The_Noble_Cause ~ Greatest Hits, Vol. 1 (WARNING: LONG)

[conversationpc]

“Being revoltingly offensive is truly an art.” ~ The_Noble_Cause

If you've been a member of the MR boards long enough and have posted much here in the Journey forum, then it's likely you've incurred the wrath of none other than The_Noble_Cause, resident king of the verbal smackdown. I've undertaken the painstaking task of assembling the very best of his vast catalogue. Since I've only been a member here since the end of June, I've limited my research to that time period. I'm sure there are buried treasures somewhere in the vast recesses of the time machine that is the MR Journey board.

Feel free to peruse this veritable cacaphony of insults, verbal barrages, and rantings from an insane but genius mind. Many of us regulars here are thusly represented and you may find a quote or two that was flung in your direction with blunt force. Names have not necessarily been spared to protect the victims. Please keep small children as far away from the screen as possible.

The opinions contained herein are those of The_Noble_Cause and do not necessarily represent those of myself, this forum, or its owner.

[conversationpc]

I was first introduced to TNC's wrath not long after joining up here...

Do you even own a TV, dude?
I get the distinct impression from your posts that you have high speed intenet and maybe a transistor radio.

Quite the dichotomy.
On the one hand, we have a poster gloating about his education, and on the other hand, here we have a poster who is perfectly content to go thru life as a potato eating simpleton.

More than likely you're the one truly addicted to hairy asscrack.
Now quickly, back into the bathhouse with Ye!

My, what a backwoods mouth breather u are.

I never claimed to have been a member of my school's debate team, either.
In fact, the only rule I try to observe when arguing with Conservative douchenozzles (such as yourself) is "take no prisoners!".

This one’s probably my all-time favorite…

Want limitless hours of entertainment?
Go re-charge the car-sized battery of your 8inch anal blaster w/ realistic translucent jelly balls.
Gay bitch.

You seemingly have all the attention span of an ADHD afflicted gnat.

[conversationpc]

Even current and former members of our beloved Journey are not exempt...

Steve Perry is an indolent old fart who prefers to lead a sedentary life sitting on the couch eating sweet n' salty pork crisps .

Unless Journey can work out the logistics of touring from Perry's living room, it simply ain't gonna happen.

Neal - please put the roach clip down long enough to have an active hand in the track listing of your albums. Journey is an integral part of ur legacy.
Musically incompetent estrogen-fests like "Believe" & "Butterfly" have absolutely no place on a Journey record and make my nuts curdle up into my lower abdomen, frankly.
Both songs are dissonant to the ear and recieve very little play from me (unless I need background music in my truck when I go gay bashing).

People can talk about whatever they want.
Perry's fake hip injury, Augeri's use of tapes, Dumbar's pedophiliac tendencies - u name it, it's all fair game here.

I didn't go to see Steve Augeri's hairy guido ass.
I came to hear him sing.

Thanks for being a good sport and answering this deliberately condescening thread.
If it were directed towards Cain, I think he probably would've read it, had an aneuryism and died.

Jeff, name your favorite Journey song and album.

When you find a spare moment from meticulously trimming your womb broom..er..umm “goatee” and/or carving holes in your ridiculously overpriced designer jeans I’d greatly appreciate u answering this.

Nice Bride of Frankenstein hairdo, Cain.
What the fuck were you thinking?
He bears more than a striking resemblace to funny-as-cancer Australian comic, Yahoo Serious.

When my feeble minded granddad makes this same expression it is usually accompanied by a staff a nurses in hazmat suits rushing into the room with a hose and garden trowel.

Being named after someone as stupedefying "average" as Ross Valory is akin to having the Scarlet Letter branded on your forehead.

None of those aforementioned people are in Journey.
As for Bob Dylan, Neal already has a perfectly fine bad singer lined up in Ross Valory if the occassion should present itself.

Neal may have the ethical backbone of a jellyfish, but I personally think the shades look cool.
If that sounds disproportionately queer-eye, I apologise in advance.

I never knew there were soo many prissy primadonnas on this board.
If Neal smokes like a fiend I sure don't see it.
You guys make his face out to be a piece of dried smoked hickory jerky, or the Marlboro man's ballbag or something.

No, actually I thought he looks more like "Angela", the crazed transgendered killer from the 80's slasher classic "Sleepaway Camp".

[conversationpc]

For that matter, Andrew has not escaped his adjective-laden slugfests...

I hear he has been camped out in front of his computer watching the Dustin Diamond porn on-loop since it was leaked to the internet last week.
Zip up your pants, and get back to work, you Koala-raping bushwacker!

Andrew has mouse turd sized balls and is afraid to call and find out.

[conversationpc]

Heads of state need not dream of escaping his clutches...

Unlike some, instead of proposing to sentence him to some subterranean hell hole to endue Abu Ghrab style testicular shock therapy (at the clammy avuncular hands of Dick Cheney, no less!)

[conversationpc]

Then there are those of us who have become MR Journey forum relics...

Aren't u the one who entered this otherwise-cheerful thread strictly for the purpose of mud slinging?
You're like an Islamist suicide bomber who walks into a crowded cafe and ruins everyones day.
Go back to the Seventh rung of hell and stay there.

I can't be concerned with what your post-menopausal, hot-flash embattled brain chooses to randomly take offense with.
Fat malevolent old crone.

When in reality I bet you have a huge beer gut....your nasty ass crack show's when you bend over, because you have no waist! It's alway's the impotent old balding guy's that are so insulting to women! Personal, issue's??

I am pretty sure I am arguing with AngieKay here.
Besides, ur sn is so unassuming and androgynous.
Mostly everyone here thought u were a pre-op tranny.

As I said, ur job was obtained clearly not by virture of talent, but by virture of a twittery vagina and a proclivity to lose your britches at the drop of a dime.

Stick to what your good at - like buying discount bags of Halloween candy off-season, breaking furniture, and boosting Dr. Phil's ratings.

Turn off the public library computer and get ur food stamp-dependent ass back into the shelter.
Oh, and take ur roaming band of fatherless pick-pocketing mulatto orphans along with you.

I'm gathering you to be some sort of neckless amoeboid fatty who doesn't even possess the limited strength needed to turn away from ur conveniently-located bed-side computer.
Unjack from the web, or better yet, go jack off.
Whatever you do, put away the pringles and get on with ur fucking life.

I'm glad your musical tastes have finally evolved past "C is for cookie."
I'm also thrilled to see that u have a knack for memorization, as Dean and I are looking forward to forcing u to learn all 6035 rectal maneuvers in the Kama Sutra whilst a carrot up your butt.

I don't even know what the hell that means.
Why don't you pull down your sodden pampers and let Mark Foley rape you in ur crybaby ass.

Me and Deano are actually looking to become surrogate fathers and adopting you as our young boy.
We will keep you shackled in a dog cage and apprentice you in our amoral ways of sin.
In addition, we will refine your palate, in order to savor the delicacy of cock.

Sprout ur first nut hair and then come back and talk to us.

Call Coast to Coast tonite.
Say you are the one person still on the planet who thinks Bush isn't a fuck up.
Art or George will put u on air faster than a caller who is in the middle of an alien butt probing.
Yes, you're that much of an anomaly.

Return your copy of "hooked on phonics" to the store and demand a full refund.
It ain't working.

Instead of self-importantly tooting your own horn here, how about you shove it up your ass and blow morning reveillery for me, u strapping beefy testosterone-infused hunk of millitary bravado, u.

You look like Andre Agassi with down syndrome.

Go place another bulk shipment order of drake's cakes and ho-ho's.

While the chronic vaginal dryness and hot flashes which accompany menopause can make most women edgy, I really wish you would cheer up, HOTS.
Scraggly flea-bitten old hoe.

I simply assumed she spilled KY all over the keyboard as she accidentally hit "warp speed" on her diamond-encrusted butt plug.

Go douche with boric acid.

What does "A Fire Inside" mean anyways.
It wouldn't happen to refer to that burning sensation inside your urethra, by any chance?
Go take a Woserman test, u skanky, skanky whore.

Look, we all know you're a frustrated midwestern dildo-toting housewife, but can you please refrain from injecting your carnal sexual desires into an otherwise wholesome thread?
Thanks.

Ugh. You sound like a pre-pubescent girl fawning over Justin Timberlake.
Go change your sanitary pad, and leave the real men to talk about real rock music.

Hi Larry,
Is it true you actually live next door to a gay bar, where u secretly worship other mens pork and beans?

You're not a loon.
You're certifiable - an apeshit moonbat nutjob of the first order.

According to you, I guess we should all compliantly bend over a barrel and take it straight up the pooper.
Now resume waxing your legs, dickless wonder.

Not a Dem. Sorry.
Though you have indisputably proven yourself to be a card carrying Conservative ass jockey.

I'm saying you're a hypocritical panty sniffer.
You want Deano to be banned for bigotry, as you simultaneously engage in a seething tirade against the south?
Go slap another Confederate flag bumper sticker on your truck, u pabst blue ribbon swigging redneck.

[conversationpc]

Of course, this compilation would not be complete without reviewing the nuclear bombs delivered on an almost daily basis to our resident denizen of Iowa...

Simple. It adds some much needed levity after you, a walking maelstrom of doom and gloom, rolls up in here.
You are like one of the four horseman of the apocalypse.
You just suck the fun right out of the forum (and no, that wasn't a cheap pun, u devoted phallic slave).

Needlessly-wry, overly-cynical, unwarrantably-pessimistic....u need to turn off the non-stop TV diet of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' and remember what its like to be an actual human being.

I don't think his partners ever get to that stage.
They normally freak the fuck out of the room when Monker appears from his dressing room in full gimp slave regalia, complete with nipple clamps, and domestic livestock in tow.

Monker tells me Andrew is hung like a Fosters beer can.
"Very meaty" were his precise words, as he licked the fecal remnants from his cleft lip (an unfortunate side-effect of his inbred genetic make-up).

I'd entrust my kids to Jim McGreevy before you.
You are a good for nothing piece of freeze dried dog shit.

Now please regale us with more of your gastrointestinal gerbil exploits in the private room of the HotRod Gay Bar circa 1970's San Francisco.
Is it true you were the first queer on the planet to succesfully cram a Great Dane all the way up his ass?

Oh, fall down atop of the sword and die already, you poor embattled martyr, you!
This hand-wringing dinglefuck ceaselessly carries on like he is the Rosa Parks of this goddamned place.

Repeat after me, you are owed nothing from Andrew save for the baseball cleat ass savaging of your life!

I bet you are currently accumulating enough frequent flyer miles to go out to Tazmania, and raid and sniff his jock strap drawer.

You cravenly ran under momma's blouse and tattletaled.
My, what a heroic role model your must be for you children.
I wonder if they get teased on the playground for having a big gaping 5 O'clock shadowed cervix for a father.

You are sooo fucking bitter that Deano has connections while the only insight you have to offer is how to make shadow puppets with your scrotum and/or how to best get fucked without inverting your own sphincter.

Now go wrap your overstretched rubbery pussylips atop of that grain silo, u inbred mongoloid fuck.

Go plunk your soured asscheeks atop of Gowan's rotating keyboard-stand and die.

Log off Beastiality.com, squeegee the cum off your monitor, and go re-join the real world.

Funny, you had no problem lapping up that milk when it was dispensed by your red leather enswathed savior.
Now go retrieve another semen sample from Horace the donkey, u inbred hick.

Maybe when you find a moment from plumbing the anal fissures of Besty the Moo Cow, you can address this, ok?

Best you throw in the towel and lead a quiet life of shoveling manure and tipping cows.

You're just a cantankerous old bitch.
Isn't it time you douched out your ass?

Now go re-join your aunts and uncles in the orgy already in progress.

People come for the catalog, you plebeian asswipe.

Like I said, you're an "Augerifag".
A zombified zealot practioneer of blind idolatry.
Why don't you go back to sniffing your treasured lock of Augeri's hair and cumming all over your overalls?

Must've been your gay ex-lover that you gave Subsaharan monkey pox to.

Who cares what you say?
You have also been petitioning your state representative to legalize incest for a quarter century.
Go get fucked.

The reality is Journey will continue to succesfully tour long after you succumb to your terminal butt lesions.

I'm not so much marvelling at your ass, as i am the three construction workers, the entire crew of cirque du solei, and the gay priest all plowing a trough in it.

Go sit shiva elsewhere, you perpetually morose dinglefuck.

[conversationpc]

Alas, even the elderly among us has not escaped TNC's evil clutches. Is there no pity in him?

and I did PM Jeff and he answered Nov. 2

Then why start a whole separate thread asking the very same question?
Oh, that's right, u are soo fucking decrepit u have Alzheimers.
Better check to see if u remembered to wipe urself.
I don't think the other sarcophaguses in the Bingo Parlor would appreciate that very much.

What do u have?

Front row with VIP priviliges.
At least I did, but now that I know you're there, I am keeping my distance.
The whole venue will reek of skanked up Depends.
Besides, if i have the misfortune of being next to u, u will likely spill ur prune juice daiquiri all over my new duds.

And whats with that stupid AV. It needs to be changed.

So does ur adult diaper jam-packed with feces trailing out of it, but far be it from me to give someone fashion advice.

Something the matter, you gray haired old bat?
Guys, I think Grandma needs her colostomy bag emptied.

Cut her some slack.
Old crow probably has glaucoma...caps is the only way she can read her dementia-induced ramblings.

[Vladan]

Damn he means business. Can't say that I ever had the pleasure. The only things Noble said to me are usually normal things like in the movies section forums, he's never said anything insulting to me at all. I guess I am one of the lucky ones, and probably didn't say somthing stupid to trigger off this wreckin machine!.

[conversationpc]

To be fair, TNC has had at least one self-deprecating moment...

Hey, good for you.
I ate an industrial-sized bag of trail mix from Sam's Club and inadvertently imploded my Septic Tank.
Does that mean I should tell you all about it?
Should I upload pics of the wrecking-ball sized turd that singlehandedly destroyed my indoor plumbing?

...and has also displayed his sense of charity by helping out fellow Journey forum buddies.

I can not get the pics link to open, has jammed my system and caused me to shut down twice. Anyone else have a problem? Any suggestions?

Try lifting your pickel-barrel sized gut off of the keyboard.
Just some general troubleshooting advice.

[Vladan]

Hahaha, classic.

[conversationpc]

It's moments like these that make us take a deep look inside to see what we're really made of. TNC is no exception...

Christ, I wish there was a 12 step program for this godforsaken hell hole.
Why am I always here?
More and more I find myself asking when exactly did my life slip me by?

So ends this edition of TNC's Greatest Hits, Vol. 1.

[Carlitto H@kk]

WOW...

The Man is pretty damn funny!

And that is coming straight from the "potatoe-eating simpleton" that was later told to
"shove it up your ass and blow morning reveillery for me, u strapping beefy testosterone-infused hunk of millitary bravado, u."


After reading some of this classic shit, I actually feel HONORED to have been
totally ass-fucked by TNC...
Not once but twice

[conversationpc]

Hahaha, classic.

Seriously, I hated the guy at first but I can't help but laugh now. The guy is hilarious.

Good on ya, TNC. Hope you don't mind me digging through the archives for this stuff. I am gonna pay for it, though...Spent WAAAAAAYYYYYY too much time doing this.

[A Fire Inside]

For what it's worth the Neal caption cracked me up.

But I can't believe you gathered quotes and made a whole thread.

[Matthew]

Brilliant....so many classics....

Thanks Dave. That made my morning.

[Wheels Of Fyre]

Hahaha, classic.

Seriously, I hated the guy at first but I can't help but laugh now. The guy is hilarious.

It's 10 minutes later and I'm still cracking up!

Thanks, Dave!

[conversationpc]

For what it's worth the Neal caption cracked me up.

But I can't believe you gathered quotes and made a whole thread.

I was online a lot more last night than I normally am, wasn't tired, and stayed up late to boot. It took awhile and I just about peed my pants a few times.

Yeah, he ripped you a new one at least a couple of times as well.

[SteveForever]

thanks for the laughs!!!

[conversationpc]

:lol: thanks for the laughs!!!

I think at least one of the comments was directed at you.

[Marabelle]

Of course all of this begs the philosophical/rhetorical question:
Was that which we so desired and romanticized of pop culture in this day and age exempflied/demonstrated in the words of TNC culminating into a cult like following and worshipping? Nah. Is our perception of TNC's rants brought on by the precision cuts of his words? Nah. It's just TNC raving and kicking us in our collective arses with a wink and a smile.

[Rockindeano]

Dude, you have way too much time on your hands.

I am on record as thinking the Noble Cause is an MR Hall of Famer, period.

[NealIsGod]

Dude, you have way too much time on your hands.

I am on record as thinking the Noble Cause is an MR Hall of Famer, period.

Of course he is. I think he makes me laugh even more than you do.

Where is this MR HOF? Tazmania?

[conversationpc]

Dude, you have way too much time on your hands.

I am on record as thinking the Noble Cause is an MR Hall of Famer, period.

Last night I definitely had too much time on my hands. I started a diet the a few days ago and have lots more energy, so I wasted most of the evening laughing my butt off.

[Rockindeano]

peaking of diet....I was insulted and inspired by none other than Deen Castronovo last night, regarding my huge beer gut. I am definitely off the fast food and cutting back beer intake 50%.

Fuck off Deeno!

[conversationpc]

peaking of diet....I was insulted and inspired by none other than Deen Castronovo last night, regarding my huge beer gut. I am definitely off the fast food and cutting back beer intake 50%.

Fuck off Deeno!

From what I've witnessed a 50% reduction of beer intake for you is still lots more than I consume.

[Marabelle]

TNC is hilariously funny, witty and crazed.

[Natalie]

peaking of diet....I was insulted and inspired by none other than Deen Castronovo last night, regarding my huge beer gut. I am definitely off the fast food and cutting back beer intake 50%.

Fuck off Deeno!

Wow, with this new commitment to a healthy lifestyle, wanna train for a marathon with me?????

[NealIsGod]

peaking of diet....I was insulted and inspired by none other than Deen Castronovo last night, regarding my huge beer gut. I am definitely off the fast food and cutting back beer intake 50%.

Fuck off Deeno!

From what I've witnessed a 50% reduction of beer intake for you is still lots more than I consume.

True dat. I could get drunk off of what he spills.

[Red13JoePa]

Dude, you have way too much time on your hands.

I am on record as thinking the Noble Cause is an MR Hall of Famer, period.

Of course he is. I think he makes me laugh even more than you do.

Where is this MR HOF? Tazmania?

He's definately in Cooperstown.
I've been on biz end of his howitzer many a time.
And the best part is, not only could he care less about his own popularity or infamy but may even be little bashful about a thread dedicated to it.