Dear Friends,
It is with the great sadness that I must pass on the following information. Please join me in remembering a great American icon: The Pillsbury Doughboy.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a severe beating and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71 years old. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their final respects, including such notable names as Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and Captain Crunch. Doughboy's gravesite was piled high with flours.
There was not a dry eye at the service as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. According to Jemima, Doughboy rose quickly among the ranks gaining the respect of all his peers; however, his life was later filled with many turnovers. To some, Doughboy was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his time on half-baked schemes. Love him or hate him, it seems that everyone had an opinion of Doughboy. Critics described Doughboy as having been a little flaky in his youth, maintaining that he later evolved into a crusty old man. Those who loved him, considered Doughboy to be a roll model for millions. Toward the end of his life, it was believed that Doughboy would someday rise to fame again, but that would never come to pass.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough. The couple had two children, plus one in the oven. He is survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. Doughboy's funeral was held today at 3:45 for about 18 - 20 minutes.
(Ok. Please don’t beat me up. I’m not trying to be insensitive. My prayers go out to the families of those who have recently passed away. However, a little comic relief at a time like this is good for the heart and soul.)
