Swooning Loons........

[SP Fan in Oregon]

It is a very scary world indeed........... That is why I live in Oregon where at least I have a chance to survive a societal meltdown.

[bluejeangirl76]

Really, Ari? When people come up to me about my father and tell me how much he meant to them and how much they miss him, it means a lot to me, even if it was just someone who knew him casually. It's a testament to what a wonderful man he was. Sometimes people say the wrong things, but they don't know how to handle talking to someone who lost a loved one.

True, Jana, I love when people tell me how much they liked my dad, and it makes me happy to hear that, but that's really really different than what I was talking about when I said the stuff about SP. I was talking about people talking not only about Steve, who they don't know, but about his family, who they also don't know, and essentially speaking about his relationship with or his feelings about those people. You don't know the guy, so really, even if he says something about those things, you don't really get the right to, and why are you that interested in it ANYWAY, other than a basic human interest, which most people feel, but to bring it to a message board and talk about "Steve feels this or that"... no... wrong.... that's creepy. To me at least. That's why I cringe. Its this whole need to feel like you're close to celebs or have things in common by getting that far up in their lives.

I'll use the Jett Travolta situation as an example because its current news... I feel bad about that and wish the family well, yes - absolutely, out of basic human interest, because John is an actor I admire, seen the movies, etc... but I don't KNOW him, nor do I know his family or his late son, so I would never say things like "Oh they were so close, that's so hard for him, he hasn't gotten over it..." ect., and those are things I've seen said about Perry. Whether the things one is saying are true or not, its kind of inappropriate to take a speaking position about someone else's life.

[Arianddu]

Every time I see someone mention his mom or her passing, I cringe, and I see that a LOT.

Yeah, that one bothers me. I miss my Dad like hell, and I have a hard time dealing with his former patients telling me what a great guy he was and how they miss him. It's like - you were his frigging patient. You saw him maybe one or two times a year. Yes, he was a bloody good doctor, but it's not like you knew him personally or socially. I wanted to belt one woman who barrelled me up at his funeral to lecture me on what a wonderful doctor he was and how much she was going to miss him, how she wasn't sure how she was going to handle the grief. WTF??? He was my father! Five years later I still get these doofuses stopping me in the street to tell me how great he was and how much I must miss him, and every time I grit my teeth when all I want to do is yell 'this doesn't help, it just brings back that he isn't here!'

But at least they knew Dad, even if I don't know them. I can't imagine how it would feel if it was some total stranger talking about how painful that loss must be. Yeah, it's painful. It's also pretty damn private.

It only takes a minute or two of kindness to make a difference in someone's life and these small acts, often at a time of distress or uncertainty can make all the difference and are often remembered. Many would take solace that the actions of a relative or close friend brought comfort and kindness to so many people. I for one was certainly absolutely overwhelmed by the gathering at my fiancee's funeral and was completely unaware at the lives she had touched despite having lived with her for almost seven years.

Better someone is remembered in kindness then in hatred or not at all. Seven years later people still stop me to chat about her and it despite having moved on with my life, it warms my heart and I totally appreciate them taking the time to do so. It would be pleasing for me to think that I might be remembered half as fondly when my time comes.

I feel the same way. I appreciate those people that take the time to mention my mom or dad.

My brother lives in our hometown and sees people all the time who knew my dad, as my father was third generation in that town. He loves it when people stop him. I always hear the pride in his voice when he tells me about the people he runs into and the affection they had for both my parents. He loved my father so much and used to work together, and it moves him that my dad touched their lives and they haven't forgotten him.

Yes, I get that - and I don't want it to sound like I'm not proud of my Dad or the impact that he had on people. I've met people who were his patients 25+ years ago who are genuinely upset to learn that he died, and that does touch me, to know that he had that kind of impact on people's lives. When someone I don't know, who only knows me as Dr Pete's daughter, stops me in the street and starts telling me that they miss him and the new doctor isn't as good, or when someone talks about what Dad did for them, how he delivered their baby or saved their kid's life, or was a great doctor, or whatever, then I am fine with that, because it's about their relationship with him.

But it's the ones who are probing my loss, my pain, that I can't handle; the ones who nod and tell me how much I must miss him, and they know it must be terrible for me to lose him, and hasn't time flown and who would think it was only 5 years ago that he died, and he was such a wonderful father it must be so hard, how is my step-mother doing, how is my sister, are we over the initial shock yet, were there any problems with the will, where did we scatter his ashes, do I keep in contact with the other doctors at the surgery, it must be so hard for my sister and me knowing that our kids will never know their grandfather, we must miss him so terribly, it must be a terrible thing to bear... stuff that from a family friend would be painful and clumsy but kind of ok, but from a stranger? And these people are total strangers to me. I don't know them from a bar of soap. They were my father's patients and they know nothing about his family, or what kind of person he was other than as a doctor. If it was just 'I thought he was a wonderful man, and I'm sorry he died' that would be fine. And for the first year after he died, I did take it as people wanting to show sympathy, even when all I really wanted them to do was shut up. It's the people fishing for more, who want to know about the family's grief, when they don't know us at all. They seem to have this assumption that because they knew the professional man, they have some kind of claim on his life, and I am put in the position of having to be polite to a stranger who is poking their nose into my grief and my family's private business.

The point is - grief is personal. No one else can know how I feel about my Dad's death, or what his loss means to me. People who know me have a pretty good idea; people who know me and knew my Dad have an even better one. But for a stranger to tell me how much I must feel it; well, that's going a bit too far. At least my Dad's patients knew my Dad, but Steve Perry's fans know neither him nor his mother personally, and so I find the over the top comments about how much he must miss her and how terrible it must be for him to be ghoulish and dehumanising. The man is a human being and has a right to a certain level of privacy, and I personally feel that speculation on his grief is taking it too far. They were close, she died, it was a great loss, he felt it terribly; he's talked about it in interviews, now leave it at that, ok? There really isn't any need for anyone else to discuss it.

My feelings about it, anyway.

[Arianddu]

Really, Ari? When people come up to me about my father and tell me how much he meant to them and how much they miss him, it means a lot to me, even if it was just someone who knew him casually. It's a testament to what a wonderful man he was. Sometimes people say the wrong things, but they don't know how to handle talking to someone who lost a loved one.

True, Jana, I love when people tell me how much they liked my dad, and it makes me happy to hear that, but that's really really different than what I was talking about when I said the stuff about SP. I was talking about people talking not only about Steve, who they don't know, but about his family, who they also don't know, and essentially speaking about his relationship with or his feelings about those people. You don't know the guy, so really, even if he says something about those things, you don't really get the right to, and why are you that interested in it ANYWAY, other than a basic human interest, which most people feel, but to bring it to a message board and talk about "Steve feels this or that"... no... wrong.... that's creepy. To me at least. That's why I cringe. Its this whole need to feel like you're close to celebs or have things in common by getting that far up in their lives.

I'll use the Jett Travolta situation as an example because its current news... I feel bad about that and wish the family well, yes - absolutely, out of basic human interest, because John is an actor I admire, seen the movies, etc... but I don't KNOW him, nor do I know his family or his late son, so I would never say things like "Oh they were so close, that's so hard for him, he hasn't gotten over it..." ect., and those are things I've seen said about Perry. Whether the things one is saying are true or not, its kind of inappropriate to take a speaking position about someone else's life.

Thank you - that is exactly what I meant. Well put.

[tammy]

Yipes, this thread has gone all over the place. I can understand fans innocently wanting to know more about a celebrity (hell, I apparently am the dope who asked if he had children in a Q&A a few years ago 'cuz I was new and saw on a message board people saying he had - I just wanted to know what the truth was - didn't know if it was a secret or not - lol - I'm just an honest & curious person myself & it was an innocent question I thought), but yeah there are the crazies who are just well, crazy. I just started watching American Idol with the beginning auditions and those people are dang freaky! And, then there are also the "fans" here who show disrespect of SP with images of 90 yr old naked men! Geezus!
I do like knowing anything SP himself is willing to let us know...I think it is very cool & FUN. I like knowing his fave color or song or meal (even if I can't remember much anymore lol.) I'd never pry or stalk for godsakes...although, once I did drive thru his hometown on the way back from visiting my sister in Fresno, just to see what it looked like (it's cute with a main street and old fashioned lamposts & my fave song "Still they Ride" was playing in my car - anyway, I think he is a fabulous person from all that I have gathered and obviously I'm thrilled that the person behind the music I adore is adorable, too. Plus, he's STILL sexy and there ain't nothin' wrong with admiring him physically...but yeah, some ladies can go overboard with their descriptive reactions.

[bluejeangirl76]

And, then there are also the "fans" here who show disrespect of SP with images of 90 yr old naked men! Geezus!

I wouldn't really classify that as disrespect, it was just a goofy "age" joke, which we're all subject to at any point... and really, its not nearly as disrespectful as a lot of the things that get speculated about around here regarding his career in Journey, and what he did or didn't do that "ruined" the band... I mean those are direct attacks on the guy and what he spent so many years of his life working toward. A picture of a random old guy is about the equivalent of putting up "over the hill" signs at a 50th birthday party. Those same kind of pictures (and worse) are used on greeting cards , for heaven's sake. Now if it was Perry's actual ass that got posted... yeah that's not too respectful... LMAO!

[finalfight]

And, then there are also the "fans" here who show disrespect of SP with images of 90 yr old naked men! Geezus!

I wouldn't really classify that as disrespect, it was just a goofy "age" joke, which we're all subject to at any point... and really, its not nearly as disrespectful as a lot of the things that get speculated about around here regarding his career in Journey, and what he did or didn't do that "ruined" the band... I mean those are direct attacks on the guy and what he spent so many years of his life working toward. A picture of a random old guy is about the equivalent of putting up "over the hill" signs at a 50th birthday party. Those same kind of pictures (and worse) are used on greeting cards , for heaven's sake. Now if it was Perry's actual ass that got posted... yeah that's not too respectful... LMAO!

Man, that picture was gross but funny as hell! And to be honest the thread sorely needed some humour as it was getting downright creepy!

[Jana]

And, then there are also the "fans" here who show disrespect of SP with images of 90 yr old naked men! Geezus!

I wouldn't really classify that as disrespect, it was just a goofy "age" joke, which we're all subject to at any point... and really, its not nearly as disrespectful as a lot of the things that get speculated about around here regarding his career in Journey, and what he did or didn't do that "ruined" the band... I mean those are direct attacks on the guy and what he spent so many years of his life working toward. A picture of a random old guy is about the equivalent of putting up "over the hill" signs at a 50th birthday party. Those same kind of pictures (and worse) are used on greeting cards , for heaven's sake. Now if it was Perry's actual ass that got posted... yeah that's not too respectful... LMAO!

Man, that picture was gross but funny as hell! And to be honest the thread sorely needed some humour as it was getting downright creepy!

Amen. It was funny and tongue in cheek -- well, never mind. That might be taken out of context here.

[bluejeangirl76]

Amen. It was funny and tongue-in-cheek humor -- well, never mind. That might be taken out of context here.

LMAO!!!! Now THAT was a good one.

[Jana]

Amen. It was funny and tongue-in-cheek humor -- well, never mind. That might be taken out of context here.

LMAO!!!! Now THAT was a good one.

I was trying to re-edit it above. I didn't think anybody would get my joke.

[finalfight]

Amen. It was funny and tongue-in-cheek humor -- well, never mind. That might be taken out of context here.

LMAO!!!! Now THAT was a good one.

I was trying to re-edit it above. I didn't think anybody would get my joke.

I pity the tongue that goes anywhere near those cheeks!

[Jana]

Amen. It was funny and tongue-in-cheek humor -- well, never mind. That might be taken out of context here.

LMAO!!!! Now THAT was a good one.

I was trying to re-edit it above. I didn't think anybody would get my joke.

I pity the tongue that goes anywhere near those cheeks!

Excuse me, I have to go take an anti-nausea pill.

[finalfight]

Amen. It was funny and tongue-in-cheek humor -- well, never mind. That might be taken out of context here.

LMAO!!!! Now THAT was a good one.

I was trying to re-edit it above. I didn't think anybody would get my joke.

I pity the tongue that goes anywhere near those cheeks!

Excuse me, I have to go take an anti-nausea pill.

Now imagine that being said in a Mr T style - "I Pity the fool..."!

[Don]

Pigfuckers

[finalfight]

Pigfuckers

[artist4perry]

Every time I see someone mention his mom or her passing, I cringe, and I see that a LOT.

Yeah, that one bothers me. I miss my Dad like hell, and I have a hard time dealing with his former patients telling me what a great guy he was and how they miss him. It's like - you were his frigging patient. You saw him maybe one or two times a year. Yes, he was a bloody good doctor, but it's not like you knew him personally or socially. I wanted to belt one woman who barrelled me up at his funeral to lecture me on what a wonderful doctor he was and how much she was going to miss him, how she wasn't sure how she was going to handle the grief. WTF??? He was my father! Five years later I still get these doofuses stopping me in the street to tell me how great he was and how much I must miss him, and every time I grit my teeth when all I want to do is yell 'this doesn't help, it just brings back that he isn't here!'

But at least they knew Dad, even if I don't know them. I can't imagine how it would feel if it was some total stranger talking about how painful that loss must be. Yeah, it's painful. It's also pretty damn private.

It only takes a minute or two of kindness to make a difference in someone's life and these small acts, often at a time of distress or uncertainty can make all the difference and are often remembered. Many would take solace that the actions of a relative or close friend brought comfort and kindness to so many people. I for one was certainly absolutely overwhelmed by the gathering at my fiancee's funeral and was completely unaware at the lives she had touched despite having lived with her for almost seven years.

Better someone is remembered in kindness then in hatred or not at all. Seven years later people still stop me to chat about her and it despite having moved on with my life, it warms my heart and I totally appreciate them taking the time to do so. It would be pleasing for me to think that I might be remembered half as fondly when my time comes.

I feel the same way. I appreciate those people that take the time to mention my mom or dad.

My brother lives in our hometown and sees people all the time who knew my dad, as my father was third generation in that town. He loves it when people stop him. I always hear the pride in his voice when he tells me about the people he runs into and the affection they had for both my parents. He loved my father so much and used to work together, and it moves him that my dad touched their lives and they haven't forgotten him.

Yes, I get that - and I don't want it to sound like I'm not proud of my Dad or the impact that he had on people. I've met people who were his patients 25+ years ago who are genuinely upset to learn that he died, and that does touch me, to know that he had that kind of impact on people's lives. When someone I don't know, who only knows me as Dr Pete's daughter, stops me in the street and starts telling me that they miss him and the new doctor isn't as good, or when someone talks about what Dad did for them, how he delivered their baby or saved their kid's life, or was a great doctor, or whatever, then I am fine with that, because it's about their relationship with him.

But it's the ones who are probing my loss, my pain, that I can't handle; the ones who nod and tell me how much I must miss him, and they know it must be terrible for me to lose him, and hasn't time flown and who would think it was only 5 years ago that he died, and he was such a wonderful father it must be so hard, how is my step-mother doing, how is my sister, are we over the initial shock yet, were there any problems with the will, where did we scatter his ashes, do I keep in contact with the other doctors at the surgery, it must be so hard for my sister and me knowing that our kids will never know their grandfather, we must miss him so terribly, it must be a terrible thing to bear... stuff that from a family friend would be painful and clumsy but kind of ok, but from a stranger? And these people are total strangers to me. I don't know them from a bar of soap. They were my father's patients and they know nothing about his family, or what kind of person he was other than as a doctor. If it was just 'I thought he was a wonderful man, and I'm sorry he died' that would be fine. And for the first year after he died, I did take it as people wanting to show sympathy, even when all I really wanted them to do was shut up. It's the people fishing for more, who want to know about the family's grief, when they don't know us at all. They seem to have this assumption that because they knew the professional man, they have some kind of claim on his life, and I am put in the position of having to be polite to a stranger who is poking their nose into my grief and my family's private business.

The point is - grief is personal. No one else can know how I feel about my Dad's death, or what his loss means to me. People who know me have a pretty good idea; people who know me and knew my Dad have an even better one. But for a stranger to tell me how much I must feel it; well, that's going a bit too far. At least my Dad's patients knew my Dad, but Steve Perry's fans know neither him nor his mother personally, and so I find the over the top comments about how much he must miss her and how terrible it must be for him to be ghoulish and dehumanising. The man is a human being and has a right to a certain level of privacy, and I personally feel that speculation on his grief is taking it too far. They were close, she died, it was a great loss, he felt it terribly; he's talked about it in interviews, now leave it at that, ok? There really isn't any need for anyone else to discuss it.

My feelings about it, anyway.

Arianddu, people say stupid things, because they don't know what else to say. Is anything truely appropriate? And what is appropriate varies from person to person.........I know for a fact I seem to avoid talking about someones past loved one at all sometimes because I don't want to increase their pain in any way, but then, hurting feelings because they don't think I care? It is always an eggshell subject, depending on the stage of greif the person is experiancing. Again, as far as Perry goes, people seldom know the right words........and many choose the wrong ones for the grieving party. Sometimes with the only true intentions of wishing to make things better, the heart is usually in the right place, even if the mouth screws it up...........