Mega Depressed

[4everkop]

Thank you all, this is helping very much, the youth pastor used to be suicidal in his younger years, and he had a chemical imbalance, And he is saying all signs are pointing to that. THere is shameing going on because she says all she does when she goes home and cries, and her mom says to her things like "I thought you were much stronger than that." And that is unacceptable, The ultimate answer is getting a psychiatrist involved, once her parents know that must be taken, and I have a friend who is suicidal that gets counseling, and he says it NEVER leaves you, it just can't be swept under the rug. We are doing all we can so far, and on wednesday we are having a meeting, The pastor who we are talking to has dealt with a kid who was suicidal, and everything turned out to be okay, but the problem is that the girl who we are helping, now says she has to put on a "performance" for her family, so they wont see why she is so depressed. I know it sounds creepy but I was on the phone with her last night for 35 minutes, and I told her that if she hangs up I am just gonna call back. I just feel that if she does take her life, I will feel that we didn't do enough. What is really stopping her?

[Voyager]

Thank you all, this is helping very much, the youth pastor used to be suicidal in his younger years, and he had a chemical imbalance, And he is saying all signs are pointing to that. THere is shameing going on because she says all she does when she goes home and cries, and her mom says to her things like "I thought you were much stronger than that." And that is unacceptable, The ultimate answer is getting a psychiatrist involved, once her parents know that must be taken, and I have a friend who is suicidal that gets counseling, and he says it NEVER leaves you, it just can't be swept under the rug. We are doing all we can so far, and on wednesday we are having a meeting, The pastor who we are talking to has dealt with a kid who was suicidal, and everything turned out to be okay, but the problem is that the girl who we are helping, now says she has to put on a "performance" for her family, so they wont see why she is so depressed. I know it sounds creepy but I was on the phone with her last night for 35 minutes, and I told her that if she hangs up I am just gonna call back. I just feel that if she does take her life, I will feel that we didn't do enough. What is really stopping her?

Having once been involved in a Christian church that ended up becoming an unhealthy extremist group, I can see signs of this happening in her family based on what you have said. What can happen in churches and in religious families is that people are not valued based on their worth as a person, but rather, on their religious performance (or lack thereof). This always causes shame, guilt, fear, and yes - depression. It's called a performance-based identity crisis. It is very difficult to remove this cancer from religious extremist churches and families because they believe thay are doing "God's will". I had to leave the church I was in because it went this way. That's why I don't do religion anymore. It makes you feel ashamed to be human.

I still think you should get the girl some professional help immediately. Why have the guilt on your hands if she does something to herself? Do you really think dragging her in against her will to see the pastor will help? Maybe she simply doesn't want any religion in her life? That could be the very thing that is making her depressed. I have seen this happen in religious families.

[Abitaman]

Unfortunately there is a mindset in many religious circles that you should let the church deal with problems like this one and not go to a "wordly" psychologist or psychiatrist. That is a very dangerous mindset, but is very pervasive in extremist groups. They don't want anyone to have access to control your mind but them.

Maybe in cults, but most religions will tell you that prayer is good, but also that there are doctors and medicine out there to help you. Your body, spirit, and soul all need to be taken care of.

[Shadowsong]

she needs to see a doctor asap. have a psychiatric evaluation to determine if what she is feeling is physical, mental or chemical. if it's chemical it's something that can't be helped without having her on some form of medication.

Good advice.

Yes, this is the best advice. My son had a horrible chemical change with the onslaught of puberty. We didn't see it
until it was almost too late!!! its nothing to be ashamed of nor to be hidden, this girl must get on something to boost her
serotonin levels immediately=very common!! The only thing approved for under 18 without major evals. is Prozac.
She needs it!!! If the parents say they can't afford the money for a psychiatrist then take up a collection immediately
from the church please. I cannot stress enough though that she needs to be evaluated by someone that specializes in adolescents.
Don't walk=run! do it today because it takes weeks to get balanced out. Peace~

The mind is chemical & physical & has a delicate balance.
Could just be her reaction to hormones & growing up but still very dangerous if she is talking about suicide.
She does need professional help to figure it out & to make sure that she is not a danger to herself.

Be strong & treat her with even emotion.
Quietly calmly justify
she doesn;t need any more emotion in her life
sounds like she has all she can handle

The teenager is not your responsibility but do what you can...do your best...its all you can do
Try not to put any weight of your emotions on her
Don't know how you do it but if you care you will do your best to find a way to get her help or convince her to get help parents or not.

She needs some one strong to look up too who cares
if she trusts you this is good


Perhaps group therapy
to show her that teenagers can go through this
it can be part of growing up
& adults seem to forget how they felt as a teenager & just slip it under the rug
its a hard time & can be especially hard for some.


She needs to get out
get some exercize
Do things she likes to do
Probably just as they say growing pains
but she does need to be seen by a Dr if she is talking suicide as that is not good.

We lost my brother this way & it seems he did talk about it to a neighbor.
We did all we could but he was 30 year old adult & probably a alcoholic at this point & addicted to drugs.
Guess these days there is a fine line between what an adult does & how loved ones get intervention.
We tried
he got detox & help but he always went back to it. He tried & don;t know what else we could have done short of chaining him to a bed.
So what I am saying is they have to want help & since she is asking by telling how she feels & she is a child it is very important she gets some professional help soon!


Good Luck to you both

[skinsguy]

Unfortunately there is a mindset in many religious circles that you should let the church deal with problems like this one and not go to a "wordly" psychologist or psychiatrist. That is a very dangerous mindset, but is very pervasive in extremist groups. They don't want anyone to have access to control your mind but them.

Maybe in cults, but most religions will tell you that prayer is good, but also that there are doctors and medicine out there to help you. Your body, spirit, and soul all need to be taken care of.

This is very true. There is nothing wrong with good Christian counseling in addition to seeing a mental health doctor as well.

[4everkop]

This is all taken to heart.

[4everkop]

I honestly think it is a chemical imbalance, and mixed with her self doubt, and her guilt, and shame. She keeps saying she can tough it out, and I say you can not, don't fool yourself, that is why i am here and we are getting you help, you can not carry this alone. I would be naive in thinking that she is coming around, but I think i have built up enough trust between the both of us.She says she keeps on having these thoughts out of nowhere.

[Shadowsong]

I honestly think it is a chemical imbalance, and mixed with her self doubt, and her guilt, and shame. She keeps saying she can tough it out, and I say you can not, don't fool yourself, that is why i am here and we are getting you help, you can not carry this alone. I would be naive in thinking that she is coming around, but I think i have built up enough trust between the both of us.She says she keeps on having these thoughts out of nowhere.

If she says she can tough it out she is trying
DO NOT be telling her she can not!
I don't think that is a good move
Stop counseling her as you could be hurting her.

Be there for her
be positive
the comment of telling her she can't do it herself is very negative & could push her over the edge you are trying to keep her from!

Be careful.
I'ts ok to tell her you care
you are concerned & it wouldn;t hurt to get another opinion
but do not make it about your feelings.
Keep your feelings as stable & neutral
watch your words!

I'm no expert but have a BS in pysch & I know its better not to say anything than to say the wrong thing as her mind in its state can blow it all out of proportion.

Just be careful not to cause her more distress....

you need to get the pastor to tallk to parents
a dr cannot treat a 13 yo without parental or guardian consent

[4everkop]

OK I will not do that! THANKS!

[artist4perry]

she needs to see a doctor asap. have a psychiatric evaluation to determine if what she is feeling is physical, mental or chemical. if it's chemical it's something that can't be helped without having her on some form of medication.

Good advice.

It very easily could be an emotional, chemical, or mental imballance. She needs to get intervention right away! Don't worry if she gets mad at you at first. You must do what is right for her. I will pray for her and you, to let you know you are thought of. Good luck!

[Shadowsong]

:shock: OK I will not do that! THANKS!

hard to find the right words sometimes but leave the counseling to a professional.

Tell her I know you are a strong girl but that everyone can use some help & she does not have to do it alone.
try to be positive & don;t used negative terms such as you're a "fool"..., or you "can't"... as her mind will immediately either shut down or go negative. She already has more than enough to be upset about so you really have to be careful with the words you use to help her.

Don't be fooled by professionals even they make mistakes & the one you want should be good at treating adolescents as was posted earlier. Sometimes a bad shrink can also be worse than no shrink...

Mind is still mostly an unknown frontier & so important as its where we make life;s journey a sorrowful or beautiful mess of neurological connections.

[(Crazy)Dulce Lady]

Stu's right. get her to the docs. and continue to pray--as we will.

Mental sickness is treatable as is a broken arm.


She needs it all-quick.

[DrFU]

Just one other thing to add to what others have said -- the common (compassionate) responses that everyone makes to kids who express these feelings -- i.e., you're beautiful, smart, talented, have so much to live for, etc. -- can sometimes actually make them feel worse. Because they feel like they are letting everyone down and only THEY know deep down that they are none of those things.

When a young person has reached this point, reasoning and talk won't get the job done. Professional help is needed right now; legally, professionally, morally, spiritually, intervention is the right thing to do. Fallout can be dealt with later.

[Rip Rokken]

Just one other thing to add to what others have said -- the common (compassionate) responses that everyone makes to kids who express these feelings -- i.e., you're beautiful, smart, talented, have so much to live for, etc. -- can sometimes actually make them feel worse. Because they feel like they are letting everyone down and only THEY know deep down that they are none of those things.

When a young person has reached this point, reasoning and talk won't get the job done. Professional help is needed right now; legally, professionally, morally, spiritually, intervention is the right thing to do. Fallout can be dealt with later.

I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread so this has probably been said many times already, but I would strongly recommend professional help immediately (not just friends or church counselors), and also not rule out the possibility of abuse. That is one thing I hear over and over as a common root when kids suddenly become distant and depressed. Hopefully that's not the case, but a professional should be able to figure out what's up, whether it's physical, mental, spiritual, chemical, or all of the above.

Best of luck and hope she gets the help she needs.