OT- Is There a Magic Age Where Men Finally Grow Up

[Deb]

For some reason, I have this perfect knack for attracting what seems to be perfectly normal men only to have them a month or so in turn into player BEASTS! Are some men players for life? Is there an age where that part is finally over and I should make that my new target?

I'm not sure that a guy being a "player" really has much to do with "growing up". Just because a guy doesn't believe in monogamy and enjoys the company of more than one woman doesn't mean that he is immature. Some guys have their lives VERY together and simply don't want to be tied down to one woman. Just one man's perspective.

Why did George Clooney come to mind there.....

'Cause George Clooney (or parts of GC) are always on your mind?

No, it's cuz he strikes me as one of those actors with his sh*t together but just doesn't believe in monogamy or being tied down........like John said in his post.

[StoneCold]

For some reason, I have this perfect knack for attracting what seems to be perfectly normal men only to have them a month or so in turn into player BEASTS! Are some men players for life? Is there an age where that part is finally over and I should make that my new target?

I'm not sure that a guy being a "player" really has much to do with "growing up". Just because a guy doesn't believe in monogamy and enjoys the company of more than one woman doesn't mean that he is immature. Some guys have their lives VERY together and simply don't want to be tied down to one woman. Just one man's perspective.

Why did George Clooney come to mind there.....

'Cause George Clooney (or parts of GC) are always on your mind?

No, it's cuz he strikes me as one of those actors with his sh*t together but just doesn't believe in monogamy or being tied down........like John said in his post.

Clooney's the ultimate player BUT most of his dates are using him as much or more than he's using them. Instant fame for a little while and should they get a baby out of it. Jackpot.

[stevew2]

When men finally grow up ,there weiners go south , deal with it or get an old fucker and force feed him Viagra

[larryfromnextdoor]

. Second month he started pulling away.

ahhh.. the ole Pull Away,,..

[larryfromnextdoor]

To quote my former therapist: "Have you thought about the fact that the common denominator here is .... you?"

Point taken.

Didn't mean that to be snarky & sorry you are sad. Just meant that people pretty much are who they are & that sometimes working on understanding your own stuff and getting clear about what is and isn't for you can be more productive than spending energy being unhappy about others not being who/what you want them to be.

things chicks say to each other for a 1000 Chuck!! WHAT?? is this like finding your inner center?

just messing with you scary... but you might change your name for staters .. "hi , im jim bob, this is my girlfriend scary." its kinda strange sounding..

[Michigan Girl]

To quote my former therapist: "Have you thought about the fact that the common denominator here is .... you?"

Point taken.

Didn't mean that to be snarky & sorry you are sad. Just meant that people pretty much are who they are & that sometimes working on understanding your own stuff and getting clear about what is and isn't for you can be more productive than spending energy being unhappy about others not being who/what you want them to be.

things chicks say to each other for a 1000 Chuck!! WHAT?? is this like finding your inner center?

just messing with you scary... but you might change your name for staters .. "hi , im jim bob, this is my girlfriend scary." its kinda strange sounding..

I am LMAO!!!......sorry SG!!!

[DrFU]

To quote my former therapist: "Have you thought about the fact that the common denominator here is .... you?"

Point taken.

Didn't mean that to be snarky & sorry you are sad. Just meant that people pretty much are who they are & that sometimes working on understanding your own stuff and getting clear about what is and isn't for you can be more productive than spending energy being unhappy about others not being who/what you want them to be.

things chicks say to each other for a 1000 Chuck!! WHAT?? is this like finding your inner center?

yeah, yeah, yeah ... kiss my inner center, Tumbleweed Boy

[JH'sTXfan]

To quote my former therapist: "Have you thought about the fact that the common denominator here is .... you?"

Point taken.

Didn't mean that to be snarky & sorry you are sad. Just meant that people pretty much are who they are & that sometimes working on understanding your own stuff and getting clear about what is and isn't for you can be more productive than spending energy being unhappy about others not being who/what you want them to be.

things chicks say to each other for a 1000 Chuck!! WHAT?? is this like finding your inner center?

yeah, yeah, yeah ... kiss my inner center, Tumbleweed Boy

+1

[larryfromnextdoor]

...tumbleweeds? thats a little below the belt , i would say.. tumbleweeds..

[Playitloudforme]

Scary, yeah... if you are getting the same type of guy over and over again, it means that you go looking for that type of guy. That usually happens cause we are trying to fix something, a past relationship that was broken. Once you figure out your pattern, you can side step it, and not go back into the same thing. If you want different, you have to do different, cause we have no power to change them.

[Jana]

Scarygirl, here's my take:

I work with females and watch what happens all the time.

Men will pursue heaviily the first month. And it will taper off unless it is really someone they fell for. You can't keep going back and looking at that first month. It's an illusion for most dating. Don't try to figure it out, as it could be many reasons it tapered off: He was in it for the seduction and lost interest. Wrong timing right person. Right timing, wrong person. It really doesn't matter the reason, b/c he did lose interest and you can't MAKE him regain interest by being available. If you don't want to accept casual or occasional sex, don't worry about the reason or wonder what was wrong with you in his change in behavior. You are just fine as you are and will find someone who really likes you and loves to spend time with you. Don't don't waste time with this guy b/c he will dump you completely eventually. Do it first.

[S2M]

Guys will grow up when women come with instructions......

[Blueskies]

Men grow up????

[Voyager]

Of course this sentiment could also apply to women, but in this instance, let's play the men for a moment. For some reason, I have this perfect knack for attracting what seems to be perfectly normal men only to have them a month or so in turn into player BEASTS! Are some men players for life? Is there an age where that part is finally over and I should make that my new target? I'm telling you, immobile 70 somethings are looking pretty damn good to me right now. Provided of course they'll let me borrow their old man handicap parking tag and senior citizens discount.

Certain types of women end up always picking the wrong man. It's not that there are no men who are mature, you just haven't chosen to date any.

[Blueskies]

Men not growing up in some ways is not good but in other ways like keeping the spirit of fun and playfulness and the wonder of children..then thats a good quality to have...just like it is in women...we never grow up in some ways as well.

[Rhiannon]

Guys will grow up when women come with instructions......

We do, but I think it goes without saying what guys do with instructions.

[Michael Leigh]

Of course this sentiment could also apply to women, but in this instance, let's play the men for a moment. For some reason, I have this perfect knack for attracting what seems to be perfectly normal men only to have them a month or so in turn into player BEASTS! Are some men players for life? Is there an age where that part is finally over and I should make that my new target? I'm telling you, immobile 70 somethings are looking pretty damn good to me right now. Provided of course they'll let me borrow their old man handicap parking tag and senior citizens discount.

Speaking for myself,what sucks is that we get older physically, but mentally we are somewhere mentally between 20 and 30 something.
I have stayed somewhere in my early to mid 20's mentally.Even though I have grown in other was, I still have the mentality I did in my 20's.
I remember John Mellencamp saying "Men aren't worth a shit until they hit 40",or something to that effect. I kind of believe that.

[scarygirl]

To quote my former therapist: "Have you thought about the fact that the common denominator here is .... you?"

Point taken.

Didn't mean that to be snarky & sorry you are sad. Just meant that people pretty much are who they are & that sometimes working on understanding your own stuff and getting clear about what is and isn't for you can be more productive than spending energy being unhappy about others not being who/what you want them to be.

things chicks say to each other for a 1000 Chuck!! WHAT?? is this like finding your inner center?

just messing with you scary... but you might change your name for staters .. "hi , im jim bob, this is my girlfriend scary." its kinda strange sounding..

I am LMAO!!!......sorry SG!!!

LOL. No problem.

[bluejeangirl76]

I think its less about "growing up" and more about being mature enough as far as relationships and at least having the balls to tell the person if/when something just isn't working.

In addition to DrFu's excellent advice and Rhiannon's point about having to kiss a lot of frogs (because ain't THAT the truth), we just have to realize that, suck as it may, there are a lot of people out there (men AND women) who would just rather avoid it than step up and say "You know what, I don't feel a connection..." or "I tried, but this isn't working for me..." or "I met someone else" or whatever the case may be. And if the person can't even do that much, and instead falls back on game-playing, then they're not worth the time.

[scarygirl]

I think its less about "growing up" and more about being mature enough as far as relationships and at least having the balls to tell the person if/when something just isn't working.

In addition to DrFu's excellent advice and Rhiannon's point about having to kiss a lot of frogs (because ain't THAT the truth), we just have to realize that, suck as it may, there are a lot of people out there (men AND women) who would just rather avoid it than step up and say "You know what, I don't feel a connection..." or "I tried, but this isn't working for me..." or "I met someone else" or whatever the case may be. And if the person can't even do that much, and instead falls back on game-playing, then they're not worth the time.

Good advice. Thank you.

[Ehwmatt]

I think its less about "growing up" and more about being mature enough as far as relationships and at least having the balls to tell the person if/when something just isn't working.

In addition to DrFu's excellent advice and Rhiannon's point about having to kiss a lot of frogs (because ain't THAT the truth), we just have to realize that, suck as it may, there are a lot of people out there (men AND women) who would just rather avoid it than step up and say "You know what, I don't feel a connection..." or "I tried, but this isn't working for me..." or "I met someone else" or whatever the case may be. And if the person can't even do that much, and instead falls back on game-playing, then they're not worth the time.

Truthfully a lot of dudes just want easily accessible pussy. Most of em are just not man enough to break something off with a woman cuz it's easy access. Few of my buds are like that or have been like that.

[Voyager]

If I had any advice, it would be to do the exact opposite of what Pamela Anderson does when it comes to choosing men. If you want a guy who is mature, don't go after the bad-boy type or anyone who needs repaired and rescued.

[Rhiannon]

Truthfully a lot of dudes just want easily accessible pussy. Most of em are just not man enough to break something off with a woman cuz it's easy access. Few of my buds are like that or have been like that.

Yep... guy gives girl just enough to keep her interested, keep her in persuit. His legwork is done until the next time he wants to booty call her. One day girl wises up. Until then it's just a vicious cycle.

[bluejeangirl76]

Truthfully a lot of dudes just want easily accessible pussy. Most of em are just not man enough to break something off with a woman cuz it's easy access. Few of my buds are like that or have been like that.

Yep... guy gives girl just enough to keep her interested, keep her in persuit. His legwork is done until the next time he wants to booty call her. One day girl wises up. Until then it's just a vicious cycle.

I had a guy doing that to me once, quite some time ago... not only did I wise up, but one evening I got the chance to give him the ultimate "fuck you if you think I need your stupid ass..." He called at 2 am and I handed my boyfriend the phone.

[Jana]

Truthfully a lot of dudes just want easily accessible pussy. Most of em are just not man enough to break something off with a woman cuz it's easy access. Few of my buds are like that or have been like that.

Yep... guy gives girl just enough to keep her interested, keep her in persuit. His legwork is done until the next time he wants to booty call her. One day girl wises up. Until then it's just a vicious cycle.

I had a guy doing that to me once, quite some time ago... not only did I wise up, but one evening I got the chance to give him the ultimate "fuck you if you think I need your stupid ass..." He called at 2 am and I handed my boyfriend the phone.

Ha, that's funny, bjg.

And Rhi and BJG and Ehwmatt, you're all so right about that. Great observations. And the woman is usually living off the memories of that first few weeks or month where they were being heavily pursued and the guy is acting all flipped over them and then refusing to look at the new signs, and that is "They're just not that in to you" or are making a booty call. They're rationalizing, oh, he's been busy or if I get a new sexy outfit and he sees me one more time he'll revert back to being crazy about me. NOT. If they are, they are. If not, no new gimmick is going to change it.

[S2M]

Just being Devil's Advocate here.....please don't flood my inbox with hate mail.

What is wrong with 'booty calls'? If both parties are into that.

Secondly.....somoetiimes people are attracted to the 'New' part of the relationship. That fresh, giddy, innocent, adolescent feeling you get at the start. Then when things progress, and more is revealed.....at the beginning, flaws are ignored. Little things that would normally bother us are cast aside in the name of the newness....and as time goes on, these things are brought to the forefront and used as reasons for distancing......JMHO

[Ehwmatt]

Just being Devil's Advocate here.....please don't flood my inbox with hate mail.

What is wrong with 'booty calls'? If both parties are into that.

Secondly.....somoetiimes people are attracted to the 'New' part of the relationship. That fresh, giddy, innocent, adolescent feeling you get at the start. Then when things progress, and more is revealed.....at the beginning, flaws are ignored. Little things that would normally bother us are cast aside in the name of the newness....and as time goes on, these things are brought to the forefront and used as reasons for distancing......JMHO

Nothing at all. The problem is, even when two parties even explicitly agree to those circumstances, one or even both parties are lying or will soon find they can't keep those terms.

Women, for their part, seem to stay in stagnant relationships because they enjoy the status/attention/drama of dating. That's really just as bad as the men who don't wanna give up the nookie that's just a phone call or drunken late-night knock on the door away

[bluejeangirl76]

Truthfully a lot of dudes just want easily accessible pussy. Most of em are just not man enough to break something off with a woman cuz it's easy access. Few of my buds are like that or have been like that.

Yep... guy gives girl just enough to keep her interested, keep her in persuit. His legwork is done until the next time he wants to booty call her. One day girl wises up. Until then it's just a vicious cycle.

I had a guy doing that to me once, quite some time ago... not only did I wise up, but one evening I got the chance to give him the ultimate "fuck you if you think I need your stupid ass..." He called at 2 am and I handed my boyfriend the phone.

Ha, that's funny, bjg.

And Rhi and BJG and Ehwmatt, you're all so right about that. Great observations. And the woman is usually living off the memories of that first few weeks or month where they were being heavily pursued and the guy is acting all flipped over them and then refusing to look at the new signs, and that is "They're just not that in to you" or are making a booty call. They're rationalizing, oh, he's been busy or if I get a new sexy outfit and he sees me one more time he'll revert back to being crazy about me. Not. If they are, they are. If not, no new gimmick is going to change it.

You are SPOT on Jana. Great point. The problem is that too many people won't just step up and say that, either because they don't want to be a jerk or hurt someone, or, as Ehwmatt said, they don't want to cut off the fun just yet. In either case, I maintain that its no longer worth it. I have more respect for myself than to put up with that shit.

[bluejeangirl76]

What is wrong with 'booty calls'? If both parties are into that.

You answered your own question. There's nothing wrong with it if both parties are into it.

If one person wants, needs or expects more, and feels like the phone is only ringing when the other party needs a fast roll, that's a problem. If both sides are cool with it, then by all means, go screw like bunnies all night.

[Jana]

What is wrong with 'booty calls'? If both parties are into that.

You answered your own question. There's nothing wrong with it if both parties are into it.

If one person wants, needs or expects more, and feels like the phone is only ringing when the other party needs a fast roll, that's a problem. If both sides are cool with it, then by all means, go screw like bunnies all night.

And to follow up on that, SM, if a female sleeps with a man, I guarantee you 97 percent of the time they really, really, really like him and are waiting by the phone wanting it to be more than an occasional call for sex or a date here and there. Men, not so much. They might date and sleep with someone casually for a while that they like okay until they meet someone else.

I work in a female industry, with girls in their twenties coming in all the time and hear their stories and nothing has changed from when I was in my twenties with all my friends and hearing the same stories. After you've slept with them, no matter what they say, like , oh, I don't care, you see their faces at work as each day goes by and no calls. They really do want it to be more. Rarely are both sides on the same page. Women and men are just different as far as dating.