"Chosen Madness" is at it again :D

[TRAGChick]

http://chosenmadness.wordpress.com/

[Peartree12249]

I'd say he summed the situition up pretty well.

[TRAGChick]

I'd say she summed the situition up pretty well.

Fixed it for ya.

Seriously.

It's a "she" - she goes all "loon" in some posts.

[portland]

Cute....I guess he does not need us anymore!

[Rick]

I love this paragraph.

The first clue that the story was just brain slaw is that is came from The Daily Star. That sounds reasonably respectable over here, what the hell do we know, but anyone over there can tell you it’s an excellent newspaper… for wrapping fish. You can get a sense of their interests from the sections: News… Sport… Babes…

[Babyblue]

I love this paragraph.

The first clue that the story was just brain slaw is that is came from The Daily Star. That sounds reasonably respectable over here, what the hell do we know, but anyone over there can tell you it’s an excellent newspaper… for wrapping fish. You can get a sense of their interests from the sections: News… Sport… Babes…

That was to funny Rick.

[TRAGChick]

I like this Chick....she's witty.

Steve Perry Owes ME Money, Dammit!
Posted on October 28, 2010 by Chosen Madness

James Watson, Famous Old Science Guy, wrote a book of advice in which he said ”never be the brightest person in the room.” I immediately thought “Oh God, I hope not!” and then realized what he meant: hang around smart people on purpose. Good advice!

So I think I can rely on James when he advises “avoid boring people.” I love the double meaning there: try not to bore people, of course, but also avoid people who are boring.

So that’s the background to my angst when clicking on the link to the most recent radio interview with my boyfriend Steve Perry, recently glimpsed at some baseball game mouthing seven and a half words to… the song. THE song. You know the song. Anyway.

THIS was so exciting that KNBR decided to ask Steve to call in from his personal parallel universe to chat about the Giants and give the expected answers to the approved questions.

So I clicked the link on Fan Asylum to hear the interview…

And heard the DJ’s very complimentary introduction…

(Oh, boy…)

And crossed my fingers…

(Oh, Stevie, my love, don’t say it…)

“Well thank you very much, with an introduction like that…”

(Nonononono…)

“I owe you money!”

(Gaaaaahhhhh! No! Not again!)

Oh yes. Once again, the owing of the money.

I don’t know when Steve started saying this — I remember hearing it in interviews when For The Love of Strange Medicine came out — a time I like to call the “Damn, baby!” era. And that was what, 1994? Sixteen years ago?

We all have our stock phrases. And when they get a laugh, they become even stockier. But here’s the thing — when I’m gathering up my things and say “just a sec while I recombobulate…” (which generally scores at least a chuckle) I’m saying it to one, two people at the most. The next week, maybe I’ll haul it out at the dry cleaner’s — that’s actually just Lindsey, because Mi Sun speaks Korean and consequently cannot appreciate just how boring I truly am.

But when you’re Steve Perry, a bit more thought must be spared. Because — and this is what fascinated me beyond measure when I first stumbled upon this weird little world — people are listening. The same people, mind you, are listening to everything. And really attentively because Steve doesn’t say a lot, I don’t know if you noticed. So when Steve says “I owe you money”, the people hearing it are the same people who’ve heard it a thousand times before. And here’s the secret to sounding like an old guy: say the same thing over and over and over until someone starts spooning mashed banana into your mouth.

I don’t really think Steve has to worry about anyone avoiding him. Lindsay and Mi Sun are just about done with me, truth be told, but I bet they’d change their tune if I showed up with some Steve Perry tix — ooh, who’s the brightest one in the room now?

And if this is somehow your only exposure to the world of Chosen Madness, please read my other essays so you will know just how much I love the guy.

But Stevie, if you keep saying “I owe you money”… people are going to start agreeing with you.

[Saint John]

I love how this dipshit blasts the other paper and then comes up with this gem:


"No one’s heard him sing in years, so even if his voice has bitten the dust, all he has to do is not sing and everyone will continue to believe he could still sail through the end of “Why Can’t This Night Last Forever” without breaking a sweat."

[TRAGChick]

Oh No You Di’int Just Say That To Steve Perry
Posted on December 20, 2010 by Chosen Madness

You know I love it when the Perry fans get weird.

Like the woman who kept calling him “the perfect man”, remember her?

And the poor little girl who fell in love with him on YouTube only to find out that he was old enough to be her grandfather. Aw, sweetie.

And the many many — more than you would even believe — fans who invoke holy names in their… I can only call them devotionals. “The archangel of Rock” one of them said, I sh*t you not.

Of course I live for that stuff because it is just so astonishing. And people say those things about LOTS of stars, so I could be astonished by the same thing in any number of other contexts, but here’s the thing.

Steve Perry left. Seeya. He removed himself from music, from his fans, from pretty much everyone. But even though he’s no longer part of the equation, his fans are still, to this very day, faithfully devoted to him.

Elvis fans are one thing: the man died. You could say that the man died by his own hand, having poisoned himself for years with “medications” at levels that would have felled lesser men long before. But you could also say the man was killed by the very darkest side of fame, so… either way, completely tragic. Mix that with the fact that he will never get old, his voice will never change, his sequins will forever shine… and you’ve got a recipe for lifelong and sort of adorable obsession.

But what if Elvis were alive… and just not answering the phone?

Well, then you’d have a whole nother, wouldn’t you? I think you’d have a lot of perfectly reasonable “Hey, if that’s what you want…” and a whole lot of “Remember when…?” You’d have some frustrated but well meant “Oh, but we miss you!” and probably a little bit of slightly desperate “Please please please…!”

You might even have something like the post I saw today:

DEAR STEVE,

HOW CAN SOMEONE WHO’S VOICE WAS TOUCHED BY THE HAND OF GOD BE SO DAMN SELFISH AND TO KEEP IT FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD?

WHEN GOD TAKES YOU HOME, YOU’LL HAVE TO ANSWER FOR SELFESHNESS!

.

Wow. I just… wow

Now, I have, on rare occasion, poked good-natured fun at some of the things people say about Steve Perry.

Sometimes I have good reason, like the time some guy named Larry decided to post a nasty comment on my very own blog and I had to take him down. NOT, by the way, because he was being mean to my sweet baby… I mean, to Mr. Perry… but because he was being a jerk. So there.

Other times I’m just marveling at the effect he has on people and the hilarious ways they express it, but that is NOT hilarious in any way at all.

That is so freakin’ scary I don’t even know where to start. It’s so visceral, I think that’s the worst part. The voice isn’t just a gift from God (which is what most people say about it when they feel the need to invoke the divine) it has been touched by the hand of God. That’s very physical, very invasive. All the more so because singing itself is physical. You can quit your job as a waitress and you are no longer a waitress. “Singer” is a job title, true, but it’s something you have to take with you when you quit, so the implication here is that Steve has been in some way marked by God.

It’s even more isolating than that: it’s Steve against the rest of the world. It sounds like a hostage negotiation: “”Come on, man, you got nowhere to go!”

And finally, please, don’t anyone ever say anything to anyone ever about “when God takes you home” except in very close, personal conversation, preferably with references to milk and/or honey.

Saying in a public forum that someone is going “home” to face judgement for the sin you’ve just accused them of? That is a THREAT, plain and simple. And it’s a most especially scary threat when the speaker assumes intimate knowledge of the mind of God, a dangerous proposition to start with. Just think what it would feel like to read something like that about yourself. I can’t even imagine.

OK, dialing it back a bit — I’m actually going on the assumption that the person who posted that did NOT mean it as a direct physical threat. I truly believe that it was an expression of love twisted by perceived rejection. And nobody looks pretty in that hat. That said, each of us is responsible for checking our look in the mirror before we hit “Submit”.

Why do I bring this up now? Well, partly because I just now saw that post and was rendered slack-jawed, truly.

But there’s also this:

The lovely and talented Lora Beard and Cyndy Poon at Fan Asylum have once again opened the floodgates: they’re taking questions for Steve to answer on his birthday. One e-mail per person, three questions per e-mail.

This can be no picnic. I’m sure they get all kinds of craziness on a daily basis, but to actually ask for it? Beyond me.

Most of what they get is, I’m sure, perfectly harmless. A bunch of it is probably pretty dull — and feel free to check out my Steve Perry FAQ (Frequently AVOIDED Questions) for things you shouldn’t bother to ask because if he hasn’t answered them by now he ain’t gonna.

But they must also get stuff neither you nor I could ever imagine, and they do have to read it all. And just brushing up against that “wrath of God” kind of crazy leaves a mark, it really does.

So I’d like to offer my thanks to Fan Asylum, and to Lora and Cyndy personally, for getting themselves into this. I sincerely hope that the submissions range from “banal” to “kooky”… and stop well short of “deluded and frightening”.

******

PS: just in case you were wondering, NO, I’m not sending any questions. I’m content to watch the show! Do me proud, my peeps.