MR

A lot of you know that my wife's niece, Neelee, came to live with us some time ago. Well, she just turned 14 yesterday, and has began to develop a smart mouth. She said something to Debbie just a bit ago, and it wasn't so much what she said, but the disrespectful way she said it, and it really pissed me off. So I came unglued on her. I had already told Debbie on a couple of occasions that I'm about to get onto her for her mouth. I don't like raising my voice, but I did. Among other things, I told her that if I ever hear her talking to Debbie like that again, she will never see her cell phone again. I don't like the way I handled it, at all. I don't like getting mad, but sometimes things like that, especially disrespect, just go through me in a bad way.

How do you handle things like that without losing your temper?

be yourself.....everyone has their boiling point...she just brought out yours....

Maui Tom wrote:be yourself.....everyone has their boiling point...she just brought out yours....

She sure did. Holy crap did she ever.

I will say though that she has been a really good kid. So that weighs into why she's still conscious.

It's tough not to lose temper with that Rick. My middle child is a 14 year old girl, and just today I had her out shopping. She wanted these SHORT shorts... and I said NO WAY!!! I tried to explain why and she mouthed off with "just stop talking mom.. just stop talking to me mom.. fine" and things like that while I TRIED to have a rational conversation about the freaking shorts. Well she will not cut me off. I'm done talking when I'M DONE TALKING!! I know it's normal for that age, but then they can't just talk however they want either.

In a public situation, I like to handle it with embarrassment, because teens hate to be embarrassed! I said loudly that she was being a smart mouth, and better watch her mouth, and I'm not putting up with it.. blah blah blah while the cashier and others watched, and she stopped because it was embarrassing! So I had to deal with her red face and teary eyes for about 15 min, and then she got over it. My daughter is very sweet, and she is ALWAYS remorseful later, after she acts like a complete mouth! I have friends whose daughters that age do the mouthing, but without the remorse, so I'm glad for that at least. She KNOWS she's wrong. But I am trying to teach her that the lack of respect is still not okay.

I find that the cell phone is the PERFECT punishment for that age!! We have taken hers away for the day in situations like that a few times, and it's like you cut their ARM off, the reaction we get!!! But I have to say, it really does nothing to help at all. Her temper gets the best of her sometimes, and she can't keep her mouth shut. People will say they'd smack their kids, and they'd learn not to mouth off. I've lost my temper and popped her in the mouth in the past, which I hate doing, but it does nothing to help either. Girls are just mouthy. And then I remember, I was once a mouthy teen too, my mom will attest to it. Not all the time, but when I didn't get my way with something i wanted, in an argument. I see this as my payback!! And I have one more girl approaching that age..... HELP!!!!!!!!!

Rick wrote:I will say though that she has been a really good kid.

Tell her that ... and then ask why she's acting the way she's acting. Being a teenager is a motherfucker and maybe she's going through something related to that that you don't know about. Kids want to know you care about them and their problems. That, more than any amount of yelling, will get her to open up and (probably) change the way she's acting.

Saint John wrote:

Rick wrote:I will say though that she has been a really good kid.

Tell her that ... and then ask why she's acting the way she's acting. Being a teenager is a motherfucker and maybe she's going through something related to that that you don't know about. Kids want to know you care about them and their problems. That, more than any amount of yelling, will get her to open up and (probably) change the way she's acting.

That IS part of it. They have so much freaking social pressure, it's ridiculous. And my daughter holds in so much frustration everyday, and when she gets home, sometimes it's like an unleashing!! And it's not always towards us, it's most of the time against her siblings. We have discussions all the time, about how she needs to think before she speaks, watch her tone with us, and control her temper. And she's sorry, she agrees, but then within a minute or an hour or a day or so... bam... repeat!!

One thing that seem to get through to my guys was telling them that we all catch enough shit from people in the outside world that the family had to be our safe zone. So no abuse and nastiness was allowed -- from the boys to each other , kids to parents, or parents to kids. They could express all the bad feeling they wanted, but it had to be said in a reasonable way. This also had the side effect of improving their vocabularies as they had to find new words to get their point across.

DrFU wrote:One thing that seem to get through to my guys was telling them that we all catch enough shit from people in the outside world that the family had to be our safe zone. So no abuse and nastiness was allowed -- from the boys to each other , kids to parents, or parents to kids. They could express all the bad feeling they wanted, but it had to be said in a reasonable way. This also had the side effect of improving their vocabularies as they had to find new words to get their point across.

That's good advice Linda!! I will try that and see what happens. I have to say though, raising one boy and 2 girls, they are two different animals. My son is very respectful. Rarely argues. Backs down right away if I start to get upset with him. And he more likes to get me worked up in different ways. It's a different frustration with him for me than the girls. Women are verbal, and it starts in the teen years I believe!! I can see why people say boys are easier!!! But I do love having girls too. It's just a challenge though!

I don't go for the public embarrassment part. It might gratify the parent in having the upper hand but in the eyes of someone looking from the outside, it looks like you have gone down to your kids level when you do that and kids never forget it either, though they may pretend to. I explained to my kid why I myself cuss sometimes but why it's never at people. I gave him the whole limited vocabuary thing where we curse because we can't think of the proper way to say something so we cheat and go the ignorant route by cussing. I explained when you don't cuss you have longer control of the situation . When you cuss, you get everyone's attention but you lose it after 30 seconds because the cursing signifies that you're not quite smart enough to say something constructive to express your point so why should anyone listen to you.

My kid got it and while he still cussed when he played a game or something, he stopped directing it at people as a response for when he was upset. Now he's 21, he has his own life but that lesson seems to have stuck with him, for the most part.

Boundaries and consequences don't end when they become teenagers... in fact it becomes even more imperative at that age.... they just push harder...

Learning that there is always someone who will "take your toys away" if you don't understand/follow the rules is a necessary life lesson... better for her to learn it from you than someone she smart mouths on the street... the cost could be far greater...

I'm a firm believer that you can not make a kid(person) do anything that they do not want to do....no matter what you take away, threaten...etc. Unless the kid gets it, you are SOL. As far as a teenager being under a lot of pressure...I'm not 100% sold on that. I was a teenager, and I did just fine. We grew up relatively poor, so I knew better than to ask for stuf....I never had the things that other kids had, never thought that I had to have them, and never cared...

I'm going through that mouthy stage with my son right now. He's 12 1/2 and thinks he's Charlie Sheen....I specifically heard the first What the Fuck!, and Douche today....I'm SOOOO proud.... And i don't believe in hitting, which forces me to be creative. I'm a weekend warrior, so there's only so much I can do....mother's not on the same page when it comes to discipline, or parenting. So i took away his allowance, made him do the chores anyway, and stormed into the room, ripped the headphones off his head - and ripped the Xbox cables out of the unit, and kept that incredulous looking look on my face all afternoon.....he came out of the room roughly 3 hours later and told me he was going in the shower, and I haven't heard a peep since....he didn't apologize, but what am I to do?

This is a phase I never went through....

S2M wrote:I'm a firm believer that you can not make a kid(person) do anything that they do not want to do....no matter what you take away, threaten...etc. Unless the kid gets it, you are SOL. As far as a teenager being under a lot of pressure...I'm not 100% sold on that. I was a teenager, and I did just fine. We grew up relatively poor, so I knew better than to ask for stuf....I never had the things that other kids had, never thought that I had to have them, and never cared...

I'm going through that mouthy stage with my son right now. He's 12 1/2 and thinks he's Charlie Sheen....I specifically heard the first What the Fuck!, and Douche today....I'm SOOOO proud.... And i don't believe in hitting, which forces me to be creative. I'm a weekend warrior, so there's only so much I can do....mother's not on the same page when it comes to discipline, or parenting. So i took away his allowance, made him do the chores anyway, and stormed into the room, ripped the headphones off his head - and ripped the Xbox cables out of the unit, and kept that incredulous looking look on my face all afternoon.....he came out of the room roughly 3 hours later and told me he was going in the shower, and I haven't heard a peep since....he didn't apologize, but what am I to do?

This is a phase I never went through....

Nice to see that you found the right thread.

Don wrote:I don't go for the public embarrassment part. It might gratify the parent in having the upper hand but in the eyes of someone looking from the outside, it looks like you have gone down to your kids level when you do that and kids never forget it either, though they may pretend to. I explained to my kid why I myself cuss sometimes but why it's never at people. I gave him the whole limited vocabuary thing where we curse because we can't think of the proper way to say something so we cheat and go the ignorant route by cussing. I explained when you don't cuss you have longer control of the situation . When you cuss, you get everyone's attention but you lose it after 30 seconds because the cursing signifies that you're not quite smart enough to say something constructive to express your point so why should anyone listen to you.

My kid got it and while he still cussed when he played a game or something, he stopped directing it at people as a response for when was upset. Now he's 21, he has his own life but that lesson seems to have stuck with him, for the most part.

My kids and I NEVER cuss at each other. That's not the disrespect level we are at. And I honestly don't care what some stranger from the outside thinks watching or how I look. I just want her to shut her mouth until we can have a private discussion. And that works. I don't make some big scene. And I don't yell. I just dont' stop talking because SHE tells me to. What kind of mom do I look like if she says "just stop talking mom" when I am trying to reasonably discuss her issue with her, and then I do.

You had a son. Do you know many women? Do you know too many who will easily shut up when they aren't happy? Girls and boys are not the same.

I don't have any kids, so what the hell do I know? So I'll just say this, when I lose my temper with someone no matter how justified I feel, I always try to go back and apologize for my behavior. You may consider doing that as a way to model good behavior to your niece as well as reopen the door to hopefully a calmer discussion of why she was upset and disrespectful to your wife and what you find unacceptable and why.

StevePerryHair wrote:

DrFU wrote:One thing that seem to get through to my guys was telling them that we all catch enough shit from people in the outside world that the family had to be our safe zone. So no abuse and nastiness was allowed -- from the boys to each other , kids to parents, or parents to kids. They could express all the bad feeling they wanted, but it had to be said in a reasonable way. This also had the side effect of improving their vocabularies as they had to find new words to get their point across.

That's good advice Linda!! I will try that and see what happens. I have to say though, raising one boy and 2 girls, they are two different animals. My son is very respectful. Rarely argues. Backs down right away if I start to get upset with him. And he more likes to get me worked up in different ways. It's a different frustration with him for me than the girls. Women are verbal, and it starts in the teen years I believe!! I can see why people say boys are easier!!! But I do love having girls too. It's just a challenge though!

I was a junior high assistant principal. Responsible for discipline for 700 teenagers. I still have nightmares about the girls. But the same principle worked eventually on most of them. You just have to let them know they cannot talk to you disrespectfully, period. And enforce it every single time with every single kid. They have exaggerated sense of justice at
that age. They don't care if you nail them to the wall as long as everyone who committed the same infraction also gets nailed to the wall at the exact same height with the exact same number of nails for the exact same length of time.

Saint John wrote:

Rick wrote:I will say though that she has been a really good kid.

Tell her that ... and then ask why she's acting the way she's acting. Being a teenager is a motherfucker and maybe she's going through something related to that that you don't know about. Kids want to know you care about them and their problems. That, more than any amount of yelling, will get her to open up and (probably) change the way she's acting.

I hate it when I agree with you because most of the time I think you're a total ass. But, this is exactly right. There's probably something that's bothering her. Hell, I'm still that way-I may get upset and yell at my kids but it's almost never because they deserved it-it's usually because I'm already upset about something else and whatever they did just set me off.

DrFU wrote:One thing that seem to get through to my guys was telling them that we all catch enough shit from people in the outside world that the family had to be our safe zone. So no abuse and nastiness was allowed -- from the boys to each other , kids to parents, or parents to kids. They could express all the bad feeling they wanted, but it had to be said in a reasonable way. This also had the side effect of improving their vocabularies as they had to find new words to get their point across.

I've told my kids the same thing. I expect that they treat me and their siblings with respect because there are enough people out there that don't-we need each other to stay sane.

Beyond that, I have nothing. Either I got really, really lucky or my kids are just scared to death of me but I have two teenagers and two tweenagers and none of them have ever mouthed off at me. My kids are model children-seriously, I have no idea what I did to deserve them but they are wonderful!

Don't ever yell at a teenager, you won't win and you will feel guilty. Anger and yelling is not a cycle that you want to get started. Quietly and calmly tell her that if she smarts off she will lose cell phone, internet, etc. If she smarts off or yells about that, take the next thing on the list. They usually learn to watch their mouths pretty fast if you always follow through with the consequences.
I know one guy who ended up taking everything his son had out of his room and when that didn't work, he took his bedroom door off . That did the trick. That's the most extreme example I've heard of.
My son straightened up after I cancelled his subscription to XBox Live, he knew his iPhone would be next. He talks politely to us now. There's no reason they can't learn to discuss without smart remarks. Good luck there, Rick.

S2M wrote:I'm a firm believer that you can not make a kid(person) do anything that they do not want to do....no matter what you take away, threaten...etc. Unless the kid gets it, you are SOL. As far as a teenager being under a lot of pressure...I'm not 100% sold on that. I was a teenager, and I did just fine. We grew up relatively poor, so I knew better than to ask for stuf....I never had the things that other kids had, never thought that I had to have them, and never cared...

I'm going through that mouthy stage with my son right now. He's 12 1/2 and thinks he's Charlie Sheen....I specifically heard the first What the Fuck!, and Douche today....I'm SOOOO proud.... And i don't believe in hitting, which forces me to be creative. I'm a weekend warrior, so there's only so much I can do....mother's not on the same page when it comes to discipline, or parenting. So i took away his allowance, made him do the chores anyway, and stormed into the room, ripped the headphones off his head - and ripped the Xbox cables out of the unit, and kept that incredulous looking look on my face all afternoon.....he came out of the room roughly 3 hours later and told me he was going in the shower, and I haven't heard a peep since....he didn't apologize, but what am I to do?

This is a phase I never went through....

Well, I remember girl pressure. And I remember worrying about what everyone in school thought, the "mean girls, and all the negative things. And i see her going through the same stuff, and I do feel for her. It IS hard to be a teen girl. Girls are MEAN and CRUEL!! You would not believe the stories she comes home with. She has a girl right now, who was a friend, defriended her, and NOW is making her life miserable, spreading lies to all of her friends, because my daughter didn't crawl back to the friendship. It may seem dumb to an adult, but this is their life. And it's what's on their mind all the time, wasting space when they should be learning.

We talk a lot though. And I give her what i think is good advice on how to handle it, and she does fine. She has great friends she CAN count on. But her feelings get so hurt. It's NOT easy. My son has none of these issues. He's kind of the oblivious type though!! I find those types have a much easier life!! I'm proud of all my kids though. Despite all of it, they are REALLY great, caring and respectful kids in the scheme of things. I have not had to deal with any disrespect outside the home at all. Some people deal with it in every aspect. I feel lucky really.

StevePerryHair wrote:

Don wrote:I don't go for the public embarrassment part. It might gratify the parent in having the upper hand but in the eyes of someone looking from the outside, it looks like you have gone down to your kids level when you do that and kids never forget it either, though they may pretend to. I explained to my kid why I myself cuss sometimes but why it's never at people. I gave him the whole limited vocabuary thing where we curse because we can't think of the proper way to say something so we cheat and go the ignorant route by cussing. I explained when you don't cuss you have longer control of the situation . When you cuss, you get everyone's attention but you lose it after 30 seconds because the cursing signifies that you're not quite smart enough to say something constructive to express your point so why should anyone listen to you.

My kid got it and while he still cussed when he played a game or something, he stopped directing it at people as a response for when was upset. Now he's 21, he has his own life but that lesson seems to have stuck with him, for the most part.

My kids and I NEVER cuss at each other. That's not the disrespect level we are at. And I honestly don't care what some stranger from the outside thinks watching or how I look. I just want her to shut her mouth until we can have a private discussion. And that works. I don't make some big scene. And I don't yell. I just dont' stop talking because SHE tells me to. What kind of mom do I look like if she says "just stop talking mom" when I am trying to reasonably discuss her issue with her, and then I do.

You had a son. Do you know many women? Do you know too many who will easily shut up when they aren't happy? Girls and boys are not the same.

To each his own. I don't believe in public embarrassment. I was brought up where if you saw someone doing that, if they weren't a minority, they were labeled as white trash. I'm not calling you that , just explaining my own upbringing and why I don't do that. My kid has never cussed at me but I heard him cussing about classmates and teachers and that's why I had to correct that foremost as a safety measure more than etiquette before he pulled it with some one who might REALLY take offense and respond in a way that might lead to violence or something of that nature.

Angel wrote:I hate it when I agree with you because most of the time I think you're a total ass. But, this is exactly right.

You love me and you know it.

Saint John wrote:

Angel wrote:I hate it when I agree with you because most of the time I think you're a total ass. But, this is exactly right.

You love me and you know it.

Probably just as much as you love me.

DrFU wrote:

StevePerryHair wrote:

DrFU wrote:One thing that seem to get through to my guys was telling them that we all catch enough shit from people in the outside world that the family had to be our safe zone. So no abuse and nastiness was allowed -- from the boys to each other , kids to parents, or parents to kids. They could express all the bad feeling they wanted, but it had to be said in a reasonable way. This also had the side effect of improving their vocabularies as they had to find new words to get their point across.

That's good advice Linda!! I will try that and see what happens. I have to say though, raising one boy and 2 girls, they are two different animals. My son is very respectful. Rarely argues. Backs down right away if I start to get upset with him. And he more likes to get me worked up in different ways. It's a different frustration with him for me than the girls. Women are verbal, and it starts in the teen years I believe!! I can see why people say boys are easier!!! But I do love having girls too. It's just a challenge though!

I was a junior high assistant principal. Responsible for discipline for 700 teenagers. I still have nightmares about the girls. But the same principle worked eventually on most of them. You just have to let them know they cannot talk to you disrespectfully, period. And enforce it every single time with every single kid. They have exaggerated sense of justice at
that age. They don't care if you nail them to the wall as long as everyone who committed the same infraction also gets nailed to the wall at the exact same height with the exact same number of nails for the exact same length of time.

It's so hard though, because they are SO respectful at school, with other parents, with their friends.... they are perfect!! You don't know the complements I get!! Sometimes I wonder if all that "perfection" just wears them out, and when they get home, it's just too hard to keep up the act!! And it comes out in little ways like anger. They ARE sweet kids. NO ONE'S KIDS are perfect 24/7. No way I believe that. But there are just little things that trigger outbursts. But then I think about us as adults. You know, if I have a bad day, I will snap unnecessarily at those closest to me too. It's human nature. And I am very sorry when I realize I've done that. It's why I am proud of my daughter for also feeling that remorse. Realizing she needs to do better and trying. I don't deal with it on a daily basis, thank God!!

Don wrote:

StevePerryHair wrote:

Don wrote:I don't go for the public embarrassment part. It might gratify the parent in having the upper hand but in the eyes of someone looking from the outside, it looks like you have gone down to your kids level when you do that and kids never forget it either, though they may pretend to. I explained to my kid why I myself cuss sometimes but why it's never at people. I gave him the whole limited vocabuary thing where we curse because we can't think of the proper way to say something so we cheat and go the ignorant route by cussing. I explained when you don't cuss you have longer control of the situation . When you cuss, you get everyone's attention but you lose it after 30 seconds because the cursing signifies that you're not quite smart enough to say something constructive to express your point so why should anyone listen to you.

My kid got it and while he still cussed when he played a game or something, he stopped directing it at people as a response for when was upset. Now he's 21, he has his own life but that lesson seems to have stuck with him, for the most part.

My kids and I NEVER cuss at each other. That's not the disrespect level we are at. And I honestly don't care what some stranger from the outside thinks watching or how I look. I just want her to shut her mouth until we can have a private discussion. And that works. I don't make some big scene. And I don't yell. I just dont' stop talking because SHE tells me to. What kind of mom do I look like if she says "just stop talking mom" when I am trying to reasonably discuss her issue with her, and then I do.

You had a son. Do you know many women? Do you know too many who will easily shut up when they aren't happy? Girls and boys are not the same.

To each his own. I don't believe in public embarrassment. I was brought up where if you saw someone doing that, if they weren't a minority, they were labeled as white trash. I'm not calling you that , just explaining my own upbringing and why I don't do that. My kid has never cussed at me but I heard him cussing about classmates and teachers and that's why I had to correct that foremost as a safety measure more than etiquette before he pulled it with some one who might REALLY take offense and respond in a way that might lead to violence or something of that nature.

Well, since you didn't see me and my argument with her, you can't really judge! Maybe I made it sound a lot worse than it did. I am not white trash, nor do I ever sound like it. You dont' know me Don, so you can't imagine what I would sound like or do in that situation. I never said I have a drag out fight with her. I just raise my voice a little, and she stops. People here who know me would have a hard time imagining me looking like white trash when arguing with my daughter.... I think I know my kids cuss at school, because they've admitted they do with their friends. But I have not heard it at home at all. They know how to control that. Interesting they can control that, but not the defiance when something else bothers them.

StevePerryHair wrote:

DrFU wrote:

StevePerryHair wrote:
It's so hard though, because they are SO respectful at school, with other parents, with their friends.... they are perfect!! You don't know the complements I get!! Sometimes I wonder if all that "perfection" just wears them out, and when they get home, it's just too hard to keep up the act!! And it comes out in little ways like anger. They ARE sweet kids. NO ONE'S KIDS are perfect 24/7. No way I believe that. But there are just little things that trigger outbursts. But then I think about us as adults. You know, if I have a bad day, I will snap unnecessarily at those closest to me too. It's human nature. And I am very sorry when I realize I've done that. It's why I am proud of my daughter for also feeling that remorse. Realizing she needs to do better and trying. I don't deal with it on a daily basis, thank God!!

That's a great point -- no one gets it perfect all the time. I'll never forget the day the guys came in the door after school with the oldest , Steve , announcing, "Scott told the coach to fuck himself." Rut row.

Awe don't be hard on yourself Rick, it sounds to me like you handled it just fine and probably exactly the way I would too. I have two, but neither are teenagars yet, my oldest is not far around that corner though, lol. He is a great kid too, a happy laid back kid, always has been since he was a baby, listens to us most of the time, lol, gets along great with his sister most of the time, lol, does great in school, on honor roll, his teacher tells me all the time how respectful he is of her and his classmates, etc., but he does test his boundaries at home with his little mouth already sometimes at 9 years old. Just attitude wise, and so far what works is MY tone and telling him "I suggest you knock that attitude off RIGHT now", which then gets me the look from him but I know that won't work forever. I love Linda's advice in trying to instill in kids just basic respect all around, and I try to remind him of that when it seems he needs it.

And boys and girls are just SO different too. I swear girls are just BORN with drama! My girl is the younger one, and she is a total sweetheart most of the time too, but my gosh can she turn on the girly drama when she wants to! It's such a difference from my boy! I know teen years with either child will be challenging either way, and we have to just try our best as parents. I try never to judge other parents or how they handle anything because parenting is a damn hard path and one you have to learn on the entire time.

Rick wrote:How do you handle things like that without losing your temper?

I don't. I have no patience whatsoever!

DrFU wrote:

StevePerryHair wrote:

DrFU wrote:

StevePerryHair wrote:
It's so hard though, because they are SO respectful at school, with other parents, with their friends.... they are perfect!! You don't know the complements I get!! Sometimes I wonder if all that "perfection" just wears them out, and when they get home, it's just too hard to keep up the act!! And it comes out in little ways like anger. They ARE sweet kids. NO ONE'S KIDS are perfect 24/7. No way I believe that. But there are just little things that trigger outbursts. But then I think about us as adults. You know, if I have a bad day, I will snap unnecessarily at those closest to me too. It's human nature. And I am very sorry when I realize I've done that. It's why I am proud of my daughter for also feeling that remorse. Realizing she needs to do better and trying. I don't deal with it on a daily basis, thank God!!

That's a great point -- no one gets it perfect all the time. I'll never forget the day the guys came in the door after school with the oldest , Steve , announcing, "Scott told the coach to fuck himself." Rut row.

And I'm sure Scott has grown up to be a great young man now!!! I try to put that all in perspective, when dealing with this stuff. These years are short, and I try to focus more on the good in them!! I laugh SO MUCH with them. The humor they have, it awesome! I really do love teens, as crazy as they make me when they have their mouthy moments, it's fun to see them turning into REAL people!! Getting a glimpse of who they will become!!

DrFU wrote:

StevePerryHair wrote:
It's so hard though, because they are SO respectful at school, with other parents, with their friends.... they are perfect!! You don't know the complements I get!! Sometimes I wonder if all that "perfection" just wears them out, and when they get home, it's just too hard to keep up the act!! And it comes out in little ways like anger. They ARE sweet kids. NO ONE'S KIDS are perfect 24/7. No way I believe that. But there are just little things that trigger outbursts. But then I think about us as adults. You know, if I have a bad day, I will snap unnecessarily at those closest to me too. It's human nature. And I am very sorry when I realize I've done that. It's why I am proud of my daughter for also feeling that remorse. Realizing she needs to do better and trying. I don't deal with it on a daily basis, thank God!!

That's a great point -- no one gets it perfect all the time. I'll never forget the day the guys came in the door after school with the oldest , Steve , announcing, "Scott told the coach to fuck himself." Rut row.

Andrew wrote:

Rick wrote:How do you handle things like that without losing your temper?

I don't. I have no patience whatsoever!

I concur....kids just don't get it.

Thanks for all the great advice. I'm definitely going to apologize for raising my voice and explain that it's never the way to get things accomplished.

She had a friend over, who I'm sure she was showing off for. And her friend talks to her mom like a dog, so that probably had something to do with it also.

I may still take her cell phone away though. I'm still fuckin pissed.

My daughter is coming in tomorrow night, and she wants to go see some family we have, not so near by. So I had asked Debbie if Neelee's attendance could tolerate her missing school Tuesday, so she could go along. Debbie was trying to get on the schools website to see her attendance, and Neelee was talking to her about it in such a disrespectful tone. I couldn't even believe it.

They went to take her friend home, so hopefully when they get back, I will have cooled down.

My daughter was never disrespectful. Not like that. Neelee's got attitude, and good for her, but it doesn't need to be misdirected like that.