Craigs List Ad - Jackass From Maine
Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:41 pmYet another reason I've never considered Maine to be part of New England. Read this tool bag's ad for a car he is trying to sell. Fucking WOW 
Listen up! You're looking for a new car, you want something safe and reliable. Maybe a Camry or Accord, right? Sure, those are fine cars to go to the grocery store for homogenized milk and a loaf of soft white bread. OR you could remember that you have a pulse, and that George Washington did not free this country from the British with his bare hands so you could take the slow lane to the Nobody Cares Store. This Nissan Altima 3.5 (that's three and a half litres of Lovecraftian Hell-beasts!) will whisk you to the farmer's market like a BOSS to buy RAW milk and enough acorn squash to sustain the entire family through the next twelve winters! Think you don't have room for all that squash? Well you do, because the rear seats fold down!
Late for a meeting? Call your boss and tell him to cram it, because you and your lover are taking a road trip into the mountains with 240 horses whipping you up to the ski slopes where you can make love under the stars because this damn car has a fully retractable sun roof! Worried that 240 horses is too much for you?? It might be! But this car has sport tires, traction control AND a rear spoiler, so even an idiot driver will stay planted to the road! You're no idiot if you buy this car though! It's reliable, built back in 2002 when the Japanese knew how to build cars! The 3.5 V6 engine was voted "Best!" This car is black as the night, so while I don't condone vigilantism, if you wanted to be one, you could, because the criminals will never see you coming. And then you can blind them with its ultra bright Xenon HID headlights!
Have you heard Kanye's new album? No you haven't, not until you've listened to it on the Altima's BOSE 8 speaker mega-system! The bass will rattle every other car on the block, but not this Nissan, because its frame was forged in the fires of Mt. Doom. True story.
In full disclosure, there is a scratch in the paint of the driver's side door because some pathetic loser, overcome by raging jealousy (and almost certain impotence) keyed it. He's dead now. The car has 116,000 miles on it, but don't worry your pretty little head about reliability, it's got a sound maintenance record, it's inspected until June, and will pass any inspection like Stephen Hawking would pass a 5th grade science quiz.
Be warned though: If you buy this car, friends will become enemies, enemies will become lovers, and lovers will keep calling you. You should probably upgrade your cell phone plan to unlimited.
Look at the specs listed below and see just how fully damn loaded this car is. And what's this? I'm selling it under the KBB price! Why? Maybe you should just shut up and thank the dark lord Cthulhu for your supreme luck at finding such an amazing car! Hesitate, and you will despair when it's gone!
http://maine.craigslist.org/cto/2246943731.html
Listen up! You're looking for a new car, you want something safe and reliable. Maybe a Camry or Accord, right? Sure, those are fine cars to go to the grocery store for homogenized milk and a loaf of soft white bread. OR you could remember that you have a pulse, and that George Washington did not free this country from the British with his bare hands so you could take the slow lane to the Nobody Cares Store. This Nissan Altima 3.5 (that's three and a half litres of Lovecraftian Hell-beasts!) will whisk you to the farmer's market like a BOSS to buy RAW milk and enough acorn squash to sustain the entire family through the next twelve winters! Think you don't have room for all that squash? Well you do, because the rear seats fold down!
Late for a meeting? Call your boss and tell him to cram it, because you and your lover are taking a road trip into the mountains with 240 horses whipping you up to the ski slopes where you can make love under the stars because this damn car has a fully retractable sun roof! Worried that 240 horses is too much for you?? It might be! But this car has sport tires, traction control AND a rear spoiler, so even an idiot driver will stay planted to the road! You're no idiot if you buy this car though! It's reliable, built back in 2002 when the Japanese knew how to build cars! The 3.5 V6 engine was voted "Best!" This car is black as the night, so while I don't condone vigilantism, if you wanted to be one, you could, because the criminals will never see you coming. And then you can blind them with its ultra bright Xenon HID headlights!
Have you heard Kanye's new album? No you haven't, not until you've listened to it on the Altima's BOSE 8 speaker mega-system! The bass will rattle every other car on the block, but not this Nissan, because its frame was forged in the fires of Mt. Doom. True story.
In full disclosure, there is a scratch in the paint of the driver's side door because some pathetic loser, overcome by raging jealousy (and almost certain impotence) keyed it. He's dead now. The car has 116,000 miles on it, but don't worry your pretty little head about reliability, it's got a sound maintenance record, it's inspected until June, and will pass any inspection like Stephen Hawking would pass a 5th grade science quiz.
Be warned though: If you buy this car, friends will become enemies, enemies will become lovers, and lovers will keep calling you. You should probably upgrade your cell phone plan to unlimited.
Look at the specs listed below and see just how fully damn loaded this car is. And what's this? I'm selling it under the KBB price! Why? Maybe you should just shut up and thank the dark lord Cthulhu for your supreme luck at finding such an amazing car! Hesitate, and you will despair when it's gone!
http://maine.craigslist.org/cto/2246943731.html
