Funny from my mother

[tj]

It's funny that as I have gotten older, my mother has seen fit to send me emails, the content of which years ago I never dreamed she would have even read. Here is the latest:



SMART-ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the
flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John
asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.



SMART-ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need
to see your ticket, not your stub.'



SMART-ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but
she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do
these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're
dead.'



SMART-ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the
officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.



SMART-ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver is driving along on the freeway and notices a sign that
read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of
him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the
truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The
truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'



SMART-ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008 !!

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now, class,
I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death
in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A
smart-ass student in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, 'What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student,
shakes her head and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam
with your other hand.'



A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband
replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

[Saint John]

I liked #'s 2 and 4 the best. BTW, those were posted a few months ago, but they sure are funny.

[stevew2]

It's funny that as I have gotten older, my mother has seen fit to send me emails, the content of which years ago I never dreamed she would have even read. Here is the latest:



SMART-ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the
flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John
asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.



SMART-ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need
to see your ticket, not your stub.'



SMART-ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but
she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do
these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're
dead.'



SMART-ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the
officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.



SMART-ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver is driving along on the freeway and notices a sign that
read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of
him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the
truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The
truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'



SMART-ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008 !!

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now, class,
I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death
in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A
smart-ass student in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, 'What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student,
shakes her head and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam
with your other hand.'



A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband
replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

Your mom will fit right in. She will like all the rack posts and how friga like it in the butt

[Babyblue]

Just to funny.You have a really cool mom.

[Michigan Girl]

LMAO!!!!

My fav.....

A BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband
replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect