LOL Tidbits

[rockinfayrose]

Picturing the story below actually taking place had me cracking up, so I thought I'd share...

"Senior In A Sex Shop"

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop.
Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, "Dooo youuuu have dillddooos?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies, "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models."

The old woman then asks: "Doooo youuuu carrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns by bbbbaattteries?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do."

"Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ssunoooffabbitch offfff?!!"

[Saint John]

[rockinfayrose]

In more serious entertainment news...

In response to fan-based rumors that he will be releasing a CD of new material in 2011, Steve Perry exclaims, "PLEASE Stop Believin'!"

[rockinfayrose]

"Drunk Guy Tries to Buy More Beer"

http://www.jokeroo.com/videos/funny/drunk-guy-beer.html

[Saint John]

Two women are new arrivals at the Pearly Gates and are comparing stories on how they died…
The first woman: “I froze to death.”
Second woman: “How horrible.”
1st woman: “It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and
finally died a peaceful death. What about you?”
2nd woman: “I died of a massive heart attack. You see, I suspected that my husband was cheating, came
home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: “So what happened?”
2nd woman: “I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the
house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through
every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I
became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!”
1st woman: “Too bad you didn't look in the freezer…we'd both still be alive.”

[hoagiepete]

Two women are new arrivals at the Pearly Gates and are comparing stories on how they died…
The first woman: “I froze to death.”
Second woman: “How horrible.”
1st woman: “It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and
finally died a peaceful death. What about you?”
2nd woman: “I died of a massive heart attack. You see, I suspected that my husband was cheating, came
home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: “So what happened?”
2nd woman: “I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the
house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through
every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I
became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!”
1st woman: “Too bad you didn't look in the freezer…we'd both still be alive.”

[rsimpson]

Two women are new arrivals at the Pearly Gates and are comparing stories on how they died…
The first woman: “I froze to death.”
Second woman: “How horrible.”
1st woman: “It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and
finally died a peaceful death. What about you?”
2nd woman: “I died of a massive heart attack. You see, I suspected that my husband was cheating, came
home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: “So what happened?”
2nd woman: “I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the
house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through
every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I
became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!”
1st woman: “Too bad you didn't look in the freezer…we'd both still be alive.”

My co-workers loved that one. Too bad I couldn't share the dildo one.

[Michigan Girl]

LMAO!!


I'd like to submit Deb's Happy Birthday Wish to Maui Tommy Edison and
Fu's Cow Towing response/funny, both from other threads ...real life funny stuff!!

[bluejeangirl76]

LMAO!!


I'd like to submit Deb's Happy Birthday Wish to Maui Tommy Edison and
Fu's Cow Towing response/funny, both from other threads ...real life funny stuff!!

If I had a pic of maui tommy, I would so photoshop that!

[Peartree12249]

"Drunk Guy Tries to Buy More Beer"

http://www.jokeroo.com/videos/funny/drunk-guy-beer.html

How'd they get a video of Deano?

[Behshad]

One night a man rolls over in bed and gives his wife a big grin. She says, 'Not tonight honey, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay clean and fresh.' The man feeling rejected rolls over and tries to go to sleep. In a few minutes he rolls back over and asks his wife, 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?'