OT-So Sad...

[scarygirl]

I just happened across this, it's so sad. This dad is an idiot and yes, by his GOOD involvement he can make a huge impact in his little girl's life. I hope she follows the advice given and doesn't fall pray to people who may not have her best interests at heart.

DEAR ABBY: I am 11 years old. My problem is my dad won't spend time with me. He always has friends over, or he's too tired. I have written letters to him to hang with me and how I feel. Now what should I do? -- LONELY GIRL IN MAINE

DEAR LONELY GIRL: Because you have already tried getting through to your father, ask your mother to talk to him about his priorities. Perhaps another adult can help him understand that spending time with you is more important than hanging with his buddies.

Believe me, you have my sympathy. When fathers were handed out, you got one who doesn't understand the responsibilities that go along with being a parent. It is very important that you recognize that this in no way is a reflection on YOU.

If, after your mother speaks to your dad, he still doesn't see the light, then rather than brood, try filling your time with other things such as Girl Scouting, sports, hobbies and church youth activities. In the end, the loss will be your father's because these are important years that he will never be able to get back or do over again.

[T-Bone]

Sad...


Sure I had alot of free time and things to do/places to go, but after my daughter was born, they all took a back seat Either that, or I modified my things to do to include her. We regularly go to the park to feed the ducks and play in the playground area. My Daddy/Daughter Dayz are precious/priceless and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

[artist4perry]

Sad...


Sure I had alot of free time and things to do/places to go, but after my daughter was born, they all took a back seat Either that, or I modified my things to do to include her. We regularly go to the park to feed the ducks and play in the playground area. My Daddy/Daughter Dayz are precious/priceless and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

You sound like a good father T-Bone. But not alot of guys "get it". Girls need dads. Desperately. My ex ignored my daughters needs so much she doesn't really even want to talk to him. He walked her down the isle because he assumed he would and did not ask her what she wanted. She cannot say no to anyone. She wanted my husband who was a good dad. I told her we would understand, let your father, and let peace reign at the wedding. If my husband had walked her, the ex would have made a scene. The wedding was beautiful, in spite of him.

[Rhiannon]

My Daddy is the best man in the WORLD and I wouldn't trade a moment with him for anything. I lived with him during the summers and over holiday breaks growing up and those were the best days of my life. My Daddy is my rock and my main motivation is to make him proud. He keeps me grounded and is the only person on God's green earth I know I can count on beyond a shadow of a doubt. I don't even believe in myself as much as I believe in my Dad.

I hate being so far from him but even at 23 and 800 miles away we talk at least twice per day. I'm so blessed and thankful. A lot of men don't get it. I had a picture frame growing up with a photo of me and him from my first Easter. The carving on it said "Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Daddy."

[bluejeangirl76]

My Daddy is the best man in the WORLD and I wouldn't trade a moment with him for anything.

I could almost cry from that... good on you for appreciating. Too many don't, just as too many parents don't make the best of the time they're given with their children... its real sad. You don't get an infinite amount of time, and you can't take your kids OR anyone else for granted. I'd give nearly anything for another few moments with my dad. He was the best. And I never got to say goodbye. But I do know that we had a good time when we were together. That's important. Some of the best times were just hanging around at home with family BBQs and such, having a few beers on a summer weekend, etc. He wasn't around a lot due to work when I was little but as an adult, it was so great to just hang out with him. That made up for a lot.

Its not easy but it can be done. My dad had to be a 'weekend' dad to the older kids since he wasn't married to their mom anymore but it got done. None of my siblings would say anythig other than he was an aweseome guy and he wasn't even in the house with them, for the most part. There's no excuse to ignore your childrenin any case, but especially if you're physically present to raise them.

[Melissa]

My father is amazing also, always my hero, and it broke me greatly to see him fall the way he did after we all lost my mother. But his strength did come back, even though I was afraid it never would, and although both of us and our relationship of course naturally changed a little after losing her, he's still the source of strength and security I know I can always count on no matter what, until the day one of us loses the other.

I'm thankful for the time my husband is able to spend with our son & daughter also, he's had "Daddy Days" on his days off while I'm at work since our son was a newborn, and still does, and he's an amazing father.

[jrnychick]

My Daddy is the best man in the WORLD and I wouldn't trade a moment with him for anything. I lived with him during the summers and over holiday breaks growing up and those were the best days of my life. My Daddy is my rock and my main motivation is to make him proud. He keeps me grounded and is the only person on God's green earth I know I can count on beyond a shadow of a doubt. I don't even believe in myself as much as I believe in my Dad.

I hate being so far from him but even at 23 and 800 miles away we talk at least twice per day. I'm so blessed and thankful. A lot of men don't get it. I had a picture frame growing up with a photo of me and him from my first Easter. The carving on it said "Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Daddy."

Rhi--your dad sounds like a great guy! My husband has a t-shirt with that same saying on it, and he LOVES it. Dads are equally as important as moms.

[Enigma869]

I'll never quite comprehend how anyone isn't completely overwhelmed by the love they have for their children. I've never found children to be remotely interesting. Most of them smell funny and make a lot of noise. Having said that, I'm still in complete awe of my son, every time I look at him. There is simply no greater joy in this world than the love you have for your child and the love they have for you (and again, I don't particularly even like children)!





John from Boston

[Just Mindy]

That IS sad. Reminds me of a few weeks ago, when we took the kids to the zoo with another family. My friend and I saw a little boy walking around, staring at the ground kicking the dirt...while his father walked about 10 feet ahead of him, talking what sounded like business on his cell phone. My friend said it looked like it was the Dad's weekend with the boy. I was hoping this was just a quick call he was making but we saw them an hour later, same scene. It broke my heart, the boy looked, I dunno...like he was feeling rejected. The boy's father was with him, but not really WITH him.

[Ehwmatt]

Sounds like my girlfriend's asshole father. I mean, he could be worse, he could be physically abusive, but the "lessons" about being a family man that he's imparting on his kids, especially his son, couldn't be much worse. The guy is so selfish and always gets himself shit before he thinks about helping his kids out. He constantly bitches about how poor he is because he has 4 kids (like it's any of their fault they had them). The guy basically won't help them out at all.

One of many ridiculous things this bozo pulls:

My girlfriend needed a car for work this semester at school, so she asks to take the old shitty Bonneville they have with 114k miles on it. They have a BMW convertible, a minivan, and an Impala left at home with just 2 drivers in the house. So what does the asshole do? First, he tells her that she can't have the car. Then when her mom pressures a bit, he "relents" and tells her she'll have to BUY it from him - how will he set the price? Looking at the fucking Blue Book value! All because he "can't afford" to "just give it to her" (as if it would make him any money sitting idle in the drive way). She pays her own insurance, gas, etc etc. Who the fuck Blue Books his own kid?

He has a decent job in sales doing something very similar to my uncle, so I have a pretty good idea of what he makes, plus the mom works full-time at a good job. He's far from "poor." 4 kids will stretch anybody making reasonable money, but that's the cross you bear when you have them.

The worst part is he conducts his selfishness under the guise of "teaching them." Well, teaching your kids financial responsibility to me isn't about making life incredibly hard for them at every turn, it's about leading by example. He bitches about college costs, readily admits he didn't start saving when he could have, and all the while sails his boat around 6 times a week, happily filling that fucker with diesel fuel week in and week out. But then, he can't afford $90 to have a 10-year-old American car with 114k miles have a basic safety check-up. Or won't bite the bullet and replace the tires on the car. No, he makes my girlfriend spend 2 weeks of work $ to replace it. Sure, maybe that's a good hard lesson, but I think just showing them the bill is a pretty good way of teaching a 20-year-old about how much power (or lack thereof) that his or her hard-earned dollar wields. You also don't need to screw them at every turn if you want to teach them the "hard way" once or twice. Indulging yourself and eschewing important family financial obligations like safety and college savings isn't good practice. Not by any stretch.

I have no problem with parents making kids help out where they can, and I fully understand a lot of people basically need their kids to help out a lot. This guy ain't one of them. He just doesn't want to shrink his bank account for anyone else besides himself unless he absolutely has to. Just not a good family man in my eyes.

I guess the moral of the story is some men just never learn that having a family means putting them before yourself most of the time. If you're that strecthed for cash, keep the boat docked for a week and make sure the car your daughter's driving is going to be fucking road safe. Not that he would even have to. I've pretty much figured out their worst-case scenario finances and I know this guy could afford to do some of the shit he refuses to do. Some men never grow up. It's amazing so many don't think this kind of thing through before they have kids, marry, cohabitate, or anything else in any of that order. If you wanna drive yourself a nice car, own a boat, have a massive guitar collection, go out and drink aall the time, or whatever other hobbies demand a lot of cash, stay single then. Christ.

[Angiekay]

I remember when my dad was diagnoised with lung cancer, I looked at my grandma and said, why is it always the good ones this happens too? August 23rd marked 10 years since he's been gone and there have been so many time I wished he was around to ask things or just talk to. He was hard working growing up and didn't spend a lot of time with us kids but he was a good dad. He learned too late, after he got sick what was important and I heard more then once from him while he was sick that if he knew then what he knew now, he would have stopped and done more family things. Still, I learned so much from him and wish he was still here. Those of you who still have your dads appreciate them and spend lots of time with them

[SusieP]

Those of you who still have your dad's appreciate them and spend lots of time with them

So true. My daddy died suddenly of a heart attack aged 49 - I was ten years old.
He went to work, and Mom & I were waiting for him to come home, he never did. Died at the bus stop after a day's work and we were preparing dinner.
36 years later, I can still remember the cops coming to tell us. And I can still remember what food we were cooking. I can almost smell it still. But I have so few memories of my Dad because he was at work most of the time.

So Angie is right......cherish your father and spend as much time with him as you can.

[Journey Mom]

My dad has been gone for 12 years now, and I still miss him. My son's father turned out to be nothing more than a sperm donor.

[bluejeangirl76]

Those of you who still have your dad's appreciate them and spend lots of time with them

.....cherish your father and spend as much time with him as you can.

Absolutely. What I wouldn't give to just hang with dad for one more beer.

"Those were the best times... most of all." - S. Perry, 1981

[Deb]

Those of you who still have your dad's appreciate them and spend lots of time with them

So true. My daddy died suddenly of a heart attack aged 49 - I was ten years old.
He went to work, and Mom & I were waiting for him to come home, he never did. Died at the bus stop after a day's work and we were preparing dinner.
36 years later, I can still remember the cops coming to tell us. And I can still remember what food we were cooking. I can almost smell it still. But I have so few memories of my Dad because he was at work most of the time.

So Angie is right......cherish your father and spend as much time with him as you can.

Awe Susie, that is heartwrenching. Sorry to both of you. I am lucky enough to have all my immediate family living here and we all get together often. I DO cherish the time......moreso after losing my grandparents. I couldn't have asked for better parents, they know just how much and when to get involved in your life and just when to back away........love them dearly. My dad worked alot too when we were younger and it's great to see him spend so much time with the grandkids now......keeps him young.

[Ehwmatt]

Those of you who still have your dad's appreciate them and spend lots of time with them

So true. My daddy died suddenly of a heart attack aged 49 - I was ten years old.
He went to work, and Mom & I were waiting for him to come home, he never did. Died at the bus stop after a day's work and we were preparing dinner.
36 years later, I can still remember the cops coming to tell us. And I can still remember what food we were cooking. I can almost smell it still. But I have so few memories of my Dad because he was at work most of the time.

So Angie is right......cherish your father and spend as much time with him as you can.

Amen to both of you. My story is very similar to yours Susie, I just have a happier ending. My dad had an "episode" (still don't know if it was a heart attack) at 50 two years ago while out on a walk at lunchtime at work. We're talking a Division I college athlete who kept himself in good shape all his life. Hereditary heart disease is very tough to beat without medical assistance. My dad had triple bypass surgery a few weeks later at 50 to correct his two 90% clogged arteries and one 60%, and he's doing great now. He and I have always been great friends, but every concert we've gone to together and every sporting event we've watched has grown more meaningful since then.

I'm lucky enough to know what I've got (and what I avoided), that's for sure.

[Fourt9rkim]

My dad and I were never all that close when I was growing up...he always worked until 9 pm as a butcher, so the only time I saw him was in the morning, or on his days off...he worked every Sunday because it was triple time. Dad was always a loner more or less...he would isolate himself in his art room, doing oil paintings until the wee hours of the morning...it wasn't uncommon to hear a thud from him falling asleep and falling off his stool.

I started watching NFL football as a way to have some sort of closeness to him.... so once he retired, we would always watch the 49ers every Sunday.

Even though dad wasn't home that much, he was still my biggest supporter....still is. He never discouraged me from anything I wanted to try, even when I made the decision to fly back to New Jersey from California back in 1998 to visit my then boyfriend. Mom was another story...she and I fought like cats and dogs for 2 months over it. Dad said, "I don't agree with what you're doing, but you have to find out for yourself if this is what you want." Had I not made the trip, I would have been making the biggest mistake of my life.... the relationship went south after my return back home.

Now, with mom ailing with Alzheimers and heart failure, dad and I have grown alot closer. We talk, and he understands my need for "my" time away from mom....he doesn't try to hold me in a cage like mom has always done. Mom always had this deep hatred for men, and always hated every single boyfriend I ever had....Dad liked almost every one of them.

Dad has never been one to be overly affectionate....if you get a hug, it's either your birthday or Christmas... but his support of my decisions, and ambitions shows me his love more than a hug ever would.

[SusieP]

Those of you who still have your dad's appreciate them and spend lots of time with them

So true. My daddy died suddenly of a heart attack aged 49 - I was ten years old.
He went to work, and Mom & I were waiting for him to come home, he never did. Died at the bus stop after a day's work and we were preparing dinner.
36 years later, I can still remember the cops coming to tell us. And I can still remember what food we were cooking. I can almost smell it still. But I have so few memories of my Dad because he was at work most of the time.

So Angie is right......cherish your father and spend as much time with him as you can.

Awe Susie, that is heartwrenching. Sorry to both of you. I am lucky enough to have all my immediate family living here and we all get together often. I DO cherish the time......moreso after losing my grandparents. I couldn't have asked for better parents, they know just how much and when to get involved in your life and just when to back away........love them dearly. My dad worked alot too when we were younger and it's great to see him spend so much time with the grandkids now......keeps him young.

You are lucky Deb. And it shows in your posts. You come over as a happy and well adjusted person. A good family will do that for you. Bet your kids are well adjusted, too. All my Grandparents had passed by the time I was 5 years old. One Granpa, my Mom's Dad, died when SHE was five, so I never knew him.

My Mom became mother and father to me - but I sadly lost her last August. Same thing - she wasn't ill, her heart just stopped and she went in her sleep with no warning. I phoned her every day I didn't visit her, and one morning she didn't answer her phone. We had such a close bond after losing Dad so long ago and we knew each other so well. When she didn't answer, I just knew. I knew in my heart what had happened, so I drove over, fully expecting to find her............and I did, but thank God she was in bed, and it was clear she had gone peacefully in her sleep.
The shock was terrible - but the knowledge that she didn't suffer really comforted me. Even though she has left a heck of a void. She was lovely.
I try to make myself believe she is with my Dad now, but my belief in that comes and goes.

I believe those of you who have parents left should cherish them but I also advise that you learn to be independent of them because that makes it easier to cope when you lose them. Not easy, but easier.
xxx

[SusieP]

Those of you who still have your dad's appreciate them and spend lots of time with them

So true. My daddy died suddenly of a heart attack aged 49 - I was ten years old.
He went to work, and Mom & I were waiting for him to come home, he never did. Died at the bus stop after a day's work and we were preparing dinner.
36 years later, I can still remember the cops coming to tell us. And I can still remember what food we were cooking. I can almost smell it still. But I have so few memories of my Dad because he was at work most of the time.

So Angie is right......cherish your father and spend as much time with him as you can.

Amen to both of you. My story is very similar to yours Susie, I just have a happier ending. My dad had an "episode" (still don't know if it was a heart attack) at 50 two years ago while out on a walk at lunchtime at work. We're talking a Division I college athlete who kept himself in good shape all his life. Hereditary heart disease is very tough to beat without medical assistance. My dad had triple bypass surgery a few weeks later at 50 to correct his two 90% clogged arteries and one 60%, and he's doing great now. He and I have always been great friends, but every concert we've gone to together and every sporting event we've watched has grown more meaningful since then.

I'm lucky enough to know what I've got (and what I avoided), that's for sure.

I am glad he came through it. And glad that you can have quality time with him.

[SusieP]

My dad and I were never all that close when I was growing up...he always worked until 9 pm as a butcher, so the only time I saw him was in the morning, or on his days off...he worked every Sunday because it was triple time. Dad was always a loner more or less...he would isolate himself in his art room, doing oil paintings until the wee hours of the morning...it wasn't uncommon to hear a thud from him falling asleep and falling off his stool.

I started watching NFL football as a way to have some sort of closeness to him.... so once he retired, we would always watch the 49ers every Sunday.

Even though dad wasn't home that much, he was still my biggest supporter....still is. He never discouraged me from anything I wanted to try, even when I made the decision to fly back to New Jersey from California back in 1998 to visit my then boyfriend. Mom was another story...she and I fought like cats and dogs for 2 months over it. Dad said, "I don't agree with what you're doing, but you have to find out for yourself if this is what you want." Had I not made the trip, I would have been making the biggest mistake of my life.... the relationship went south after my return back home.

Now, with mom ailing with Alzheimers and heart failure, dad and I have grown alot closer. We talk, and he understands my need for "my" time away from mom....he doesn't try to hold me in a cage like mom has always done. Mom always had this deep hatred for men, and always hated every single boyfriend I ever had....Dad liked almost every one of them.

Dad has never been one to be overly affectionate....if you get a hug, it's either your birthday or Christmas... but his support of my decisions, and ambitions shows me his love more than a hug ever would.

Your Dad knows how to be alone, probably because he needed to step back from your Mom. That is why he understands your need for time out as well.
I'm sorry your Mom is sick - that cannot be easy to handle.
Some people can't hug, it makes them feel uncomfortable, but you KNOW that doesn't mean they don't love you.

My partner used to pull away from hugs when I met him. That was because he came from a home where they didn't hug, so he didn't know how to handle outward displays of affection. Now he is the first to make a move for a hug.

[Rhiannon]

I started watching NFL football as a way to have some sort of closeness to him.... so once he retired, we would always watch the 49ers every Sunday.

My Dad and I did that with college football, NFL, and Nascar. Traditions that were a total Daddy & me thing.

This is how awesome my Dad is... his favorite joke is when you come upon a train crossing he'll go "Hey, a train's just been through here." Some poor soul will say, "how do you know, Tommy?" And he says, "Cause it left its tracks. Heh heh heh." Its where I get my dorkiness from. No doubt. My dad is hilarious. Words of wisdom, a little sarcastic, loving, and every now and then the random email about oil futures. Yes, oil futures.

A few of my favorite Daddy quotes...

[Fourt9rkim]

Your Dad knows how to be alone, probably because he needed to step back from your Mom. That is why he understands your need for time out as well.
I'm sorry your Mom is sick - that cannot be easy to handle.
Some people can't hug, it makes them feel uncomfortable, but you KNOW that doesn't mean they don't love you.

My partner used to pull away from hugs when I met him. That was because he came from a home where they didn't hug, so he didn't know how to handle outward displays of affection. Now he is the first to make a move for a hug.

Thanks, Susie...it's VERY hard to watch mom going through this. Dad is actually handling it better than I am. He actually started back to doing his oil painting as his 'escape'. He sits out in the garage now during his free time and paints beautiful paintings. I inherited his artistic eye with my photography.

Mom was always overly affectionate with me growing up...always hugging me for no reason. Now it's a rarity to get a hug, or something other than "you little bitch" from her.

[Fourt9rkim]

I started watching NFL football as a way to have some sort of closeness to him.... so once he retired, we would always watch the 49ers every Sunday.

My Dad and I did that with college football, NFL, and Nascar. Traditions that were a total Daddy & me thing.

This is how awesome my Dad is... his favorite joke is when you come upon a train crossing he'll go "Hey, a train's just been through here." Some poor soul will say, "how do you know, Tommy?" And he says, "Cause it left its tracks. Heh heh heh." Its where I get my dorkiness from. No doubt. My dad is hilarious. Words of wisdom, a little sarcastic, loving, and every now and then the random email about oil futures. Yes, oil futures.

A few of my favorite Daddy quotes...

My dad has always had a warped sense of humor ever since I can remember. Mom never had a sense of humor....I always laughed at dad's jokes....mom just rolled her eyes. If mom really laughed at something, you know it was funny.

I get my sarcasm from dad, too.... so maybe I am daddy's girl after all.

[Deb]

Those of you who still have your dad's appreciate them and spend lots of time with them

So true. My daddy died suddenly of a heart attack aged 49 - I was ten years old.
He went to work, and Mom & I were waiting for him to come home, he never did. Died at the bus stop after a day's work and we were preparing dinner.
36 years later, I can still remember the cops coming to tell us. And I can still remember what food we were cooking. I can almost smell it still. But I have so few memories of my Dad because he was at work most of the time.

So Angie is right......cherish your father and spend as much time with him as you can.

Awe Susie, that is heartwrenching. Sorry to both of you. I am lucky enough to have all my immediate family living here and we all get together often. I DO cherish the time......moreso after losing my grandparents. I couldn't have asked for better parents, they know just how much and when to get involved in your life and just when to back away........love them dearly. My dad worked alot too when we were younger and it's great to see him spend so much time with the grandkids now......keeps him young.

You are lucky Deb. And it shows in your posts. You come over as a happy and well adjusted person. A good family will do that for you. Bet your kids are well adjusted, too. All my Grandparents had passed by the time I was 5 years old. One Granpa, my Mom's Dad, died when SHE was five, so I never knew him.

Awe thanks Susie, you're a doll. And I hear ya, I talk to my mom on the phone at least every couple days. But I know the time will come and it's the little things that mean the most. My grandma went fairly quickly by cancer. Hard on us, but the best for her.....she didn't suffer much....bless her heart. The hard one was my grandpa who had dementia before he went. Sometimes he recognized you and sometimes he didn't. So many times in conversations near the end he would be back 70 years or so (was 93) talking about people and places from his youth on the farm. It was hard seeing his mind and body slowly go......especially being a stubborn, proud little german.

[Rhiannon]

Thanks, Susie...it's VERY hard to watch mom going through this. Dad is actually handling it better than I am. He actually started back to doing his oil painting as his 'escape'. He sits out in the garage now during his free time and paints beautiful paintings. I inherited his artistic eye with my photography.

Mom was always overly affectionate with me growing up...always hugging me for no reason. Now it's a rarity to get a hug, or something other than "you little bitch" from her.

Aww...
That is one of the toughest things, I've seen loved ones go through it. Don't think I could be strong enough to watch one of my parents with it. I hope you and your family are blessed with the strength you need and just hold onto the good times, like the hugs for no reason.

[SusieP]

Your Dad knows how to be alone, probably because he needed to step back from your Mom. That is why he understands your need for time out as well.
I'm sorry your Mom is sick - that cannot be easy to handle.
Some people can't hug, it makes them feel uncomfortable, but you KNOW that doesn't mean they don't love you.

My partner used to pull away from hugs when I met him. That was because he came from a home where they didn't hug, so he didn't know how to handle outward displays of affection. Now he is the first to make a move for a hug.

Thanks, Susie...it's VERY hard to watch mom going through this. Dad is actually handling it better than I am. He actually started back to doing his oil painting as his 'escape'. He sits out in the garage now during his free time and paints beautiful paintings. I inherited his artistic eye with my photography.

Mom was always overly affectionate with me growing up...always hugging me for no reason. Now it's a rarity to get a hug, or something other than "you little bitch" from her.

I'm no shrink, but if your Dad is a person who 'steps back' and your Mom is a hugger, it could have gone two ways - your Dad would become a hugger too, or your Mom would overcompensate for the hugs she didn't get from your Dad by wanting more of them from you.

And the 'bitch' comments are the illness manifesting itself. It's hard, but you can't take that personally.
And your Dad is handling it well because he has always kept his emotions close to his chest. It's his way.
We all have our own ways of handling the stuff life throws at us.
And as long as we understand that and accept how others cope [even if it is different to how WE cope] we get through.

That's my take on it anyway.
xxx

[Fourt9rkim]

Thanks, Susie...it's VERY hard to watch mom going through this. Dad is actually handling it better than I am. He actually started back to doing his oil painting as his 'escape'. He sits out in the garage now during his free time and paints beautiful paintings. I inherited his artistic eye with my photography.

Mom was always overly affectionate with me growing up...always hugging me for no reason. Now it's a rarity to get a hug, or something other than "you little bitch" from her.

Aww...
That is one of the toughest things, I've seen loved ones go through it. Don't think I could be strong enough to watch one of my parents with it. I hope you and your family are blessed with the strength you need and just hold onto the good times, like the hugs for no reason.

Thanks, Rhiannon...there are times I just sit and bawl, wishing for those hugs for no reason.

[Deb]

This is how awesome my Dad is... his favorite joke is when you come upon a train crossing he'll go "Hey, a train's just been through here." Some poor soul will say, "how do you know, Tommy?" And he says, "Cause it left its tracks. Heh heh heh." Its where I get my dorkiness from. No doubt. My dad is hilarious. Words of wisdom, a little sarcastic, loving, and every now and then the random email about oil futures. Yes, oil futures.

My dad has always been a joker too Rhi. My friends never knew when he was serious or not...growing up. When they would phone for me or my sister, he would say.....just a minute....she's in the cage, it's feeding time. Mortifying when it was a new friend or date! Silence on the other end of the line until he started laughing. Daaaaaaaad! Or the one about "nothing grows in the shade"......my sis had big boobs and tiny feet and I had little boobs and bigger feet.

[Fourt9rkim]

I'm no shrink, but if your Dad is a person who 'steps back' and your Mom is a hugger, it could have gone two ways - your Dad would become a hugger too, or your Mom would overcompensate for the hugs she didn't get from your Dad by wanting more of them from you.

And the 'bitch' comments are the illness manifesting itself. It's hard, but you can't take that personally.
And your Dad is handling it well because he has always kept his emotions close to his chest. It's his way.
We all have our own ways of handling the stuff life throws at us.
And as long as we understand that and accept how others cope [even if it is different to how WE cope] we get through.

That's my take on it anyway.
xxx

My logical mind tells me not to pay attention to what she says....that it's the disease... but it still hurts to hear it come out of her mouth. Dad has learned to just walk away. I have taken to sitting outside on the front porch ALOT on my days off...

[SusieP]

Those of you who still have your dad's appreciate them and spend lots of time with them

So true. My daddy died suddenly of a heart attack aged 49 - I was ten years old.
He went to work, and Mom & I were waiting for him to come home, he never did. Died at the bus stop after a day's work and we were preparing dinner.
36 years later, I can still remember the cops coming to tell us. And I can still remember what food we were cooking. I can almost smell it still. But I have so few memories of my Dad because he was at work most of the time.

So Angie is right......cherish your father and spend as much time with him as you can.

Awe Susie, that is heartwrenching. Sorry to both of you. I am lucky enough to have all my immediate family living here and we all get together often. I DO cherish the time......moreso after losing my grandparents. I couldn't have asked for better parents, they know just how much and when to get involved in your life and just when to back away........love them dearly. My dad worked alot too when we were younger and it's great to see him spend so much time with the grandkids now......keeps him young.

You are lucky Deb. And it shows in your posts. You come over as a happy and well adjusted person. A good family will do that for you. Bet your kids are well adjusted, too. All my Grandparents had passed by the time I was 5 years old. One Granpa, my Mom's Dad, died when SHE was five, so I never knew him.

Awe thanks Susie, you're a doll. And I hear ya, I talk to my mom on the phone at least every couple days. But I know the time will come and it's the little things that mean the most. My grandma went fairly quickly by cancer. Hard on us, but the best for her.....she didn't suffer much....bless her heart. The hard one was my grandpa who had dementia before he went. Sometimes he recognized you and sometimes he didn't. So many times in conversations near the end he would be back 70 years or so (was 93) talking about people and places from his youth on the farm. It was hard seeing his mind and body slowly go......especially being a stubborn, proud little german.

Yep, my heart goes out to those of you who have to see your loved ones suffer dementia/alzheimers/cancer etc.
I know that their eventual release from pain is just that, a release, but watching them suffer has to be harder than the sudden shock of losing parent like I did. I know I didn't get to say Goodbye or that I loved them, and that does tug at my heart.....often - but how selfish would that make me if I would rather say goodbye than let them go quick and relatively painless? For me to get the chance to say Goodbye would have meant that they would have had to suffer for some length of time. So I have to accept that for them to go quick [and alone] was better. The fact that they were both alone though is what makes me sob the hardest.