Lula wrote:How do you allow yourself to feel the joy of your baby as you slowly feel yourself die over the loss of your baby? I hold Wyatt and can see Trevor. I hear Wyatt and can hear Trevor. I touch Wyatt, but I can not touch Trevor, he is gone and that is the pain, the loss, the sadness that fills my heart. There is the joy of Wyatt in my life, the joy in watching him discover his environment, the simple sound of a rattle that brings that curious look to his precious face. All the joy in experiencing the birth of a baby is happening simultaneously as is the pain of losing a baby. My heart breaks for Wyatt and the brother he will only hear about. All of my visions are of two amazing little boys running, laughing, crying side by side. A dear friend, Trevor’s and Wyatt’s Godmother, said something that has created a new vision for me and that is" the boys came from one egg, became two and are now one again with Trevor’s soul back with Wyatt." There is no comfort in any of this, but those words have given me the hope of feeling peace within. I look at Trevor as the big brother; he was born first at 5lbs 13oz compared to Wyatt’s 4lbs 3oz. Trevor took the burden in the womb and gave his brother the life he has. Dean and I had chosen the names Trevor and Wyatt for our boys. Wyatt means “little warrior” and Trevor means “prudent.” When my sister read the meanings of their names in Dr. Chmait’s office the day before the surgery, I gave them their names based on their roles in the womb. “Baby B”, the recipient, the bigger baby was given the name Trevor. It was also on that day during the examination of the boys in utero that Trevor’s sick heart was discovered. Now my heart is sick and Wyatt has the burden of saving me and his father. Wyatt and the life Trevor will not have are my reasons for getting up each day. As I stumble through the days to come I’ll just remind myself to breathe, just breathe and breathe and breathe.
I am moved by the words of love and support expressed here. Thank you all for your kindness that has never ceased. The actions being taken on our behalf are nothing short of amazing.
My sincerest thanks and appreciation to each one of you.
Lula
Lula, my friend, I wish so much that I could take some of your pain for you ......
Your dreams are that of a good mother - and I think you will someday be able to see that Trevor is running beside Wyatt - that Trevor is watching over all of you.
Love Wyatt more that humanly possible. As you said, now Wyatt has the burden of saving you and his father. Trevor will be there to help him.
Cat
Dude is a mile a minute. One of the most passionate people I've ever met. His absence speaks volumes about where he's at emotionally. 
Hopefully, he's reading and along with Lula, they realize many, many people have heavy hearts.
