Damned if I Do, Damned if I Don't

[scarygirl]

A couple weeks back I posted a thread concerning my job, my boss, and time off. I wound up not taking a day off that I wanted because of the way my boss was acting at that time. Basically threatening my job, etc.

Because of this and my stress over having to work all that week, having to board my cats, financial concerns etc, my mom wound up not coming to see me during her vacation week. Every year, she usually spends a couple days with me around July 4th.

So fast forward to today. My best friend from middle school who I haven't seen in 22 years has asked me to spend the weekend with her and to attend her wedding reception. I said yes, but that also means my taking Friday off as she wanted us to go to dinner that evening. There won't be much time for that on Saturday as she will be prepping for her reception.

So I told my mom, and her first words were I am suprised your boss let you off. Which leads in to the insuantion at least in my head anyway that maybe I wasn't telling the truth about my boss giving me a hard time in July. Not so! Based on the way my boss was acting, even though technically he was giving me the day off, I thought it better to withdraw my request. The timing was just bad.

I wasn't planning on coming home at all until Christmas. I really can't afford to, but since I haven't seen my best friend in 22 years and being such an important event, how could I say no?

My boss is letting me off for the trip. I would have asked for Monday off so I could spend time with my mom, but I based on his past behavior I don't want to push the envelope. I can tell she is hurt though. She says she is not upset, but I know my mom.

I understand why she is upset. With the exception of my niece, she is alone. My parents divorced long ago, My dad passed away a couple years ago. Basically, us kids are all she has.

I live five hours away. I make it home maybe twice a year: Christmas and then one other time during the year. I was just home in June for my 20 year HS reunion. My going home in June is what kicked off my boss's whole you have taken too many vacation days tirade. My mom was working that weekend, so we didn't get to spend a lot of time together. Although that time, I did stay through Monday afternoon. We went to the movies late Sunday night and had breakfast together before I left.

I don't have a lot of close friends back home so any time spent is with my mom and my niece. I have noticed though that the few times I have gone home and included an excursion out with a friend she seems very hurt by it.

I don't think she is as upset with me attending the reception, as she is by my not staying over with her. I would, but with my friend wanting to spend time with me on Friday and the reception being Saturday evening it is just not feasible..... I was planning on asking my mom and niece to lunch Sunday before driving back home. so it isn't like I was going to be so close by and not see my mom.

I guess I could have gone and not told her about it, but then if I hadn't she would have been hurt by that too.

[scarygirl]

The other thing too is I only get 5 days off a year for vacation. My mom on the other hand I can't remember exactly how many vacation days off, but basically she has a job where she can accrue lots of paid vacation time, paid sick time, etc. Yes, she is hourly, but she gets double the vaction and sick time perks that I receive. I make a salary and technically with a salaried job I should be able to take paid sick time, etc, but working under teh new owners it doesn't really work that way.

Anytime I have ever taken sick time has been with me working at home......

[DrFU]

Emotional manipulation only works if you participate.

[scarygirl]

Emotional manipulation only works if you participate.

No doubt!

[DrFU]

Emotional manipulation only works if you participate.

No doubt!

Not unsympathetic ... We have the same mom ... Still working on not biting the hooks!

[scarygirl]

Emotional manipulation only works if you participate.

No doubt!

Not unsympathetic ... We have the same mom ... Still working on not biting the hooks!

Glad to meet you sis! You are a girl right? In the case, brother! Lol!

[Rick]

Emotional manipulation only works if you participate.

No doubt!

Not unsympathetic ... We have the same mom ... Still working on not biting the hooks!

Glad to meet you sis! You are a girl right? In the case, brother! Lol!

Sis is correct. Linda the doctor. Very nice lady.

[scarygirl]

Emotional manipulation only works if you participate.

No doubt!

Not unsympathetic ... We have the same mom ... Still working on not biting the hooks!

Glad to meet you sis! You are a girl right? In the case, brother! Lol!

Sis is correct. Linda the doctor. Very nice lady.

Yes she is!

[DrFU]

Emotional manipulation only works if you participate.

No doubt!

Not unsympathetic ... We have the same mom ... Still working on not biting the hooks!

Glad to meet you sis! You are a girl right? In the case, brother! Lol!

Sis is correct. Linda the doctor. Very nice lady.

Yes she is!

Yes, sister is correct. We have a large family!

Thx, Rick !

[yulog]

The other thing too is I only get 5 days off a year for vacation. My mom on the other hand I can't remember exactly how many vacation days off, but basically she has a job where she can accrue lots of paid vacation time, paid sick time, etc. Yes, she is hourly, but she gets double the vaction and sick time perks that I receive. I make a salary and technically with a salaried job I should be able to take paid sick time, etc, but working under teh new owners it doesn't really work that way.

Anytime I have ever taken sick time has been with me working at home......

You need a better job,and as far as i know most moms use manipulation to try to get their kids to come back to see them once they leave the nest

[scarygirl]

The other thing too is I only get 5 days off a year for vacation. My mom on the other hand I can't remember exactly how many vacation days off, but basically she has a job where she can accrue lots of paid vacation time, paid sick time, etc. Yes, she is hourly, but she gets double the vaction and sick time perks that I receive. I make a salary and technically with a salaried job I should be able to take paid sick time, etc, but working under teh new owners it doesn't really work that way.

Anytime I have ever taken sick time has been with me working at home......

You need a better job,and as far as i know most moms use manipulation to try to get their kids to come back to see them once they leave the nest

Working on it!

[Marabelle]

She'll aways be your mother, it won't hurt you to visit her! She loves you! Besides that is what mothers do; they're supposed to make you feel guilty. And, she's not going to live forever!

[scarygirl]

She'll aways be your mother, it won't hurt you to visit her! She loves you! Besides that is what mothers do; they're supposed to make you feel guilty. And, she's not going to live forever!

Marabelle,

It isn't that I don't want to visit her. I plan on visiting her Sunday before I leave. I think she thinks I planned it that way, her not coming to visit and all back in July. My boss was giving me hell at that moment so I did what I had to do to protect my job.

I was just up in June, yes it was for my H.S. reunion, but I did stay with her that weekend.

The whole thing with my friend is a once in a lifetime event, not unlike my 20 H.S. year reunion.

If I had known my friend who I haven't seen in 20 years was getting married I would have told her to go ahead and visit. As it was though, she didn;'t really have the money to make the trip and I didn't have the money to board my cats. She was going to wind up paying as I couldn;t afford the boarding fees this year and boarding fees equal to basically what a one night hotel stay would have cost (around $130). This is a tourist area so rates are always a little on the high side. She is very allergiic to cats, dogs, you name it. . If I had not boarded them, she would have gotten deathly sick within hours and that would have been no fun. Plus, I would have had to boarded them anyway as I don't trust my niece to not let them out.

This is the first year she hasn't been able to visit. I shouldn't be mae to feel so guilty over it.

This is not a rant at you Marasauce. I love you.

[Marabelle]

No problems. I was teasing. I know you would visit if you had time. i send armfuls of love to ya Scary!!!