"(Stuff) My Dad Says"

by **bluejeangirl76** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 5:45 am

I love this...

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

A few favorites:

"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged.
You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked."

"Jesus Christ, Just give the dog his fucking food.
Why's he gotta do a trick first? YOU don't have to do shit before YOU eat."

"I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up?
I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it"

"It's just a fucking june bug, calm down.
Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"

by **Don** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 6:44 am

"The hawk is out tonight!"

"It's colder than a witches tit out there"

"Jesus H Christ, what the hell do you have on? You smell like a french whore"

"What the hell are you doing in there, skinning your carrot?"

by **StoneCold** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:30 am

bluejeangirl76 wrote:I love this...

"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged.
You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked."

This one is absolutely true. I got roped into helping my folks "fight" a ticket my sis told them was wrong. I said, $50 bucks?, just pay it, but no sis had already started the wheels of justice rolling. She'd set an appointment with a court arbitrator. I got stuck with taking them down there.

My sis was nowhere to be seen, oh yeah, had to take care of her kids. Thanks sis. :wink:

The court arbitrator ruled in favor of, surprise, the court keeping the money.

by **bluejeangirl76** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:37 am

Gunbot wrote:"What the hell are you doing in there, skinning your carrot?"

LOL!! That's a new one.

My dad never said anything fun like that.

The best we got out of him was "Go light somewhere" (which sis and I still think is great)

The most frequent was "Go get me a beer" but that isn't funny. That's serious business. :lol:

The stuff on this guy's page is great.

by **Don** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:44 am

bluejeangirl76 wrote:
Gunbot wrote:"What the hell are you doing in there, skinning your carrot?"

LOL!! That's a new one.

My dad never said anything fun like that.

The best we got out of him was "Go light somewhere" (which sis and I still think is great)

The most frequent was "Go get me a beer" but that isn't funny. That's serious business.

The stuff on this guy's page is great.

I would think not, being a girl, you shouldn't have a carrot.

by **journeyrock** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:47 am

My dad always told me to go chase cars......good thing I never took him seriously!

by **bluejeangirl76** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:53 am

journeyrock wrote:My dad always told me to go chase cars......good thing I never took him seriously!

That's about the same as my dad's "go light somewhere". :lol:

Actually, I thought of one. My dad seemed to think it was really funny if I was meeting one of his other old man friends, to say "She's my girlfriend." :shock:

I think he did that to combat the people who assumed I was his granddaughter. :lol:

by **journeyrock** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:58 am

Do you think we irritated our parents any when we were kids, BJG?

I can't imagine, I was such a good kid. :lol:

by **larryfromnextdoor** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 10:21 am

Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him... the things he'd say to me.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What did he say?

Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"

by **artist4perry** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 10:27 am

Pull my finger.

If you swallow a watermellon seed a watermellon will grow in your tummy.

My dad was a nice guy. .......his usual thing was bad jokes he read in readers digest. :wink:

by **Arianddu** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 12:42 pm

My Grandpa used to tell my uncle 'you are dumber than a short brick wall'. Why a short wall is dumber than a tall wall, I don't know.

by **KDOUBLEU** » Sun Nov 15, 2009 4:47 am

I have a few quotes from the old guy:
1) You are the worlds first post nasal DRIP.

2)That girl was San Quentin Quail.

3) What were you out doing, sniffing bicycle seats?

4) I wish I was that girls saddle.

5) Remember dont go snatching kisses and vice verse.

6) When she walks her ass looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack.

by **bluejeangirl76** » Sun Nov 15, 2009 8:11 am

KDOUBLEU wrote:5) Remember dont go snatching kisses and vice verse.

by **YoungJRNY** » Sun Nov 15, 2009 8:28 am

This is a good thread. Def deserving since all fathers are quick witted and say hilarious things unprovoked.

One of my dad's favorite every time I was getting into trouble.

" I'll play your silly little game."

by **Uno_up** » Sun Nov 15, 2009 10:46 am

After a recent colonoscopy...
"I'm not sure how those queers get such a kick out having a big dick rammed up there."

by **Michigan Girl** » Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:03 am

Uno_up wrote:After a recent colonoscopy...
"I'm not sure how those queers get such a kick out having a big dick rammed up there."

UNO!!!!
I am LMAO!!!! :wink:

Sorry, I've gathered myself!!

by **bluejeangirl76** » Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:48 am

today's newly posted "shit my dad says" gem:

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

"I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move.
Fuck that. I'm old. I'm through moving shit."

:lol:

MR

"(Stuff) My Dad Says"

"(Stuff) My Dad Says"

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