MR

I love this...

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

A few favorites:

"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged.
You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked."

"Jesus Christ, Just give the dog his fucking food.
Why's he gotta do a trick first? YOU don't have to do shit before YOU eat."

"I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up?
I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it"

"It's just a fucking june bug, calm down.
Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"

"The hawk is out tonight!"

"It's colder than a witches tit out there"

"Jesus H Christ, what the hell do you have on? You smell like a french whore"

"What the hell are you doing in there, skinning your carrot?"

bluejeangirl76 wrote:I love this...


"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged.
You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked."

This one is absolutely true. I got roped into helping my folks "fight" a ticket my sis told them was wrong. I said, $50 bucks?, just pay it, but no sis had already started the wheels of justice rolling. She'd set an appointment with a court arbitrator. I got stuck with taking them down there.

My sis was nowhere to be seen, oh yeah, had to take care of her kids. Thanks sis.

The court arbitrator ruled in favor of, surprise, the court keeping the money.

Gunbot wrote:"What the hell are you doing in there, skinning your carrot?"

LOL!! That's a new one.

My dad never said anything fun like that.

The best we got out of him was "Go light somewhere" (which sis and I still think is great)

The most frequent was "Go get me a beer" but that isn't funny. That's serious business.

The stuff on this guy's page is great.

bluejeangirl76 wrote:

Gunbot wrote:"What the hell are you doing in there, skinning your carrot?"

LOL!! That's a new one.

My dad never said anything fun like that.

The best we got out of him was "Go light somewhere" (which sis and I still think is great)

The most frequent was "Go get me a beer" but that isn't funny. That's serious business.

The stuff on this guy's page is great.

I would think not, being a girl, you shouldn't have a carrot.

My dad always told me to go chase cars......good thing I never took him seriously!

journeyrock wrote:My dad always told me to go chase cars......good thing I never took him seriously!

That's about the same as my dad's "go light somewhere".

Actually, I thought of one. My dad seemed to think it was really funny if I was meeting one of his other old man friends, to say "She's my girlfriend."

I think he did that to combat the people who assumed I was his granddaughter.

Do you think we irritated our parents any when we were kids, BJG?

I can't imagine, I was such a good kid.

Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him... the things he'd say to me.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What did he say?

Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"

Pull my finger.

If you swallow a watermellon seed a watermellon will grow in your tummy.

My dad was a nice guy. .......his usual thing was bad jokes he read in readers digest.

My Grandpa used to tell my uncle 'you are dumber than a short brick wall'. Why a short wall is dumber than a tall wall, I don't know.

I have a few quotes from the old guy:
1) You are the worlds first post nasal DRIP.

2)That girl was San Quentin Quail.

3) What were you out doing, sniffing bicycle seats?

4) I wish I was that girls saddle.

5) Remember dont go snatching kisses and vice verse.

6) When she walks her ass looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack.

KDOUBLEU wrote:5) Remember dont go snatching kisses and vice verse.

This is a good thread. Def deserving since all fathers are quick witted and say hilarious things unprovoked.

One of my dad's favorite every time I was getting into trouble.

" I'll play your silly little game."

After a recent colonoscopy...
"I'm not sure how those queers get such a kick out having a big dick rammed up there."

Uno_up wrote:After a recent colonoscopy...
"I'm not sure how those queers get such a kick out having a big dick rammed up there."

UNO!!!!
I am LMAO!!!!

Sorry, I've gathered myself!!

today's newly posted "shit my dad says" gem:

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

"I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move.
Fuck that. I'm old. I'm through moving shit."