I’ll See You When Your Clothes Are On
Nude Photographs
(Chapter 11 excerpt MTV VJs)
Mark:
Never in my life was I able to pick up a girl in a bar, just
walk up to somebody and be that macho dude. But once MTV started,
pretty girls started coming on to me. Alan and I were getting
pictures in the mail, and we started having a contest.
Alan:
In the beginning, our fan mail came in dribs and drabs.
Nina got lots of it, and Martha had a lot
too, and I had a scant few envelopes. But it didn’t take
long until the mail started to stream in from Middle America,
and I didn’t have anything more important to do than to read it.
So Mark and I had a contest as to who would get the first naked
picture— because we could feel that they were coming.
One day I got a fat envelope that
smelled of perfume. I opened it up— Mark was there with me— and
there was a five-page letter and a picture: a buxom naked woman
built like a brick house. I was celebrating: “Yes, I’m the winner!”
So I read the letter:
“Dear Alan, I love MTV. I love watching you— you’re so sexy.”
Sweet, this is great. “But my biggest fantasies are for
Journey— they’re the best band ever. I’ve given you this picture
hoping that you can get it to Steve Perry.”
Mark was shouting, “You don’t
win! That’s not for you! You can’t be a pass-through!” We were
making up the rules as we went along. I argued for a little
while, but honestly, it was deflating. It emphasized that we
weren’t actually stars— we were just the conduits.
Mark:
If you ask me, I was the winner. I got one card— a beautiful
personal note with a wax seal on the back. It didn’t have a
picture attached, but it was very feminine. I opened it up and it
said, in lovely cursive handwriting,
“Wanna meet a girl who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch?”
And there was a P.S.: “If you can’t come, send Al.”
VJ: The Unplugged Adventures of MTV's First Wave
Atria Books.