My Perry Interview

by **Rockindeano** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 12:58 pm

In my eyes, and my vision, this is what I would ask the greatest fuckin voice and the greatest singer we have have ever heard(sorry, Steve Augeri).

I would be walking down Ventura Blvd with my secretary Cyndy and my assistant Lora. Walking into Twain's, a place frequented by Steve Perry, we sat down and ordered some grub, and waited for Steve.

Lora: (to Me), You really have impressed me. You got the Perry interview.
Deano: I know. It was simple really. I called Steve and he said, "sure, why the fuck not?"
Cyndy: Lora, pass the LA Times. (She fires open the fishwrap and browses upcoming concerts in the Metro LA area).
Fat Waitress (HOTS I think): What ya all want?
Dean: (thinking)..what a fat skank. Look at the cellulite in those thighs. (it was oozing out through her pantyhose)
All: Coffee and white toast

5 minutes later, Steve Perry walks in.

SP: Deano, what's up Dog?!
Dean: Espee. Dude, you're alive!
SP: Fuckin A I am.
Lora: Hey Stevie (Kisses him on the cheek.
Cyndy: Kisses him on the other cheek.

We all move to a corner booth and watch the freeway go by at 90 mph.

Dean: So, feel like talkin?
SP: Anything is a go today Big guy
Dean: Bitchin.

Interview starts.

Dean: Isn't that waitress disgusting?
SP; Dude, I have never seen fly migrate to a private area like that. Must be some God awful area, if ya know what I mean.
Dean: (Dry heaving onto carpet)
Dean: Ok, let's talk numbers, 41 million in the USA. Not bad.
SP: Could have been more, but I got a little lazy in the 90's. Fuckin Schon wants to work 40 hour weeks. I am not down with that.
Dean: Dude, It's a job
SP: I know, but I don't give a shit. I am the voice.
Dean: (leans over toward Lora, looking like he was going to kiss her, but instead lets out a wet flapper.) Place starts to smell like a backed up toilet. Soon SP himself rips one too.
Cyndy excuse herself to go out for some fresh air.

Dean: Back to it Steve. Why not come back after TBF and make another run? Why Not?
SP: Well, I thought about it. I decided that I liked Cobalt Blue skies as I petted my 4 kitties. That is what I chose to do and will continue to do so.
Dean: Ever talk to Andrew McNeice?
SP: Who the fuck is that? Never heard of him.
Dean: He is probably the coolest motherfucker in the southern Hemisphere; Australia to be exact. Guy talks with a heavy maple syrup accent, but is a bitchin' dude.
SP: How the Hell would I know? I never heard of him!
Dean: Dude, answer your goddamned emails! Mac has sent you countless requests for interviews.
SP: I don't want to talk to him. I want to talk to you.
Dean: Thanks bro. Fuck this, lets hit the corner bar and throw some Jaegermeister.
SP: Sounds good. Lora driving?
Dean: Damn straight she is.

We drive, if you can call what Lora did driving, to Kandy Kat tittie bar. (Yeah, it opens at 9AM DCVader).

Lora parks her rig and we all spill out into the KK.
SP throws a couple Benjamins down and calls over some LA skanks.
Dean: Dude, lets call Schon and Friga.
SP: I don't contact them, my attorney's do.
Dean: Oh come on man! Get over this infantile shit! Schon is the coolest SOB in the nation. I know the Frig can be a little bitchy but he was still a big part of the success.
SP: Yeah, ok.
Dean: ok?
SP: I don't think I want to run again
Dean: Dude, what the fuck are you babbling about?
A shirtless blonde comes over and Perry sticks his large beak in between her milk cans., and wiggles back and forth...and does it some more.
Lora and Cyndy are shocked. I was laughing, waiting my turn.
SP: Damn, that was good. See what money can buy, Deano?
Dean: No shit. And to think, Neal makes your money for ya.
SP: Yep, got him and Friga busting their asses for me.
Dean: that's pathetic Steve.
SP: Well, I am having an interview with Uncle Joe.
Dean: Don't knock yourself out dude.
Lora:
Dean: we need to run.

We all get up, and say our goodbyes.

To be continued........................

by **journeywoman** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:03 pm

Best laugh all day...Sitting and waiting for more of this interview

by **Blueskies** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:04 pm

by **dcvader** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:07 pm

Deano, A lot of man hours went into that. Fuckin' classic.

Plus, you managed to get a WIGGLE in there. "Dean: Dude, what the fuck are you babbling about?
A shirtless blonde comes over and Perry sticks his large beak in between her milk cans., and wiggles back and forth...and does it some more. "

by **ohsherrie** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:12 pm

Aw geez, here we go. :lol:

I have a feeling this is going to be an epic. :shock:

by **larryfromnextdoor** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:14 pm

that was the BEST interview ive ever read.... "his beak" :lol:

oh my,, perry, strip bar, flatulence.. :lol:

..... oh.. what will cyndy and lora's view be to this? :shock:

...

by **journeyjeremy** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:17 pm

good stuff, i wish i had that much extra time , haha , gota give you some shit sometimes dude

by **zino** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:21 pm

Great post !!!

I like got schon and friga working there asses off

Funny stuff

Cant wait for more

by **Blueskies** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:21 pm

been a long time deano.....thank's for the laugh. waiting for part 2.

by **Ms_M** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:26 pm

Excellent journalism! All the hard-hitting questions were asked!

by **jrnyjetster** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:28 pm

Dean...got alot of spare time...daydreaming on the fucking job again??

Dude, you've got quite an imagination there...

by **Rockindeano** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:33 pm

jrnyjetster wrote::lol: Dean...got alot of spare time...daydreaming on the fucking job again?? Dude, you've got quite an imagination there...

Dude, I need tickets to Vancouver. Cough em up, Chompers.

by **PROPERRY** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:43 pm

Typical Deano behavior, ALWAYS NEEDING to use "personal attacks" to get his cheap laughs off of others like( HOTS & Perry) WHO DO NOT DESERVE to be talked about this way. It's also too bad to see that some choose to idly sit by, and go along with the abuse directed at HOTS & Perry. :roll:

Lori

by **PROPERRY** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 2:05 pm

Rockin'Deano wrote:Lori, YOU of all people can go rotate on a flag pole. It's done out of fun, and there is NO jibes directed to Perry. HOTS, yes, yes there is, because I hate HOTS

Yeah, this post will really have a good chance of staying power. Another gem lost to the archival abyss of MR trash folders. What a shame. I wish I could refurbish the MR trash folders and bring light to the lost posts that are pure gems.

Yea, that is the point I'm making, YOU always have to get your laughs & fun off hurting others, that's not cool! HOTS hasn't done anything to deserve the abuse here from you or anyone else! And Perry deserves MORE RESPECT from the fans here!!

Lori

by **Saint John** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 2:07 pm

PROPERRY wrote:

Yea, that is the point I'm making, YOU always have to get your laughs & fun off hurting others, that's not cool! HOTS hasn't done anything to deserve the abuse here from you or anyone else! And Perry deserves MORE RESPECT from the fans here!!

Lori

Perry is REVERED here. Nothing Deano said about Perry was taken seriously.

by AR » Thu Nov 30, 2006 2:13 pm

Perry is REVERED here.

Not by me. :wink:

I don't revere anyone. I like a lot of songs Perry used to sing a long time ago. That's it.

by **Saint John** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 2:20 pm

AR wrote:
Perry is REVERED here.

Not by me.

I don't revere anyone. I like a lot of songs Perry used to sing a long time ago. That's it.

Work with me, dude. I'm trying to pacify a loon. :wink:

by **cyndy!** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 3:03 pm

lora & i would like to make a few corrections to this scenario:

1) don't ever refer to me as a secretary
2) lora would never call steve "stevie." ewwww
3) lora would never drive in LA. that's my job.
4) neither one of us have problems with tittie bars or what goes on in them

other than that, not bad.

by **whocares** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 3:25 pm

That's practically a ringing endorsement.

by **ArnelRox** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 3:51 pm

Awesome my man, awesome. Gave me a great laugh.

I like the idea of Perry looking/feeling the boobies. He's a hot blooded man, isn't he?

HOTS deserves everything she gets on here for the stuff she dishes out.

Carry on Deano. Waiting anxiously for the next installment...

by **donnaplease** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 10:36 pm

Now THAT'S our Rockin' Deano!!!!! I loved it!!! I bet 'Espee' would get a good laugh out of it too!!! :lol:

by **Crazie Scarab** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 11:00 pm

Thanks for the great laughs this morning, Dean. Pretty funny shit!

by **Moon Beam** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 11:22 pm

Enjoyed the giggles with the morning Java
here Dean'o, spanks man.

PROPERRY and HOTS, you aren't the only
two that have been tossed in humor around
the forum.
My belly didn't always shake when it was
directed at me either.

In the real world some would think what
Dean as well as others do around here is
hurtful and not very mankind like.
Good freaking thing this ain't the real world.

It's humor, suck it in or shake it off.

by **duke22** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 11:57 pm

Excellent interview Deano. Good way to get a laugh in the morning.

by **Deb** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:56 am

Rockin'Deano wrote:A shirtless blonde comes over and Perry sticks his large beak in between her milk cans., and wiggles back and forth...and does it some more.

Thanks for the visual. :lol:

by **yogi** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:16 am

Excellent interview.

I am still laughing!!!

When you have completely finished it you ought to E-mail it to Steve.

by **NealIsGod** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:18 am

I would like to read your imagined interview with Augeri.

by **CatEyes** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:24 am

The following scenario takes place two days after Deano's interview with Steve Perry, which can be found at:

http://forums.melodicrock.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=21264

Note: Noble Reporter RockinDeano sleeps comfortably in his warm bed. Lulu, the woman of his heart is not sleeping so well, and plants both of her feet on Deano's backside and shoves him out of bed while yelling, "Quit snoring you fucking pig. And answer that damn cell phone while you are up. If I hear that damn "Don't Stop Believin'' ring-tone one more time this morning the phone is getting tied to the track in front of the train."

Deano: hmmm mumble......hmmmm....fuckin'.....retard.......morning

Friga: Hey Deano are you out of your mind stirring the Boss up like that?

Deano: Oh so you made the call, again, eh, Friga?

Friga: Yeah but I am not alone this time - Schon is on the other line!

Neal: What did he say?? Did he ask about me???????

Deano: So you both want to know what else he said?? Tell you what, you get your interviews with McNiece released and I will tell you every word - I have it all on tape

Meanwhile, in the Offices at Fan Asylum:

Lora: do you have any idea what that noise coming from Deano was the other day during the Perry interview

Cyndy: No, but I am still trying to get the smell out of my car.

sorry big guy - for me, resistance was futile. Lora, ya know I luv ya!!!!

by **ohsherrie** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:34 am

CatEyes wrote:The following scenario takes place two days after Deano's interview with Steve Perry, which can be found at:

http://forums.melodicrock.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=21264

Note: Noble Reporter RockinDeano sleeps comfortably in his warm bed. Lulu, the woman of his heart is not sleeping so well, and plants both of her feet on Deano's backside and shoves him out of bed while yelling, "Quit snoring you fucking pig. And answer that damn cell phone while you are up. If I hear that damn "Don't Stop Believin'' ring-tone one more time this morning the phone is getting tied to the track in front of the train."

Deano: hmmm mumble......hmmmm....fuckin'.....retard.......morning

Friga: Hey Deano are you out of your mind stirring the Boss up like that?

Deano: Oh so you made the call, again, eh, Friga?

Friga: Yeah but I am not alone this time - Schon is on the other line?

Neal: What did he say?? Did he ask about me???????

Deano: So you both want to know what else he said?? Tell you what, you get your interviews with McNiece released and I will tell you every word - I have it all on tape

sorry big guy - for me, resistance was futile.