Police: Man Had Sex With Picnic Table !

[Rick]

Oh, he probably DOES have splinters and made numerous visits to an ER to get them out, he just didn't tell the truth!

And when did table sex become illegal?

So there is a new category of attraction? What is it called, WoodNymph?

As someone who works in emergency medicine, I can tell you that we see shit a lot more bizarre than mere spinters coming into the ER...

;^)

While I'm totally in awe of people that do the work you do, I don't think I could do it.

[Rip Rokken]

As someone who works in emergency medicine, I can tell you that we see shit a lot more bizarre than mere spinters coming into the ER...

;^)

You, too? I've also worked in an E.R. before, and have seen the kind of stuff urban legends are made of. Been a long time, though.

[Rick]

As someone who works in emergency medicine, I can tell you that we see shit a lot more bizarre than mere spinters coming into the ER...

;^)

You, too? I've also worked in an E.R. before, and have seen the kind of stuff urban legends are made of. Been a long time, though.

A fairly famous, ex-pro football player was seen in a friends ER with a broken candle stick in his ass. I thought I'd heard it all up until I heard that one. I guess there are some really weird fuckers out there.

Dude, you've been hilarious in this thread, and I appreciate that very much. What I don't appreciate is you withholding this football players name. Give it up fucker!

[Rip Rokken]

A fairly famous, ex-pro football player was seen in a friends ER with a broken candle stick in his ass. I thought I'd heard it all up until I heard that one. I guess there are some really weird fuckers out there.

That is very close to what I saw -- to be specific, a sawed-off broomstick for the first guy, and later the very same night, a cucumber in another! I watched both those patients come in an be admitted, and then saw the x-rays! UNREAL! And the attending physician's comments were priceless! He was basically an old country boy who did not sign on for that kind of work. That was actually my very first real job back in the 80's, working at that hospital, and I was 18 at the time.

It's a pretty stupid thing to do -- someone shoves something too far up up their ass, the sphincter closes around it and pushes it up further, and then they can't get it out. I'm no medical specialist, but always wondered why they couldn't just grunt real hard and expel it.... LOL! I bet this happens more times than you hear about.

[Rick]

Seriously, I'm sworn to secrecy on that. It was never in the media. But I will say, Ohio State, NY Jets...circa 1989.

Aww damn, but I appreciate your near secrecy in the matter.

[Rick]

A fairly famous, ex-pro football player was seen in a friends ER with a broken candle stick in his ass. I thought I'd heard it all up until I heard that one. I guess there are some really weird fuckers out there.

That is very close to what I saw -- to be specific, a sawed-off broomstick for the first guy, and later the very same night, a cucumber in another! I watched both those patients come in an be admitted, and then saw the x-rays! UNREAL! And the attending physician's comments were priceless! He was basically an old country boy who did not sign on for that kind of work. That was actually my very first real job back in the 80's, working at that hospital, and I was 18 at the time.

It's a pretty stupid thing to do -- someone shoves something too far up up their ass, the sphincter closes around it and pushes it up further, and then they can't get it out. I'm no medical specialist, but always wondered why they couldn't just grunt real hard and expel it.... LOL! I bet this happens more times than you hear about.

When I was a kid I worked at a Long John Silvers. The rumor was some dude who worked there previously had got caught screwing a 50 lb block of the solid shortening used to fry the fish with. Think a big 2 foot square block of Crisco. I think that's a much better choice than a picnic table.

I'll bet they used that shortening too.

I had a friend that worked at Burger King and was cleaning up for the night. He was cleaning the ice cream machine and pulled the cannister of ice cream out of the top of the machine and sat it on the floor next to the machine. He finished cleaning the machine and stepped down and his whole leg went right into the cannister. Nearly up to the knee. He removed his leg and put that cannister in the freezer and they served it the next day.

[Andrew]

Anonymous Tip Led Police To Arrest

March 28, 2008





BELLEVUE, Ohio -- Police said an Ohio man has been arrested for allegedly having sex with a picnic table.

Police arrested Arthur Price Jr. after an anonymous tipster dropped off three DVDs that reportedly showed Price in the act.

According to NBC Toledo, Ohio, affiliate WNWO-TV, the videos show Price tilting the metal round picnic table on its side and then laying up against it to have sexual intercourse with the table. Afterward, he can then be seen cleaning the table and the deck.

During questioning, he reportedly admitted to having sex with the table. Police said he also admitted to bringing the table inside his home for sex.

Price faces four counts of public indecency. He was freed after posting $20,000 bond, authorities said.


http://www.nbc10.com/news/15734256/detail.html

Not sure what is worse. That fact shite like this is deemed news these days, or the fast this thread has 46 replies

[Rick]

Anonymous Tip Led Police To Arrest

March 28, 2008





BELLEVUE, Ohio -- Police said an Ohio man has been arrested for allegedly having sex with a picnic table.

Police arrested Arthur Price Jr. after an anonymous tipster dropped off three DVDs that reportedly showed Price in the act.

According to NBC Toledo, Ohio, affiliate WNWO-TV, the videos show Price tilting the metal round picnic table on its side and then laying up against it to have sexual intercourse with the table. Afterward, he can then be seen cleaning the table and the deck.

During questioning, he reportedly admitted to having sex with the table. Police said he also admitted to bringing the table inside his home for sex.

Price faces four counts of public indecency. He was freed after posting $20,000 bond, authorities said.


http://www.nbc10.com/news/15734256/detail.html

Not sure what is worse. That fact shite like this is deemed news these days, or the fast this thread has 46 replies

That is startling on both counts.

[Lady Luck]

Man, this dork has to go home and face his kids, his wife, his family, his friends (if any), his coworkers, and his entire community with all of them knowing that he FUCKED A PICNIC TABLE.

This dude is fucked!

A cake walk compared to what THIS mook certainly went through after posting his "exploits" on the web (strategically censored for Andrew's sake):





This genius gives a whole new meaning to the term tailpipe...

;^)

LOL! Thanks, I just snorted diet coke up my nose.

These guys could've saved themselves the embarrassment if they'd just gone and wacked off like a normal person.

[Just Mindy]

Not sure what is worse. That fact shite like this is deemed news these days, or the fast this thread has 46 replies

That is startling on both counts.

He's just jealous cuz the wombat sex thread only got 6 replies.

[Rick]

Not sure what is worse. That fact shite like this is deemed news these days, or the fast this thread has 46 replies

That is startling on both counts.

He's just jealous cuz the wombat sex thread only got 6 replies.

Bwahahahahahahaha!!

The Melodicrock board members don't want to think of Andrew that way!! He's like a parent here. A sick, disheveled parent, but a parent none the less.

[T-Bone]

My faith in the human race has just slid a little further down.......

[Rick]

My faith in the human race has just slid a little further down.......

It should have ticked up a notch in the creativity department though.

[T-Bone]

My faith in the human race has just slid a little further down.......

It should have ticked up a notch in the creativity department though.

False... I think of the possibility of "Slivers"

[piecesofeight]

Man, this dork has to go home and face his kids, his wife, his family, his friends (if any), his coworkers, and his entire community with all of them knowing that he FUCKED A PICNIC TABLE.

This dude is fucked!

A cake walk compared to what THIS mook certainly went through after posting his "exploits" on the web (strategically censored for Andrew's sake):





This genius gives a whole new meaning to the term tailpipe...

;^)

LOL! Thanks, I just snorted diet coke up my nose.

These guys could've saved themselves the embarrassment if they'd just gone and wacked off like a normal person.

Now..that's what you call a HOTDOG..

[Ratgirl]

Holy crap.. just when you thought you've seen everything.
Maybe the table made the first move.

[squirt1]

OMG another shame from Ohio ! It should have been a wooden table. I wonder if Drudge has this up yet? I will send him a news tip.

[piecesofeight]

Man, this dork has to go home and face his kids, his wife, his family, his friends (if any), his coworkers, and his entire community with all of them knowing that he FUCKED A PICNIC TABLE.

This dude is fucked!

No kidding..if you are gonna' do something like this..at least do it in private..

[7 Wishes]

My former roommate was the nurse manager for a local E.R.

My favourite story - and there are many, including retards with apples and frozen hot dogs stuck in certain places - had to be the one about the guy who showed up early one morning...wearing a trench coat, with a Hoover vacuum in his right hand, and the hose snaked around under his coat, presumably stuck on an unmentionable.

I mean, how do you look the doctor in the eye with that one? "Yeah, I was vacuuming, and I slipped, and...."

[T-Bone]

Guy comes painfully stumbling into the emergency room.

Perp: Doc.... I need help... I need some slivers removed.

Doc: How the hell did you get them in your penis?!?!?!!?

Perp: Well... it's like this... I was in my yard, and the wind began to severely blow and I thought it was a tornado or something. I was running towards the house and the wind stood my picnic table up on end... the worst part is, as I was running, my pants suddenly dropped down, I got a hard-on and ran into the picnic table, and oddle enough, my penis fit perfectly into a knothole....."

[Rick]

Guy comes painfully stumbling into the emergency room.

Perp: Doc.... I need help... I need some slivers removed.

Doc: How the hell did you get them in your penis?!?!?!!?

Perp: Well... it's like this... I was in my yard, and the wind began to severely blow and I thought it was a tornado or something. I was running towards the house and the wind stood my picnic table up on end... the worst part is, as I was running, my pants suddenly dropped down, I got a hard-on and ran into the picnic table, and oddle enough, my penis fit perfectly into a knothole....."

A man comes screeching into the Emergency Room and exclaims that his wife needs help.

Two nurses and a doctor follow the man out to a decrepit old truck and in the bed lay a woman totally naked in convulsions.

The doctor asked the man what had happened.

The man said "Well we was makin love and she started into this crazy gyratin and carryin on and wouldn't stop, so I got scared and brought her here.

The doctor said "Well she's in an epileptic seizure and she needs medication."

The man said "Is that what that is? I thought her cummer was stuck!"

[7 Wishes]

You mean women have orgasms? Why wasn't I informed?

[squirt1]

Oh BTW Andrew- Can Australia top the USA in this category? . I would like to report the nuts that are topics on WLS-AM radio Chicago . It is not only the parks but the politics. Ohio leads evidently in kooks !

[larryfromnextdoor]

You mean women have orgasms? Why wasn't I informed?

........................................

[7 Wishes]

Seriously. If I had known, I would have made sure sex lasted longer than 15 seconds.

What I meant to say was...they just don't have them with ME.

[Rick]

I think this thread has run it's course. I think the lesson learned here is not to fuck the picnic table when cameras are rolling.

[T-Bone]

He was probably bored with the furniture that was in the house....

[mistiejourney]

As someone who works in emergency medicine, I can tell you that we see shit a lot more bizarre than mere spinters coming into the ER...

;^)

You, too? I've also worked in an E.R. before, and have seen the kind of stuff urban legends are made of. Been a long time, though.

Let's put it this way: I can tell the shape of an Arid Extra Dry deodorant on x-ray, and you know how the Energizer bunny keeps going and going? Well, those damn batteries don't stop just cuz you lost the contraption, if you get my drift..........

[journey062393]

So as i read this article, I'm thinking, why didnt this guy just bring the table inside if he's going to do something like that. But then to read further, and see that sometime's he did, and sometime's he didnt! How sick! Oh one more thing that this article didnt mention, but the news did. His yard was in clear sight of a local school and playground as well. Now THAT is sick!

[mistiejourney]

Man, this dork has to go home and face his kids, his wife, his family, his friends (if any), his coworkers, and his entire community with all of them knowing that he FUCKED A PICNIC TABLE.

This dude is fucked!

A cake walk compared to what THIS mook certainly went through after posting his "exploits" on the web (strategically censored for Andrew's sake):





This genius gives a whole new meaning to the term tailpipe...

;^)

LOL! Thanks, I just snorted diet coke up my nose.

These guys could've saved themselves the embarrassment if they'd just gone and wacked off like a normal person.

Now..that's what you call a HOTDOG..

I've heard of guys loving their cars, but this takes the cake. Hope he isn't a NASCAR fan, I don't want to run into him ANYWHERE!