Here are few gems:
"There's Sammy bangin' on the window again....with his dick in one hand & a bottle of tequila in the other."
“Classic Van Halen, when I was in it, made you want to drink whiskey, drive fast and fuck. New Van Halen encourages you to drink milk, drive a Nissan and have a relationship.”
"The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!"
It's the Honda Principle Baby.. if two is good.. THEN 4 MUST BE BETTER!
When I go fishing, I bring a Nikon camera and a frying pan. You hope for the best, I EXPECT it!!!
I’m kinda like Darth Vadar in the Star Wars sequel; you know you ain’t seen the last of me, and chances are I could be your father.
"I was the early Van Halen style. I wrote half of every song you heard from Van Halen, sometimes more than that"
I won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister!!
it's like I'm holding Sammy by the head and he keeps swinging at me and missing. And I'm eating a sandwich.
if you want dangerous and unpredictable, I suggest taking a valium and smoking in bed. I'm an Action Figure...I CAN HELP YOU IN OTHER WAYS!
I'VE GOT TWO FLAVORS BUBBLEGUM AND DICK AND I'M ALL OUT OF BUBBLEGUM.