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How did you get over it..........? its the hardest thing for the living...............

SteveForever wrote::? How did you get over it..........? its the hardest thing for the living...............

Time. That's all you can do.

It sucks.....and well one day at a time....I guess, but at first those words mean nothing.

Time, for losing a loved one, and lots of Xanax. And for divorce or bad breakups, time and, more importantly, falling in love again or lust again.

I found this website & I threw myself into that & I lived on it night & day & I drank a lot & I cried a lot &...... stop me any time.


Eventually, I met someone who values me. I know that's easier said than done. I've been blessed. If you're asking for personal reasons, I empathize with you but you gotta know you're not alone & that there's nothing wrong with you. We've all been there & BJG is right. Time heals all wounds. Things will get better.

I'm extremely lucky in this area because I possess the ability to be able to just shrug it off for the most part and move on. I may dwell about it for a day or two, but that's a maximum. I quickly get into the mindset that: "Hey if you don't want to be with me anymore, fine. It's your loss and I'm going to go find someone better than you". It's worked pretty good for me in the past. Thankfully, I've got a keeper now. I wish you the best of luck.

Keep your chin up. THere is someone better out there waiting for you.

Life is short and there is no guarantee that there is something out there after you return to dust. As long as there is still time on the clock, just go back out there and keep playing.

Jana wrote:Time, for losing a loved one, and lots of Xanax. And for divorce or bad breakups, time and, more importantly, falling in love again or lust again.

If you were serious here, I disagree strongly. If you need a pill to cope, than your issues lay a lot deeper than a simple broken heart.

Is this death or a breakup?!?! Two totally different scenarios...

Sorry for your loss, SF!!!

Schedule yourself a 30 minute timeout, when you know you will be completely alone. Cry, scream kick, punch the walls, whatever. After that, move in with your life. You can't bottle time so don't waste it being stuck at one particular moment.

Gunbot wrote:

Jana wrote:Time, for losing a loved one, and lots of Xanax. And for divorce or bad breakups, time and, more importantly, falling in love again or lust again.

If you were serious here, I disagree strongly. If you need a pill to cope, than your issues lay a lot deeper than a simple broken heart.

I didn't know what kind of heartbreak she was talking about. If you look above, I said Xanax for losing a loved one - death. And it helped me greatly during caring for my mom during her last couple months dying and right after her death. My anxiety was sky high. Actually, it saved my father who was having massive panic attacks for a few months after my mom's death. Don't be so judgmental. I watch people here apparently self-medicating with booze all the time. I try not to judge.

Assuming this is for a breakup, here goes: I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years in August. I truly thought I would marry her in a few more years.

Of course, I was upset, but I am not one to dwell by myself or try and cope by myself. I spent some time with family, spent some time with friends, kept my gym schedule and kept working hard, basically kept living my life with the occasional time here and there when I'd think about it during the day and get down or even just flat-out contemplative about the whole thing. If I had done the cliched feeling sorry for myself and sitting alone by myself, isolating myself with the TV and a 6-pack, I woulda been a mess in a far worse condition and for far longer. I'd also strongly suggest you learn to be alone and be OK with it before trying to move onto someone else.

The bottom line is, whatever you choose to do, be it going out on the town with friends and drinking, listening to some great music, hell, even crying, no "coping mechanism" will work until you truly open yourself up to the "acceptance" stage of it, rather than just the denial or disbelief stage where a lot of people get stuck for FAR too long.

Hope things get better soon!

* If this is a death, only time can heal that wound.

A little music therapy:

Todd Rundgren - Time Heals : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0G78pS2jNI

Gunny is correct. Pills and crap like that may help you temporarily but they will also mess up with ur mind and keep ur true sadness that you should let out trapped inside.
The whole process of mourning when losing someone IS about sadness , crying, feeling like it's the end of the world. By taking pills ur coping with it by pushing strong feelings aside or trapped for later.
It's just better to cry your heart out and feel the pain.
Trust me I , if anyone knows how to handle death , having had to deal with not one but two of my childrens death.

They say time heals all wounds. It doesn't. The wond is there but you deal with it a bit better as time goes by.

Luckily in Liz's case it's not a death of a loved one.

Sometimes life may supprise you. 20+ years down the line re-meet your true love and marry him. I did. Seperate ways is one of our songs.

Calm cool and connected is the last thing I wanna be when a loved one dies. You gotta let it out and MOURN. pills make u numb. One day down the road you will realize " oh shit. I never mourned at my moms funeral. ",,,,

Thanks FF. Sorry about your mom.
I bet it's hard to go through losing a loved one and the process taking a year. While the pill may have worked for you and Jana , I've managed to get through by letting my emotions out. It's hard. And I was anything But calm and collected. But I think it also made me much stronger. Feeling lost , helpless , resentful , broken down is all part of the mourning process.

Behshad wrote:Thanks FF. Sorry about your mom.
I bet it's hard to go through losing a loved one and the process taking a year. While the pill may have worked for you and Jana , I've managed to get through by letting my emotions out. It's hard. And I was anything But calm and collected. But I think it also made me much stronger. Feeling lost , helpless , resentful , broken down is all part of the mourning process.

You make some good points here B. There is no one answer for everyone. I think therapy and support groups are beneficial for anyone going through a loss of any kind-and some people do need medications for awhile to help them cope. The key is that they are also getting therapy and the goal is to eventually stop taking the medications-not to rely on them assuming they will take the pain away. It's a balance.

Liz-I'm sorry you are going through a rough time-you're in my thoughts.

thank you so much everyone....you can't imagine how much it helps to read your words....

SteveForever wrote:thank you so much everyone....you can't imagine how much it helps to read your words....

Life does go on. I hope you did not feel I made light of your heartache. I was just trying to say, the one I hurt the most over, the one I thought never could ever be mine, came back in to my life when I needed him the most. But even if this never happens......the right one may just be a heartache away. Sometimes it isn't meant to be. But sometimes life can turn around for the better. Hugs to you and may your heart heal gently.

SteveForever wrote:thank you so much everyone....you can't imagine how much it helps to read your words....

Aw, big hugz, Liz.

Behshad wrote:Thanks FF. Sorry about your mom.
I bet it's hard to go through losing a loved one and the process taking a year. While the pill may have worked for you and Jana , I've managed to get through by letting my emotions out. It's hard. And I was anything But calm and collected. But I think it also made me much stronger. Feeling lost , helpless , resentful , broken down is all part of the mourning process.

No truer words BB. Whether it be a death or breakup. You have to let yourself feel the whole gamut of emotions that go with greif, heartbreak, sorrow. A friend of mine was going through a divorce at the same time her mom passed away........and the divorce and all the family issues that went along......kept her from fully grieving her mom. About 4 years later while going through a drawer and seeing something of her mom's.......is when she lost it and fully greived for her mom, she was pretty much useless for about 2 weeks straight. You will eventually feel the effects whether it be then or years later.

SteveForever wrote::? How did you get over it..........? its the hardest thing for the living...............

Two words: Jack Daniels

Arkansas wrote:

Behshad wrote:

Arkansas wrote:Way too many serious replies.
Who gives a s#it? Are we still in high school?
C'mon people. Get creative.


later~

STFU . What does losing a mother or a son have anything to do with fucking highschool you moron.

~ much much later.
If this is too serious for you , go post in the single word thread.

Pi$$ed off post #1. Any more?
Get it out...let go of the anger...denial...depression...
Kubler-Ross anyone?


later~

annoyed post #2: could you be a bigger dumb ass? Really??

Thenightbull wrote:

SteveForever wrote::? How did you get over it..........? its the hardest thing for the living...............

Two words: Jack Daniels

Now this is a much more creative answer.


later~

StevePerryHair wrote: ... could you be a bigger dumb ass? Really??

Uhm, yeah. Guess I could be. I rather enjoy apathy...and humor, in all things.


later~

StevePerryHair wrote:

Arkansas wrote:

Behshad wrote:

Arkansas wrote:Way too many serious replies.
Who gives a s#it? Are we still in high school?
C'mon people. Get creative.


later~

STFU . What does losing a mother or a son have anything to do with fucking highschool you moron.

~ much much later.
If this is too serious for you , go post in the single word thread.

Pi$$ed off post #1. Any more?
Get it out...let go of the anger...denial...depression...
Kubler-Ross anyone?


later~

annoyed post #2: could you be a bigger dumb ass? Really??

Three.

I'm not a real doctor, but I'll play one tonight on MR. I believe the five steps of the grieving process have to run their course. I won't recite them, but pain, anger and feeling like shit all over are all parts of the healing process. If you mask or skip any of it in an artificial, temporary way, such as pills, booze, one night stands, whatever, it will end up screwing you up more in the long run. Pout, grieve, cry, be really pissed off...then move on.

I wish you well.

Dr. Hoagie

hoagiepete wrote:I'm not a real doctor, but I'll play one tonight on MR. I believe the five steps of the grieving process have to run their course. I won't recite them, but pain, anger and feeling like shit all over are all parts of the healing process. If you mask or skip any of it in an artificial, temporary way, such as pills, booze, one night stands, whatever, it will end up screwing you up more in the long run. Pout, grieve, cry, be really pissed off...then move on.

I wish you well.

Dr. Hoagie

One thing I learned too though, is they don't go in any order. And sometimes you can feel all of those in the same day. But yes, all those things are steps and part of it. And everyone is different in the time they need.

SteveForever wrote:thank you so much everyone....you can't imagine how much it helps to read your words....

Im am so sorry I trashed this thread with my dumb ass comments. You hang in there and dont blame yourself, or thinking "if is was there things would have been different" Id say get drunk but alcohol is a depressent, {althought it makes me numb} You ll have to greive through it, and hug as many family members as you can.My girlfreind went through her sister commiting suicide last month. her family pulling together and hopefullyI helped her. She is still workin thru it.She was going to do conseling but the doctor was more messed up. then she was. Try to stay away from pills, you ll feel nothing until they wear off, then you ll be retarded. Again im sorry about my comment eailer, I type before i think way to often, My prays to you, if that means anything. God can help you more than anything ,if you can beleive in him.