Andrew wrote:Ehwmatt wrote:Andrew wrote:Fabulous song....a tweak in the chorus is needed besides the other stating the obvious needs....you guys know where to find me. I'm going to be your A&R guru on this.
What would your suggestion(s) for the chorus be? Anything specific in mind?
The bridge is great...but the chorus is a little underwhelming. Bridge and chorus are a little similar in their pace and delivery, so to break the two apart and go the less predictable route, I would make "I'm Going Under" after "and I wonder" go 2 steps higher....really blow it apart with that guitar riff in behind it...
When it comes to recording the song proper, it might sound better with a "less is more:" kind of approach.
And I'dd add in a little piano in the intro also....start piano only...then the rest...draw out the track some more.
That's really picking it part - bottom line is that the track is a winner...with some tweaking it could be a classic.
I thought *exactly* the same things you wrote. Esp. the chorus could stand out more.
The chorus would also profit from having other voices (with slightly other phrasings) than only Jeremey. And I want to hear more of Eric's amazing keys in the verses/solo (towards the end all I hear is layers of guitars). I would do a short doubled solo part near the end of the solo where keys and guitar harmonize some quick riff(s). A little like Work of Art did on that one track, can't remember the name right now. Last suggestion: use a 'real' bassplayer, they tend to write more creative parts than guitarists playing bass (myself not being an exception

I'm not a fan of playing 'ride' on open crashes, but that's a taste thing I guess.
But man, this sounds more like Journey than, uh, Journey. I haven't decided if I like that fact or not
