The New and Improved Dirty Dozen

[mistiejourney]

As we know, threads tend to wander and lose their initial focus.

That happened on another thread just as a couple of our Forum colleagues started re-writing the Dirty Dozen with new lyrics.

I intend to join them as soon as I get a creativity burst......I'm still waiting.

Anyway, the Dirty Dozen is being rewritten.

So far we have,

Purple Shirt (Open Arms)
Lame Reaction (Chain Reaction)
Send Them to Hell (Send Her My Love)

I'll see if the songwriters will allow their work to be "published" here!

No flames, please, this is all in fun and if you think it is inane, that is okay too, but it's meant to be a goofy thread.

Anyone else care to try?

[mistiejourney]

This was initially written by Nora and was reposted on the "New Steve Perry...." thread:

"Lame Reaction" (to the tune of "Chain Reaction")

I bet you, Neal's the one
'Cause now his, Band is DONE
Those changes
He puts you through
Down 3 Singers?
Oh Man, they're SCREWED!

I bet you, Frig likes to say
"Make phone calls? Not me; NO WAY!"
He's not sure
If the Band is done:
But, Steve Perry sang "Lights";
From Journey, he runs....

Lame reaction, to Singers with Passion
They won't surrender, or lose control

So now it's, not a mystery
Jeff Soto is
Their latest casualty
They mumble, "You'll take the fall
Just like the last time
But, maybe we'll call..."

In motion, it's on its way
Neal wants The Spotlight;
Somebody's got to pay!!
Those changes
He puts you through
Down 3 Singers?
Oh Man, they're SCREWED!

Lame reaction, to Singers with Passion
They won't surrender, or lose control

Lame reaction, to Singers with Passion
Jon's "The Friga"
And Neal's "The Fro"

So now just where will they go?
Tell me where

Down down
down down down down down down down down down
DOWN!!
DOWN!!
DOWN!!!!!

Lame reaction, to Singers with Passion
They won't surrender, or lose control

Lame reaction, to Singers with Passion
Jon's "The Friga"
And Neal's "The Fro"

(c) 2007 Rocktober Music

[mistiejourney]

And from JR (Susie), we have a beautiful reworking of that wonderful Journey classic....

Another song for the album, "Send Them To Hell"

It's been so long
Since they had The Voice
He says he's doin fine
We still recall
Those sorry asses

How it hurt so bad, it made us cry
He really had to say goodbye

Send them to hell, memories remain
Send them to hell, The Voice ain't coming back
Send them to hell

The same old songs, the dirty dozen
They'll be on the road again
They're gonna do more shows
But us fans won't pay

You see, The Voice will not pretend
His broken heart will never mend

Send them to hell, memories remain
Send them to hell, The Voice ain't coming back
Send them to hell

Callin' out his name they're dreamin
Reflections of the dollars they're seeing
It's his Voice
That keeps on haunting them

Send them to hell, memories remain
Send them to hell, The Voice ain't coming back
Send them to hell

Send them, send them to hell
The Voice ain't coming back
Memories remain
Send them, send them to hell

[ArnelRox]

Faithlessly (to the tune of Faithfully)

We the fans ran
Into the Journey hell
Singers go in and out
Perry's on their mind

Restless Fro
Can't sleep alone at night
Sendin' all his money
Instead of zipping his schlong

We see that this band
Ain't nothing like a family
Right down the line
It's been all about money
And being a Journey singer
Sure ain't what it's supposed to be
Oh fans don't stand by them
They're forever there
Faithlessly

Circus life
Doing the dirty dozen
They are all just clowns
Look at Fro's fake smile

Through county fairs
Always another show
Wondering where Perry is
Lost without him

And being a fan ain't easy on this Journey girl
Rotating singers we learn to fall in love with again
Friga gets the joy
Of robbing us blind
Oh fans don't stand by them
They're at the county fair
Faithlessly

Woh-oh-oh
Woh-oh-oh-oh

Faithlessly

They're still there

They're forever there
At the county fair
Faithlessly

[mistiejourney]

And last but not least in the first song writing efforts, we have SusieP with a beautiful ballad...

Its called 'Purple Shirt' and sung to the tune of Open Arms.

Standing beside you, here on the stage
Smelling the sweat from your purple shirt
You never change it, its on every day
How could be so unclean?
We perform together
We try to keep away
But you keep coming to stand by our side

So now you come to me, with smelly ‘pits
Stinking away, believe what I say
There you are with your smelly ‘pits
Hoping you’ll see what deodorant means to me
Smelly armpits

Neal you bug me, you piss me off
Your methods always seems so cold
Wanting to shake you, want you to hear
How sick I am of that shirt

But now that you’ve changed it
And showered and shaved
Its ok you can stay.

[YoungJRNYfan]

You have WAY too much time on your hands

[ArnelRox]

Altho this isn't one of the actual Dirty Dozen, since we're improving it anyway, here's SusieP's "The Bastards of Summer" to the tune of Don Henley's "The Boys of Summer":

Nobody on the phone
nobody I can reach
I feel it in the air
that Friga’s out of reach

Empty bank account, empty hearts,
the sun goes down alone.
I'm driving by Neal’s house
though I know that he’s not home...

And I can see them
singers in line around the block
Jon’s got his hair combed back
wears his hairdresser’s smock, baby

I can tell you
my love for them is no longer strong
after the bastards of summer have gone.

I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how I made fans crazy
Remember how I made them scream

Now I don't understand
What happened to that band
But boys I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of

I can see you
Your fro curling in the rain
I see your botox face moving real slow
Fake halfsmiling at everyone
I can tell you my love for you's no longer strong
After the bastards of summer are gone

out on the road today
I saw a Friga/Fro sticker on a cadillac
a voice inside my head said don't look back
you can never look back

I thought I knew what love was
what did I know
those days lasted but a minute
I should just let them go and...

I can see them
shattering the stone
you know the Journey’s over And I’m better off alone
I can tell you
my career will still go on
after the bastards of summer have gone.

[SusieP]

Altho this isn't one of the actual Dirty Dozen, since we're improving it anyway, here's SusieP's "The Bastards of Summer" to the tune of Don Henley's "The Boys of Summer":

Nobody on the phone
nobody I can reach
I feel it in the air
that Friga’s out of reach

Empty bank account, empty hearts,
the sun goes down alone.
I'm driving by Neal’s house
though I know that he’s not home...

And I can see them
singers in line around the block
Jon’s got his hair combed back
wears his hairdresser’s smock, baby

I can tell you
my love for them is no longer strong
after the bastards of summer have gone.

I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how I made fans crazy
Remember how I made them scream

Now I don't understand
What happened to that band
But boys I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of

I can see you
Your fro curling in the rain
I see your botox face moving real slow
Fake halfsmiling at everyone
I can tell you my love for you's no longer strong
After the bastards of summer are gone

out on the road today
I saw a Friga/Fro sticker on a cadillac
a voice inside my head said don't look back
you can never look back

I thought I knew what love was
what did I know
those days lasted but a minute
I should just let them go and...

I can see them
shattering the stone
you know the Journey’s over And I’m better off alone
I can tell you
my career will still go on
after the bastards of summer have gone.

I figure that we can be the support Act, and we will perform any non - Journey songs. So they can be included in our thread too? What do you think?

The Bastards of Summer will be the opening number.
I think we might close with a Queen song. What do you think?

[mistiejourney]

You have WAY too much time on your hands

Actually, since I'm off today, I DO have a lot of time!

And here is my contribution to the tune of When You Love a Woman...

In his life he’s seen who has sang,
‘Til Jonathan Cain their phone, he rang,
He had to know it was wrong.

But they’re searching over…a - gain
He knows that
When you can a singer
You see your checking account dry up
When you can a singer
You make the biggest fans throw up
Nothing lasts forever
There's a Perry sound alike… somewhere...oh yeah

If he can't believe they can sound like Steve
He makes Jon tell them they have to leave
He hopes and prays tonight
Somewhere a tribute singer is looking for a job

Yes he knows...he knows that
When you can a singer
Alimony’s hard to pay
When you can a singer
No one wants to hear you play
Bridges burn forever
There's no fans around, you say

It's enough to make him cry
When he sees him standing by
A guy who makes Liberace sigh

When you can a singer
Everyone can see your lies
When you can a singer
Your credibility goes “bye!”
Nothing more forever
Perry doesn’t want you guys
When you can a singer

[mistiejourney]

>>>I think we might close with a Queen song. What do you think?<<<<

Oooo, don't get me started!

We Will, We Will Drop You...

Who Wants to Sing Forever?

I Want to Break Steve?

Fat Bottomed Fans <---- hey, I resemble that remark

Journey Rhapsody...oh I gotta do that one

[SusieP]

In the interests of making the Support Act's set as varied as possible, I thought we'd have a bit of jazz - I know this thread is for the new dirty dozen, but hey, I'm a rebel tonight!

This is sung to "The Girl From Ipanema"....

Short and squat and tanned and botoxed
The California Raisins go walking
And when they pass
Each one they pass goes Ewwww!

When they tour it’s never ending
They gig and gig and gig forever
And when the singer gets tired
They just say, “pooh.”

Ooh but he suffers so badly
How can he sing all those high notes
Yes he would like to rest gladly
But each day when he wakes with a croak
They treat it all as a joke

Short and tanned and old and botoxed
The California Raisins go touring
And when the singer conks out
They smile but they just don’t see
No they just don’t see.







Ive already got a booking for the show.
Its at the Turkey Coop University Summer Fair.

[ArnelRox]

Any Way Fro Wants It (to the tune of Any Way You Want It)

Any way Fro wants it
Thats the way he gets it
Any way he wants it

He loves his bling
He wishes he could sing
He cares about nothing

He loves young chicks
He throws them guitar picks
He plays elaborate licks

Perform, all night, all night
Oh, every night
Rolie sang right, Fleischman might
Till Herbie said not tonight

But, Fro said,
Any way he wants it
Thats the way he gets it
Any way he wants it

He said, any way he wants it
That's the way he gets it
Any way he wants it

I was a fan
I never knew
What shit this band could pull
Ooh, then Perry left
So Augeri sang
Until his voice gave out

He sang all night, all night
Oh, every night
So then Jeff sang, it was tight
Till Friga said it was too tight

And Fro said,
Any way he wants it
Thats the way he gets it
Any way he wants it (Oh)

He said, any way he wants it
That's the way he gets it
Any way he wants it

Fro said Journey
Goes on goes on goes on

Oh Fro said,
Any way he wants it
Thats the way he gets it (Any way)
Any way he wants it

He said, any way he wants it
That's the way he gets it
Any way he wants it

Oh Fro said,
Any way he wants it
Thats the way he gets it
Any way he wants it

Any way he wants it
That's the way he gets it
Any way he wants it

Any way he wants it
That's the way he gets it
Any way he wants it (Any way)

Any way he wants it
That's the way he gets it
Any way he wants it (Anyway)

[ArnelRox]

I received an anonymous submission for the closing number.

We Will Fuck You (to the tune of We Will Rock You)

Friga you’re a boy make a big noise
Playing the keytar is all you can do today
You got mud on your face
You big disgrace
Kickin’ out singers all over the place

(And the fans sing)

We will,we will fuck you!
We will,we will fuck you!

Fro says he’s a young man hard man
Shouting in the street thinking he’s a household name today
He’s got blood on his face
He’s a big disgrace
Lying and cheating all over the place

(And the fans sing)

We will,we will fuck you!
We will,we will fuck you!

Journey's now an old band poor band
Crackin’ up the stone gonna take them to the fair today

They’ve got mud on their face
A big disgrace
Perry better put this band back in its place

(All the fans singing)

We will we will fuck you!
We will we will fuck you!

[SusieP]

OMG they are all so funny.
Thankyou Anonymous composer [whoever you are. ]

I feel really naughty now. Hope Andrew & TBone can see the funny side of these little songs.

All in jest, everyone.

[ArnelRox]

U have to admit this is MUCH better than all the Journey apologists who have suddenly shown up here. We are not going to let these jerks live this down. I hope Andrew & TBone laugh.

[mistiejourney]

For what it's worth:

Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality-
Open your eyes
Look down on Journey and see

We burn their voice out, don’t give no sympathy-
Because they’re easy come,easy go,
Dime a dozen, don’t you know
As long as they’re like Perry, doesnt really matter, you see
You see.

Hey Jon, just call the guy,
Tell him don’t come to the gig
You can do it, can’t you Frig
Yeah Jon, he had just begun
But he don’t sound like Perry (and neither do you!)
Jo-on, ooooooo
We have to go on tour
We’ll tour until the singer blows his voice out….


Our singer, he can only squeak
Sends shivers down my spine-
We’ll get a new one every time,
Goodbye Steve Augeri
You’ve got to go.
Gotta find that Perry sound and it ain’t you

Stevie, ooo- (any way the band blows)
Sorry your voice died
Sometimes wish we’d waited for SP after all-

I see a little silhouetto of a man,
It’s Neal Schon, It’s Neal Schon, playing his guitar
He plays just like lightning-too bad he does not like Steve
Steve Augeri, Steve Augeri
Constant touring, constant touring
You can’t handle it so go….just go –oh-oh

Neal’s just a poor man, needs to tour always
He’s just a poor guy from all his ex wives, Spare him his life from this alimony
Perry go, Augeri go, will JSS go too
Oh hell yes, we will sure let him go – will he go
Oh hell yes, we will sure let him go – will he go
Oh hell yes, we will sure let him go – will he go
So you think you can screw all your fans three times?
So you think you can drop every singer you try?
Oh, baby, we won’t stand for this baby.
Just gotta get out, ain’t gonna pay you no more

The fans just don’t matter
Anyone can see,
The fans just don’t matter-,nothing really matters to Jour-ney,

Any way the band blows....

[ArnelRox]

Good stuff Kim & Susie. I love it! Keep going.

Anyone else?

[garysings]

Too Late


See the stop-light turn-in' red,
Don't you listen to what we said.
All the things we try to hide,
They keep you pissed off deep inside. Oh, you got to leave this band before it's...
Too late, too late, too late, too late, too late,
Too late to make the band.

Oo, yes, dear Steve, you're voice is shot, thanks for giving all you got
So todays your last day, then youve got to go away.
Oh, you got to leave this band because its
Too late, too late, too late, too late, too late,
Too late to make the band
Too late, too late to make the band
Too late to make the band.

Yes, it's time to crack the stone, yes its time to play alone.
So, tribute singers, join our fight for the things that cant be right
Oh, you got to leave this band before it's...
Too late, too late, too late, too late, too late,
Too late to make the band
Too late, too late to make the band
Too late, too late, to make the band
Too late to make the band
Too late, before it's too late.

[mistiejourney]

Too Late


See the stop-light turn-in' red,
Don't you listen to what we said.
All the things we try to hide,
They keep you pissed off deep inside. Oh, you got to leave this band before it's...
Too late, too late, too late, too late, too late,
Too late to make the band.

Oo, yes, dear Steve, you're voice is shot, thanks for giving all you got
So todays your last day, then youve got to go away.
Oh, you got to leave this band because its
Too late, too late, too late, too late, too late,
Too late to make the band
Too late, too late to make the band
Too late to make the band.

Yes, it's time to crack the stone, yes its time to play alone.
So, tribute singers, join our fight for the things that cant be right
Oh, you got to leave this band before it's...
Too late, too late, too late, too late, too late,
Too late to make the band
Too late, too late to make the band
Too late, too late, to make the band
Too late to make the band
Too late, before it's too late.

I wish I had one of those clapping smilies! Great job!!!

[Wheels Of Fyre]

I did a light-hearted Chain Reaction spoof awhile back. It doesn't echo the current events but...

You’re In Traction

I bet you – she’s the one
Who hit you – on the run
Those pain meds
They’ll get you through
You’ll need assistance
To help you chew

I bet you – she’ll find a way
To hurt you – another day
You endure
Wait for her to come
She’ll strike at midnight
You suck your thumb

You’re in traction – no compassion
You want to send her – no parole

So now you – live in misery
That banshee
Now pleads insanity
You mumble – before you bawl
Won’t be the last time
No not at all

More lotion – to your dismay
The red bite
She left on you that day
Has inflamed
In proportion to
The Hellish existence
She’s made for you

You’re in traction – no compassion
You want to send her – no parole
You’re in traction – legal action
In a diaper – all alone

So now just where do you go
No underwear

You’re in traction – no compassion
You want to send her – no parole
You’re in traction – legal action
In a diaper – all alone

I think I may have had JRSusie in mind when I wrote this...

[mistiejourney]

I did a light-hearted Chain Reaction spoof awhile back. It doesn't echo the current events but...

You’re In Traction

I bet you – she’s the one
Who hit you – on the run
Those pain meds
They’ll get you through
You’ll need assistance
To help you chew

I bet you – she’ll find a way
To hurt you – another day
You endure
Wait for her to come
She’ll strike at midnight
You suck your thumb

You’re in traction – no compassion
You want to send her – no parole

So now you – live in misery
That banshee
Now pleads insanity
You mumble – before you bawl
Won’t be the last time
No not at all

More lotion – to your dismay
The red bite
She left on you that day
Has inflamed
In proportion to
The Hellish existence
She’s made for you

You’re in traction – no compassion
You want to send her – no parole
You’re in traction – legal action
In a diaper – all alone

So now just where do you go
No underwear

You’re in traction – no compassion
You want to send her – no parole
You’re in traction – legal action
In a diaper – all alone

I think I may have had JRSusie in mind when I wrote this...

I definitely had a visual "video" in my mind reading this one! LOL! Too funny!

[*Laura]

Now let's see who's gonnna sing these.

[TRAGChick]

OK ~ here's mine:

"After The Mall"

So our fans are gone
I’m the GREAT NEAL SCHON!!
What went WRONG??

I wanna play
A bunch of Stadium dates
….I waited far too long….

Shoulda told Steve we’d start anew
Shoulda told him right
From the start….

But the words didn’t come out right
So now I’m touring
Till I’m an OLD FART!!

The world revolves ‘round me;
It’s just plain to see
Try to keep up, somehow…..

All my selfishness
Puts others to the test
....I miss them now.....

I'm a headstrong, stubborn man;
I work things out
The only way I can...

Backstabbing lies
With hurtful intent
Runnin' out of time
I WANNA WORK, MAN!!!

Can’t stop bawlin’
Popularity’s fallin’
Now we're
Touring local Malls…..

We ain’t no winners
Next week, we play
For prisoners

That’s what’s next
After we play the Mall……

Oh GOOD GOD – NO!!!!

[ArnelRox]

:lol:

Now let's see who's gonnna sing these.

Should it be all guys?