Brad Delp - "Lonely soul"

[montyollie]

I was reading on another forum where some of the members were calling Brad a coward for ending his life, and saying that it was the ultimate act of selfishness. That is completely absurd. Anyone who thinks that way has never been affected by depression. Depression is not the disease of cowards. It does not use any type of logic to choose whom it will attack anymore than cancer does. It happens to some of the best people you will ever know, and it is powerful enough to turn even the strongest soul into a limp bowl of jello.

I went through a depression after I had lost several loved ones in a traumatic event. Like ClassicRockLady said she experienced, I didn't even want to get out of bed on most days. I started drinking heavily and taking pain pills that were prescribed for a shoulder injury trying to numb the pain. I never contemplated suicide, but I cannot judge someone else for doing so. Brad Delp was probably hurting much worse than I ever was. Fortunately I stopped drinking over a year ago and got off the pain pills. Shortly thereafter, the depression went away and has not returned. I am one of the lucky ones.

RIP Brad. You rocked man. I will still listen to your songs and have just as much respect and admiration for you as I ever did.

I couldn't agree more. I know when the suicide happened in my family, we all were a state of disbelief for quite a while. And the confusion turns anger and then rage and then back to confusion. You really feel so helpless as the surviving family and you want to blame someone or something. So you start throwing around words like "coward" because you don't know what else to do.

It's easy to blame the dead one.

I cannot even wrap my brain around what kind of lonliness and pain someone would be feeling to not only want to die, but to get the paraphanalia together, write a bunch of notes and then do the deed. Obviously, that kind of sadness and depression is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. I have nothing but compassion for someone who is going through it, and I *get* how sweet death seems like the better of the alternatives in some ways.

It just sucks being the ones left behind, that's all.

[GlitterGlamGirl]

I've been reading a lot about what people think of this...the past few days. As someone who was close to many people in Brad's circle, I hope he finds the peace he was looking for.

[i]Gonna hitch a ride
Head for the other side
Leave it all behind
Never change my mind
Gonna sail away
Sun lights another day
Freedom on my mind
Carry me away for the last time
Oh yeah

Life is like the coldest winter
People freeze the tears I cry
Words of hail their minds are into
Ive got to crack this ice and fly

Gonna hitch a ride
Head for the other side
Leave it all behind
Never change my mind
Gonna sail away
Sun lights another day
Freedom on my mind
Carry me away for the last time
Oh yeah

Gonna hitch a ride
Head for the other side
Leave it all behind
Never change my mind
Gonna sail away
Sun lights another day
Freedom on my mind
Carry me away for the last time
Oh yeah[/i]

[larryfromnextdoor]

this topic is very complicated and too senistive to be typed out ,, emotions dont come out properly..
The stages Grieving by Kubler-Ross identified are:

Denial (this isn't happening )

Anger (why is this happening)

Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

Depression (I don't care anymore)

Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

[Classic Rock]

Here is some more information shedding some light on the Cosmo situation. I'm not posting the bits about the suicide note as that has already been read:

From the Boston Herald:

Delp’s ex says ‘No one can possibly understand’
By Gayle Fee and Laura Raposa
Friday, March 16, 2007 - Updated: 07:59 AM EST

Boston lead singer Brad Delp was driven to despair after his longtime friend Fran Cosmo was dropped from a summer tour, the last straw in a dysfunctional professional life that ultimately led to the sensitive frontman’s suicide, Delp’s ex-wife said.

“No one can possibly understand the pressures he was under,” said Micki Delp, the mother of Delp’s two kids, in an exclusive interview with the Track.

“Brad lived his life to please everyone else. He would go out of his way and hurt himself before he would hurt somebody else, and he was in such a predicament professionally that no matter what he did, a friend of his would be hurt. Rather than hurt anyone else, he would hurt himself. That’s just the kind of guy he was.”

Cosmo, who had been with Boston since the early ’90s, had been “disinvited” from the planned summer tour, Micki Delp said, “which upset Brad.”

But according to Tom Scholz, the MIT-educated engineer who founded the band back in 1976, the decision to drop Cosmo was not final and Delp was not upset about the matter. (Cosmo’s son Anthony, however, was scratched from the tour.)

“The decision to rehearse without the Cosmos was a group decision,” Scholz said in a statement through his publicist. “Brad never expressed unhappiness with that decision . . . and took an active part in arranging the vocals for five people, not seven.”

According to Micki Delp, Brad was upset over the lingering bad feelings from the ugly breakup of the band Boston over 20 years ago. Delp continued to work with Scholz and Boston but also gigged with Barry Goudreau, Fran Sheehan and Sib Hashian, former members of the band who had a fierce falling out with Scholz in the early ’80s.

As a result, he was constantly caught in the middle of the warring factions. The situation was complicated by the fact that Delp’s ex-wife, Micki, is the sister of Goudreau’s wife, Connie.

“Barry and Sib are family and the things that were said against them hurt,” Micki said. “Boston to Brad was a job, and he did what he was told to do. But it got to the point where he just couldn’t do it anymore.”

[Classic Rock]

Duplicate Post

[Blueskies]

this topic is very complicated and too senistive to be typed out ,, emotions dont come out properly..
The stages Grieving by Kubler-Ross identified are:

Denial (this isn't happening )

Anger (why is this happening)

Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

Depression (I don't care anymore)

Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Although what you have posted is extremely brief and doesnt describe the stages fully. I'm very familiar with the Kubler- Ross Stages of Grief. Learned about them in my pyschology classes. Then I learned them for myself and experienced them in life shortly after by the suicidal death of someone very close to me. Really helped me knowing the stages and being able to recognize what I was feeling at the time and helped me to give some comfort and understanding to other's around me that were also affected by the death. The stages are pretty close to what you experience and in the order you go through them for the most part, although you can bounce back and forth through them for a long time, and even Kubler- Ross missed a few that you can also experience given what circumstance and who the person was to you. Those classes really did help with what was the most devastating, and tragic loss I have ever experienced. I hope Delp's family get the support, caring, love and understanding they will need to deal with some dark days ahead and that they will be able to handle it. Hopefully they or someone around them will help them to understand that the grief process and the different emotions that they will go through are normal and necessary before they will be able to move forward from this tragedy. Some people get stuck in a stage and dont move out of it, unfortunitely. I hope this doesnt happen to his family and they move through their many emotions towards some acceptance. It takes a long time and you never truly "get over" the loss but you can come to terms with it and come to acceptance, some understanding of it, and finally forgiveness. My thoughts and prayers go out to those close to him at this trying time and I hope that they will be able to come to understand, forgive and keep the love of him in their hearts and memories.

[donnaplease]

this topic is very complicated and too senistive to be typed out ,, emotions dont come out properly..
The stages Grieving by Kubler-Ross identified are:

Denial (this isn't happening )

Anger (why is this happening)

Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

Depression (I don't care anymore)

Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Larry,

I believe this is actually the '5 stages of dying', as in someone who's been diagnosed with an incurable disease. It usually tends to deal with how someone responds to the fact that they will die. Working in a long-term care facility, I can sometimes see a person go through these stages. Of course, they're not written in stone and a person can experience all or only some of them.

I would assume these stages could be experienced not only by the patient him/herself, but also by the loved ones dealing with the impending death.



While I understand the 'coward' comments, it appears to me that this was a man in tremendous pain. Emotional pain can be as devastating as physical pain, and possibly more so, because it isn't often visible to those around us. It seems to me that although Brad Delp took his own life, he tried to do it in a way that would cause the least amount of suffering to those around him. From his numerous notes to loved ones, to his attempts to protect from harm whoever may find him, it seems he was thinking about how this would affect others. In a very ironic way that may have been his final act of love.

[scarygirl]

I agree. There is no use being mad. The man obviously suffered. He is now at peace.

Agree. Just in our eyes it seemed like he had too much to live for. Watched a youtube video of him from a week or 2 ago and he appeared to be happy.At least with Kurt Cobain you could tell how miserable he was. I guess Brad was much better at faking it.

Sting,

I will say this. Brad wasn't in the limelight as much as Cobain was. So really, you can't compare them both.

[ohsherrie]

While I understand the 'coward' comments, it appears to me that this was a man in tremendous pain. Emotional pain can be as devastating as physical pain, and possibly more so, because it isn't often visible to those around us. It seems to me that although Brad Delp took his own life, he tried to do it in a way that would cause the least amount of suffering to those around him. From his numerous notes to loved ones, to his attempts to protect from harm whoever may find him, it seems he was thinking about how this would affect others. In a very ironic way that may have been his final act of love.

Good post Donna. Until someone has been severely depressed they have no idea what goes on in the person's mind.

[larryfromnextdoor]

this topic is very complicated and too senistive to be typed out ,, emotions dont come out properly..
The stages Grieving by Kubler-Ross identified are:

Denial (this isn't happening )

Anger (why is this happening)

Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

Depression (I don't care anymore)

Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Larry,

I believe this is actually the '5 stages of dying', as in someone who's been diagnosed with an incurable disease. It usually tends to deal with how someone responds to the fact that they will die. Working in a long-term care facility, I can sometimes see a person go through these stages. Of course, they're not written in stone and a person can experience all or only some of them.

I would assume these stages could be experienced not only by the patient him/herself, but also by the loved ones dealing with the impending death.



While I understand the 'coward' comments, it appears to me that this was a man in tremendous pain. Emotional pain can be as devastating as physical pain, and possibly more so, because it isn't often visible to those around us. It seems to me that although Brad Delp took his own life, he tried to do it in a way that would cause the least amount of suffering to those around him. From his numerous notes to loved ones, to his attempts to protect from harm whoever may find him, it seems he was thinking about how this would affect others. In a very ironic way that may have been his final act of love.

wow!! i was applying it to us ,, in grieving for someone.. i was trying to point out taht when people grieve , they are at different stages with other survivors,, so i got it backwards,, that sure dont sound like something i would do...

[RPM]

there is no doubt the Dropping of Cosmo was behind the extreme pressure Brad was under, not only was he going to be expected at 55 to carry the load of a tough setlist, but another friend , along with every other past member of Boston was under litigation from Tom. Having chatted with Micki Delp many times i can tell you she is a wonderful person who adored Brad to no end, and was not on speaking terms with
Tom.

[Blueskies]

this topic is very complicated and too senistive to be typed out ,, emotions dont come out properly..
The stages Grieving by Kubler-Ross identified are:

Denial (this isn't happening )

Anger (why is this happening)

Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

Depression (I don't care anymore)

Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Larry,

I believe this is actually the '5 stages of dying', as in someone who's been diagnosed with an incurable disease. It usually tends to deal with how someone responds to the fact that they will die. Working in a long-term care facility, I can sometimes see a person go through these stages. Of course, they're not written in stone and a person can experience all or only some of them.

I would assume these stages could be experienced not only by the patient him/herself, but also by the loved ones dealing with the impending death.



While I understand the 'coward' comments, it appears to me that this was a man in tremendous pain. Emotional pain can be as devastating as physical pain, and possibly more so, because it isn't often visible to those around us. It seems to me that although Brad Delp took his own life, he tried to do it in a way that would cause the least amount of suffering to those around him. From his numerous notes to loved ones, to his attempts to protect from harm whoever may find him, it seems he was thinking about how this would affect others. In a very ironic way that may have been his final act of love.

wow!! i was applying it to us ,, in grieving for someone.. i was trying to point out taht when people grieve , they are at different stages with other survivors,, so i got it backwards,, that sure dont sound like something i would do...

nope, you are correct . Applies to the grieving process in both instances. Someone grieving over the news of their own impending death or to those that are grieving over the death of someone else.

[Daza]

I know very little about Boston...but I personally loved this interview.

http://www.classicrockrevisited.com/Int ... ribute.htm

[Aaron]

I'm still really bummed about Brad's death. What a tragic way for such a great singer to go. Only he will know the pain he was in but, it's sad to see a guy that has brought so much pleasure to the world, live in such pain.

I've been studying his work this week and I've been quite pleasantly surprised with the Barry Goudreau CD that Brad sung on that was released in 1980. I believe this was the CD that Barry released after Tom said for everyone to consider the their solo project now in 1979. I also think this CD pissed Tom off enough to get rid of Barry after it was released.

In any event, the song "Dreams" on this CD really kicks ass. I just wonder what it would have done if it had gotten more radio airplay or was released on a Boston CD? What does everyone else think?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pWpZjMr ... ed&search=

L8r,

Aaron

[larryfromnextdoor]

aaron , that is great.. i dont think i even remember it ...

[Kimmy]

Whatever he was feeling we will never know. I just wish the best for his family.

Rest in Peace Brad!

[Saint John]

Whatever he was feeling we will never know. I just wish the best for his family.

Rest in Peace Brad!

It was "More Than A Feeling." I'm an asshole...I know.