OT: Random Thoughts

[Rick]

I thought these were great.



-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.


- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.


- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.


- That's enough, Nickelback.


- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.


- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?


-There is a great need for sarcasm font.


- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.


- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.


-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.


- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".


- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.


- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".


- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?


- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent someone from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!


- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"


-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?


- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.


- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.


- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, you can wear them forever.


- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.


- Bad decisions make good stories.


-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!


-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.


-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....


-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.


-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.


-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.


-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.


- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.


- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'


- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?


- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.


- When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.


- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.


- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.


-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.


- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.


- Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.


- My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?


- It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.


- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.


- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.


- The other night I ordered takeout and when I looked in the bag I saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

[donnaplease]

Honey, I think this has already been done. I think Rhi started a thread like it.

[Rick]

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said: 'Let me see if I've got this right.

'You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

'You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

'You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.

'You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.

'You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

'You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN'T PRAY?

[Rick]

Honey, I think this has already been done. I think Rhi started a thread like it.

Dammit!

[donnaplease]

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said: 'Let me see if I've got this right.

'You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

'You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

'You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.

'You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.

'You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

'You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN'T PRAY?

OK, this one is FABULOUS!!! I love it!!!

[Rockindeano]

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

What's that feel like? Never ever happened to me.

[StoneCold]

Honey, I think this has already been done. I think Rhi started a thread like it.

Dammit!

That Rhi, always beating us to the good stuff.

[cheekymonkey]

I thought these were great.



-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.


- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.


- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.


- That's enough, Nickelback.


- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.


- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?


-There is a great need for sarcasm font.


- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.


- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.


-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.


- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".


- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.


- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".


- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?


- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent someone from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!


- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"


-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?


- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.


- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.


- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, you can wear them forever.


- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.


- Bad decisions make good stories.


-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!


-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.


-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....


-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.


-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.


-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.


-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.


- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.


- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'


- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?


- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.


- When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.


- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.


- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.


-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.


- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.


- Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.


- My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?


- It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.


- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.


- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.


- The other night I ordered takeout and when I looked in the bag I saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

I am so with you. Nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks and acts these ways!!!!!!

[cheekymonkey]

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said: 'Let me see if I've got this right.

'You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

'You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

'You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.

'You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.

'You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

'You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN'T PRAY?

OK, this one is FABULOUS!!! I love it!!!

This is very good and sadly so true.

[Babyblue]

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

What's that feel like? Never ever happened to me.

[Babyblue]

I thought these were great.



-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.


- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.


- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.


- That's enough, Nickelback.


- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.


- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?


-There is a great need for sarcasm font.


- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.


- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.


-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.


- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".


- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.


- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".


- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?


- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent someone from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!


- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"


-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?


- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.


- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.


- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, you can wear them forever.


- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.


- Bad decisions make good stories.


-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!


-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.


-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....


-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.


-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.


-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.


-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.


- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.


- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'


- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?


- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.


- When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.


- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.


- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.


-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.


- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.


- Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.


- My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?


- It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.


- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.


- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.


- The other night I ordered takeout and when I looked in the bag I saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

There all to funny.

[Don]

Helpful teacher

A group of second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers,
went on a field trip to their closest midweek race track,
to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom,
it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room
when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside,
helped the boys with their pants and began hoisting the boys up one by one,
holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.
Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said,
"You must be in the fourth grade."
He replied:
"No, ma'am, I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race today".

[StoneCold]

I think this thread could be

Deep Thoughts by Rick

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSrXpFb7jFo

[Rick]

I think this thread could be

Deep Thoughts by Rick

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSrXpFb7jFo

Those are great. I used to watch SNL all the time. I haven't seen it in ages now.

[bluejeangirl76]

Honey, I think this has already been done. I think Rhi started a thread like it.

Dammit!

Don't worry... I read this on facebook, then again on MR when she posted it, but with my awful memory, none of it stuck, so thanks for posting it!!

Funny stuff!!

(but Mapquest REALLY does need an "avoid ghetto" option )

[Rick]

Honey, I think this has already been done. I think Rhi started a thread like it.

Dammit!

Don't worry... I read this on facebook, then again on MR when she posted it, but with my awful memory, none of it stuck, so thanks for posting it!!

Funny stuff!!

(but Mapquest REALLY does need an "avoid ghetto" option )

[Don]

Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Man


I've smoked fatter joints than that.
Ahhhh, it's cute.
Why don't we just cuddle?
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Make it dance.
Can I paint a smiley face on it?
Wow, and your feet are so big.
It's OK, we'll work around it.
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Oh no... a flash headache.
(giggle and point)
Can I be honest with you?
How sweet, you brought incense.
This explains your car.
Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
Why is God punishing me?
At least this won't take long.
I never saw one like that before.
But it still works, right?
It looks so unused.
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Are you cold?
If you get me real drunk first.
Is that an optical illusion?
What is that?
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
Does it come with an air pump?
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.

[RobbieG]

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

What's that feel like? Never ever happened to me.

It has happened plenty of times on this forum, don't kid yourself.

[Deb]

Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Man


I've smoked fatter joints than that.
Ahhhh, it's cute.
Why don't we just cuddle?
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Make it dance.
Can I paint a smiley face on it?
Wow, and your feet are so big.
It's OK, we'll work around it.
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Oh no... a flash headache.
(giggle and point)
Can I be honest with you?
How sweet, you brought incense.
This explains your car.
Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
Why is God punishing me?
At least this won't take long.
I never saw one like that before.
But it still works, right?
It looks so unused.
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Are you cold?
If you get me real drunk first.
Is that an optical illusion?
What is that?
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
Does it come with an air pump?
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.

[bluejeangirl76]

Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Man

...hand me my glasses...

[lights1961]

the mapquest one is great... Rick... there are people I know who cant back out of there driveway with out the GPS...