OT: WTF is wrong with Vader's Storm Troopers?

[7 Wishes]

OK, just to frame the reference...my son has the flu, so we spent most of the day cuddling, listening to Ozzy, and watching the REAL Star Wars Triology (IV-VI). And it struck me...why are the Storm Troopers such terrible shots? I mean, did the Emperor recruit those nimrods from one of those hippie communes, or that group of losers that cried around the tree stump?

Hey, Vader! All that we need to take over the Known Universe is to fill out our Storm Trooper ranks. Go to the DNC, find the skinniest, nerdiest tree-hugging, card-carrying ACLU members, and force them into involuntary servitude! Naaaah...let's not actually train them or make sure they can shoot. Just give 'em some of those non-laser resistant plastic suits, and throw 'em against the Rebels! Those khaki-wearing peace-lovers will be so scared they'll run for the hills!

I mean, really. What is the point of world domination if your crack troops couldn't hit Rosie O'Donnell's ass with a grenade launcher at ten feet?

[Since 78]

OK, just to frame the reference...my son has the flu, so we spent most of the day cuddling, listening to Ozzy, and watching the REAL Star Wars Triology (IV-VI). And it struck me...why are the Storm Troopers such terrible shots? I mean, did the Emperor recruit those nimrods from one of those hippie communes, or that group of losers that cried around the tree stump?

Hey, Vader! All that we need to take over the Known Universe is to fill out our Storm Trooper ranks. Go to the DNC, find the skinniest, nerdiest tree-hugging, card-carrying ACLU members, and force them into involuntary servitude! Naaaah...let's not actually train them or make sure they can shoot. Just give 'em some of those non-laser resistant plastic suits, and throw 'em against the Rebels! Those khaki-wearing peace-lovers will be so scared they'll run for the hills!

I mean, really. What is the point of world domination if your crack troops couldn't hit Rosie O'Donnell's ass with a grenade launcher at ten feet?

Umm! Hippies?

[larryfromnextdoor]

these guys are good!!!

http://www.flashrolls.com/shooting-game ... h-Game.htm

[Just Sara]

OK, just to frame the reference...my son has the flu, so we spent most of the day cuddling, listening to Ozzy, and watching the REAL Star Wars Triology (IV-VI). And it struck me...why are the Storm Troopers such terrible shots? I mean, did the Emperor recruit those nimrods from one of those hippie communes, or that group of losers that cried around the tree stump?

Hey, Vader! All that we need to take over the Known Universe is to fill out our Storm Trooper ranks. Go to the DNC, find the skinniest, nerdiest tree-hugging, card-carrying ACLU members, and force them into involuntary servitude! Naaaah...let's not actually train them or make sure they can shoot. Just give 'em some of those non-laser resistant plastic suits, and throw 'em against the Rebels! Those khaki-wearing peace-lovers will be so scared they'll run for the hills!

I mean, really. What is the point of world domination if your crack troops couldn't hit Rosie O'Donnell's ass with a grenade launcher at ten feet?

This is definitely one of my favorite posts!

[Sarah]

2 words: plot armor.

The clones were great shots in the prequels... because they were on the 'good' side. lol

[finalfight]

My guess is that the original cloners on Kamino died or were killed along with the secrets of Jango Fett's dna. Without their expertise, the Empire proceeded to do a hack job of re-cloning when creating more troops and thus the Stormtroopers were born.

It is also possible that Lucas and his producers wanted to make the villainous Stormtroopers appear bumbling fools to poke fun of their World War II namesake.

Who knows for sure - Steve Sansweet maybe?

[Sarah]

My guess is that the original cloners on Kamino died or were killed along with the secrets of Jango Fett's dna. Without their expertise, the Empire proceeded to do a hack job of re-cloning when creating more troops and thus the Stormtroopers were born.

I've read a theory that the clones, due to the rapid aging process, died by the time of ANH and by then the Empire was recruiting real men to be stormtroopers. That would explain why Luke wanted to go to the Imperial Academy at the beginning of ANH.

[Uno_up]

Maybe they use Dick Cheney scopes?

[separate_wayz]

It's even worse than you imagined .......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riYgd-IiSJY

[separate_wayz]

OK, just to frame the reference...my son has the flu, so we spent most of the day cuddling, listening to Ozzy, and watching the REAL Star Wars Triology (IV-VI). And it struck me...why are the Storm Troopers such terrible shots? I mean, did the Emperor recruit those nimrods from one of those hippie communes, or that group of losers that cried around the tree stump?

Hey, Vader! All that we need to take over the Known Universe is to fill out our Storm Trooper ranks. Go to the DNC, find the skinniest, nerdiest tree-hugging, card-carrying ACLU members, and force them into involuntary servitude! Naaaah...let's not actually train them or make sure they can shoot. Just give 'em some of those non-laser resistant plastic suits, and throw 'em against the Rebels! Those khaki-wearing peace-lovers will be so scared they'll run for the hills!

I mean, really. What is the point of world domination if your crack troops couldn't hit Rosie O'Donnell's ass with a grenade launcher at ten feet?

I found the answer: they're too busy with Tokyo Dance Parties.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bygdRMCwC6s&NR=1

[ttango1]

because it was part of the script?

True story. Way back in the late 80's one of my best friends, a guy named Matt Morton was an extra for Rambo 3. The final scene was filmed in Yuma and in the climactic battle scenes, Rambo comes charging into a group of Russian rebels and Matt points his rifles directly at Rambo...so clearly that Rambo was fricken' about to be killed that the director screams out,"Cut! Son you're going to have point your rifle away from Rambo, like you're afraid of him."

So yeah...it's cause it's part of the script.

[larryfromnextdoor]

the best dude to ALWAYS have the drop on 50 people is Lone Wolf McQuade!!!

watch about a min. of this !!! guys dont even get a chance to fire on him to miss..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Yc0OESVEQI

[strangegrey]

I mean, really. What is the point of world domination if your crack troops couldn't hit Rosie O'Donnell's ass with a grenade launcher at ten feet?

In all seriousness, if they were good shots, a New Hope would be over with when they tried to fly out of Mos Eisley. The storm troppers would have taken out Solo, probably did fatal damage to the Falcon, raided the ship, shot everyone aboard...and taken R2D2 and 3PO to get their memories erased. End of Rebellion. End of Movies....bad guys win. Good guys all die.

Total running time for a New Hope....roughly 32 minutes!


It establishes a position where the viewer can suspend disbelief....otherwise, the fact that Luke, Han and Chewie could blast their way into the detention level, at point blank range, with zero cover....would have been met with laughs. Similar issues would arise in all of the other 2-5 rebels against 30-100 storm trooper shoot outs of all of the movies....




But yeah....I totally see your point. I was watching IV-VI with my son a few weeks ago and we had the same thought. My son asked me "Daddy, why dont they get hit..." I responded to him "Lea gets hit in the 3rd movie..." He goes "WOW, it takes 3 movies for one of them to get hit?" LOL!

[Eric]

My guess is that the original cloners on Kamino died or were killed along with the secrets of Jango Fett's dna. Without their expertise, the Empire proceeded to do a hack job of re-cloning when creating more troops and thus the Stormtroopers were born.

Nice explanation!

By the way...I like Revenge of the Sith the most out of any of the six

[finalfight]

My guess is that the original cloners on Kamino died or were killed along with the secrets of Jango Fett's dna. Without their expertise, the Empire proceeded to do a hack job of re-cloning when creating more troops and thus the Stormtroopers were born.

Nice explanation!

By the way...I like Revenge of the Sith the most out of any of the six

Me too. I even dug The Clone Wars.

[(Crazy)Dulce Lady]

i have always wondered about that........

give 'em light sabres.

[X factor]

So, here's been my theory on this:

The Clones were created specifically to be soldiers/warriors. The Stormtroopers we know from the first three films (i/e the GOOD ones! ) were consripted...in essence, they were draftees, many of whom probably didn't give a shit for the empire.
Big difference between a soldier that is CREATED to be there, and one that is FORCED to be there.

And COME ON, ya'll... those last three prison rapes of films are absolute shite...the best Star Wars film is EMPIRE STRIKES BACK...going away!



God, I'm a geek!



GO TITANS!!!

[(Crazy)Dulce Lady]

So, here's been my theory on this:

The Clones were created specifically to be soldiers/warriors. The Stormtroopers we know from the first three films (i/e the GOOD ones! ) were consripted...in essence, they were draftees, many of whom probably didn't give a shit for the empire.
Big difference between a soldier that is CREATED to be there, and one that is FORCED to be there.

And COME ON, ya'll... those last three prison rapes of films are absolute shite...the best Star Wars film is EMPIRE STRIKES BACK...going away!



God, I'm a geek!



GO TITANS!!!

ESB----for sure. DSB.

signed,

geek2

[Blueskies]

This is funny!...but, Vadar for the win? ...come on...everyone knows that Vadar never wins in the end! Chewy was robbed! ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkTQwP2gFxU

[strangegrey]

The Clones were created specifically to be soldiers/warriors. The Stormtroopers we know from the first three films (i/e the GOOD ones! ) were consripted...in essence, they were draftees, many of whom probably didn't give a shit for the empire.

Then what happened to the clones?

[Sarah]

The Clones were created specifically to be soldiers/warriors. The Stormtroopers we know from the first three films (i/e the GOOD ones! ) were consripted...in essence, they were draftees, many of whom probably didn't give a shit for the empire.

Then what happened to the clones?

Did no one read my post above where I explained this theory? The Clones were subject to a rapid aging process (seen in AotC) which caused them to die early. The Empire then went to recruits, and even Luke wanted to go to the Academy.

[Blueskies]

the best dude to ALWAYS have the drop on 50 people is Lone Wolf McQuade!!!

watch about a min. of this !!! guys dont even get a chance to fire on him to miss..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Yc0OESVEQI

Yeah, Lone Wolf rocks!
.. but my fave is Kwai Chang Caine...

he dodge spears...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iaamkUEF_A

can fight and dodge bullets...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b6bov4MvlI

and the bonus is you even get the benefit of sitting in on his training sessons ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCyJRXvPNRo

[X factor]

The Clones were created specifically to be soldiers/warriors. The Stormtroopers we know from the first three films (i/e the GOOD ones! ) were consripted...in essence, they were draftees, many of whom probably didn't give a shit for the empire.

Then what happened to the clones?

Did no one read my post above where I explained this theory? The Clones were subject to a rapid aging process (seen in AotC) which caused them to die early. The Empire then went to recruits, and even Luke wanted to go to the Academy.

Yep- from WOOKIEPEDIA.com

"Although the exact rate at which clones aged is unknown, it appears to be at least twice as fast as ordinary beings. There is speculation that this rate increased as clones aged, leading to a dramatic shortening of the life cycle. This was a primary factor forcing the Empire to compose their stormtrooper corps primarily of recruits and conscripts by 0 BBY, prior to the Battle of Yavin. Clones, unlike lower-end Battle droids, could think and strategize, making them more creative and more effective, although this was not always the case."