Blueskies wrote:Gunbot wrote:My problem with people apologizing in cyberspace is simple. In real life, you can see by the persons face and actions if they're sincere (at least, most of the time), On the internet I can type that I am sorry with even more malice than the original post that caused offense. All the apology has done is given me leave to keep doing what I'm doing. If I have to halt my actions, a PM or apology thread will absolve me and I can continue on with my actions. How many people are doped online by scammers and romancers, who sounded so nice and wrote the most wonder posts and so on? The internet is a powerful cloak for deception and fraud. As I have said before, if you typed it, you meant it so why try to pretend your sorry. It my provide warm fuzzies for the person hurt in the conversation but it doesn't change the reality of what you felt and probably still feel. White lies are still lies.
Of course people mean what they say in the moment but sometimes they do regret things they've said later sometimes and when they have given thought then sometimes they realize that they didn't really think what they may have said too.. As far as apologies...the difference is that an apology can help the person a little at the time by helping to quite the discrepancy at the moment, but of course you are right because when one is said the person it's told to will still feel the offense and it will take them time to truly believe and accept an apology because actions and changes when proven over time are what really shows it was meant..a real and lasting change in behavior....but as I mentioned an apology can be at least a first step in the right direction...actions over time are what proves if it was sincere...in person or in cyberspace..especially without having the benefit of body language to read....only time and action will tell.
I think it also depends on what is being apologised for. For example, I tend to swear quite a bit. Most people don't mind, some get offended. If someone says to me 'would you mind not swearing at me' I'll apologise, on-line or in real life. It's a common courtesy to recognise that you have crossed someone else's line; acknowledge it and note that you won't do it again. It doesn't mean I'll stop swearing completely, I'll just try to remember not to in that person's presence, but it does fulfil a step in a complicated social dance of boundaries and behaviours. People are free to say/post whatever they like, but sometimes we need to remember that this is still a community, and there are certain social rules about communication. One is, pay attention when someone says please stop. And being big enough to say sorry under those circumstances I think is appropriate, but
only if, as Gunbot says, the behaviour also changes to reflect the request.
And I think that's what Blueskies is getting at - it's an aknowledgment of offence
unintentionally given and some sort of indication it's going to stop, not a recanting of a view point to placate someone else.
Why treat life as a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in an attractive & well-preserved body? Get there by skidding in sideways, a glass of wine in one hand, chocolate in the other, body totally worn out, screaming WOOHOO! What a ride!
