Blonde joke

by **Liam** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 3:02 am

Got this in an email...figured y'all might like it.

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and
she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God
for help.

She begins to pray... 'God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I
don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the
lottery.'

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... 'God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my
business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... 'My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my
business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask
You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the
lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order.'

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde
is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself....
'Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket.'

by **CatEyes** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 3:31 am

oh!!!! that's what I have been doing wrong!!!

Thanks for the instructions Liam!!!

Cat

by **Liam** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 3:39 am

CatEyes wrote:oh!!!! that's what I have been doing wrong!!!

Thanks for the instructions Liam!!!

Cat

No problem. Always glad to help out. ;-)

by **Sassie** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 3:43 am

Too funny. Thanks for the laugh Liam.

by **Rhiannon** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 3:57 am

As I sit running a hand through my beautiful brunette hair.

by **CatEyes** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 4:05 am

Blue Radio Girl wrote::lol:

As I sit running a hand through my beautiful brunette hair.

and exactly where is your winning lottery ticket??? :wink:

by **Rhiannon** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 4:20 am

CatEyes wrote:
Blue Radio Girl wrote::lol:

As I sit running a hand through my beautiful brunette hair.

and exactly where is your winning lottery ticket???

I don't play the lottery. 'Tis a foolish way to spend a dollar. *Hair toss.* :lol:

by **NealIsGod** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 4:21 am

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on her door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes."

by **CatEyes** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 4:21 am

Blue Radio Girl wrote:
CatEyes wrote:
Blue Radio Girl wrote::lol:

As I sit running a hand through my beautiful brunette hair.

and exactly where is your winning lottery ticket???

I don't play the lottery. 'Tis a foolish way to spend a dollar. *Hair toss.*

I'll remember that when I win - now that I know I have to purchase a ticket hehehehehe

by **frfksakes** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 4:26 am

A blonde was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man asked, "Are you going into town?"

"Yes," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I need to stay with my truck till help comes. But I've got two stressed out chimps in the back, and hoped you could take them to the zoo for me"
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. And off she went.

Hours later, the driver finally made it to town where he couldn’t believe his eyes.
There was the blonde walking down the street & holding hands with the two chimps.

"What are you doing?" asked the man. "I thought I asked you to take them to the zoo”

"I did," said the blonde, "and now we’re going for ice cream"

by **NealIsGod** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 5:03 am

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic Genie's lamp.

The Genie came out and said: "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were smarter." So she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette.
The third blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than both of them."
So she became a man.

by **Rhiannon** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 5:07 am

Not a blonde joke, but just as funny.

A man went to the store and bought one toothbrush, one bar of soap, one single serving of milk, one single serving of cereal.
He got to the check out and the cashier looked at him and said, "You're single, huh?"
He replied sarcastically, "Yeah, how could you tell."
She said, "Becasue you're ugly."

by **chf34jmac** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 5:44 am

A guy is nude sunbathing and falls asleep. When he wakes, he is terrified to see that his cock is badly sunburned. The guy calls his doctor who tells him not to worry, just soak it in a glass of milk. The guy gets a glass of milk, sticks his cock into it and proceeds back out to his patio to sit down. As he sits down a blond walks up and says,"Wow! I always wondered how you guys reloaded those things."

by **conversationpc** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 5:46 am

chf34jmac wrote:A guy is nude sunbathing and falls asleep. When he wakes, he is terrified to see that his cock is badly sunburned. The guy calls his doctor who tells him not to worry, just soak it in a glass of milk. The guy gets a glass of milk, sticks his cock into it and proceeds back out to his patio to sit down. As he sits down a blond walks up and says,"Wow! I always wondered how you guys reloaded those things."

by **wildone** » Sat Sep 15, 2007 11:10 pm

why do blondes have T.G.I.F on there shoes???.......................Toes Go In First!!! :lol:

by **SteveForever** » Sat Sep 15, 2007 11:22 pm

Not a Blonde joke...but here goes.....

ITS TOUGH TO GET OLD:
> >
> > An 85 year old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as
> > part of his recent physical exam.
> >
> > The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring
> > back a semen sample tomorrow."
> >
> > The next day the 85 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
> > gave him the jar, which was clean and as empty as on the previous day.
> >
> > The doctor asked, "What happened?"
> >
> > The man explained: "Well doc, its like this-- first I tried with my
> > right hand but nothing. The I tried with my left hand, but still
> > nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right
> > hand and then with her left hand, still nothing. She tried with her
> > mouth, first with her teeth and then with her teeth out, still
> > nothing.
> >
> > We even called up Arlene, the lady next door and she tried too, first
> > with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it
between
> > her knees, but still nothing.
> >
> > The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
> >
> >
> > The man replied, Yep. None of us could get the jar open
> >
> >
> >

by **ebake02** » Sat Sep 15, 2007 11:34 pm

That's a good one!

by **Blondie** » Sun Sep 16, 2007 12:10 am

Uh, I don't get it...

(J/K. I'm blonde - as if you couldn't tell :lol:

)

by **Abitaman** » Sun Sep 16, 2007 1:59 am

We went to the movies the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I
usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about
to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working
her across.
"Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops,
excuse me."

By the time the person got to me I was trying to see the screen and I
was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"

"No!!"was the loud whisper,"The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE
message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car."

by **Abitaman** » Sun Sep 16, 2007 2:06 am

i knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
she called me to get my phone number.

she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it
said "concentrate."

she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her
mind.

she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

she tried to drown a fish.

she thought a quarterback was a refund.

she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

she tripped over a cordless phone.

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

she studied for a blood test.

she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home,
she moved.

when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport Left" she turned around and went home

by **chf34jmac** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 1:15 pm

How does a blond turn on the light after sex?

Opens the car door

What's the first thing a blond does after sex.

Goes Home

What do you call five blond's playing in a large cardboard box?

Frosted Flakes.

by **larryfromnextdoor** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 9:59 am

Bubba and Cooter were standing at the base of a flag pole, looking up.
A blonde gal walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to
find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."
The blonde woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts and,
with the boys help, laid the pole down. Then she got a tape measure from her
pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches,"
as she walked away.
Cooter shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde?
We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

by **TRAGChick** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 11:08 am

Blue Radio Girl wrote::lol:

As I sit running a hand through my beautiful brunette hair.

Moi, aussi....

(translation from French) Me, too....

by **Rhiannon** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 11:11 am

TRAGChick wrote:
Blue Radio Girl wrote::lol:

As I sit running a hand through my beautiful brunette hair.

Moi, aussi....

(translation from French) Me, too....

Petite bebe, je sais un peu de Francais. Nous ne sommes pas bete. Peut etre c'est parce que nous sommes les brunes. :wink:

by **TRAGChick** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 11:15 am

Blue Radio Girl wrote:
TRAGChick wrote:
Blue Radio Girl wrote::lol:

As I sit running a hand through my beautiful brunette hair.

Moi, aussi....

(translation from French) Me, too....

Petite bebe, je sais un peu de Francais. Nous ne sommes pas bete. Peut etre c'est parce que nous sommes les brunes.:wink:

"Little girl, I know a little French. We're not STUPID. Because we KNOW we're Brunette"

(help me out here...is that what you just said?)

by **journeywoman** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 11:17 am

Here's a good one......Neal Schon and his bandmates just picked a filipino to front America's favorite band....America's favorite band......not anymore

by **Rhiannon** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 11:17 am

TRAGChick wrote:
Blue Radio Girl wrote: Peut etre c'est parce que nous sommes les brunes.

"I know a little, because we KNOW we're Brunette"

(help me out here...is that what you just said?)

I said, "Maybe that's because we are brunettes." Close. My grammar might be a bit rusty but I started French lessons when I was 8, haven't had any since high school though. :lol:

MR

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