Lame joke list, add your own........

by **Blueskies** » Fri Feb 06, 2009 1:55 pm

I really don't see the humor..poor little guy...that looks painful and scary...it could have went a few centimeters in another direction and been much worse or even fatal.

by **artist4perry** » Fri Feb 06, 2009 2:04 pm

Blueskies wrote:I really don't see the humor..poor little guy...that looks painful and scary...it could have went a few centimeters in another direction and been much worse or even fatal.

Blueskies, I fell on a wooden knife when I was 6 years old, my neighbor whittled it for me. Unknown to my mom! LOL! I tried to climb out of one of those chairs that are S shaped that they made in the 70's, tripped over the arm handle and fell on it. It went in beside my mouth and the tip was sticking next to my ear! My mom saw it and thought the worst! My neighbor did something you should never do, she put her hand on my face and pulled it out. Mom about passed out. ( so did I as I recall, no pain killer! OW!) I still bear the scars.

Kids do crazy things and get in crazy sorts of danger don't they?

by **Blueskies** » Fri Feb 06, 2009 2:27 pm

artist4perry wrote:
Blueskies wrote:I really don't see the humor..poor little guy...that looks painful and scary...it could have went a few centimeters in another direction and been much worse or even fatal.

Blueskies, I fell on a wooden knife when I was 6 years old, my neighbor whittled it for me. Unknown to my mom! LOL! I tried to climb out of one of those chairs that are S shaped that they made in the 70's, tripped over the arm handle and fell on it. It went in beside my mouth and the tip was sticking next to my ear! My mom saw it and thought the worst! My neighbor did something you should never do, she put her hand on my face and pulled it out. Mom about passed out. ( so did I as I recall, no pain killer! OW!) I still bear the scars.

Kids do crazy things and get in crazy sorts of danger don't they?

Yikes! I bet that hurt like heck! I was a very adventurous kid...still am sometimes but fortunitely I haven't had any major mishaps..I've never even broken a bone. The worst that I can remember is when I was in 1st grade...I climbed to the top of the jungle gym on the playground and I swung upside down by my legs from the top bar..it had rained so the bar was wet and I slipped and feel straight down head first. Back then the playground surface was blacktop so I cracked my head a good one. I still have a very slight indentation on my scalp from it. Now they use shredded rubber and other things for softer surfaces on playgrounds to help absorb impact...the equipment is safer too but accidents can and will still happen if some thought isn't given to actions. Yes, kids will always still be kids.
I remember when I fell, though...there was a boy in my class who had a crush on me and he was the first one there to give me aid. Then the next day he gave me a flower and wrote a sweet little note professing his love for me and gave me my first kiss...on the cheek. My head didn't hurt as much after that. :lol:

by **artist4perry** » Fri Feb 06, 2009 2:36 pm

Blueskies wrote:
artist4perry wrote:
Blueskies wrote:I really don't see the humor..poor little guy...that looks painful and scary...it could have went a few centimeters in another direction and been much worse or even fatal.

Blueskies, I fell on a wooden knife when I was 6 years old, my neighbor whittled it for me. Unknown to my mom! LOL! I tried to climb out of one of those chairs that are S shaped that they made in the 70's, tripped over the arm handle and fell on it. It went in beside my mouth and the tip was sticking next to my ear! My mom saw it and thought the worst! My neighbor did something you should never do, she put her hand on my face and pulled it out. Mom about passed out. ( so did I as I recall, no pain killer! OW!) I still bear the scars.

Kids do crazy things and get in crazy sorts of danger don't they?
Yikes! I bet that hurt like heck! I was a very adventurous kid...still am sometimes but fortunitely I haven't had any major mishaps..I've never even broken a bone. The worst that I can remember is when I was in 1st grade...I climbed to the top of the jungle gym on the playground and I swung upside down by my legs from the top bar..it had rained so the bar was wet and I slipped and feel straight down head first. Back then the playground surface was blacktop so I cracked my head a good one. I still have a very slight indentation on my scalp from it. Now they use shredded rubber and other things for softer surfaces on playgrounds to help absorb impact...the equipment is safer too but accidents can and will still happen if some thought isn't given to actions. Yes, kids will always still be kids.
I remember when I fell, though...there was a boy in my class who had a crush on me and he was the first one there to give me aid. Then the next day he gave me a flower and wrote a sweet little note professing his love for me and gave me my first kiss...on the cheek. My head didn't hurt as much after that.

Love rules! And mends many a boo-boo! :wink:

by **Blueskies** » Fri Feb 06, 2009 3:48 pm

artist4perry wrote:
Blueskies wrote:
artist4perry wrote:
Blueskies wrote:I really don't see the humor..poor little guy...that looks painful and scary...it could have went a few centimeters in another direction and been much worse or even fatal.

Blueskies, I fell on a wooden knife when I was 6 years old, my neighbor whittled it for me. Unknown to my mom! LOL! I tried to climb out of one of those chairs that are S shaped that they made in the 70's, tripped over the arm handle and fell on it. It went in beside my mouth and the tip was sticking next to my ear! My mom saw it and thought the worst! My neighbor did something you should never do, she put her hand on my face and pulled it out. Mom about passed out. ( so did I as I recall, no pain killer! OW!) I still bear the scars.

Kids do crazy things and get in crazy sorts of danger don't they?
Yikes! I bet that hurt like heck! I was a very adventurous kid...still am sometimes but fortunitely I haven't had any major mishaps..I've never even broken a bone. The worst that I can remember is when I was in 1st grade...I climbed to the top of the jungle gym on the playground and I swung upside down by my legs from the top bar..it had rained so the bar was wet and I slipped and feel straight down head first. Back then the playground surface was blacktop so I cracked my head a good one. I still have a very slight indentation on my scalp from it. Now they use shredded rubber and other things for softer surfaces on playgrounds to help absorb impact...the equipment is safer too but accidents can and will still happen if some thought isn't given to actions. Yes, kids will always still be kids.
I remember when I fell, though...there was a boy in my class who had a crush on me and he was the first one there to give me aid. Then the next day he gave me a flower and wrote a sweet little note professing his love for me and gave me my first kiss...on the cheek. My head didn't hurt as much after that.

Love rules! And mends many a boo-boo!

Yes, it does. We moved a year later so I don't know where that boy is now..don't even remember his name, but he knew how to show love and chivalry in 1st grade so I'm sure he grew up to make someone a fine husband.....well, I hope so anyway..could have grown up to be quite a player and a broken a lot of hearts as well. :lol:

by **diezynueve69** » Fri Feb 06, 2009 3:52 pm

LLL wrote:
Uno_up wrote:
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LMAO!

Couldn't help seconding...LMAO! And the pacing was a plus :lol:

.

by **Michigan Girl** » Sat Feb 07, 2009 2:10 am

Blueskies wrote:I really don't see the humor..poor little guy...that looks painful and scary...it could have went a few centimeters in another direction and been much worse or even fatal.

YIKES, it hurts me to look at it, poor little guy :cry:

by **NealIsGod** » Sat Feb 07, 2009 6:05 am

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back and he says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I banged on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

by **Rockindeano** » Sat Feb 07, 2009 6:45 am

This one is for Tito.

Why do seagulls have wings?

To beat the Mexicans to the dump.

Hahahahaha

by **TRAGChick** » Sat Feb 07, 2009 6:55 am

A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments.

He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion."

The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies:
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"OK, you can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator's got to stay".

by **KDOUBLEU** » Sat Feb 07, 2009 7:07 am

Heard this one from my Dad about 40 years ago its the only joke i can remember and its a lame one but,here goes. Did you here about the Indian who drank too much tea?..............He drowned in his TEEPEE. Sorry.

by **artist4perry** » Sat Feb 07, 2009 9:09 am

KDOUBLEU wrote:Heard this one from my Dad about 40 years ago its the only joke i can remember and its a lame one but,here goes. Did you here about the Indian who drank too much tea?..............He drowned in his TEEPEE. Sorry.

Yup, that was lame, but that is the thread! :wink:

by **Don** » Sat Feb 07, 2009 9:55 am

Fact Finder wrote:A hillbilly girl from Kentucky got invited to the Homecoming Dance at school. After school she went home and asked her daddy to buy her a new dress for the dance. Dad says, honey you know we can't afford a new dress, PLEASE DADDY PLEASE buy me a new dress for the dance. After a moment Daddy says, honey I'll buy you that dress, but first I need you to give daddy a blow job. She refuses.

The next day after school she again comes home and begs daddy to get her a new dress for the dance. Daddy says honey I will, but first you have to give Daddy a blow job.

Reluctantly she finally agrees. Dad drops trou, she gets on her knees and begins humming. After about 30 seconds she stops, looks up at daddy and says, Daddy, your Dick taste like shit.

I know Dadddy says,
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.Your brother wants a bike.

How's a mom from West Virginia know her daughter's on her period?
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She can taste the blood on her son's dick.

by **kusweetcakes** » Sat Feb 07, 2009 12:13 pm

What's the difference in an Auburn Coed and an outhouse. In the outhouse, the hole is smaller and doesn't smell as bad!! :oops:

by **Monker** » Sat Feb 07, 2009 2:31 pm

Lame joke thread?

Why did the man put the car in the oven?

Because he was desperately hungry after 8yrs of W. destroyed the economy.

by **Rick** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 2:24 pm

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers.

A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom..

"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom."

The entire congregation held its breath. . . . . . .

"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."

by **bluejeangirl76** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 3:26 pm

by **Rockindeano** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 3:58 pm

LLL wrote:
Great avatar BJG!

Bitch!!

by **bluejeangirl76** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 4:03 pm

Rockindeano wrote:
LLL wrote:
Great avatar BJG!

Bitch!!

Hi!

by **Don** » Fri Feb 13, 2009 11:58 am

by **Don** » Fri Feb 13, 2009 12:07 pm

Why the war in Iraq is taking so long

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHspIJHT ... re=related

by **Don** » Sat Feb 14, 2009 3:23 am

Why you should never hire a gay weather man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTpCC0apGlA

by **TRAGChick** » Sat Feb 14, 2009 3:25 am

Gunbot wrote:Why you should never hire a gay weather man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTpCC0apGlA

"Oh my GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDD!!!"

Love the small voice in the background:
"What the hell's his problem??"

by **Voyager** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 5:36 pm

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!'

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.'

She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?'

John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'

'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'

She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

:lol:

by **JasonD** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:16 am

Gunbot wrote:Why you should never hire a gay weather man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTpCC0apGlA

Now THAT was really gay.

Thank God I'm more masculine then that guy.

by **JasonD** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:18 am

Lame joke:

Why did the rooster cross the road?
To prove he wasn't a chicken.

MR

Lame joke list, add your own........

Re: Lame joke list, add your own........

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