HEARTBREAK......

[bluejeangirl76]

Well as his friend maybe you should try knocking on his door instead. Just because whatever the situation might be doesn't seem "bad enough to isolate yourself from the fuckin world" to you doesn't mean it doesn't feel that way to him. Go to him.

I do understand your points, it's just we're all standing in different ballparks now with making points, lol.

I mean I'm not exaggerating. The kid literally has not answered a single call or text message since before Thanksgiving. Not a single one. That's absolutely pathetic behavior. Hell, even my mom's old alcoholic/pill-popping friend didn't drop off the radar for more than a week at a time

Is he pissed off at you? j/k Has his number changed maybe? And if not, are you sure he's ok? Do you have ways of knowing if he's ok without having direct contact with him but with others who mutually know him? If you live close enough to him, like I said, maybe just go knock on his door.

Haha, I seriously raked my brain thinking if there was a reason he could be pissed at me for like a month, but dudes aren't like that long-term any way short of stealing someone's woman.

I am good friends with his other good friends, we're all from the same circle, none of us can get a peep outta him. I've thought about dropping by his house, but considering he moved back home, it's kinda weird.

I was going to say, if this is just with you, then he may have some type of issue he isn't willing to talk about in regards to your friendship, (because I kind of did what your friend is doing once, but it was ONLY with one person who was driving me nuts and who I knew I couldn't be honest with without a bunch of b.s. drama)... but since you say that none of the people in your circle can reach him, then clearly the guy is avoiding people for some reason... it's worrysome when people switch gears that way and when they begin to do things that aren't (or weren't) normal for them.

I don't think it would be weird to drop by - I mean how else will you get answers if he refuses to contact any of you or answer your calls or texts? At least this way you'll know.

[StevePerryHair]

I think we are talking about 2 different things here anyway. Do you believe that true life long mental illness exists? I am saying there are people who are affected differently by a traumtic event. It can affect them in a way that is as debilitating for them as much as if they were in a bad car crash and lost their ability to walk. Yet we'd still give them a wheelchair. The medication is their wheelchair. It's easy for the people to say the mind doesnt' need treated when it's sick, because they cant "see" it like you can other ailments. And any doctor who can't see the difference between a person who really needs it and one who does, yes should not be a doctor. And I know there are MANY who dont' take the time to care and really look at the whole picture. It's sad. The WHOLE mental health industry is SAD. I know I"m getting very personal about this. Sorry. It's just a very close to home issue for me, and no not me, though I bet you wonder sometimes I hope they find better ways to help people with these things in the future because the way things are now sucks. But for now, that's all there is.

Sure, I believe in schizophrenia, anorexia (aunt has been anorexic for 25 years) and bipolar and what not.

It's just not cool the way mere (read: depression without an underlying issue brought on by a relatively tough time in life) "depression" has become vogue and acceptable to justify unproductive behavior.

For example, my aforementioned friend started grad school on a scholarship, got a year-long apartment, and literally just quit after a month without taking any kind of test and with no back-up plan or job. He had no reason to quit other than he decided "it wasn't for him" (when he still talked to me). Then he broke his lease, didn't go out and even look very hard for say a bartending job (he has a history degree, making his decision to quit grad school even dumber, especially in these times), moved back home, and seemed genuinely surprised when his father was mad as hell at him . Now, it's acceptable for him to play the "depressed" card and isolate himself.

How do you know that his behaviors aren't some underlying long term mental health issue? Sabotaging your life could be a sign for sure!! And you are relatively young, so I'm assuming your friend is too. That is about the age that many people who are going to suffer from a long term mental illness sometimes have their first "break". I don't know, for some people it is a life long thing and early 20's is when the signs appear.

Well, it's tough to say Lynn. He seemed pretty upset to be moving into the "real world" after college, so I'm not sure if it's a case of total irresponsibility or something worse. I'm starting to wonder if he has a drinking problem or something going on, though he and I have drank together many times and he's never been that ridiculous. That's why I wish I could at least get ahold of him so I could at least get a feel of what's going on with him. At this point, I've concluded that something is going on, but I'm not sure how exaggerated or how real it may be.

Yeah, until he's willing to open up, sadly you may never know. It's really up to his family to figure that out and help him. Hopefully they are, but you just aren't seeing it because he has you cut off.

[Melissa]

I've thought about dropping by his house, but considering he moved back home, it's kinda weird.

Well get over the weirdness, and drop by sometime. I know from experience that typed words are the wrong way to try to talk to someone like that when there is a problem.

[bluejeangirl76]

I've thought about dropping by his house, but considering he moved back home, it's kinda weird.

Well get over the weirdness, and drop by sometime. I know from experience that typed words are the wrong way to try to talk to someone like that when there is a problem.

typed words are the wrong way to talk to ANYONE when there is ANY kind of problem.

Hell, typed words are the wrong way to talk even sometimes when there are NO problems! All it takes is one (or both) people having unrelated bad days and things get taken the wrong way based on how the reader is feeling (or the writer says something that should maybe be reserved for a less emotion-driven moment...) and no matter what, drama ensues.

Verbal is always better because tone cannot be lost or misconstrued. Well... usually.

[Ehwmatt]

I've thought about dropping by his house, but considering he moved back home, it's kinda weird.

Well get over the weirdness, and drop by sometime. I know from experience that typed words are the wrong way to try to talk to someone like that when there is a problem.

typed words are the wrong way to talk to ANYONE when there is ANY kind of problem.

Hell, typed words are the wrong way to talk even sometimes when there are NO problems! All it takes is one (or both) people having unrelated bad days and things get taken the wrong way based on how the reader is feeling (or the writer says something that should maybe be reserved for a less emotion-driven moment...) and no matter what, drama ensues.

Verbal is always better because tone cannot be lost or misconstrued. Well... usually.

Let me perfectly clear, I've TRIED to call him many times and left several voicemails over the last couple months... probably at least ten voicemails. It's not like my concern/attempts to reach out have stopped at a mere "hey wat r u up 2?" text on Friday night.

[bluejeangirl76]

I've thought about dropping by his house, but considering he moved back home, it's kinda weird.

Well get over the weirdness, and drop by sometime. I know from experience that typed words are the wrong way to try to talk to someone like that when there is a problem.

typed words are the wrong way to talk to ANYONE when there is ANY kind of problem.

Hell, typed words are the wrong way to talk even sometimes when there are NO problems! All it takes is one (or both) people having unrelated bad days and things get taken the wrong way based on how the reader is feeling (or the writer says something that should maybe be reserved for a less emotion-driven moment...) and no matter what, drama ensues.

Verbal is always better because tone cannot be lost or misconstrued. Well... usually.

Let me perfectly clear, I've TRIED to call him many times and left several voicemails over the last couple months... probably at least ten voicemails. It's not like my concern/attempts to reach out have stopped at a mere "hey wat r u up 2?" text on Friday night.

Oh no, I definitely got what you were explaining about this situation. I was just reinforcing what Mel said... verbal is the way to go.

And you may not get many answers either... but at least you can move on knowing that you tried everything you knew to do. We can't control how people respond, of course. And that's sometimes hard to take. But if you do as much as you can then at least you know that any failure in reconnecting isn't on your part.

Like with my above mentioned friend... it was just impossible. I tried to be honest and tell her what was bugging me and it wasn't something she was interested in. She wanted to blame the failure of our friendship on me (and she still does). That's fine. Whatever. I know that *I* tried to discuss things. She wanted none of it. Ok, it's sad but whatever. I can't force people to see things or do things they don't want to so.... I have to move on.

[Ehwmatt]

Oh no, I definitely got what you were explaining about this situation. I was just reinforcing what Mel said... verbal is the way to go.

And you may not get many answers either... but at least you can move on knowing that you tried everything you knew to do. We can't control how people respond, of course. And that's sometimes hard to take. But if you do as much as you can then at least you know that any failure in reconnecting isn't on your part.

Like with my above mentioned friend... it was just impossible. I tried to be honest and tell her what was bugging me and it wasn't something she was interested in. She wanted to blame the failure of our friendship on me (and she still does). That's fine. Whatever. I know that *I* tried to discuss things. She wanted none of it. Ok, it's sad but whatever. I can't force people to see things or do things they don't want to so.... I have to move on.

See, this guy could ignore my calls until June and call me on a random Saturday night to go boozing and I'd be there, no questions asked. I don't take it personally that he doesn't wanna talk, I take it personally that one of my best drinking and concert buds is AWOL ... So if he decides to reappear, I don't need an explanation or anything like that. It is what it is, you know? No hard feelings, for sure, even if he is just pullin some bullshit while he figures stuff out.

Maybe that's a gender difference there or something, I don't know.

[JasonD]

Oh no, I definitely got what you were explaining about this situation. I was just reinforcing what Mel said... verbal is the way to go.

And you may not get many answers either... but at least you can move on knowing that you tried everything you knew to do. We can't control how people respond, of course. And that's sometimes hard to take. But if you do as much as you can then at least you know that any failure in reconnecting isn't on your part.

Like with my above mentioned friend... it was just impossible. I tried to be honest and tell her what was bugging me and it wasn't something she was interested in. She wanted to blame the failure of our friendship on me (and she still does). That's fine. Whatever. I know that *I* tried to discuss things. She wanted none of it. Ok, it's sad but whatever. I can't force people to see things or do things they don't want to so.... I have to move on.

See, this guy could ignore my calls until June and call me on a random Saturday night to go boozing and I'd be there, no questions asked. I don't take it personally that he doesn't wanna talk, I take it personally that one of my best drinking and concert buds is AWOL ... So if he decides to reappear, I don't need an explanation or anything like that. It is what it is, you know? No hard feelings, for sure, even if he is just pullin some bullshit while he figures stuff out.

Maybe that's a gender difference there or something, I don't know.

Why don't you & a group of your mutual friends get together for an Intervention of sorts? Considering how long this has been going on, it isn't likely he's going to come to you & it's easier for him to ignore you &/or avoid the doorbell or telephone ringing when it's only one person (you) making the effort to contact him. If you didn't do anything to make him hate you, then there's obviously something seriously bothering your friend. Maybe he's embarrassed about where he's at at this point in his life & he thinks you'll compare his imagined life's failures to your success. On the other hand, if he's clinically depressed then all the time in the world isn't going to bring a change for the better if your friend's not actively seeking help..... & if he actually is clinically depressed, then he's probably not likely to seek out help on his own accord. He just might need that tough love shove.

[Melissa]

Oh no, I definitely got what you were explaining about this situation. I was just reinforcing what Mel said... verbal is the way to go.

And you may not get many answers either... but at least you can move on knowing that you tried everything you knew to do. We can't control how people respond, of course. And that's sometimes hard to take. But if you do as much as you can then at least you know that any failure in reconnecting isn't on your part.

Like with my above mentioned friend... it was just impossible. I tried to be honest and tell her what was bugging me and it wasn't something she was interested in. She wanted to blame the failure of our friendship on me (and she still does). That's fine. Whatever. I know that *I* tried to discuss things. She wanted none of it. Ok, it's sad but whatever. I can't force people to see things or do things they don't want to so.... I have to move on.

Those things ring so familiar to me with a friend once; or someone I thought was a friend. Not something I had ever faced before, and certainly not something I ever want to face again, because I cared deeply about that person, and it really sucked and like you said is sad. It hurts. But I was turned away from when I reached out. So, no choice but to let go, and like you said, try to move on.

Oh and everything you said about typed or written words is so true too. Learned that one the hard way too with the same person.

[bluejeangirl76]

Oh no, I definitely got what you were explaining about this situation. I was just reinforcing what Mel said... verbal is the way to go.

And you may not get many answers either... but at least you can move on knowing that you tried everything you knew to do. We can't control how people respond, of course. And that's sometimes hard to take. But if you do as much as you can then at least you know that any failure in reconnecting isn't on your part.

Like with my above mentioned friend... it was just impossible. I tried to be honest and tell her what was bugging me and it wasn't something she was interested in. She wanted to blame the failure of our friendship on me (and she still does). That's fine. Whatever. I know that *I* tried to discuss things. She wanted none of it. Ok, it's sad but whatever. I can't force people to see things or do things they don't want to so.... I have to move on.

Those things ring so familiar to me with a friend once; or someone I thought was a friend. Not something I had ever faced before, and certainly not something I ever want to face again, because I cared deeply about that person, and it really sucked and like you said is sad. It hurts. But I was turned away from when I reached out. So, no choice but to let go, and like you said, try to move on.

Oh and everything you said about typed or written words is so true too. Learned that one the hard way too with the same person.

LOL... I learned it with more than one person! But yes, it's so hard to accept when someone who is supposed to be a friend just pushes you away, or even worse, when they turn the tables and shove the problem back on you, but like I said, we can't control the way people respond to us. With some people, I feel like it wouldn't have mattered in what manner I reached out, or dealt with problems, or whatever the situation, because due to just their own nature, they would have responded the same way.

Like with this one friend... we would have parted company at some point anyway, I'm convinced of that. She is just not someone who accepts responsibility for the way she treats people, and when called out on things, she always has a way to make her behavior your fault. And I finally had enough and I said "F this in the A, I'm a really good person and I do NOT deserve this chick's b.s." And I haven't talked to her or seen her since.

[Melissa]

Those things ring so familiar to me with a friend once; or someone I thought was a friend. Not something I had ever faced before, and certainly not something I ever want to face again, because I cared deeply about that person, and it really sucked and like you said is sad. It hurts. But I was turned away from when I reached out. So, no choice but to let go, and like you said, try to move on.

Oh and everything you said about typed or written words is so true too. Learned that one the hard way too with the same person.

LOL... I learned it with more than one person! But yes, it's so hard to accept when someone who is supposed to be a friend just pushes you away, or even worse, when they turn the tables and shove the problem back on you, but like I said, we can't control the way people respond to us. With some people, I feel like it wouldn't have mattered in what manner I reached out, or dealt with problems, or whatever the situation, because due to just their own nature, they would have responded the same way.

Like with this one friend... we would have parted company at some point anyway, I'm convinced of that. She is just not someone who accepts responsibility for the way she treats people, and when called out on things, she always has a way to make her behavior your fault. And I finally had enough and I said "F this in the A, I'm a really good person and I do NOT deserve this chick's b.s." And I haven't talked to her or seen her since.

So true. And this person and I both were at fault in how some things were handled, but it became clear to me from the other person that our friendship wasn't worth working through those things and talking about them. Not much you can do when a door gets slammed in your face, but walk away.

[Luvsaugeri]

Let me add too, there is a difference between being a little "depressed" and clinically depressed. One is temporary, one may not be. That is what doctors should be determining when deciding how to give and dose medications. I really don't like that GP docs can dispense these meds. I really think it should be a psychiatrist who does. It might alleviate some of the misuse.

That's exactly right!!! These doctors are too busy and overworked to do just that. So they pass out pills like candy and give people whatever they want just to quiet them up so they aren't bothered by phone calls etc.

When I first started in nursing Vicodin was a big time pain pill. Oxycontin and Dilaudid were used mostly for people with cancer. Now they prescribe Oxy and Dilaudid for any kind of back pain etc.