My mom has lung cancer and won't stop smoking!

[Voyager]

She is 65 years old and has been smoking 2+ packs of cigarettes a day for 50 years. She was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago and they have her scheduled to get surgery on January 8th to remove a 2" cancerous tumor (it hasn't spread to her lymph nodes yet). The surgeon told her she needed to stop smoking for at least two weeks before the surgery so her lungs would be strong enough to recover from the surgery, and she is still puffing like a chimney. She asked me not to tell the surgeon, but I feel like telling her to just skip the surgery and go ahead and take herself out with the cigarettes because that is what she seems to be bent on doing. She is very stubborn and just won't quit no matter what I tell her.

What would you do - would you tell the surgeon she is still smoking? Any advice would be appreciated.

[Saint John]

I'd express my feelings to her and let her make her own decision. My mother is 65 and is a 2-time cancer survivor who was also a smoker. Stopping does help ... but only if you're willing to stop. Either way, I wish her well and I hope she quits. My step-father died from lung cancer not too long ago. His doctor told him that "smoking is not addiction ... it's a habit." And I agree with that. When he was diagnosed and quit he said he didn't miss the actual smoking or nicotine one bit ... just the actual habit of doing it. And he smoked from 17 years of age until he was 72. Again, good luck with your mom.

[Michigan Girl]

Awwwww, so sorry!!
Wish I had the answer, but it's your mom...tough shoes to walk in!!!

[ScarabGator]

sorry to hear that Voy. Im not one to speak here-I smoke, and probably too damn much. The more stress I encounter the more I light up. Its a very addictive deal. I'll hope for the best for yall though.

[JasonD]

I would tell the surgeon. He needs to know.

Other than that, your mom's not diabetic is she? If not, try stocking up on candy. I'm not about talking Snickers or Milky Ways. I'm talking about stuff like Werther's Originals (or however it's spelled.) My ex used to smoke & she quit cold turkey by sucking on hard candies. A lot of the craving is just an oral fixation thing. (Please, no jokes here, people. I'm being serious.) If your mom's not diabetic & she likes hard candies maybe she can replace her cigarette craving with the candy. Not the ideal solution, I know, but whatever gets you there. They say it takes approximately 3 months for the nicotine to get completely out of your system & so 3 or so months of sucking on hard candies isn't gonna make her gain a bunch of weight, but it will keep her senses occupied so that she'll eventually kick the need.

Also, b/c cigarette smoking involves a lot of hand to mouth motion, you might want to try getting her into the habit of doing something else with her hands. Knitting, perhaps? For my ex it was jigsaw puzzles. She wasn't much of a puzzle person before she tried to quit smoking but she found that replacing that oral need with candy & by replacing that hand-to-mouth need by doing jigsaw puzzles she was able to kick her addition. She was a royal "B" for those first 3 months but it was worth it in the end. It's been about 5 years now & as far as I know she never went back to cigarettes.

I hope this helps a little. Good luck, V.

[Saint John]

I would tell the surgeon. He needs to know.

Other than that, your mom's not diabetic is she? If not, try stocking up on candy. I'm not about talking Snickers or Milky Ways. I'm talking about stuff like Werther's Originals (or however it's spelled.) My ex used to smoke & she quit cold turkey by sucking on hard candies. A lot of the craving is just an oral fixation thing. (Please, no jokes here, people. I'm being serious.) If your mom's not diabetic & she likes hard candies maybe she can replace her cigarette craving with the candy. Not the ideal solution, I know, but whatever gets you there. They say it takes approximately 3 months for the nicotine to get completely out of your system & so 3 or so months of sucking on hard candies isn't gonna make her gain a bunch of weight, but it will keep her senses occupied so that she'll eventually kick the need.

Also, b/c cigarette smoking involves a lot of hand to mouth motion, you might want to try getting her into the habit of doing something else with her hands. Knitting, perhaps? For my ex it was jigsaw puzzles. She wasn't much of a puzzle person before she tried to quit smoking but she found that replacing that oral need with candy & by replacing that hand-to-mouth need by doing jigsaw puzzles she was able to kick her addition. She was a royal "B" for those first 3 months but it was worth it in the end. It's been about 5 years now & as far as I know she never went back to cigarettes.

I hope this helps a little. Good luck, V.

This is a great post full of excellent information. My step-father needed Planters Peanuts and a candy dish next to his favorite recliner to satiate that "hand to mouth motion." Great point.

[Voyager]

Thanks everyone for the advice and concern. I've tried to learn to just love what is, because as humans we tend to waste a lot of negative energy and cause undue stress for ourselves by arguing against things we cannot change. But when you see someone you love killing themself, you want to help them. However, I've learned the hard way that you cannot make anyone change - it's hard enough to change ourselves!

Other than that, your mom's not diabetic is she? If not, try stocking up on candy.

Actually, she did find out she is diabetic. We had her over for Christmas dinner and she said she couldn't eat any pumpkin pie because of her blood sugar. I felt like saying, eat the whole fucking pie and ditch the cigs and you'll be better off for it - but I held my tongue. She's straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel.

[RocknRoll]

How about one of those electronic smokes? I'm not sure if they work really well, but it might be worth a try. Also, I'm on the side of tell the Dr. and make sure your mom knows you're telling them. The Dr probably needs to plan his surgury around the fact she's still smoking.

Good Luck and the best to your mom.

[Starrider]

Thanks everyone for the advice and concern. I've tried to learn to just love what is, because as humans we tend to waste a lot of negative energy and cause undue stress for ourselves by arguing against things we cannot change. But when you see someone you love killing themself, you want to help them. However, I've learned the hard way that you cannot make anyone change - it's hard enough to change ourselves!

Other than that, your mom's not diabetic is she? If not, try stocking up on candy.

Actually, she did find out she is diabetic. We had her over for Christmas dinner and she said she couldn't eat any pumpkin pie because of her blood sugar. I felt like saying, eat the whole fucking pie and ditch the cigs and you'll be better off for it - but I held my tongue. She's straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel.

Try sugar-free candies for diabetics. Most grocery stores have a section of food/candy/etc. for diabetics.

Best of luck. Sorry to hear your mom is so stubborn with the smoking thing.

[Luvsaugeri]

Sorry to hear about your mom Voyager. My first instinct was to tell the doc that she is still smoking. Chances are your mom will end up on a ventilator after surgery and it is usually harder to get smokers off the vent. But since she has smoked so long the damage to her lungs is already there. Even quitting for 2 weeks isn't going to make a huge difference in her treatment. Plus it will probably just cause hard feelings between you and your mom.

It is hard to watch someone you care about destroy themselves. But she is an adult and is aware of what she is doing. Hang in there.

[WalkInMyShoes]

I think that you need to be on your mom's side and don't think that you should tell the surgeon. With a 100 pack year smoking history, stopping smoking for 2 weeks can be slightly helpful for surgery and the time after surgery, but only a small amount, given her long history of smoking. It takes years or decades to reverse the effects of smoking. She's going through a difficult enough time that she needs her family to be supportive. They do emergency surgeries all the time on people that smoke up to the time of surgery. She may admit it herself, or the medical personnel may be able to tell that she's continuing to smoke, so I don't think that you should "out" her.

[cyndy!]

good info from jason.

i know someone who tried to quit about 10x over the last 20 years. i would breathe a sigh of relief each time he RESUMED smoking, because he was such an ass coming off of the nicotine. what seemed to finally work for him & everyone around him, was getting a prescription for chantix. i don't know much about this drug or whether it would work for your mom, but it sure worked for this smoker. he has fewer cravings AND he's in a better mood.

http://www.chantix.com/

[Playitloudforme]

Sorry. My mom went out with Lung cancer (cept she didn't smoke, my dad did).

Tell the surgeon. You are at Intervention stage. It's your mom's life we're talking here. I know she's an adult, but she's not doing what's right for her body in more ways than one. It's "addict behavior". Tell the surgeon. No you can't 'change her', but you can arm the surgeon with the correct information he needs to do his job.

[Voyager]

I called her today and she says she has cut back to one pack a day. WTF? She said she is going to try the patch. If the surgeon asks me if she's smoking I will tell him. But I told my mom today that she can either go cold turkey now or go cold turkey during the eight days in the hospital for recovery from the surgery when she feels like shit.

[Perrydise]

I would tell the surgeon. He needs to know.

Other than that, your mom's not diabetic is she? If not, try stocking up on candy. I'm not about talking Snickers or Milky Ways. I'm talking about stuff like Werther's Originals (or however it's spelled.) My ex used to smoke & she quit cold turkey by sucking on hard candies. A lot of the craving is just an oral fixation thing. (Please, no jokes here, people. I'm being serious.) If your mom's not diabetic & she likes hard candies maybe she can replace her cigarette craving with the candy. Not the ideal solution, I know, but whatever gets you there. They say it takes approximately 3 months for the nicotine to get completely out of your system & so 3 or so months of sucking on hard candies isn't gonna make her gain a bunch of weight, but it will keep her senses occupied so that she'll eventually kick the need.

Also, b/c cigarette smoking involves a lot of hand to mouth motion, you might want to try getting her into the habit of doing something else with her hands. Knitting, perhaps? For my ex it was jigsaw puzzles. She wasn't much of a puzzle person before she tried to quit smoking but she found that replacing that oral need with candy & by replacing that hand-to-mouth need by doing jigsaw puzzles she was able to kick her addition. She was a royal "B" for those first 3 months but it was worth it in the end. It's been about 5 years now & as far as I know she never went back to cigarettes.

I hope this helps a little. Good luck, V.

This is a great post full of excellent information. My step-father needed Planters Peanuts and a candy dish next to his favorite recliner to satiate that "hand to mouth motion." Great point.

Almonds are also a good choice.The nuts actually lower blood cholesterol levels. 90 percent of the fats in almonds are unsaturated, and the nuts are high in protein, fiber, calcium, magnesium, potassium, vitamin E, and other antioxidants. Almonds help prevent osteoporosis and they regulate blood pressure.

[Babyblue]

I am so very sorry to hear about your mom.I would tell the Dr she or he needs to know this.She really needs to be the one to tell the Dr.And i hope that she will do just that.I really wish i could be more help .But i can keep her and you in my prayers.

[Ehwmatt]

The doctor absolutely NEEDS to know. I'm no expert on the medical implications/risks that continuing to smoke (perhaps a decreased chance of success is the only risk, but I digress), but they don't just tell you to do or not do something before surgery just to test your willpower. He needs to know and she needs to stop.

My grandfather died at 62 from lung cancer. He quit smoking for a while in his mid-50s, he used to just sit there with an unlit cigarette in his mouth, then he started having a cigar or two here and there and next thing you know he was back on the cancer sticks full-time. Lung cancer followed shortly thereafter. Don't know if his starting back up caused the cancer or made it worse or what not, but the point is, they are fuckin stubborn.

I know in our parents/grandparents generations that smoking was very much the social norm and the health implications weren't fully known. But, it absolutely BLOWS my mind that there are younger people today who start or continue to smoke today with all the information that's available. I've never had one drag from a cig, they are fuckin nasty as fuck.

[Jana]

The doctor absolutely NEEDS to know. I'm no expert on the medical implications/risks that continuing to smoke (perhaps a decreased chance of success is the only risk, but I digress), but they don't just tell you to do or not do something before surgery just to test your willpower. He needs to know and she needs to stop.

My grandfather died at 62 from lung cancer. He quit smoking for a while in his mid-50s, he used to just sit there with an unlit cigarette in his mouth, then he started having a cigar or two here and there and next thing you know he was back on the cancer sticks full-time. Lung cancer followed shortly thereafter. Don't know if his starting back up caused the cancer or made it worse or what not, but the point is, they are fuckin stubborn.

I know in our parents/grandparents generations that smoking was very much the social norm and the health implications weren't fully known. But, it absolutely BLOWS my mind that there are younger people today who start or continue to smoke today with all the information that's available. I've never had one drag from a cig, they are fuckin nasty as fuck.

There are so many smokers now, 16 to 45, the age that knows better, that it boggles my mind. I'm stunned by all the smokers. It's huge in college now.

[Ehwmatt]

There are so many smokers now, 16 to 45, the age that knows better, that it boggles my mind. I'm stunned by all the smokers. It's huge in college now.

It just breaks my heart when I'm eyein a hot chick at the bar or at a game for 20 minutes then see her light up. Fuckin gross. I won't ever date a smoker again, dated one in high school... gross.

[parfait]

The doctor absolutely NEEDS to know. I'm no expert on the medical implications/risks that continuing to smoke (perhaps a decreased chance of success is the only risk, but I digress), but they don't just tell you to do or not do something before surgery just to test your willpower. He needs to know and she needs to stop.

My grandfather died at 62 from lung cancer. He quit smoking for a while in his mid-50s, he used to just sit there with an unlit cigarette in his mouth, then he started having a cigar or two here and there and next thing you know he was back on the cancer sticks full-time. Lung cancer followed shortly thereafter. Don't know if his starting back up caused the cancer or made it worse or what not, but the point is, they are fuckin stubborn.

I know in our parents/grandparents generations that smoking was very much the social norm and the health implications weren't fully known. But, it absolutely BLOWS my mind that there are younger people today who start or continue to smoke today with all the information that's available. I've never had one drag from a cig, they are fuckin nasty as fuck.

There are so many smokers now, 16 to 45, the age that knows better, that it boggles my mind. I'm stunned by all the smokers. It's huge in college now.

I don't get it either. I mean, every dumb ass knows that smoking is really bad for you. So why don't they just stop? It's real easy - you just have to stop smoking! Not only that, but smoking is not cool as it was twenty years ago; it's lower class.

I really hope your mother stops smoking.

[pinkfloyd1973]

My ex-husband is only 36 and already has the beginning stages of Emphysema, and he still smokes


Robin

[WardyS3]

My mother died at 40 due to complications brought about from smoking and heavy drinking.

I'd somehow get the information to the surgeon. He will be able to tell anyway... I don't know but there may be complications if they operate without her having rested the cigarettes prior to surgery. If she wants a successful operation she should manage to rest for those couple weeks. By not bothering sure it could be she's just not strong enough/able to kick them for that period. But how badly does she want a successful surgery?

At the end of the day though it's your mothers choice. You can't force her as much as you might want to. I wish I'd done more, said more, intervened more for my own mother.... but at the end of the day you will be doing yourself a disservice if you continue to beat yourself up about it. It's not your life to control. You can encourage, influence, bleed your heart out, but at the end of the day, ya know?

I wish you both a ton of luck and you have my well wishes!

Edited to add I managed to miss the post from Ehwmatt - I hate it when people appear to post without having read at least a good amount of the previous posts, so for what it's worth, nice posting by Ehwmatt. I pretty much mirror that with my own. Cheers all!

[Peartree12249]

Oh Voyager, I'm so sorry for your Mom and your family. While the surgeon should know if your Mom is continuing to smoke before surgery, it's probably not going to make much difference what you do to try and talk her into stopping. In order to recover from any addiction, the person must first want to stop using whatever substance their hooked on. If a diagnosis of cancer isn't motivation for her to quit, then I doubt anything you do or say will get her to quit. If anything the stress of dealing with cancer is probably adding to her need to smoke. Just love your Mom, be supportive and realize that arguing, and recriminations won't help her to quit. I'll keep you and your Mom in my thought and prayers.

[Deb]

Thanks everyone for the advice and concern. I've tried to learn to just love what is, because as humans we tend to waste a lot of negative energy and cause undue stress for ourselves by arguing against things we cannot change. But when you see someone you love killing themself, you want to help them. However, I've learned the hard way that you cannot make anyone change - it's hard enough to change ourselves!

Other than that, your mom's not diabetic is she? If not, try stocking up on candy.

Actually, she did find out she is diabetic. We had her over for Christmas dinner and she said she couldn't eat any pumpkin pie because of her blood sugar. I felt like saying, eat the whole fucking pie and ditch the cigs and you'll be better off for it - but I held my tongue. She's straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel.

I quit cold turkey about 7 or so years ago. LOL, I used to chew on those plastic coffee stir sticks a lot, until it was a mangled mess then chucked it. I would grab a few everytime I went to get a starbucks coffee and just threw them in my purse. Sounds silly, but I think it helped.....needed something to do with my hands/mouth. I remember somebody telling me the first 3 days are the addiction and the rest after is the habit. It's true, the first 3 days were the toughest, especially first couple........just warn family/friends not to piss you off or stress you or you could end up ripping them a new one. I quit 3 times before that and gained a little weight each time...........that, and the price of them now are what's keeping me from ever starting again. I think if I was still smoking I wouldn't have been able to travel like I have the last few years. And going to some great shows, and not to mention my sig pic would never have been a reality......$$s much better spent on seeing some GREAT shows and creating some GREAT memories then on $10/$12 pack of cigs.

Wishing your Mom all the best Voy, and hope she ends up quitting some time soon. But until she is ready it won't happen, best of luck to her.

[Playitloudforme]

Thanks everyone for the advice and concern. I've tried to learn to just love what is, because as humans we tend to waste a lot of negative energy and cause undue stress for ourselves by arguing against things we cannot change. But when you see someone you love killing themself, you want to help them. However, I've learned the hard way that you cannot make anyone change - it's hard enough to change ourselves!

Other than that, your mom's not diabetic is she? If not, try stocking up on candy.

Actually, she did find out she is diabetic. We had her over for Christmas dinner and she said she couldn't eat any pumpkin pie because of her blood sugar. I felt like saying, eat the whole fucking pie and ditch the cigs and you'll be better off for it - but I held my tongue. She's straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel.

I quit cold turkey about 7 or so years ago. LOL, I used to chew on those plastic coffee stir sticks a lot, until it was a mangled mess then chucked it. I would grab a few everytime I went to get a starbucks coffee and just threw them in my purse. Sounds silly, but I think it helped.....needed something to do with my hands/mouth. I remember somebody telling me the first 3 days are the addiction and the rest after is the habit. It's true, the first 3 days were the toughest, especially first couple........just warn family/friends not to piss you off or stress you or you could end up ripping them a new one. I quit 3 times before that and gained a little weight each time...........that, and the price of them now are what's keeping me from ever starting again. I think if I was still smoking I wouldn't have been able to travel like I have the last few years. And going to some great shows, and not to mention my sig pic would never have been a reality......$$s much better spent on seeing some GREAT shows and creating some GREAT memories then on $10/$12 pack of cigs.

Wishing your Mom all the best Voy, and hope she ends up quitting some time soon. But until she is ready it won't happen, best of luck to her.

I quit 1/1/1998 cold turkey as well. I was queen bitch of the universe for at least a month. My kids actually cheered when I went on my insano bitch from hell rants, cause they knew it was the nicotine leaving my body. I prepped before hand, washed EVERYTHING (including the car cause I always smoked in the car). Got rid of the ashtray in the car, all the ashtrays in the house. I carried no cash nor debit card (too easy to go stop at a gas station to buy a pack with cash or swipe the card -- pain in the ass to fill out a check). I paced, I screamed, I threw shit... and I didn't smoke. Granted it was probably my 100th attempt at quitting, but for me, it changed the last time. I wasn't quitting. I just wasn't a smoker any more. Semantics true,, but damned if it didn't work. I always screwed up 'quitting', but simply being a non-smoker (for my brain) worked.

I couldn't afford to smoke nowadays anyway...what are they... are they really $10 a pack now???

[brywool]

She is 65 years old and has been smoking 2+ packs of cigarettes a day for 50 years. She was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago and they have her scheduled to get surgery on January 8th to remove a 2" cancerous tumor (it hasn't spread to her lymph nodes yet). The surgeon told her she needed to stop smoking for at least two weeks before the surgery so her lungs would be strong enough to recover from the surgery, and she is still puffing like a chimney. She asked me not to tell the surgeon, but I feel like telling her to just skip the surgery and go ahead and take herself out with the cigarettes because that is what she seems to be bent on doing. She is very stubborn and just won't quit no matter what I tell her.

What would you do - would you tell the surgeon she is still smoking? Any advice would be appreciated.

Sorry to hear this Voyager. My mom, same thing. She'd smoke carrying the oxygen bottle around.
I hate to say this, but having her stop smoking NOW will do nothing but make her angry and also put some tension between you and her. Trust me, I've been there and it's one thing I still regret doing. The difference is that it sounds like yer mom isn't as far along as mine was, so the stop smoking argument may help. With my mom, nah, it was too late. They told her to quit. I told her to quit for years and I remember fighting with her about it pretty much till the end. Ugh....

Good luck in your situation. I hope things turn out as best as they can.

[MichaelRiesenbeck]

She is 65 years old and has been smoking 2+ packs of cigarettes a day for 50 years. She was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago and they have her scheduled to get surgery on January 8th to remove a 2" cancerous tumor (it hasn't spread to her lymph nodes yet). The surgeon told her she needed to stop smoking for at least two weeks before the surgery so her lungs would be strong enough to recover from the surgery, and she is still puffing like a chimney. She asked me not to tell the surgeon, but I feel like telling her to just skip the surgery and go ahead and take herself out with the cigarettes because that is what she seems to be bent on doing. She is very stubborn and just won't quit no matter what I tell her.

What would you do - would you tell the surgeon she is still smoking? Any advice would be appreciated.

Yes, tell. Operating while still smoking poses a bigger risk of dying during the operation I think.

Doesn't she realize that she has a much bigger chance to DIE while being operated? 65 is way too young, man!

[bluejeangirl76]

Yes, tell. Operating while still smoking poses a bigger risk of dying during the operation I think.

It does. Respiratory issues and whatnot.
When my dad was going to have open-heart surgery, they delayed it because they were really afraid to put him under.
He had been told to stop smoking years before when he was found to be diabetic, among other problems. he didn't stop.
After the surgery, he quit cold after smoking 3-4 packs a day for something like 40-50 years.
That was a big bravo! And that's probably what bought him the extra 3 years.
Might have been more if he stopped sooner, who knows.
But we were happy for the extra 3, considering we were all terrified that the quad-bypass was going to do it.

[MBPL]

She is 65 years old and has been smoking 2+ packs of cigarettes a day for 50 years. She was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago and they have her scheduled to get surgery on January 8th to remove a 2" cancerous tumor (it hasn't spread to her lymph nodes yet). The surgeon told her she needed to stop smoking for at least two weeks before the surgery so her lungs would be strong enough to recover from the surgery, and she is still puffing like a chimney. She asked me not to tell the surgeon, but I feel like telling her to just skip the surgery and go ahead and take herself out with the cigarettes because that is what she seems to be bent on doing. She is very stubborn and just won't quit no matter what I tell her.

What would you do - would you tell the surgeon she is still smoking? Any advice would be appreciated.

YES please tell the surgeon. I can't offer advice, but I have friends who smoke, it is obviously very addictive, probably as addictive as my morning coffee is to me. I wish your mother nothing but the best in her recovery, everyone here has offered great advice.

Worse case scenario, tell her if she does not quit smoking a crazed black woman from California will come to her house, beat down her door, and she will, along with a gang of other frustrated manless, big-tittied nappy-haired black bitches, cook a big ole pot of smoked ham hocks and neck bones, force feed them to your mama and sit her in front of the t.v. watching Pink Panther & Jerry Lewis films and Warner Brother cartoons. At the same time we will all talk bad about and sing at the highest loudest possible decimal Mary J. Blige songs about how black men ain't worth the spit it took to make them. (Most of us bitches have baby's dad's or like me, had no dad growing up, ya know).

Voyager, by the time we are through with your mama she will be so god**mmed fat, bloated and sick of all us bitches talking loud, cooking and singing off key, she will quit smoking just so you won't put her through that again!

I am being foolish, but my point here is, keep humor in your heart. I once had a cervical cancer scare and of course I can't say this helped, but I will always think humor played a part in my beating that damned disease. Good luck to you and your beloved mom, my dear. MBPL

[bluejeangirl76]

What would you do - would you tell the surgeon she is still smoking? Any advice would be appreciated.

YES please tell the surgeon.

Agreed 100%. Like I said above, respiratory complications among, no doubt, a host of other things. They HAVE to know. I don't recall what exactly they did for my dad before they were able to put him under, but they delayed it by 4-5 hours - part of it had to do with respiratory issues. I was a total jacked up mess and I couldn't even be at the hospital, so I really don't remember all the facts...

But too much can go wrong, so the docs need every piece of info there is beforehand.