Tour Australia

[T-Bone]

These were posted on an Australian tourism forum and the answers are the actual responses from the Aussie forum users...




Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross... come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.... come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, friendly and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. Human urine should be used as a repellent before going out walking.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[Arianddu]

Welcome to Australia. National Sport - Tourist Baiting. Americans Particularly Welcome.

I've found that Americans like to take the piss almost as much as Australians do, it's just that they're particularly crap at it. Americans give it away by a little smile or a twinkle in the eye to let the person being set up off the hook. Amateurs! Australians figure, why let someone off the hook when there's another 200m of line to reel them in on yet?

Mind you, the thing that really pissed me off about living in Canberra was that, after years of telling people overseas that no, kangaroos don't hop down the street in Australia, I'd go to work in the morning and have to dodge the bloody roos coming into town to graze on the roof of Parliament House.

[SherriBerry]

Take out the references to kangaroos, etc. and those questions are very similar to the ones we get in Canada! It's amazing how many people think they can walk across Canada in a month - I take it most people don't actually look at the map scale? And for the last time, no I don't drive to work in the winter on a sled pulled by a team of Huskies!

[Arianddu]

I always wanted to know what happened that Alaska had to introduce a law prohibiting people from pushing moose out of aeroplanes.

[artist4perry]

I enjoyed those. Quite funny.

Kind of like northerners thinking we don't wear shoes here. And our roads are all gravel, not paved. People should get a book and read about a region before asking stupid questions.

But if they don't why not have a little fun with their lack of knowledge.

By the way, anyone show up for the "hippo" races yet? Take pictures.

[Michigan Girl]

These were posted on an Australian tourism forum and the answers are the actual responses from the Aussie forum users...

Who were the idiots asking the questions?!?!?

PS.....sorry, if they were children!!!