't shy as teenagers.
And advice from a parent is good too - I don't have kids or brothers, and all my male cousins were as outgoing as I was, so I'm kind of floating at a loss here.

Lifelong introvert here -- verbal confrontation over something so personal at that age would have seemed like the 7th circle of Hell.

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:46 pm**

Everyone Stand Back!!! We have a real, honest-to-goodness MILF on our hands! No telling WHAT she is capable of!!! :shock:

Actually... I remember a few "moms", or older women from my neighborhood I kinda had crushes on. No biggie... It happens. It'll fade once the schoolgirls start flaunting what they got at school dances :wink:

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:50 pm**

Saint John wrote:
Arianddu wrote:
His mum has well and truly whipped his dad into line, btw! She's this tiny 4'10" blonde and he's 6'3", but when she gets mad, hoo boy! He just buckles and does whatever she says!
No wonder the kid is so shy. His dad is a wuss.

As she says - she had three older brothers, and her head height is dangerously close to his crotch height :lol:

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:58 pm**

Arianddu wrote:
Saint John wrote:
Arianddu wrote:
His mum has well and truly whipped his dad into line, btw! She's this tiny 4'10" blonde and he's 6'3", but when she gets mad, hoo boy! He just buckles and does whatever she says!
No wonder the kid is so shy. His dad is a wuss.

As she says - she had three older brothers, and her head height is dangerously close to his crotch height

Well, that would explain a few things!!! Though that could certainly be an asset when the husband behaves himself. :lol:

Posted: **Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:59 pm**

T-Bone wrote:Everyone Stand Back!!! We have a real, honest-to-goodness MILF on our hands! No telling WHAT she is capable of!!!

Don't I need to have kids to qualify?

T-Bone wrote:Actually... I remember a few "moms", or older women from my neighborhood I kinda had crushes on. No biggie... It happens. It'll fade once the schoolgirls start flaunting what they got at school dances

Well, actually they are already noticing him - quite a bit. The kid is cute, plays guitar and knows how to sing - too easy! But he's too introverted to get it, and am NOT going to say anything!!!

Posted: **Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:04 am**

DrFU wrote:I think I have a crush on you too; I love your posts!

Seriously, these crush things are part of entirely normal maturation processes. Most of us can probably point back to older adults who noticed us as people when we were awkward teens and encouraged us in one way or another.

I'd say your instincts so far are right on. Say nothing, keep the boundaries firmly in place, don't put yourself in any potentially compromising situations, and focus on the music. You are the adult here and the one responsible for modeling the appropriate behavior. His parents should pipe down too; he probably gets enough ridicule at school and doesn't need it from his family.

(Edit: Ooops, sorry, just now your request was to hear from guys. Not a guy, but the parent of three young men and a professional educator.)

I'm sorry, but when I first glanced at your post I thought it said.."entirely normal masturbation process"! :lol:

I was thinking "Hell yeah!" :shock:

Seriously though...I agree with Dan. If he knows that you know, it's going to embarrass the hell out of the poor kid. If you just act like normal around him, he'll probably ease up and feel at ease in a day or two. On the other hand...if you do call him and ask him to come over, maybe he'll think that you DO know and that you've got the hots for him! Maybe just get him comfortable around you again, and just find a way to break it to him gently.

Hell, I don't know what I'm suggesting...just take him to the boom-boom room, and give the kid something to brag about! :lol:

Posted: **Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:29 am**

G.I.Jim wrote: Hell, I don't know what I'm suggesting...just take him to the boom-boom room, and give the kid something to brag about!

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HELL no!!!!!!! I gave up sleeping with 20 year olds years ago because they don't know what the hell they're doing, no way am I ever going to sleep with a 16 year old again! Especially not this one! :lol:

Posted: **Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:32 am**

Sounds like you have set the boundaries clearly.
You have given him no signs. And he is too shy to try anything on with you.
Obviously if he was more confident & outgoing he might have tried to begin a relationship or something, and then you would have had to have given him the 'I think you're a great guy but I don't think of you like that' conversation.
Because he won't have the courage to do that and because you will continue to treat him as you have always done, his 'discomfort' at what his Dad has said will soon subside.

So I guess I'm saying play dumb. Pretend you never heard it and carry on as if nothing happened.

Least said, soonest mended in my opinion.

Posted: **Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:32 am**

The poor kid is mortified. You just need to call him and act like normal and a few more visits helping you out it will actually be back to normal. Do not discuss it with him. It will cause him further mortification and teenage angst. :lol:

Posted: **Tue Oct 07, 2008 2:40 am**

G.I.Jim wrote:
I'm sorry, but when I first glanced at your post I thought it said.."entirely normal masturbation process"! I was thinking "Hell yeah!"

Well that too, of course ... :lol:

Posted: **Tue Oct 07, 2008 2:46 am**

Pink Floyd FUCKED it up for everybody....

Posted: **Tue Oct 07, 2008 2:49 am**

The only problems I foresee if is your relationships with men cross lines with him. He'll either be jealous, try to overcompensate by getting you gifts or something, or shrink away from you feeling betrayed.

MR

OT Seeking advice from you guys out there

OT Seeking advice from you guys out there