OT - No Regrets Week

[Arianddu]

My mother got taken into hospital last night with a non-specific 'mass' in her abdomen (in other words, a big lump they can't explain), which is very worrying because earlier this year she had a full hysterectomy due to uterine cancer. Won't know anything until Wednesday at the earliest. Right now, I'm a scared, crying little girl who wants her mamma. In a short time, I have to pull it together to be strong, calm, positive and supportive for her.

What's the point? Well, when people face something that they are powerless to do anything about, it helps to know other people are thinking about them. If I believed in god, I'd be asking you to pray for her. I don't, neither does she. So I'm asking you to do something else instead.

There's been some really good support for Breast Cancer Awareness month, which has been really good to see. But as those of us who have lost family and friends to cancer know, one of the hard things about dealing with it is the sense of lost time with the person we love. So I'm putting up this challenge to all of you - fix it so you have one less regret.

Haven't called your parents or siblings in a while? Give them a call and tell them you love them. Broke someone's heart and always felt bad about it? Tell them you're sorry it ended the way it did. Lost track of an old friend? Find them and catch up. Haven't kept that promise to do something for your significant other yet? Go do it. Didn't walk your dogs yesterday? Take them out right now. Never got around to baking a cake and welcoming that new neighbour three years ago? Get cooking.

Do something for someone, anything, so that if they died next week, you wouldn't regret not having done it. Even if it's just taking the afternoon off work to play with your kids. Then come back here and tell me about it, okay? 'Cause I could really use some positive distraction right now.

Thanks,
Ari

[artist4perry]

My mother got taken into hospital last night with a non-specific 'mass' in her abdomen (in other words, a big lump they can't explain), which is very worrying because earlier this year she had a full hysterectomy due to uterine cancer. Won't know anything until Wednesday at the earliest. Right now, I'm a scared, crying little girl who wants her mamma. In a short time, I have to pull it together to be strong, calm, positive and supportive for her.

What's the point? Well, when people face something that they are powerless to do anything about, it helps to know other people are thinking about them. If I believed in god, I'd be asking you to pray for her. I don't, neither does she. So I'm asking you to do something else instead.

There's been some really good support for Breast Cancer Awareness month, which has been really good to see. But as those of us who have lost family and friends to cancer know, one of the hard things about dealing with it is the sense of lost time with the person we love. So I'm putting up this challenge to all of you - fix it so you have one less regret.

Haven't called your parents or siblings in a while? Give them a call and tell them you love them. Broke someone's heart and always felt bad about it? Tell them you're sorry it ended the way it did. Lost track of an old friend? Find them and catch up. Haven't kept that promise to do something for your significant other yet? Go do it. Didn't walk your dogs yesterday? Take them out right now. Never got around to baking a cake and welcoming that new neighbour three years ago? Get cooking.

Do something for someone, anything, so that if they died next week, you wouldn't regret not having done it. Even if it's just taking the afternoon off work to play with your kids. Then come back here and tell me about it, okay? 'Cause I could really use some positive distraction right now.

Thanks,
Ari

I will, and is it O.K. if I tell you that you I am thinking of you? You are a very special lady.

[Maui Tom]

Pretty awesome and humbling post....

[journeyMusic]

Ma'am-- even though you may not believe in God, that's what makes this country we live in so special. You are allowed that right,just as I am allowed the right to voice that I do believe in God and I also have the right, in my own way, to send prayers to you and your loved one. Best of luck. I hope all turns out ok.

[artist4perry]

I am starting a list in your mother's honor.
First, My best friend who lives in Las Vegas. I have neglected her the most ~ will try and call her tonight.
Grandma~ I have a cold and cannot go near her, but I will give her a call tomorrow.
My mom~ I will make a point to go see her this week.
My daughter~ I will call her tonight if I can. She lives 4 hours away.

If I can think of more I will,

Oh and I will give my husband a loving hug and kiss, and tell him all that he means to me tonight!

You have moved me to tears today, and I wish I had the power to take your heartache away. I will do my best to fulfill your requests.

[(Crazy)Dulce Lady]

we care about you. thanks for letting us care with you.

[Angel]

When my dad was a teenager his father died. He had not been very nice to him-as sometimes teenagers aren't to their parents, he made a promise then and there to himself that he would never say do anything to anyone that he would regret if they (or he) died the next day. He lived true to his promise and passed it on to us as well. Even though I may have off days when I'm not as chipper with my kids, they will never have a doubt that I love them-the same holds true for the rest of my family and my dear friends.

You've given some great advice Ari and I hope you find peace in whatever may happen. Best wishes to both you and your mother.

[Lula]

arianddu,
i will heed your call and contact a childhood friend tomorrow. my heart is with you. i lost my mom unexpectedly and my father followed 2 years after her. life pretty much sucks without them, but i have been blessed with a beautiful boy and see a world of love in his eyes. take care of you and know that there is a mighty contingent of support here on mr.
xo,
lula

[DrFU]

Hugs and positive thoughts from the other side of the world, Ari. I'm truly sorry your family is going through this; the uncertainty is just the worst. Whatever it is, you guys will face it together and deal with it.

Have to think about the no regrets list ... will report back.

[nutz4Neal]

Well Ari, I've been experiencing some difficult health issues with my mom in the last months too and so I can relate to what you're feeling. It's strange for us to see our parents decline. Sometime we have to become the caregivers to them when they have always done so for us.

On a positive note:

*every second I spend with her is precious..I love her dearly and treasure our time together

*I'll try to be a blessing to someone each day

*I'll give my hubby an extra hug each morning and tell him how much he means to me

*I'll call my grandkids and tell them how very proud I am of them and how very much I love them

All the best to you and your mom, Ari.

[Jana]

Ari, my thoughts are with you and your mother. I truly hope the news is good on the tests. It was a beautiful post. Mother/daughter relationships are so special.

Like Lula, I lost both my parents close in time to each other, and she's right, it definitely sucks. This should be a reminder to everyone to really take the time and do the little things that bring your mom or dad pleasure, because those moments can be taken away in an instant. Parents sacrifice so much for their children, and as adults sometimes we forget how much it means to show your love and appreciation in even just the small, thoughtful ways.

Regarding your request, I called my wonderful brother, who last week had called me and told me he had been feeling melancholy lately. It's always a hard time of year for the family because it was both my parents' birthdays recently and their anniversary. He and my father were extremely close and had coffee almost every day together. Our phone call last week was a very sad conversation. But my phone call tonight was very sweet and we shared a lot of fond and funny memories of my parents and our family.

[7 Wishes]

We all need reminders like this from time to time...it's so easy to get caught up in routines and patterns, and lose sight of the most important thing in the world...love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqQM-HoFeEk

[annie89509]

Ari, my best to you and your mom, it is obvious you love her very much. Your post is a sobering reminder that I don't share the same loving relationship with my mom that you obviously do with yours. In fact, most of the time when she calls me, I barely feel like talking to her. You have to be around us to understand this. But, you are right, life is unpredictable and who knows how much time any of us have in this world. I need to have more empathy and patience with my mom from hereon out.

[Blueskies]

Prayer's and best wishes to you and your mother, Arianddu, and that she makes a full recovery.

Speaking of old friends, my high school boyfriend got in contact with me last week..he told me I was still as beautiful as he remembered...I told him he must be going blind..ha!.. but that was very sweet to say...and he told me how much I had meant to him and how happy he is to have found me again..he said I am a bright light that he doesn't want to lose again ...no..it's not what you may think...he's been married for many years and has 2 children, so we are not getting back together....but the things he's said he's let me know that he has always kept a place in his heart for me and in how he see's me...which has been very nice to hear and makes me feel good... a friend of the heart is a good friend to have...one that only wants the best for you sincerely....and I was in need of hearing some kindness and positivity so I thank him for that. So, yes..letting those in your life know what they've meant to you and expressing your love and care for them does make a difference and is always worth doing...even if you have to go the extra mile to do it. I try to make a point of telling and showing my family and friends that I love them and what they mean to me and in expressing my admiration of their abilities and in who they are as people.

Now as far as regrets..I am far from perfect and stumble and fall on occasion....this year has been a tough one..I'm an optimistic person who tries to remain positive no matter what adversities are thrown in my path .. I usually don't sweat the small stuff and rarely get mad and try to keep things in perspective...but as I said, this year has been an exceptionally tough one to get thru...and within my time on this board I was attacked frequently by some previous posters.....who made it not so fun to post here...it got to the point I couldn't post anything without it getting jumped on..as well as a bunch of crap going down off the board as well....so anyway..due to it all I became overly defensive when I last posted here...I had an exceptionally hard day and went over the top in comments directed toward's StevieW2 and Deb...no matter what was said to me I should not have went that far and gotten that personal towards either of them...so for my part in what I said toward's them... I regret it..I went too far and I apologize to them both.

[The Sushi Hunter]

Very sorry to hear about this. I will have you and your mother in my prayers tonight. I lost my girlfriend to breast cancer in the mid 90's. She was my best friend, my best fan and was always at every show I did when I was in the Philippines with Uly's new band. She would always wash, dry and style my hair every night when I was in the Philippines singing in the band. When she passed away, I didn't cut my hair for five years, because that's how long it took me to get over the loss. So reading of your situation, brings back those memories I have of when I experienced this type of thing in my own life. I hope for the best in your situation.

[Arianddu]

Thanks for all your thoughts. We get her test results back sometime Thursday. Keeping positive!

[Babyblue]

That was so beautiful Ari, my mom is in a nurseing home & talk to her about 2-3 times aday.I just talked to my sis this am.Now after reading this i am glad i did.I believe in God he has always been there for me.You & your mom is in my thoughts & prayers.Just know there are people out here that care.

P.S.
Stay strong your mom really needs you now more than ever hon.If you need to vent you just do it here with us. Remember Don't Stop Belevin i have lived by that.Thanks S.P. /Journey.

[Melissa]

Pretty awesome and humbling post....

Agreed. The sense of lost time with someone you love never goes away, but it's wonderful to at least not have any regrets. My mother knows how much I loved her, still love her, before she died. And I know how much she loved me. And that taught me even more what you've mentioned, that with people you love and care about, to never let time go by without letting them know. So I never do now. My family and friends know I love them greatly.

I also learned that even if you think it's unrequited, still never be afraid to say I love you.

[Michigan Girl]

Oh my, Ari, I'm so sorry to hear this!! MUST KEEP POSITIVE!!!
I'll think of something and get back with you......
meanwhile, many thoughts and prayers
coming your way, lots of love, too!!!

[annpea]

May, all the positive energy of love and compassion surround your mother and yourself during this stressful time in your lives.

[Indyjoe]

Thinking of you and your Mom, Ari.

What an incredible and thought provoking (and challenging) post. Thanks.

Hang in there. Let us know how you and your Mom are doing.

[DSHinMICH]

Good thoughts coming your way!

[Babyblue]

Ari thanks! for the heartfelt post.It makes you stop and think about yourself and others.I found myself telling people that i care about.... that i felt very lucky having them in my life.I guess we need a good kick in the bum from time to time.Thanks!

[artist4perry]

Ari,
Task number one was completed last night. I had called my best friend in Vegas the first night you posted this. As usual her answering machine picked up. I left a message, and hoped she would return my call. The phone rang last night during dinner, and my husband answered it. It was my best friend. Normally we call people back later if they call during dinner, but since it was her, I dashed to the phone.

She said, "I got your message, and decided to call you tonight." Seems she has been busy because she is going back to college to learn a new trade. She had told me since I had returned to school at our age and received a degree, she now felt she could do it. She was telling me about her Anatomy classes, and having to learn Chinese, and all the interesting things she was learning now. I was so proud of her. I told her about your mom and the sudden urge to call, and she said that she had noticed a note of urgency in my voice, and that was why she called as soon as she could. We talked about our children, and how much we miss each other. I told her that I loved her, and that we miss her. I enjoyed talking to her again!

Ari,
She has been my best friend since I was 16 years old. We went to school together, choir trips together, and she was there in the delivery room when my daughter was born. She and I have been closer than sisters ever since. I was there when she had a miscarage, and took care of her and her children every day till she was on her feet. She has been there for me during every trial of my life, and every joy. We seem to know when the other is hurting, or that something is wrong. She will either call me out of the blue, or I will call her. She sensed I needed her to call. I hope things go well with your mother. My friend Carolyn sends good thoughts your way, and says thank you for getting me to call. We call about once every few months. But you would never know a day has passed when we speek.

[Arianddu]

Ari,
Task number one was completed last night. I had called my best friend in Vegas the first night you posted this. As usual her answering machine picked up. I left a message, and hoped she would return my call. The phone rang last night during dinner, and my husband answered it. It was my best friend. Normally we call people back later if they call during dinner, but since it was her, I dashed to the phone.

She said, "I got your message, and decided to call you tonight." Seems she has been busy because she is going back to college to learn a new trade. She had told me since I had returned to school at our age and received a degree, she now felt she could do it. She was telling me about her Anatomy classes, and having to learn Chinese, and all the interesting things she was learning now. I was so proud of her. I told her about your mom and the sudden urge to call, and she said that she had noticed a note of urgency in my voice, and that was why she called as soon as she could. We talked about our children, and how much we miss each other. I told her that I loved her, and that we miss her. I enjoyed talking to her again!

Ari,
She has been my best friend since I was 16 years old. We went to school together, choir trips together, and she was there in the delivery room when my daughter was born. She and I have been closer than sisters ever since. I was there when she had a miscarage, and took care of her and her children every day till she was on her feet. She has been there for me during every trial of my life, and every joy. We seem to know when the other is hurting, or that something is wrong. She will either call me out of the blue, or I will call her. She sensed I needed her to call. I hope things go well with your mother. My friend Carolyn sends good thoughts your way, and says thank you for getting me to call. We call about once every few months. But you would never know a day has passed when we speek.

Thanks for telling me! It was lovely to hear.
Counting down the hours now til we get her results - fingers crossed!

[Rhiannon]

Counting down the hours now til we get her results - fingers crossed!

God bless you and your family Ari. You seem like a strong lady. Best thoughts coming your way.

I took a step in the no regrets direction tonight... probably fruitless, but at least I tried.

[artist4perry]

Ari,
Task number one was completed last night. I had called my best friend in Vegas the first night you posted this. As usual her answering machine picked up. I left a message, and hoped she would return my call. The phone rang last night during dinner, and my husband answered it. It was my best friend. Normally we call people back later if they call during dinner, but since it was her, I dashed to the phone.

She said, "I got your message, and decided to call you tonight." Seems she has been busy because she is going back to college to learn a new trade. She had told me since I had returned to school at our age and received a degree, she now felt she could do it. She was telling me about her Anatomy classes, and having to learn Chinese, and all the interesting things she was learning now. I was so proud of her. I told her about your mom and the sudden urge to call, and she said that she had noticed a note of urgency in my voice, and that was why she called as soon as she could. We talked about our children, and how much we miss each other. I told her that I loved her, and that we miss her. I enjoyed talking to her again!

Ari,
She has been my best friend since I was 16 years old. We went to school together, choir trips together, and she was there in the delivery room when my daughter was born. She and I have been closer than sisters ever since. I was there when she had a miscarage, and took care of her and her children every day till she was on her feet. She has been there for me during every trial of my life, and every joy. We seem to know when the other is hurting, or that something is wrong. She will either call me out of the blue, or I will call her. She sensed I needed her to call. I hope things go well with your mother. My friend Carolyn sends good thoughts your way, and says thank you for getting me to call. We call about once every few months. But you would never know a day has passed when we speek.

Thanks for telling me! It was lovely to hear.
Counting down the hours now til we get her results - fingers crossed!

Best of thoughts to you Ari. I will work on the second person on my list sometime tomorrow.

[Arianddu]

Thanks again everyone for your words of support - they have helped.

We got my mum's test results back today; it's definately cancer, they're just not sure if it's a reoccurance/spread of the uterine cancer, or something new. The good news is, it looks the tumour is discrete and they will operate to remove it sometime in the next week or so (she's got an infection they need to clear up first). The bad news is, we won't know how bad the situation is until they open her up.

With luck, they'll whip it out whole, give her some prophylactic chemo for a few months and all will be well. That's what we're both assuming is going to happen, and if it doesn't, then... well, we'll think about that only when and if we have to.

I'm taking my own advice, though - through Facebook I had found some old primary school friends I haven't seen since we were about 19. We've all chatted briefly on-line, but haven't done anything about meeting up yet. So I'm organising a meet-for-coffee with them all in a few weeks time, so we can all get together, reconnect and hopefully reforge our old childhood friendships.

Again, thanks for all your positive wishes. To those who sent prayers, even though I'm not a believer, thank you for the care and spirit with which they are sent. And please, keep filling me in with what you are doing - it's been a real boost for me to hear the few stories filtering back.

[T-Bone]

I see some spectacular highbeams peeking out, but there's a damn shirt in the way...




Best of Luck with the treatment

[Arianddu]

I see some spectacular highbeams peeking out, but there's a damn shirt in the way...




Best of Luck with the treatment

Ca-CHING! As outlined in the 'Bravatar' thread, please pay $1 to Cancer research.

And thanks for the good wishes.