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StocktontoMalone wrote:Jeremey wrote:That's a depressing song dude....Try taking about 1/3 of of it out and rework the remaining 2/3rds to be a little more universal....
What do you mean by universal?
Jeremey wrote:StocktontoMalone wrote:Jeremey wrote:That's a depressing song dude....Try taking about 1/3 of of it out and rework the remaining 2/3rds to be a little more universal....
What do you mean by universal?
What I mean is that it appears to be a very personal song dealing with personal situations and emotions... All I mean is that there are some phrases that may be too close to home, and there may be ways to say what you feel in a more concise and universal manner. It's very hard to explain. But I always come from the Ernest Hemingway school of writing....Don't get me wrong - It's very good, and has lots of good imagery. All I'm saying is, you may want to study little bits of it and think of more concise and universal (and I don't mean cliche, like "staring into your eyes" or "My heart was burning") ways to get your point across.
StocktontoMalone wrote:Jeremey wrote:StocktontoMalone wrote:Jeremey wrote:That's a depressing song dude....Try taking about 1/3 of of it out and rework the remaining 2/3rds to be a little more universal....
What do you mean by universal?
What I mean is that it appears to be a very personal song dealing with personal situations and emotions... All I mean is that there are some phrases that may be too close to home, and there may be ways to say what you feel in a more concise and universal manner. It's very hard to explain. But I always come from the Ernest Hemingway school of writing....Don't get me wrong - It's very good, and has lots of good imagery. All I'm saying is, you may want to study little bits of it and think of more concise and universal (and I don't mean cliche, like "staring into your eyes" or "My heart was burning") ways to get your point across.
You know, that makes alot of sense. I wrote that as a kind of catharsis. Not even trying to make it a 'song'...the 'choruses' i wrote WAY after. The verses just kind of 'flowed' one day....It is personal. And I guess the way it was written is sort of sterile. Thanks...![]()
Jeremey wrote:That's a depressing song dude....Try taking about 1/3 of of it out and rework the remaining 2/3rds to be a little more universal....
StocktontoMalone wrote:Here's another one....a little corny...![]()
You're Only With Me (In the Rain)
Through the window of my mind,
I can see a new horizon
I find I'm callin out your name,
without fully realizin'
That you're just a memory,
You have long since gone away
I thought that I had pushed you deep inside
to save you for a rainy day
Cause thats the only time I'm yours
thoughts of you bring on the pain
whenever it rains, it pours
You're only with me in the rain
Ooh-oh...On such a bright and sunny day
I know where I wanna be
I must chase these thoughts of you away
In the rain you're always with me,
In the sun there is no pain
wish sunny days would last forever
You're only with me in the rain
Finding the key to unlock my heart,
I'm determined to break the chains
tried my best to lose the feelings,
and only a memory remains
If I ever see a patch of blue sky
I'll push you deeper in my mind
but here comes the clouds again
proving love's truly blind
Ooh-oh...I only wish that I could tell ya
how far i fall from reality
I'm looking for a love to use as shelter
In the rain you're always with me
in the sun there is no pain
wish sunny days would last forever
you're only with me in the rain
StocktontoMalone wrote:Here are the lyrics to a song I wrote in '96
Winter of My Life
Seasons are changin, cold winds are blowin' in
Another stage of my life now begins.
As I look through my own eyes,
I realize more and more
Just what this life has in store...
A Love... That meant everything to me,
I lost ahold and it slipped away.
Now I can't even bear the pain,
So comes the Winter of my life.
Rip Rokken wrote:StocktontoMalone wrote:Here are the lyrics to a song I wrote in '96
Winter of My Life
Seasons are changin, cold winds are blowin' in
Another stage of my life now begins.
As I look through my own eyes,
I realize more and more
Just what this life has in store...
A Love... That meant everything to me,
I lost ahold and it slipped away.
Now I can't even bear the pain,
So comes the Winter of my life.
Wow... is this about some chick? At first I thought maybe you'd bet the wrong way on a Superbowl game...
bluejeangirl76 wrote:LMAO!!! Damn, Rip, you sneak off and hide (on the Arnel board, I bet) but you can always come back and make me laugh like hell.
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