Where To Retire.....

[T-Bone]

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where:
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can retire to California where:
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighbourhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

You can retire to New York City where:
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can retire to Maine where:
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can retire to the Deep South where:
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defence.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

You can retire to Colorado where:
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care centre.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can retire to the Midwest where:
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

AND you can retire to Florida where:
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people

[G.I.Jim]

Those are great!! I'm sending this one to my dad who just retired.

[Duncan]

:lol: Those are great!! I'm sending this one to my dad who just retired.

Retired to where?

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Now playing: Rick Springfield - Honeymoon In Beirut

[bluejeangirl76]

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where:
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

Hey, I lived there and not all of that is true.

1. If you park 3 blocks away just for shade, you're a pussy.
2. Toilet water is not hot. I've never even heard that.
3. you can drive for 15 minutes and go through three towns in some places.
4. you don't need 100 recipes for mexican food because there are 20 mexican restaurants per square mile.
5. dry heat is freakin' awesome. you never get sweaty!

6. ok, i'll give you that one. Goes like this.... December through February = tolerable, March = hot, April and May = really hot, June through September = ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!, October and November = back to really hot and hot, respectively.




Its the snowbirds that make you want to start killing for sport.

[portland]

You can retire to Maine where:
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.




1. We have plenty of fine dining in Maine....wrong!!
2. This one has some truth to it....although this year it was 65 degrees
3. Never cooked a Moose would not know and will never know!
4. We have a Victoria's Secret in Maine....so this is not true
5. Summer in Maine is beautiful!!!!!

[DrFU]

You can retire to Maine where:
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.




1. We have plenty of fine dining in Maine....wrong!!
2. This one has some truth to it....although this year it was 65 degrees
3. Never cooked a Moose would not know and will never know!
4. We have a Victoria's Secret in Maine....so this is not true
5. Summer in Maine is beautiful!!!!!

Just one ... for all of Maine ...

[portland]

You can retire to Maine where:
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.




1. We have plenty of fine dining in Maine....wrong!!
2. This one has some truth to it....although this year it was 65 degrees
3. Never cooked a Moose would not know and will never know!
4. We have a Victoria's Secret in Maine....so this is not true
5. Summer in Maine is beautiful!!!!!

Just one ... for all of Maine ...

No I think there are two

[Michigan Girl]

You can retire to the Midwest where:
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

None of the above is correct for all of the Midwest, where did you get this information at?!?!?

You can retire to the Deep South where:
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defence.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

lol!!!
All of the above it true...I'm still looking for yonder!!!

[artist4perry]

You can retire in Arkansas, where the cost of living is low.......
your paycheck will go further........
Sweeet Teha is a drink.........and great on a humid day! ( To replicate humidity here........step in a saunna...........turn on high, lock the door to prevent escape. Instant sweat the second you hit the door)
Southern women don't sweat, we perspire............a lot.
Cold in the winter then hot summer.........no spring or fall temps some years at all........just cold to hot.
Thus the tornados.........these are fun.............sirens go off and you go into a closet with a pillow over your head and prepare to kiss your butt goodbye. If your lucky you will only have to stay in the closet for a short time then crawl out and go back to bed. That's because these storms pick 3 am to hit!
Driving behind a nearsighted old person going 25 in a 55...............Bless her little heart. (Thoughts of bumping her off the road, abaited yet again.)
Getting behind tractors on the way to go somewhere..........on a one lane highway, that goes on for miles..........the tractor covers both lanes and he won't move over!
Hugs are plentiful, people wave at strangers, and if you break down on the road sometimes 4 trucks pull over to help!

I felt like adding these. Hope you don't mind!

[WalkInMyShoes]

You can retire to New York City where:
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

I lived in Madison, WI once and had an interview in NY and all the people there thought that I must live on a farm and that Wisconsin was somewhere near Montana. None of them had ever left the state of NY!

You can retire to the Midwest where:
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

1. We have celebrities - Prince, Jesse Ventura, Bob Dylan, uh, guess that's about it.
2. The most irritating thing about drivers is that they all feel entitled to drive in the left lane, even when they're going below the speed limit and not passing.
3. I have seen it go from 75 to 25 degrees in the same day. Can be 105 in the summer, -40 in the winter.
5. I've said that same thing on many occasions. Yah, you betcha! We don't get too excited about things....

[G.I.Jim]

:lol: Those are great!! I'm sending this one to my dad who just retired.

Retired to where?

Can't say man... I try to keep the family off of here as much as possible. There ARE some crazy people on this board you know!

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Now playing: Rick Springfield - Honeymoon In Beirut