OT: Behavior problems

[conversationpc]

Does anyone else here have children with emotional problems? I'm just curious how you deal with it.

I am about at my wit's end...I'm a very laid back, easy to get along with person, and I'm just about ready to explode. Please PM me with any advice.

[Natalie]

Sorry I can't help you out. I have no experience with this. My kids are perfect!!

I'm serious! I could not ask for better kids. They are 15, 12, 7 and 6 all girls except the 12 year old, he's a boy. Now, the two youngest girls aren't teenagers yet, I may change my tune when that happens, both are very headstrong!

[Blueskies]

Does anyone else here have children with emotional problems? I'm just curious how you deal with it.

I am about at my wit's end...I'm a very laid back, easy to get along with person, and I'm just about ready to explode. Please PM me with any advice.

I dont have any with emotional problems....but I have raised 3 children. For starters I might suggest that if you are ready to explode...as in any situation...it is best to take a deep breath and step back.....even take a walk....calm down...think about the situation and if you can come up with a clear view to what could have possibly triggered the outburst or whatever it was that happened.....step back in when you are calm. Approaching an emotional problem with high emotion on your part will only inflame the situation......your calmness and patience is what is needed. The child will feel frustration and anger.....and they will pick up on calmness, patience, understanding, supportive, loving, warm and caring emotions. Step back in and deal with it when cooler heads prevail....have patience....take some time with the child when they have calmed down.....and show them that you care about them...your there to listen to them, support them and to love them...then show it.

[conversationpc]

For starters I might suggest that if you are ready to explode...as in any situation...it is best to take a deep breath and step back.....even take a walk....calm down.

I actually just did that. I've never had to do that. I typically am able to remain calm but it just didn't happen tonight.

Approaching an emotional problem with high emotion on your part will only inflame the situation......your calmness and patience is what is needed. The child will feel frustration and anger.

I guess I already know these things. It's just hard to remember at the appropriate times, you know, and when it just builds and builds over a period of time, it just isn't very easy to do.

[larryfromnextdoor]

spar the rod, spoil the child...confine to room, then take all the good toys away ie. tv, dvds, computers, cds, games, mattress...... if the problem still persists , take off the bedroom door.. threaten to call the cops,, after 2nd warning call them, let him spend 2 nights in county for the youth... will come back with a haircut calling you sir....ritalin.. ive never raised any kids..

[StevePerryHair]

spar the rod, spoil the child...confine to room, then take all the good toys away ie. tv, dvds, computers, cds, games, mattress...... if the problem still persists , take off the bedroom door.. threaten to call the cops,, after 2nd warning call them, let him spend 2 nights in county for the youth... will come back with a haircut calling you sir....ritalin.. ive never raised any kids..

Uh, yeah, my husbands a cop, and he ACTUALLY gets those calls from parents. His favorite line is "what can I do to fix your child in 5 minutes that you haven't been able to do for (blank) years". His standard response, athough he is nice enough to try most of the time.

[larryfromnextdoor]

spar the rod, spoil the child...confine to room, then take all the good toys away ie. tv, dvds, computers, cds, games, mattress...... if the problem still persists , take off the bedroom door.. threaten to call the cops,, after 2nd warning call them, let him spend 2 nights in county for the youth... will come back with a haircut calling you sir....ritalin.. ive never raised any kids..

Uh, yeah, my husbands a cop, and he ACTUALLY gets those calls from parents. His favorite line is "what can I do to fix your child in 5 minutes that you haven't been able to do for (blank) years". His standard response, athough he is nice enough to try most of the time.

yea ,, my entire post was really sarcastic,, ritalin and calling the police seem to "fix" all youngsters,, i have 1 cop acquaintence, he tells me the most crazy stories about parents and kids,, AND ive seen 85% of all the COPS episodes.. ,, did i recently read that there is a senator recomending a bill to outlaw all spankings? that should make the law enforcement happy...

[conversationpc]

Uh, yeah, my husbands a cop, and he ACTUALLY gets those calls from parents. His favorite line is "what can I do to fix your child in 5 minutes that you haven't been able to do for (blank) years". His standard response, athough he is nice enough to try most of the time.

If he has said that, it is really a dumb thing to say. Emotional problems are not always brought on by something the parent did or didn't do. In our case, she came pre-loaded. We adopted her and she has medical and emotional issues that we don't have any control over. Some people probably think we need to do this or that differently. That isn't the case. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do except get through it.

[StevePerryHair]

spar the rod, spoil the child...confine to room, then take all the good toys away ie. tv, dvds, computers, cds, games, mattress...... if the problem still persists , take off the bedroom door.. threaten to call the cops,, after 2nd warning call them, let him spend 2 nights in county for the youth... will come back with a haircut calling you sir....ritalin.. ive never raised any kids..

Uh, yeah, my husbands a cop, and he ACTUALLY gets those calls from parents. His favorite line is "what can I do to fix your child in 5 minutes that you haven't been able to do for (blank) years". His standard response, athough he is nice enough to try most of the time.

yea ,, my entire post was really sarcastic,, ritalin and calling the police seem to "fix" all youngsters,, i have 1 cop acquaintence, he tells me the most crazy stories about parents and kids,, AND ive seen 85% of all the COPS episodes.. ,, did i recently read that there is a senator recomending a bill to outlaw all spankings? that should make the law enforcement happy...

Yeah, it is really CRAZY what people would call the cops for. I guess it goes along with my husbands family motto "People are stupid". He says it answers any possible "why" questions you may have. I guess he's got that sarcasm down too
Nothing really surprises him anymore!

[SteveForever]

Uh, yeah, my husbands a cop, and he ACTUALLY gets those calls from parents. His favorite line is "what can I do to fix your child in 5 minutes that you haven't been able to do for (blank) years". His standard response, athough he is nice enough to try most of the time.

If he has said that, it is really a dumb thing to say. Emotional problems are not always brought on by something the parent did or didn't do. In our case, she came pre-loaded. We adopted her and she has medical and emotional issues that we don't have any control over. Some people probably think we need to do this or that differently. That isn't the case. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do except get through it.

Dave, you are a good parent. Someone gave me some very good advice not to long ago, never trust your emotions, do what you know is right!

[Blueskies]

For starters I might suggest that if you are ready to explode...as in any situation...it is best to take a deep breath and step back.....even take a walk....calm down.

I actually just did that. I've never had to do that. I typically am able to remain calm but it just didn't happen tonight.

Approaching an emotional problem with high emotion on your part will only inflame the situation......your calmness and patience is what is needed. The child will feel frustration and anger.

I guess I already know these things. It's just hard to remember at the appropriate times, you know, and when it just builds and builds over a period of time, it just isn't very easy to do.

I understand...it's frustrating at times......no one is perfect so dont expect you will always be...you will make mistakes thru time......everyone does....you cant beat yourself up about it...just try to learn from them and not repeat them. Try not to make snap judgements....like I said...and you know...take the time to think things out before reacting to them....and come back when calm....let the child have a little time, too.

[Blueskies]

Uh, yeah, my husbands a cop, and he ACTUALLY gets those calls from parents. His favorite line is "what can I do to fix your child in 5 minutes that you haven't been able to do for (blank) years". His standard response, athough he is nice enough to try most of the time.

If he has said that, it is really a dumb thing to say. Emotional problems are not always brought on by something the parent did or didn't do. In our case, she came pre-loaded. We adopted her and she has medical and emotional issues that we don't have any control over. Some people probably think we need to do this or that differently. That isn't the case. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do except get through it.

...You know what is right Dave...hang in there. Kudos to you and your wife for adopting this child and providing them with a loving home. Your so very right...sometimes all you can do is just get through it.

[StevePerryHair]

Uh, yeah, my husbands a cop, and he ACTUALLY gets those calls from parents. His favorite line is "what can I do to fix your child in 5 minutes that you haven't been able to do for (blank) years". His standard response, athough he is nice enough to try most of the time.

If he has said that, it is really a dumb thing to say. Emotional problems are not always brought on by something the parent did or didn't do. In our case, she came pre-loaded. We adopted her and she has medical and emotional issues that we don't have any control over. Some people probably think we need to do this or that differently. That isn't the case. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do except get through it.

Sorry, didn't mean to upset you. Really, it's not the point on HOW the child got that way for him, it's the fact that they call the police because they don't know what to do. It really is not a police issue is all he is trying to say. People call the police for EVERYTHING these days. There is not crime taking place when your child is disobedient is his, and my only point, and it was only in response to Larry.

Like I said, he does care most of the time. He has mentored many a teenager, and he does take the time to talk to them. He is actually very good with kids. My only point was that it's really not their job.

You really do have your hands full and I certainly don't mean to make light of it. God Bless you for doing what you have done. Most of us would never dream of taking a child with issues on. Hopefully someone out there has the experience and can help you.

[Melissa]

Pediatric nurse here, pm'ed you.

[yulog]

What kind of emotional problems does she have ,if you dont mind me asking?

[Rick]

What kind of emotional problems does she have ,if you dont mind me asking?

Well he asked to be PM'd about that, it's kinda personal.

[Blueskies]

spar the rod, spoil the child...confine to room, then take all the good toys away ie. tv, dvds, computers, cds, games, mattress...... if the problem still persists , take off the bedroom door.. threaten to call the cops,, after 2nd warning call them, let him spend 2 nights in county for the youth... will come back with a haircut calling you sir....ritalin.. ive never raised any kids..

Uh, yeah, my husbands a cop, and he ACTUALLY gets those calls from parents. His favorite line is "what can I do to fix your child in 5 minutes that you haven't been able to do for (blank) years". His standard response, athough he is nice enough to try most of the time.

yea ,, my entire post was really sarcastic,, ritalin and calling the police seem to "fix" all youngsters,, i have 1 cop acquaintence, he tells me the most crazy stories about parents and kids,, AND ive seen 85% of all the COPS episodes.. ,, did i recently read that there is a senator recomending a bill to outlaw all spankings? that should make the law enforcement happy...

.violence shows violence, imo. There are better alternatives to use other then striking and physically causing someone pain to get them to cooperate with you or to teach them something. Yes children need disipline and even look for bounderies ....and parents need to set limits and rules., but these can be achieved with firmness in attitude and staying to the rules and the consequeces....which can be many things other then physical violence....I never spanked my children...didn't have to...and they were never delinquents or in trouble. The best thing a parent can do is show by example in their actions in how they react to situations and to give their child respect...then you will get the respect you deserve back from them.....like I said.....patience, lots of love, caring....and being their for them...be willing to listen and not be judgemental....give them the time and space they need sometimes....let them try to solve some things on their own too, but let them know you are there for them if they fall.......and always remember back to when you were their age and think how you felt at that time....and what you wish someone had done for you.

[StevePerryHair]

spar the rod, spoil the child...confine to room, then take all the good toys away ie. tv, dvds, computers, cds, games, mattress...... if the problem still persists , take off the bedroom door.. threaten to call the cops,, after 2nd warning call them, let him spend 2 nights in county for the youth... will come back with a haircut calling you sir....ritalin.. ive never raised any kids..

Uh, yeah, my husbands a cop, and he ACTUALLY gets those calls from parents. His favorite line is "what can I do to fix your child in 5 minutes that you haven't been able to do for (blank) years". His standard response, athough he is nice enough to try most of the time.

yea ,, my entire post was really sarcastic,, ritalin and calling the police seem to "fix" all youngsters,, i have 1 cop acquaintence, he tells me the most crazy stories about parents and kids,, AND ive seen 85% of all the COPS episodes.. ,, did i recently read that there is a senator recomending a bill to outlaw all spankings? that should make the law enforcement happy...

.violence shows violence, imo. There are better alternatives to use other then striking and physically causing someone pain to get them to cooperate with you or to teach them something. Yes children need disipline and even look for bounderies ....and parents need to set limits and rules., but these can be achieved with firmness in attitude and staying to the rules and the consequeces....which can be many things other then physical violence....I never spanked my children...didn't have to...and they were never delinquents or in trouble. The best thing a parent can do is show by example in their actions in how they react to situations and to give their child respect...then you will get the respect you deserve back from them.....like I said.....patience, lots of love, caring....and being their for them...be willing to listen and not be judgemental....give them the time and space they need sometimes....let them try to solve some things on their own too, but let them know you are there for them if they fall.......and always remember back to when you were their age and think how you felt at that time....and what you wish someone had done for you.

I can agree with that! Glad to hear it worked too, there's hope for me then

[Rick]

What kind of emotional problems does she have ,if you dont mind me asking?

Well he asked to be PM'd about that, it's kinda personal.

It can't be too personal if he's asking on a Journey message board.

He did ask on a Journey message board, and also asked to be PM'd with responses.

[ohsherrie]

What kind of emotional problems does she have ,if you dont mind me asking?

Well he asked to be PM'd about that, it's kinda personal.

And there ya go.

[yulog]

Are either of you 2 here to help him with your expertise or are you both here to discourage someone with expertise in this area from bothering to help that person?

[Natalie]

Are either of you 2 here to help him with your expertise or are you both here to discourage someone with expertise in this area from bothering to help that person?

I think lately there are a lot of people around that will try to start a fight over ANYTHING. There doesn't seem to be a thread that doesn't turn into an arguement!

[Rick]

Are either of you 2 here to help him with your expertise or are you both here to discourage someone with expertise in this area from bothering to help that person?

No yulog, I would love to help with the problem, but I don't really know what to say about it. But if I did know what to say, I would say it in a PM because that's what he asked the people that do reply to do. I've been watching the thread out of pure interest though, as I did see that replies were made and wanted to see what they were. So, if you have some helpful information to provide, do it in a PM because that's what the poster requested.

[larryfromnextdoor]

Are either of you 2 here to help him with your expertise or are you both here to discourage someone with expertise in this area from bothering to help that person?

he did bring it up , id sorta like to know myself what dave is dealing with and what he has tried before, and what has been successful.. what say dave?

[yulog]

Are either of you 2 here to help him with your expertise or are you both here to discourage someone with expertise in this area from bothering to help that person?

I think lately there are a lot of people around that will try to start a fight over ANYTHING. There doesn't seem to be a thread that doesn't turn into an arguement!

Ain't that the Truth-----this is why i dont even bother most of the time----the movie "Dumb and Dumber" always seems to be playing.

[Blueskies]

spar the rod, spoil the child...confine to room, then take all the good toys away ie. tv, dvds, computers, cds, games, mattress...... if the problem still persists , take off the bedroom door.. threaten to call the cops,, after 2nd warning call them, let him spend 2 nights in county for the youth... will come back with a haircut calling you sir....ritalin.. ive never raised any kids..

Uh, yeah, my husbands a cop, and he ACTUALLY gets those calls from parents. His favorite line is "what can I do to fix your child in 5 minutes that you haven't been able to do for (blank) years". His standard response, athough he is nice enough to try most of the time.

yea ,, my entire post was really sarcastic,, ritalin and calling the police seem to "fix" all youngsters,, i have 1 cop acquaintence, he tells me the most crazy stories about parents and kids,, AND ive seen 85% of all the COPS episodes.. ,, did i recently read that there is a senator recomending a bill to outlaw all spankings? that should make the law enforcement happy...

.violence shows violence, imo. There are better alternatives to use other then striking and physically causing someone pain to get them to cooperate with you or to teach them something. Yes children need disipline and even look for bounderies ....and parents need to set limits and rules., but these can be achieved with firmness in attitude and staying to the rules and the consequeces....which can be many things other then physical violence....I never spanked my children...didn't have to...and they were never delinquents or in trouble. The best thing a parent can do is show by example in their actions in how they react to situations and to give their child respect...then you will get the respect you deserve back from them.....like I said.....patience, lots of love, caring....and being their for them...be willing to listen and not be judgemental....give them the time and space they need sometimes....let them try to solve some things on their own too, but let them know you are there for them if they fall.......and always remember back to when you were their age and think how you felt at that time....and what you wish someone had done for you.

I can agree with that! Glad to hear it worked too, there's hope for me then

yes it works...I've never understood the concept of wanting to hit and cause pain to someone you love.......I never felt the need and surely never the desire to spank my children.......using love, patience and understanding is a much stronger option. I have 3 sons who are not violent men now.

[fredinator]

I may be wrong, but from past posts Yulog has some real kind of expertise in the medical field... Right, Yulog? If so, can I PM you for help if I ever need it? Thanks in advance!!

[ohsherrie]

Are either of you 2 here to help him with your expertise or are you both here to discourage someone with expertise in this area from bothering to help that person?

I'd very much like to help him and I offered whatever help I can give through a pm like he asked. The man has a serious issue. I'm sure you can help too, maybe more than any of us. I only posted what I did to keep this from becoming a messageboard circus of bad advice. I didn't mean to offend you in any way.

[Rick]

Are either of you 2 here to help him with your expertise or are you both here to discourage someone with expertise in this area from bothering to help that person?

I think lately there are a lot of people around that will try to start a fight over ANYTHING. There doesn't seem to be a thread that doesn't turn into an arguement!

Ain't that the Truth-----this is why i dont even bother most of the time----the movie "Dumb and Dumber" always seems to be playing.

I'm not trying to cause any problems here, or ever, I'm just trying to respect the integrity of the posters original post, which was to make responses in private. PM stands for Private Message. Evidently the poster didn't want the responses to be public. This is a public board that has the extension of 'private' messages. The poster obviously wants advice from people on here that he respects, and also asked that those responses be made in a 'private' message. All I was suggesting was to respect the integrity of the posters request.

[conversationpc]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. It's greatly appreciated. I'm not going to share the specific details here on the forum but just consider what an abandoned child might be going through emotionally. I'd also recommend reading up on attachment disorders. I've unfortunately done my share of research on the subject.

As far as spanking goes, we don't do it often but we do occasionally. Sometimes it is the only thing that works. Sometimes it doesn't work at all depending on her state of mind. It's basically a crap shoot. I will say this...If my parents hadn't spanked me, I probably would've ruled the roost by default. I wasn't abused in the slightest and new that my parents loved me.