Lula wrote:i'm home with Wyatt, we're recovering from a nasty stomach virus and as I was posting I realized today marks a month since Dean left us.
The tears still flow. The silence is deafening. Being a single parent sucks. Dean gave us so much, never realized it all until his departure. The vacancy in our lives is huge and can never be filled. I am trying so hard to be mommy and daddy, and quite honestly, I am so tired, just worn out. Wyatt's passion for trains and enjoyment of music, especially Bruce, is a constsnt reminder of the everlasting contribution Dean made to Wyatt's little life. As the days go by I try my best and give my all, still cannot believe or accept that Dean is gone.
Andrew's words, his description of Dean and "getting" him could have been written by me, he is so right on. I am grateful that Andrew truly knew Dean and was a good friend to him. I got Dean, he let me in, and I loved him through it all. We shared so many laughs, fears, dreams, and the most amazing experience of the birth of our twins. Dean was misunderstood by most, his defense mechanism rarely let him be true to himself and his pain was great. I know the goodness he was, the neverending supply of love for his son, and his desire to be loved. We had a short 6 years together. I joined MR to tell him off. Two days later we met and had a 7 hour date, lol. never looked back.
Love can be found in the strangest of places. There's a line in a Rick Springfield song - We'll find love when love's invisible - always kind of reminds me of how love can flourish in the most difficult of circumstances or even when outwardly things look too difficult for love. I think you should feel comforted that Dean was appreciated and understood much more than people may have let on, as evidenced by this thread. I remember one evening at the Melissa Etheridge show at the Greek talking with him and sort of watching him and thinking wow, this guy is one tortured soul, but deep down a good soul. In a very short time and with just a few conversations with each of you, I seemed to suddenly care very much for the both of you, even if from a distance. The struggles brought me sadness.
I can't imagine there is any easy road from point A to point B for you now. Time, people that care about you, your beautiful boy, and future adventures are all that is on your side at the moment. It will take a while, I'm sure, for that to be enough. This is truly nothing but tragic. I wish you all the love and strength you need to get through this.
