Perry: Can I join your little fun fest?
EVERYONE AT THIS POINT EXCEPT ME WHO WAS SO FASCINATED BY JEFF SOTO’S BODY, SCREAMED WITH DELIGHT AND JOY.
Everyone except me: “Steve Perry, Steve Perry, oh my goodness, Steve…….”
Perry: No, no, no hey, c’mon, please don’t make a big scene…lookit, I’m an Aquarius, I hate when people act like they know me and throw themselves at me, c’mon.
Everyone, except me, bowed at Perry’s feet: Oh lordy have mercy we’re sorry Mr. Perry, we’re sorry, lordy, lord…we meant you no harm, but you ain’t been in touch with your fans for so long…
Perry: Yea, okay, it’s called getting a life?
THEN I GOT PISSED THAT PERRY DISRESPECTED MY NEW FRIENDS.
MBPL: First of all you tiny little man with the nose and the hair who hasn’t sung since the last two Millenniums, how dare you disrespect my new friends? Hmm? Who the hell are you…
THEN PERRY SNAPPED HIS FINGERS, SISTAH GIRLFRIEND STYLE, BUT NOT GAY OR TRANNY, YOU UNDERSTAND, SORT OF GHETTO, BUT NOT TOO GHETTO…
Perry: Woman…back the hell up off me, all right?
MBPL: Oh no you did not, no, no no, hold up, hold up, first of all…
Perry: No, second…
MBPL: Okay, second of all you never said you were retired, right? Did you say…you never said, “hey, I’m Perry, I’m retired so leave me the hell alone.” Never said that, am I right, hmm, huh, hmm, am I?
Perry: Look, you freakishly strange ghetto-centric top-heavy alien from hell...
MBPL: No, YOU look, Perry, okay? Okay, why come you can’t answer my…why come you can’t answer my ques…
Perry: All right, all right, I neglected to announce anything because…well...
THEN CINDY GOT UPSET WITH MBPL.
Cindy: Mocha, girl you better leave the man alone before he runs away!
THEN COURTNEY SAID...
Courtney: Yea guuuuuuuuuurl, you trippin? You on that crack?
PERRY GAVE IN, WHICH FOR A "FIXED SIGN" STUBBORN AQUARIUS DOES NOT USUALLY HAPPEN.
Perry: All right!! Look, if I take a picture with all of you will you promise to stay out of my business? Forever?
All others except me: (groveling) Oh yes, yes, yes, of course, yes, of course we will. Oh, we love you so Mr. Perry. Whatever you are doing with your life as long as you are happy is all that matters to us.
Perry: (said with no enthusiasm whatsoever) Great.
THEN PERRY JUMPED INTO THE PICTURE AND THAT WAS THAT. MINUTES LATER, I WAS DRUNK ON THE DANCE FLOOR SCARING THE HELL OUT OF JEFF SOTO ASKING HIM IF HIS BAND WAS COMING TO THE BAY AREA. OF COURSE HE ANSWERED WITH A RESOUNDING, “NO!”
FINALLY PERRY WANDERED ONTO THE DANCE FLOOR WHILE TREV LUKATHER WAS ON STAGE AND DID HIS DANCE, YOU KNOW THE ONE I’M TALKING ABOUT WHERE HE SPINS AROUND IN CIRCLES LIKE A DRUNKEN PUPPY SUMMONING THE RAIN GODS?
CINDY GRABBED PERRY FROM BEHIND AND HELD ON IN A BEAR HUG. COURTNEY FACED PERRY SMILING AND LICKING HER LIPS. MEANWHILE, GUNBOT AND DEANO STOOD AT THE BAR WATCHING IN HORROR HOPING NO ONE WOULD KNOW THEY ACTUALLY LIKED STEVE PERRY WHEN IN FACT THEY SECRETLY WISHED PERRY WOULD SUMMON THEM TO THE FLOOR FOR A DOUBLE SALSA TWO-STEP.
PS – don’t you all be jealous that we met Steve Perry and you didn’t. Next time maybe, okay?

