Moderator: Andrew
Rockindeano wrote:I have never felt pain like this in my lifetime and honestly do not know if I can handle it. I am in a deep dark place and for the firrst time in my life, I have no idea of what to do. I am clueless. That is one of the reasons I posted here; I need direction, I need to know there is life worthy of living, worthy of waking up daily and going about the day.
Lula wrote:How do you allow yourself to feel the joy of your baby as you slowly feel yourself die over the loss of your baby? I hold Wyatt and can see Trevor. I hear Wyatt and can hear Trevor. I touch Wyatt, but I can not touch Trevor, he is gone and that is the pain, the loss, the sadness that fills my heart. There is the joy of Wyatt in my life, the joy in watching him discover his environment, the simple sound of a rattle that brings that curious look to his precious face. All the joy in experiencing the birth of a baby is happening simultaneously as is the pain of losing a baby. My heart breaks for Wyatt and the brother he will only hear about. All of my visions are of two amazing little boys running, laughing, crying side by side. A dear friend, Trevor’s and Wyatt’s Godmother, said something that has created a new vision for me and that is" the boys came from one egg, became two and are now one again with Trevor’s soul back with Wyatt." There is no comfort in any of this, but those words have given me the hope of feeling peace within. I look at Trevor as the big brother; he was born first at 5lbs 13oz compared to Wyatt’s 4lbs 3oz. Trevor took the burden in the womb and gave his brother the life he has. Dean and I had chosen the names Trevor and Wyatt for our boys. Wyatt means “little warrior” and Trevor means “prudent.” When my sister read the meanings of their names in Dr. Chmait’s office the day before the surgery, I gave them their names based on their roles in the womb. “Baby B”, the recipient, the bigger baby was given the name Trevor. It was also on that day during the examination of the boys in utero that Trevor’s sick heart was discovered. Now my heart is sick and Wyatt has the burden of saving me and his father. Wyatt and the life Trevor will not have are my reasons for getting up each day. As I stumble through the days to come I’ll just remind myself to breathe, just breathe and breathe and breathe.
I am moved by the words of love and support expressed here. Thank you all for your kindness that has never ceased. The actions being taken on our behalf are nothing short of amazing.
My sincerest thanks and appreciation to each one of you.
Lula
Lula wrote:How do you allow yourself to feel the joy of your baby as you slowly feel yourself die over the loss of your baby? I hold Wyatt and can see Trevor. I hear Wyatt and can hear Trevor. I touch Wyatt, but I can not touch Trevor, he is gone and that is the pain, the loss, the sadness that fills my heart. There is the joy of Wyatt in my life, the joy in watching him discover his environment, the simple sound of a rattle that brings that curious look to his precious face. All the joy in experiencing the birth of a baby is happening simultaneously as is the pain of losing a baby. My heart breaks for Wyatt and the brother he will only hear about. All of my visions are of two amazing little boys running, laughing, crying side by side. A dear friend, Trevor’s and Wyatt’s Godmother, said something that has created a new vision for me and that is" the boys came from one egg, became two and are now one again with Trevor’s soul back with Wyatt." There is no comfort in any of this, but those words have given me the hope of feeling peace within. I look at Trevor as the big brother; he was born first at 5lbs 13oz compared to Wyatt’s 4lbs 3oz. Trevor took the burden in the womb and gave his brother the life he has. Dean and I had chosen the names Trevor and Wyatt for our boys. Wyatt means “little warrior” and Trevor means “prudent.” When my sister read the meanings of their names in Dr. Chmait’s office the day before the surgery, I gave them their names based on their roles in the womb. “Baby B”, the recipient, the bigger baby was given the name Trevor. It was also on that day during the examination of the boys in utero that Trevor’s sick heart was discovered. Now my heart is sick and Wyatt has the burden of saving me and his father. Wyatt and the life Trevor will not have are my reasons for getting up each day. As I stumble through the days to come I’ll just remind myself to breathe, just breathe and breathe and breathe.
I am moved by the words of love and support expressed here. Thank you all for your kindness that has never ceased. The actions being taken on our behalf are nothing short of amazing.
My sincerest thanks and appreciation to each one of you.
Lula
(Crazy)Dulce Lady wrote:Lula wrote:How do you allow yourself to feel the joy of your baby as you slowly feel yourself die over the loss of your baby? I hold Wyatt and can see Trevor. I hear Wyatt and can hear Trevor. I touch Wyatt, but I can not touch Trevor, he is gone and that is the pain, the loss, the sadness that fills my heart. There is the joy of Wyatt in my life, the joy in watching him discover his environment, the simple sound of a rattle that brings that curious look to his precious face. All the joy in experiencing the birth of a baby is happening simultaneously as is the pain of losing a baby. My heart breaks for Wyatt and the brother he will only hear about. All of my visions are of two amazing little boys running, laughing, crying side by side. A dear friend, Trevor’s and Wyatt’s Godmother, said something that has created a new vision for me and that is" the boys came from one egg, became two and are now one again with Trevor’s soul back with Wyatt." There is no comfort in any of this, but those words have given me the hope of feeling peace within. I look at Trevor as the big brother; he was born first at 5lbs 13oz compared to Wyatt’s 4lbs 3oz. Trevor took the burden in the womb and gave his brother the life he has. Dean and I had chosen the names Trevor and Wyatt for our boys. Wyatt means “little warrior” and Trevor means “prudent.” When my sister read the meanings of their names in Dr. Chmait’s office the day before the surgery, I gave them their names based on their roles in the womb. “Baby B”, the recipient, the bigger baby was given the name Trevor. It was also on that day during the examination of the boys in utero that Trevor’s sick heart was discovered. Now my heart is sick and Wyatt has the burden of saving me and his father. Wyatt and the life Trevor will not have are my reasons for getting up each day. As I stumble through the days to come I’ll just remind myself to breathe, just breathe and breathe and breathe.
I am moved by the words of love and support expressed here. Thank you all for your kindness that has never ceased. The actions being taken on our behalf are nothing short of amazing.
My sincerest thanks and appreciation to each one of you.
Lula
we love you guys. keep talking to us. we are here for you.
JSSextras wrote:(Crazy)Dulce Lady wrote:Lula wrote:How do you allow yourself to feel the joy of your baby as you slowly feel yourself die over the loss of your baby? I hold Wyatt and can see Trevor. I hear Wyatt and can hear Trevor. I touch Wyatt, but I can not touch Trevor, he is gone and that is the pain, the loss, the sadness that fills my heart. There is the joy of Wyatt in my life, the joy in watching him discover his environment, the simple sound of a rattle that brings that curious look to his precious face. All the joy in experiencing the birth of a baby is happening simultaneously as is the pain of losing a baby. My heart breaks for Wyatt and the brother he will only hear about. All of my visions are of two amazing little boys running, laughing, crying side by side. A dear friend, Trevor’s and Wyatt’s Godmother, said something that has created a new vision for me and that is" the boys came from one egg, became two and are now one again with Trevor’s soul back with Wyatt." There is no comfort in any of this, but those words have given me the hope of feeling peace within. I look at Trevor as the big brother; he was born first at 5lbs 13oz compared to Wyatt’s 4lbs 3oz. Trevor took the burden in the womb and gave his brother the life he has. Dean and I had chosen the names Trevor and Wyatt for our boys. Wyatt means “little warrior” and Trevor means “prudent.” When my sister read the meanings of their names in Dr. Chmait’s office the day before the surgery, I gave them their names based on their roles in the womb. “Baby B”, the recipient, the bigger baby was given the name Trevor. It was also on that day during the examination of the boys in utero that Trevor’s sick heart was discovered. Now my heart is sick and Wyatt has the burden of saving me and his father. Wyatt and the life Trevor will not have are my reasons for getting up each day. As I stumble through the days to come I’ll just remind myself to breathe, just breathe and breathe and breathe.
I am moved by the words of love and support expressed here. Thank you all for your kindness that has never ceased. The actions being taken on our behalf are nothing short of amazing.
My sincerest thanks and appreciation to each one of you.
Lula
we love you guys. keep talking to us. we are here for you.
absolutley
Lula wrote:How do you allow yourself to feel the joy of your baby as you slowly feel yourself die over the loss of your baby? I hold Wyatt and can see Trevor. I hear Wyatt and can hear Trevor. I touch Wyatt, but I can not touch Trevor, he is gone and that is the pain, the loss, the sadness that fills my heart. There is the joy of Wyatt in my life, the joy in watching him discover his environment, the simple sound of a rattle that brings that curious look to his precious face. All the joy in experiencing the birth of a baby is happening simultaneously as is the pain of losing a baby. My heart breaks for Wyatt and the brother he will only hear about. All of my visions are of two amazing little boys running, laughing, crying side by side. A dear friend, Trevor’s and Wyatt’s Godmother, said something that has created a new vision for me and that is" the boys came from one egg, became two and are now one again with Trevor’s soul back with Wyatt." There is no comfort in any of this, but those words have given me the hope of feeling peace within. I look at Trevor as the big brother; he was born first at 5lbs 13oz compared to Wyatt’s 4lbs 3oz. Trevor took the burden in the womb and gave his brother the life he has. Dean and I had chosen the names Trevor and Wyatt for our boys. Wyatt means “little warrior” and Trevor means “prudent.” When my sister read the meanings of their names in Dr. Chmait’s office the day before the surgery, I gave them their names based on their roles in the womb. “Baby B”, the recipient, the bigger baby was given the name Trevor. It was also on that day during the examination of the boys in utero that Trevor’s sick heart was discovered. Now my heart is sick and Wyatt has the burden of saving me and his father. Wyatt and the life Trevor will not have are my reasons for getting up each day. As I stumble through the days to come I’ll just remind myself to breathe, just breathe and breathe and breathe.
I am moved by the words of love and support expressed here. Thank you all for your kindness that has never ceased. The actions being taken on our behalf are nothing short of amazing.
My sincerest thanks and appreciation to each one of you.
Lula
Lula wrote:How do you allow yourself to feel the joy of your baby as you slowly feel yourself die over the loss of your baby? I hold Wyatt and can see Trevor. I hear Wyatt and can hear Trevor. I touch Wyatt, but I can not touch Trevor, he is gone and that is the pain, the loss, the sadness that fills my heart. There is the joy of Wyatt in my life, the joy in watching him discover his environment, the simple sound of a rattle that brings that curious look to his precious face. All the joy in experiencing the birth of a baby is happening simultaneously as is the pain of losing a baby. My heart breaks for Wyatt and the brother he will only hear about. All of my visions are of two amazing little boys running, laughing, crying side by side. A dear friend, Trevor’s and Wyatt’s Godmother, said something that has created a new vision for me and that is" the boys came from one egg, became two and are now one again with Trevor’s soul back with Wyatt." There is no comfort in any of this, but those words have given me the hope of feeling peace within. I look at Trevor as the big brother; he was born first at 5lbs 13oz compared to Wyatt’s 4lbs 3oz. Trevor took the burden in the womb and gave his brother the life he has. Dean and I had chosen the names Trevor and Wyatt for our boys. Wyatt means “little warrior” and Trevor means “prudent.” When my sister read the meanings of their names in Dr. Chmait’s office the day before the surgery, I gave them their names based on their roles in the womb. “Baby B”, the recipient, the bigger baby was given the name Trevor. It was also on that day during the examination of the boys in utero that Trevor’s sick heart was discovered. Now my heart is sick and Wyatt has the burden of saving me and his father. Wyatt and the life Trevor will not have are my reasons for getting up each day. As I stumble through the days to come I’ll just remind myself to breathe, just breathe and breathe and breathe.
I am moved by the words of love and support expressed here. Thank you all for your kindness that has never ceased. The actions being taken on our behalf are nothing short of amazing.
My sincerest thanks and appreciation to each one of you.
Lula
Melissa wrote:I know we just spoke briefly Dean, but I wish there was more I could say to ease the pain even just a teensy bit for you & Lula. I'm not so great with words. But you spoke of being in a dark place...I've been there too. We've talked before about my mom's death, & of course I can not imagine your pain right now, I just remember my own pain of losing someone who was a huge part of me, like Trevor is a huge part of Wyatt & Lula & you. I too screamed at God for taking her & wondered how in the world was I supposed to get up each day & go on with my life, when a huge, huge part of me had just died along with her. It's been 18 months & I'm still nowhere near accepting whatever His reasons are, despite how many times I've been told that. My husband & family & friends have pulled me through & kept me from drowning, & that is what your family & friends, inlcuding here, will do for both you & Lula.
All I can say is.....Wyatt. Wyatt needs you & Lula more than he needs anything or anyone else in this world.
My mom's name was Faith, & that is my daughter's middle name...and she has my mother in her eyes. Wyatt has Trevor in his eyes. My daughter became my touchstone. Wyatt is yours.
Dean, you have a wonderful heart & soul, and both you & Lula are wonderful parents. You both have been so amazing for your boys. Glen & I have you all in our prayers.
Saint John wrote:My mom's name was Faith, & that is my daughter's middle name...and she has my mother in her eyes. Wyatt has Trevor in his eyes. My daughter became my touchstone. Wyatt is yours.
AR wrote:I know we just spoke briefly Dean
I wouldn't have a clue what to say. There are no words.
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