In case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
==
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
==
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
==
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
==
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
==
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
==
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
==
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
==
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
==
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
==
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
==
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
==
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
==
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
==
And the best one for last ...
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Strange, Odd, Rude, Sexy or Funny (Adults Only)
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Copied from an email.
by Rick » Sat May 12, 2007 2:12 pm
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Don't try this at home. Too messy.
by Rick » Sat May 12, 2007 2:49 pm
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by larryfromnextdoor » Sun May 13, 2007 3:20 pm
steveforever wrote:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpnNAWE294o
wow,, ike was a fav of mine as a really little kid!! escape to witch mountain was the bomb back then!!
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by RedWingFan » Tue May 15, 2007 8:19 am
Ms_M wrote:
Is that a wedding in someones house? Too funny!
Seven Wishes wrote:"Abysmal? He's the most proactive President since Clinton, and he's bringing much-needed change for the better to a nation that has been tyrannized by the worst President since Hoover."- 7 Wishes on Pres. Obama
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billygoat
by treetopovskaya » Wed May 16, 2007 8:39 am
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In twenty years.
by Rick » Wed May 16, 2007 10:06 am
I like to sit out on the front porch, where the birds can see me, eating a plate of scrambled eggs, just so they know what I'm capable of.
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Re: In twenty years.
by Blondie » Wed May 16, 2007 10:37 am
Shoot 'em up wrote:
That's great!
"I still cling to hope, and I believe in love and that's faith enough for me"-RUSH
"Life's too short to be a dumbass" - Me
www.myspace.com/blondiesc
"Life's too short to be a dumbass" - Me
www.myspace.com/blondiesc
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Re: Copied from an email.
by Just Mindy » Wed May 16, 2007 10:57 am
Shoot 'em up wrote: P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
They were all great but I LOVE this one.
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by Rick » Fri May 18, 2007 9:19 am
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?
The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs
down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink.
The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?
The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs
down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink.
The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"
I like to sit out on the front porch, where the birds can see me, eating a plate of scrambled eggs, just so they know what I'm capable of.
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by Playitloudforme » Fri May 18, 2007 4:47 pm
If you liked Pearl in the Landlord with Will Ferrell, here's the outtakes
http://www.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=fca4861eb91876f70674
http://www.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=fca4861eb91876f70674
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by yulog » Sun May 20, 2007 4:04 pm
An older man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room, he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR."
When the doctor enters the examination room, he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR."
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by SteveForever » Tue May 22, 2007 7:37 am
yulog wrote:An older man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room, he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR."
EEEEwwwwww..........and right before dinner here too.
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by treetopovskaya » Tue May 22, 2007 11:53 am
those are some cool tiny surf boards. this is so cute. }:C)
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea ... 1761449788
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea ... 1761449788
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by Rawbean » Wed May 23, 2007 12:35 pm
LarryFromNextDoor wrote:steveforever wrote:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpnNAWE294o
wow,, ike was a fav of mine as a really little kid!! escape to witch mountain was the bomb back then!!
Larry...LMAO! Loved this movie back in the day. Believe there was a sequel, Escape from Witch Mountain too. Little bit o' trivia for you. Did you know that Kim Richards (she played Ike's sister), can't remember her character's name?, is Paris Hilton's aunt? She must be so proud......
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by Rick » Sat May 26, 2007 1:45 pm
yulog wrote:AR should love this one!
You been m.i.a. bro. Good to see you.
I like to sit out on the front porch, where the birds can see me, eating a plate of scrambled eggs, just so they know what I'm capable of.
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by larryfromnextdoor » Sat May 26, 2007 2:39 pm
Rawbean wrote:LarryFromNextDoor wrote:steveforever wrote:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpnNAWE294o
wow,, ike was a fav of mine as a really little kid!! escape to witch mountain was the bomb back then!!
Larry...LMAO! Loved this movie back in the day. Believe there was a sequel, Escape from Witch Mountain too. Little bit o' trivia for you. Did you know that Kim Richards (she played Ike's sister), can't remember her character's name?, is Paris Hilton's aunt? She must be so proud......
no way!!!!! i did not know that ,, i do know she starred in Hello Larry!
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KISS?
by journeywoman » Mon May 28, 2007 11:13 am
So does this mean you are a KISS fan?yulog wrote:AR should love this one!
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