MR

One of my best friends, who looks like a fit Inspector Gadget, been drunk since 1988, and had gotten so many DUI's he was forced to drive a moped and move to a shitty neighborhood in central Charlotte.

The night before his co-worker's 300 pound wife set him up on a blind date with her 400 pound friend, he was WWF-clotheslined by a pedestrian mugger at 15 MPH - his wallet was deprived of its $15, and the dude stole his groceries and ran off. Meanwhile, my bud gets a gash on his shoulder and splits his lip in half, but doesn't bother to go to the ER.

The next night, he shows up, scarred, black-and-blue, and drunk - on his moped - for his blind date with the (unbeknownst to him lawyer) whale-woman. Of course, they had sex. Middle of the night, Paul gets up to take a piss, and mistakes her shoe closet for the commode...whizzes all over her 50-thousand dollar shoe collection, and passes out in the closet. The next morning, she wakes up and finds him there - gives him holy hell and tells him to leave. So he takes a shit on her white couch and goes home.

Two days later, the broad called him up for a second fuck-date.

Just the first story that came to mind here...

This guy's name isn't Dean is it? Dude, that story rocks! I was laughing almost as hard as when CNN aired Anderson Cooper getting sucker punched by barefoot Egyptians the other night!

You know what they say about Mopeds. They're like fat chicks. They're fun to ride...but you don't want your friends seeing you on one!!!

Can you hook me up with that footage? I can't find it anywhere.

Yeah, the 'Bat deleted the other thread, but I used the back feature to retrieve it and started a new thread. I've got plenty more about that motherfucker.

Seven Wishes wrote:Can you hook me up with that footage? I can't find it anywhere.

Yeah, the 'Bat deleted the other thread, but I used the back feature to retrieve it and started a new thread. I've got plenty more about that motherfucker.

This might be it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDioul52oi4

Seven Wishes wrote:Can you hook me up with that footage? I can't find it anywhere.

Yeah, the 'Bat deleted the other thread, but I used the back feature to retrieve it and started a new thread. I've got plenty more about that motherfucker.

I wouldn't fuck with the 'Bat tonight.....just sayin'

Dammit, that's not it.

Here's the second half. I think CNN has pulled the good version, though.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgC0-6HOZrg

Saint John wrote:Here's the second half. I think CNN has pulled the good version, though.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgC0-6HOZrg

What a crap video...You can hardly even see anything.

conversationpc wrote:

Saint John wrote:Here's the second half. I think CNN has pulled the good version, though.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgC0-6HOZrg

What a crap video...You can hardly even see anything.

Complain to the guy getting hit the face then!

Not quite as good as Seven's Story but here I go.
It was 1986 and I was in a Korean Whore house in Song Tan knocking some slanted gash. After my moment , I felt this terrible urge to piss. Through the darkness I still had enough night vision to see this plastic bowl on the floor and went for it. After a bit of a laydown the other fellows started yelling that t was time to go. I start leaving the room when the light switches on and I hear this wretched shriek behind me. I turn around and the chic is trying to massage this fish back to life which had been kicking it in his plastic bowl Aquarium which I had just polluted. I see that I'm in big trouble so I high tail it down the stairs annd out the door. I can hear the mamasan and others coming after me, so seeing my buds already outside I grab a metal clothes hanger off the line there in the yard and make a makeshift lock on the door where the outside padlock goes. Banging and screams of "Town Patrol!"are coming out of the house when we realize we are one guy short. We start calling his name and he yells down to wait a minute, he's getting gobbled and is almost done. One dude picks up rock and chucks it up to the window to hasten him along. Next thing we hear is a quick yell and then him screaming. We bail and as we're rolling out of there I look back just in time to see dude blow the door off it's hinges as he comes bounding after us. A few blocks later we took refuge in a soju tent and found out why homeboy yelled. Apparently the rock that was tossed hit his juice girl in her noggin while she was blowing him which led to her giving him one nasty ass bite on his tube steak.
After some more drinking we stopped by a Korean drug store and they fixed him up with same painkiller and antiseptic and we went our merry way.

The End.

Don wrote:Not quite as good as Seven's Story but here I go.
It was 1986 and I was in a Korean Whore house in Song Tan knocking some slanted gash. After my moment , I felt this terrible urge to piss. Through the darkness I still had enough night vision to see this plastic bowl on the floor and went for it. After a bit of a laydown the other fellows started yelling that t was time to go. I start leaving the room when the light switches on and I hear this wretched shriek behind me. I turn around and the chic is trying to massage this fish back to life which had been kicking it in his plastic bowl Aquarium which I had just polluted. I see that I'm in big trouble so I high tail it down the stairs annd out the door. I can hear the mamasan and others coming after me, so seeing my buds already outside I grab a metal clothes hanger off the line there in the yard and make a makeshift lock on the door where the outside padlock goes. Banging and screams of "Town Patrol!"are coming out of the house when we realize we are one guy short. We start calling his name and he yells down to wait a minute, he's getting gobbled and is almost done. One dude picks up rock and chucks it up to the window to hasten him along. Next thing we hear is a quick yell and then him screaming. We bail and as we're rolling out of there I look back just in time to see dude blow the door off it's hinges as he comes bounding after us. A few blocks later we took refuge in a soju tent and found out why homeboy yelled. Apparently the rock that was tossed hit his juice girl in her noggin while she was blowing him which led to her giving him one nasty ass bite on his tube steak.
After some more drinking we stopped by a Korean drug store and they fixed him up with same painkiller and antiseptic and we went our merry way.

The End.

Um, you can't make up shit like this. This goes on the fast track to the Hall of Fame.

Any dissenters? I didn't think so. I am still laughing.

Don wrote:I turn around and the chic is trying to massage this fish back to life which had been kicking it in his plastic bowl Aquarium which I had just polluted.

7 Wishes.....best post in internet history...I got nuthin' after that....

Saint John wrote:

Seven Wishes wrote:Can you hook me up with that footage? I can't find it anywhere.

Yeah, the 'Bat deleted the other thread, but I used the back feature to retrieve it and started a new thread. I've got plenty more about that motherfucker.

This might be it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDioul52oi4

They live for that kinda stuff, so they can sit there and talk about how they got into the line of fire, Geraldo Rivera-style. Here's Anderson Cooper drunk on TV, lol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-UiJbPN4fM

Some friends and I were drinking one Saturday night in college. One of them has some of those Airsoft guns and we thought it would be a cool idea to go out and shoot each other with them. We were outside, shit faced, shooting each other with M-16 Airsoft guns. It never once dawned on us that we were running around campus in the dark,which is full of armed campus cops, with M-16s. Not very exciting but still funny.