"Never Walk Away" -- Alternate Version

[Rip Rokken]

I don't know what the hell's up with people recently, but in the past couple of months I've gotten stuck behind more slow-ass turtles in traffic than I can count, and it's really getting on my nerves. Maybe everyone is just in a stupified funk, which is understandable with all the crap going on in the world, but if so, they need do the right thing and stay home rather than cripple the public roadways with their oblivious, inert carcasses.

So yesterday, I'm on my way to work with a good head start for an early meeting. The main road to our office has been blocked off for months (for the second time) due to the construction of another new and unnecessary shopping center, and each detour option which allows entry from the opposite direction take us about 4-6 miles out of the way. So I choose what is usually the fastest, shooting down 1.5 miles to the next exit, then start looping around thru a web of single-lane backroads, and what do ya know, some jackass in a pickup truck barely makes it in front of me. I kid you not, he's going between 20-23 mph the whole way... With my luck, I knew right away what to expect -- he'd be making every freaking turn I needed to make until the end, and I'd end up being a little late for the meeting. And sure enough, that's exactly what happened.

I was blasting "Never Walk Away" in the car at the time, and suddenly some of these lyrics started popping into my head involuntarily, so I thought I'd share them. I'm not big on road rage, and since there was no one behind me, I finally chose to literally stop dead in the middle of the freaking street until his sloth-mobile was completely out of sight, so I could resume my journey at a proper 40mph. Anyway, here's my little song... anyone else ever feel like this?

NEVER BLOCK MY WAY

Impeding traffic and
you’re dragging ass
Take your foot and
put it on the gas
This ain’t no 20 mile-per-hour zone

Ya feelin’ bad
Are you depressed
Or does your mother still
help you get dressed
I couldn’t care,
cause your ‘bout to make me late!

Will he go or will he stay (will he stay)
to watch the green light turn to red (turn to red)
I D I O T !
Never Block My Way
Just my luck, no passing lane
In my path you still remain
I D I O T !
Never Block My Way

Won’t catch a clue, and I start to burn
Corner for corner
Turn to turn
Murphy’s Law -- you’re going my same way
I scream and shout, and blow my horn
What freakin’ planet were you born?
Stuck to me, since what
seems like yesterday

Will he go or will he stay (will he stay)
And let the hours piss away (piss away)
I D I O T !
Never Block My Way
Life’s a journey, A thru Z
Somewhere in time you musta stalled at B
I D I O T !
Never Block My Way

[conversationpc]

My opinion is people are driving slower to save on gas. I've been doing it myself (not too slow, mind you).

[Rip Rokken]

My opinion is people are driving slower to save on gas. I've been doing it myself (not too slow, mind you).

Hey, there is definitely an optimum driving speed to maximize fuel efficiency, and I rarely cross it myself. I'm actually an extremely defensive driver -- not the best driver in the world by any means, but smart enough to keep my car as far away from other cars as possible so that if I screw up or do something stupid, I have time to recover from it. These people are just snail-pacing like they are in their own dimension where other people do not exist... haha! And no one is saving gas when they piss away a perfectly reachable green light and have to sit there for several minutes. Just yesterday I saw this about to happen and passed the person -- I made the green light before it turned yellow, and he got stuck. He deserved it.

I'm seeing more "love affairs" on the road, too, which is my little term for people who enjoy driving slower in the fast lane side-by-side with random vehicles and while a stack of cars builds up behind them waiting to pass.

As our city grows and becomes more congested, the natural byproduct is an increase in road idiocy... LOL! Rude people and clueless people abound... I'll never be an aggressive driver by any means, but I'm having to learn to be a more assertive driver if I ever want to get anywhere in a timely fashion.

[weatherman90]

Very creative! I know how you feel.

[conversationpc]

I'm seeing more "love affairs" on the road, too, which is my little term for people who enjoy driving slower in the fast lane side-by-side with random vehicles and while a stack of cars builds up behind them waiting to pass.

I hate that.

[Rip Rokken]

Very creative! I know how you feel.

I need to remember to keep a calm head in these situations and ask, "What would Don do?"

[Rick]

I'm seeing more "love affairs" on the road, too, which is my little term for people who enjoy driving slower in the fast lane side-by-side with random vehicles and while a stack of cars builds up behind them waiting to pass.

I hate that.

Me too. A friend of mine at work says he drives in the left lane going the speed limit, just to piss people off.

Him just saying that made my blood pressure spike!

[conversationpc]

Me too. A friend of mine at work says he drives in the left lane going the speed limit, just to piss people off.

Him just saying that made my blood pressure spike!

Your friend is apt to get someone running his ass down and driving him off the road.

[San Diego Gary]

My opinion is people are driving slower to save on gas. I've been doing it myself (not too slow, mind you).

If that's the case people in San Diego County anticipated this coming years ago!

[Rip Rokken]

Me too. A friend of mine at work says he drives in the left lane going the speed limit, just to piss people off.

Him just saying that made my blood pressure spike!

Your friend is apt to get someone running his ass down and driving him off the road.

Amazing -- an actual admission by someone that they intentionally try to piss people off in traffic. About as closest as I get is actually a defensive maneuver against those who enjoy riding my bumper at a high rate of speed -- I make it much less appealing by taking my foot off the gas until they pass me and find someone else to hug.

[bru87tr]

great stuff, love the lyrics.

[larryfromnextdoor]

I'm seeing more "love affairs" on the road, too, which is my little term for people who enjoy driving slower in the fast lane side-by-side with random vehicles and while a stack of cars builds up behind them waiting to pass.

I hate that.

Me too. A friend of mine at work says he drives in the left lane going the speed limit, just to piss people off.

Him just saying that made my blood pressure spike!

what is this left lane business??? i stay in the right lane at all times with cruise on the speed limit .. really..

[Rick]

I'm seeing more "love affairs" on the road, too, which is my little term for people who enjoy driving slower in the fast lane side-by-side with random vehicles and while a stack of cars builds up behind them waiting to pass.

I hate that.

Me too. A friend of mine at work says he drives in the left lane going the speed limit, just to piss people off.

Him just saying that made my blood pressure spike!

what is this left lane business??? i stay in the right lane at all times with cruise on the speed limit .. really..

I'm a fairly typical driver I think. I stay in the middle or right lane and only get in the left when I have to. I think that everyone driving faster than me is crazy and everyone driving slower than me is doing it just to piss me off.

[Rip Rokken]

I'm a fairly typical driver I think. I stay in the middle or right lane and only get in the left when I have to. I think that everyone driving faster than me is crazy and everyone driving slower than me is doing it just to piss me off.

Good strategy.... For me, sometimes when it's very late and there is absolutely no one else around, I might drive in the middle OF the left and right lanes! HAHA! More road around me always feels good....

[San Diego Gary]

I'm seeing more "love affairs" on the road, too, which is my little term for people who enjoy driving slower in the fast lane side-by-side with random vehicles and while a stack of cars builds up behind them waiting to pass.

I hate that.

Me too. A friend of mine at work says he drives in the left lane going the speed limit, just to piss people off.

Him just saying that made my blood pressure spike!

what is this left lane business??? i stay in the right lane at all times with cruise on the speed limit .. really..

I'm a fairly typical driver I think. I stay in the middle or right lane and only get in the left when I have to. I think that everyone driving faster than me is crazy and everyone driving slower than me is doing it just to piss me off.

One of George Carlin's best lines:

"Have you ever noticed that anyone that drives slower than you is a moron and anyone that drives faster then you is a maniac?"