Police: Man Had Sex With Picnic Table !

by **ProgRocker53** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:47 am

what. the. fuck.

by **Michigan Girl** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:58 am

That must've been one FINE table!!! :wink:

by **Voyager** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:58 am

Man, this dork has to go home and face his kids, his wife, his family, his friends (if any), his coworkers, and his entire community with all of them knowing that he FUCKED A PICNIC TABLE.

This dude is fucked!

:roll:

by **NealIsGod** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:01 am

That table obviously wanted it. Did you see the skimpy tablecloth it was wearing?

by **Saint John** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:03 am

Dude looks like Monker. :shock:

by **Just Mindy** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:04 am

Guess the table gave him wood. :lol:

by **NealIsGod** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:05 am

Come to think of it, my ottoman's been giving me eyes lately...

by **Voyager** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:10 am

I say, let the people fuck other people, and let the picnic tables fuck other picnic tables. That's only natural!

by **NealIsGod** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:11 am

Fact Finder wrote:Shamelessly stolen from another board.....

Picnic table lesbian group sex..

I guess this picture is porn to that guy. :lol:

Nobody has asked the most obvious question - how do you not get splinters? :shock:

by **ProgRocker53** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:13 am

Note: Screwing picnic tables is NOT a widespread thing in Ohio. :lol:

by **Voyager** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:14 am

Maybe he was trying to do this, but forgot to invite his wife?

by **lights1961** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:18 am

Fact Finder wrote:
NealIsGod wrote:
Fact Finder wrote:Shamelessly stolen from another board.....

Picnic table lesbian group sex..

I guess this picture is porn to that guy.

Nobody has asked the most obvious question - how do you not get splinters?

According to the article it was a metal table. That umbrella hole was hot and shaved and smooth.

a shaved picnic table---or in this case sanded smooth... ;-)

THAT IS NOT A GOOD VISUAL!!

by **Saint John** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:20 am

God bless the guy...better that picnic table than another man or a child. Fucker should have just bought one at Home Depot, put it in his basement, and fucked it til his dick was full of splinters.

by **johnroxx** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:22 am

Voyager wrote:Man, this dork has to go home and face his kids, his wife, his family, his friends (if any), his coworkers, and his entire community with all of them knowing that he FUCKED A PICNIC TABLE.

This dude is fucked!

A cake walk compared to what THIS mook certainly went through after posting his "exploits" on the web (strategically censored for Andrew's sake):

This genius gives a whole new meaning to the term tailpipe...

;^)

by **Saint John** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:34 am

johnroxx wrote:
Voyager wrote:Man, this dork has to go home and face his kids, his wife, his family, his friends (if any), his coworkers, and his entire community with all of them knowing that he FUCKED A PICNIC TABLE.

This dude is fucked!

A cake walk compared to what THIS mook certainly went through after posting his "exploits" on the web (strategically censored for Andrew's sake):

This genius gives a whole new meaning to the term tailpipe...

;^)

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Roxx...what kind of fucking sites do you hang out at?!?! :lol:

Funny shit. If that guy was my neighbor he'd either kill me or himself. I'd get drunk and stand outside his fucking house with a bullhorn making fun of him. (still laughing)

by **johnroxx** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:37 am

Saint John wrote:Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Roxx...what kind of fucking sites do you hang out at?!?! :lol: Funny shit. If that guy was my neighbor he'd either kill me or himself. I'd get drunk and stand outside his fucking house with a bullhorn making fun of him. (still laughing)

Google Image Search is a wonderful thing for those of us with a twisted sense of humor...

;^)

by **Saint John** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:55 am

johnroxx wrote:
Saint John wrote:Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Roxx...what kind of fucking sites do you hang out at?!?! :lol: Funny shit. If that guy was my neighbor he'd either kill me or himself. I'd get drunk and stand outside his fucking house with a bullhorn making fun of him. (still laughing)

Google Image Search is a wonderful thing for those of us with a twisted sense of humor...

;^)

Roxx's things to do list:

Pick up clothes from cleaners.
Pick up a gallon of milk after work.
Get oil changed on car.
Return DVDs to Blockbuster.
Hit up and Google and see if anyone fucked a picnic table. :lol:

by **hoagiepete** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:06 am

First off, can't believe I even opened this thread.

Second...at least he was smart enough to pick a metal table and not wood. Splinters would suck.

I guess he had something for flat chested women.

by **YoungJRNY** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:13 am

This thread

disturbs me.

by **larryfromnextdoor** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:20 am

roxx,, that guy looks like The Coach in Vision Quest!!! cue the music.... ..."another night in any town......"

by **johnroxx** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:23 am

YoungJRNY wrote:This thread

disturbs me.

Mission accomplished...

;^)

Website · by **FishinMagician** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:41 am

the weird part is the "anonymous tipster" who made 3 DVD's of it!!

by **youkeepmewaiting** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:42 am

It was an attractive table though..

by **scarygirl** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:44 am

I can only imagine the trash talk later with friends. "She was good, but kind of flat and inaminate. No personality at ALL."

by **BobbyinTN** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:45 am

WOW! Talk about safe sex.

by **mistiejourney** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:12 am

NealIsGod wrote:That table obviously wanted it. Did you see the skimpy tablecloth it was wearing?

That's right, blame the table. That's how it always goes. :lol:

by **mistiejourney** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:16 am

NealIsGod wrote:
Fact Finder wrote:Shamelessly stolen from another board.....

Picnic table lesbian group sex..

I guess this picture is porn to that guy.

Nobody has asked the most obvious question - how do you not get splinters?

Oh, he probably DOES have splinters and made numerous visits to an ER to get them out, he just didn't tell the truth!

And when did table sex become illegal?

So there is a new category of attraction? What is it called, WoodNymph?

by **Voyager** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:25 am

scarygirl wrote:I can only imagine the trash talk later with friends. "She was good, but kind of flat and inaminate. No personality at ALL."

Probably something more like, "Get the hell away from me you picnic-table-fucking freak!"

:lol:

by **Rip Rokken** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 7:07 am

NealIsGod wrote:That table obviously wanted it. Did you see the skimpy tablecloth it was wearing?

What would make a man want to have sex with a picnic table?!? Maybe his dad said, "Boy, someone ought to jerk a knothole in ya" and he misunderstood?

by **johnroxx** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 7:09 am

mistiejourney wrote:Oh, he probably DOES have splinters and made numerous visits to an ER to get them out, he just didn't tell the truth!

And when did table sex become illegal?

So there is a new category of attraction? What is it called, WoodNymph?

As someone who works in emergency medicine, I can tell you that we see shit a lot more bizarre than mere spinters coming into the ER...

;^)

MR

Police: Man Had Sex With Picnic Table !

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